Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Falling Apart Like Cheap Pantyhose

It’s part two of The Real Housewives of Dallas Season 2 Reunion, and it’s time to say farewell to the group of dildo wielding, vagina doctor attending, dog food eating housewives. At the time of writing this article, there is no confirmation of a season 3, but like LeeAnne Locken, we’ll pitch our tent in the land of hope. It was a blast writing this recap and hearing from so many of you. I hope you’ll keep up with me on my reality TV podcast, the link is at the bottom of this recap. On with the show!

Back at the studio, LeeAnne is furious that Rich can’t be there to defend her, the way Mark Deuber can defend his wife, Cary Deuber. The sit down resumes and everyone is in place, including the good Doctor. We are shown a video package to transition to a “Deuber Family Life” discussion. Andy Cohen tells Mark that he was perceived as a control freak. True. Squeezed in next to Cary, the Doc admits that he is. Cary clarifies that Mark doesn’t control her; instead, she makes more excuses for his [bad] behavior, chalking it up to “finding a balance”. Ok. In other news, Mark lets it be known, that he does like his young daughter, Zuri. His defense for the [bad] behavior is that we didn’t see it last season and he wouldn’t make a 180 in his behavior overnight. Even LeeAnne admits she called D’Andra Simmons concerned for their marriage. Cary says they’re both assholes and Andy drives home that they are perfect for one another.

Speaking of the “mouth of the south”, we’re treated to a video package of Cary talking about Rich’s small penis, LeeAnne calling Mark a chop shop Doctor and of course, the infamous Round Up allegations. Mark says the servicing rumors are not true. LeeAnne apologizes and clarifies that it wasn’t said as an insult, but was made to hurt them. LeeAnne makes an argument that they don’t call the Gay Shark on Watch What Happens Live gay as an insult – and that 80-90% of her friends are gay. She’s also done plenty of charity work in the LGBTQ world. LeeAnne will not address the origin of the rumor. Very measured in his words, Mark asks if she thinks it’s funny that his grown kids heard the rumors. He goes on to say that all she does is apologize for things and own them. The public shaming continues, when both D’Andra and Kameron Westcott disagree with LeeAnne’s rumor spreading. The trial continues.

Cary admits that social media has been hard on their marriage and that they are in marital therapy.  As for the “chop shop” comment, Mark eloquently explained that he was bothered by it and he believes he’s an ethical Doctor. Mark was very by the book, you can tell he came prepared. LeeAnne says that comment came from a retaliatory place as a response to Cary calling her doctor a “vagina doctor”, which she actually referred to him an OBGYN that Brandi Redmond translated to a “vagina doctor”. Messy.

Brandi is questioned by a viewer about being untrustworthy as a result of her behavior towards, basically everyone. Brandi says she owed it to Cary to tell her of LeeAnne’s threat on her life and didn’t repeat the “chop shop” or Round Up story. She claims she did not stir the pot. A question was fired at Cary, calling her out for being a hypocrite for commenting on Rich’s manhood. Cary is quick to tell everyone that Rich messaged her and it wasn’t nice. [Can you just admit that you were in the wrong?] After the deflection, she said she apologized and blamed it on LeeAnne. Both hurt one another by firing missiles at one another and then overreacting. LeeAnne appears to look inside of herself and she calls her behavior “idiotic” and “unacceptable”. Do they want this woman to rip her heart out and bleed to death? (More on that later) What do people want from LeeAnne at this point?

Andy moves onto the Brandi/Cary feud, citing LeeAnne as the person coming between them. [Even this has to be LeeAnne’s fault?] Andy goes on to say something along the lines of their relationship falling apart like “cheap pantyhose”. Who the hell writes these things? Next, Mark is asked about Brandi’s insinuations that he had an affair with Cary while previously married. Mark remains adamant that he and Cary did not have an affair and explains the timeline over the 18 years they’ve known one another. We learn that Brandi got ‘the information’ from Lara, Cary’s stepdaughter/Mark’s daughter. She said Cary watched her as a kid. Brandi perceived this to be an admission of an affair that she had to pretend she didn’t hear about. She also felt she had to keep it a sworn secret. Cary admits that she is currently still hurt, and clarifies that Lara was a kid, simply talking about all the things Cary had done for her, nothing was ever asked to be kept a secret. Got it. Brandi said she was set off when Cary called her a liar and that she couldn’t be friends with her. She felt like she was a good friend by keeping the secret. Again, messy.

Brandi may have formally apologized, but Kameron thinks Brandi needs a reality check for blasting someone with false information. Even Cary says it’s on TV and once it’s out there it becomes “fact”. Next, Andy drags LeeAnne into it. He asks her about her “Hallelujah, the truth will set you free” comment once Brandi revealed “the affair”. LeeAnne says she stayed quiet when it came to Cary/Mark’s relationship, to which Brandi refutes. Side Note: Didn’t LeeAnne recommend that the Deubers become the first “bisexual couple on Housewives”. Who knows? Back on the couches, when asked, LeeAnne said she really did believe they had an affair, until now – after the timeline of events were spelled out. Stephanie Hollman pipes that she was never more disappointed in Brandi than when she said those things about Cary being the “nanny” and that it was out of character for her. [The more I recap this show, the more I’m seeing it’s NOT really out of character for Ms. Redmond]

Stephanie says they have to stop attacking families. Despite it all, Brandi is still welcome to the Deuber home, a courtesy not extended to LeeAnne, as pointed out by D’Andra.  Mark, (who’s still at the reunion) replies it’s a long, vicious, malicious pattern that’s now become bullying. So LeeAnne shouldn’t expect an invite to Zuri’s next birthday party anytime soon. Brandi takes this time to ask D’Andra why she makes excuses for LeeAnne. It’s obvious to everyone, that she doesn’t, so D’Andra uses this time to express that she’s glad Stephanie held Brandi accountable for her behavior. Andy asks Cary about telling Stephanie to separate from Brandi. Understandably, Cary explains that Steph’s objective this year was to be her own person and to be there for her family – so she was just encouraging that. As for Brandi, Cary forgives her but needs to rebuild trust. In other news, no one is ready to forgive LeeAnne.

Switching gears, LeeAnne is back in the hot seat, this time across from Brandi as we prepare to psychoanalyze their friendship and falling out. It all leads up to the accusation that LeeAnne told Brandi not to be friends with Stephanie. LeeAnne is seething on her couch, and Brandi looks at LeeAnne with knives daggers in her eyes. Brandi says you are who you hang out with, and LeeAnne is just a negative person of whom she rejects. Kameron finds this to be a double standard, citing that she felt judged multiple times. Andy asks Brandi about that lunch with Cary and Stephanie if they were poisoning her against LeeAnne. LeeAnne believes Steph doesn’t want Brandi to be friends with her, as evidenced by her comments courting Brandi away from her all season. Good point.

Meanwhile, Brandi (who, keep in mind is the “little mimicker”) is STILL taking the “slit your little throat” comment seriously. She slaps the “BULLYING” label on LeeAnne, once again. When Andy asks D’Andra her thoughts on the matter, Brandi goes low(er) saying that D’Andra will just call herself Jesus. (??) Instead, D’Andra says that it was a poor choice of words on LeeAnne’s part and she knew they would turn them around on her, which is exactly what they did. Kameron tries to relate LeeAnne and D’Andra as siblings, holding one another accountable. She asks Brandi if she has those offline conversations with her sister. Brandi snaps back, 100% passive-aggressively bitchy, “I have three brothers. Thank you”. Ouch. Kameron attempts to wrap it up, calling the ‘throat-slitting’ incident, not a big deal, a silly comment, time to move on and that there’s nothing else to talk about. This is a big moment for the new housewife.

The fight rages on between to the two green sofas. Cary blames LeeAnne for her own comments towards Steph-andi’s behavior on the yacht. Even Andy is sick of the blame game. Now, Cary says she was NOT manipulated by LeeAnne. (That’s not what you said in your confessional) Team LeeAnne feels Steph and Brandi need to hold each other accountable for bad behavior. LeeAnne calls out Brandi for being all over the place. This upsets Brandi, so she calls LeeAnne a liar for the millionth time. LeeAnne fires back, “Be careful who you call a liar because when you’re pointing at me, you have three fingers pointing back at you!”

Cary flat out denies making Brandi choose between them or LeeAnne and says she’s fine being friends with LeeAnne’s friends – example: Kameron and D’Andra. Stephanie says SHE felt LeeAnne made her choose, which is ridiculous because she and LeeAnne were never friends. Never letting it go, Stephanie feels Brandi was under the influence of the evil LeeAnne when she commented on Cary’s marriage. It did appear that LeeAnne amped Brandi up, but how can she be responsible for Brandi outing a “secret” only SHE knew? Andy reminds Steph that she said she’s not sure if she can be friends with Brandi if she remains friends with the ‘mouth of the south’. Stephanie completely rejects LeeAnne and any prospect of a friendship. But LeeAnne believes that with healing there could be a pattern of trust.

Kameron reminds Brandi that LeeAnne was there for her while she was in tears. She reviews the “death threats” as carny talk, dramatic and not serious. At this point in the reunion, Kam’s making the most sense. Who knew? Now, can we move on? Nope. Brandi is still furious with Leeanne, telling her that there’s nothing sacred with her and NO future friendship. LeeAnne turns it over to God, citing a bible verse and talking about how her heart has been torn out of her body and left on the floor to beat out. Oh, the drama of it all… Not to be without the final word, Cary questions how she and Mark can move on. Again, what do they want from LeeAnne at this point?

Onto the rose and thorn segment, as recycled from The Real Housewives of New York City:

Stephanie: Rose: Brandi’s friendship & her son’s success in school  Thorn: Destruction and broken people in the wake of the season

Kameron: Rose: New friendships  Thorn: being with people who don’t understand her boundaries, Brandi

D’Andra: Rose: Pontificating her relationship with her Mother  Thorn: Seeing things play out with her Mother

Cary: Rose: Husband’s support  Thorn: Husband’s rumors

LeeAnne: Rose: empty garden  Thorn: Herself  Rose: her engagement ring and Rich

Brandi: Rose: Stephanie  Thorn: Hurting the Deuber Family

D’Andra wraps out the reunion with some closing thoughts. Everyone needs to work on not judging and making assumptions. She suggests the ladies come back with a fresh perspective. Agreed – onto season three we hope! Thank you, ladies, for an entertaining season and thank you for reading this recap and sharing your comments. Cheers to Dallas!

The End.

TELL US – THOUGHTS ON THIS WEEK’S EPISODE? WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE RETURN? AND WHO SHOULD BE BANISHED FROM THE DALLAS ZIP CODES?

Keep up with me on my podcast, Grants Rants Hollywood Talk Podcast on Apple Podcasts and all major podcasting platforms.

Photo Credit: Bravo TV

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