Survivor: HHH Episode 3 Recap: All We Need Is Love

Can you feel the love tonight on Survivor? Love, as they say, is a many splendored thing, and it was definitely in the air tonight on Survivor. But there was no love lost by the time we reached Tribal Council, where one castaway felt the sting of betrayal after succumbing to a brutal blindside. Yes, love hurts.

Please remember that this recap assumes that you have already seen this week’s Episode 3 of Survivor: HHH, so if you have not and don’t want to be spoiled, please come back later! It’s important to add too that while we WILL hit on all of the important developments of the episode, this is not a linear “blow-by-blow” recap, and is more of a discussion and reaction of what we just witnessed together.

CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR MORE, AND THIS IS YOUR LAST *SPOILER* WARNING!

So I guess being classmates at college only gets you so far in the game of Survivor. Of course, I’m referring to the information that was revealed last week in my exit interview with Simone, who revealed that Ali and Patrick – while not the closest of friends – did know each other from college when attending Auburn University. Patrick was finally let go by Ali this week, who just couldn’t protect him any longer. I say good riddance, personally. Ali can only do so much, and Patrick really sealed his own fate despite being very bitter on the way out (he called his former tribe mates all “awful” on the way out, and then in his closing interview he wished them all ill will the rest of the way in the game). Patrick was possibly a good personality to have on a Reality TV show, and by that I mean he is loud, annoying, goofy and boisterous, which usually will result in drama and entertainment…never a bad thing I suppose. But he was also the type of player that Survivor fans could immediately identify as one of those characters that was never going to have a chance to win the game. There is always a few, and if this season is doing anything right, at least we now have gotten rid of three such contestants right off the bat to start the game.

Patrick‘s insistence to stay in the challenge throwing sand bags was shown to be the straw that broke the red-headed camel’s back, but we’ll learn more in my exit interview with Patrick on Thursday. For now, I think it was a no-brainer for the Hustlers tribe and I think that Lauren staying in the game is a benefit to every one else, included us viewers.

Beyond the whole “will it be Patrick or Lauren?” drama, the rest of the episode was all about the relationships being built – or being broken down – at the other tribes. We got a brief scene at the beginning of the ep reminding us that Chrissy and Ben are really running the show at the Heroes camp, with Ashley probably sitting in the three position, and with JP and Alan on the outside looking in. Alan continues to be portrayed as maybe the last remaining “not fit for this game” type of player, and despite Ashley and JP still having a strong connection, we learned that they are trying hard to dismiss the “power couple” label that Alan put on them back on Day One.

The real show-mance of the season is clearly the hook-up of Cole and Jessica, and damn are they cute. Jessica tells us that she’s a virgin and blushes after spontaneously kissing Cole on the cheek. Cole tells us that the more he learns about Jessica, the more he likes, and calls her his “dream girl.” And while that may be true on a personal level, Jessica soon found out that Cole is not necessarily her “dream partner” when it comes to the game and strategy. Not only did Cole tell Jessica (“I thought I was special!”), but he then decides to tell Desi and Roark (welcome to the show!) about Joe‘s Idol as well…and without first consulting with Jessica. Jessica also aptly noted that Cole revealed this information WAY too soon, and had he waited longer he might have been in a much-improved position of power. Especially now that the tribe swap is on the horizon next episode, it may have benefited Cole to keep that news between he and Jessica. It’s easy to Monday-morning quarterback the whole situation, but for now it seems like Jessica has a legitimate beef.

Episode Take-Away: I once again liked the pace of this episode, as we received a good amount of strategy and character-building…the challenge again didn’t happen until nearly the 40-minute mark of the hour. I like that they reminded us about the show’s real power couples this episode: Chrissy and Ben, Jessica and Cole and Ryan and Devon. Lauren saved herself this episode, but I feel will really face an uphill battle in this next phase of the game pre-merge…she could be looked at as the easy target if she ends up on a tribe away from Ali and the others. The upcoming swap is always great for a few players and is always terrible for a few others, but Joe could really benefit (even if he doesn’t realize it at first) by going to a tribe without any of the other Healers…this would put him in a situation where he has an Idol but nobody else on his new tribe would know about it.

Overall I am on-board with this season and this cast, although I will admit that I keep waiting for something bigger and more exciting to happen. Through three episodes, we haven’t had a lot of real drama or great strategy, but there does seem to be a number – several! – players worth rooting for and who seem to know how to play the game. Once they parse out the Simones, the Patricks, the Katrinas from the mix, I think it sounds very compelling to think of Ali, Ryan, Chrissy and Ben all going head-to-head post-merge. I’m not giving up on this season, but here’s hoping that next week’s tribe swap injects the game with some real energy.

Strategic Move of the Week: This is a hard one to award this week, as there wasn’t too much strategy going on that would be considered commendable. Cole definitely isn’t getting it, as I don’t think it was a very sound move to let everyone else in on his knowledge of Joe‘s Idol. It may be hard to see, but I think I’ll award this to Lauren this week, for simply managing to stay alive and making sure the target grew bigger and bigger on Patrick. Just last episode she told us how she wasn’t fitting in and how she had some social anxiety, so kudos to her for at least doing enough to make good with those in power on her tribe.

Voted out this week: Patrick

Won Immunity: Heroes (won some live chickens) and Healers (won a basket of eggs)

Vote: No Idols or advantages played. 4 – Patrick (Lauren, Ali, Ryan, Devon), 1 – Lauren (Patrick)

Next Week’s Episode: “Drop your buffs!” The first major shake-up of the season is happening next week as the tribe’s will be mixed-up. With fifteen players remaining in the game, does that imply that we will see three tribes of five?

Remember to return right here to RealityTea for my FilmSurvivor Podcast Thursday, where you can listen to my full exit interview with Patrick. Last but not least, I encourage you to check out my weekly movie reviews. And as always, the easiest way to get all of my Survivor coverage and movie reviews is to follow me on Twitter – @tomsantilli – or on Facebook.

TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE HUSTLERS’ DECISION TO VOTE OUT PATRICK? DID COLE DO THE RIGHT THING IN TELLING THE OTHERS OF JOE’S IDOL? AND WHAT COMBINATION OF PLAYERS DO YOU HOPE TO SEE WITH NEXT WEEK’S TRIBE SWAP?

Photo Credit: CBS/Monty Brinton/Robert Voets/Timothy Kuratek/Jeffrey Neira

The post Survivor: HHH Episode 3 Recap: All We Need Is Love appeared first on Reality Tea.

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Mariska Hargitay, Brooke Shields on the Law and Order: SVU Twist That's "Excruciating" for Benson to Navigate

Can Olivia Benson ever find happiness? Not while Brooke Shields is on Law & Order: SVU, it seems. Warning, Law & Order: SVU spoilers follow. "I'm Sheila Porter. Noah's...


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Mr. Trump Alone Can Order a Nuclear Strike. Congress Can Change That.

By THE EDITORIAL BOARD from NYT https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/11/opinion/trump-korea-war-competence.html?partner=IFTTT

Riverdale's KJ Apa Reacts to Shocking Premiere Ending: "I Was Really Psyched, and Then..."

We did not see that coming! Riverdale finally (finally finally) returned tonight, and most of the premiere was not all that much of a shock. Then we got to the end, when none other than...


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'Little Women: Dallas' star Bri Barlup reportedly pregnant but unsure who the father is

Little Women: Dallas star Bri Barlup is reportedly expecting her second child but uncertain of the father's identity.

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The Challenge spin-off drops pros for reality stars

Read this story »

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Wednesday Night Tea – October 11th

 

Lindsay Lohan comes to Harvey Weinstein’s defense – Dlisted

More Hollywood men speak out about Harvey Weinstein – Celebitchy

L&HHATL star not out of the woods yet – Starcasm

ATRH Exclusive: Teresa Giudice sits down to talk RHONJ – All Things RH

Is the timing of the Matt Damon comedy segment on Kimmel a little off? – The Blast

MTV extends the current season of Teen Mom 2 – The Ashley’s Reality Roundup

The rumors continue for Chip and Joanna – Dlisted

 

Photo Credit: MTV

The post Wednesday Night Tea – October 11th appeared first on Reality Tea.

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Alexandra Joyce talks 'The Voice' audition: I called Jennifer Hudson out

Alexandra Joyce talks about her Blind Audition on The Voice, which was briefly featured in a montage of performances on the show, and how she ended up choosing her coach.

from Reality TV World latest news stories http://www.realitytvworld.com/news/alexandra-joyce-talks-the-voice-audition-i-called-jennifer-hudson-out-22906.php

The Grey's Anatomy Spinoff Finds Its Captain: Everything We Know About the Still-Untitled Shondaland Series

The Grey's Anatomy spinoff continues to take shape. We still may not know the name of the series, which will be set in the Grey's universe, but take place at a Seattle firehouse,...


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'Little Women: Dallas' star Bri Barlup reportedly pregnant but not sure who the father is

Little Women: Dallas star Bri Barlup is reportedly expecting her second child but uncertain of the father's identity.

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Jade Roper recalls her baby's premature natural birth -- I cried because I wasn't ready for Emerson's "surprise" arrival

Jade Roper is sharing her birth story with fans, and she was apparently shocked by the time she went into labor.

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Siggy Flicker Upset That Her Cake Was Treated “Like Discarded Garbage;” Thinks Margaret Josephs Is Two-Faced

When Siggy Flicker told us last year that some people think she’s “too much,” she was minimizing reality! Because The Real Housewives Of New Jersey star came out swinging, shouting, and fighting right away in the premiere episode of Season 8. Siggy has no regrets about her behavior, though, instead concentrating on how others in the group are upsetting the apple cart – namely Danielle Staub and Margaret Josephs, who Siggy seems already pitted against.

In her blog, Siggy describes Margaret as two-faced and Danielle as a “dark” presence within the group. She also reiterates her disgust with Melissa Gorga and Teresa Giudice throwing the custom cake she ordered for Melissa’s birthday, which turns into an even bigger drama this week!

After offering words of sorrow for the recent tragedy in Las Vegas, along with words of comfort for Teresa and Joe Gorga on the passing of their mother, Antonia, Siggy dives into the episode. She claims, “I approached this season and the Boca trip with the best intentions. I wanted to show my friends a good time and welcome Margaret with open arms. Spoiler alert: it didn’t go as planned.”

Despite admonitions about her behavior, Siggy admits that she’s loud and over the top – and she loves it! “I owned it then and I’m owning it now. I’m still passionate. I’m still loud. I’m still looking to empower those around me. No one does me better than I do.” Please also remember: She’s the most talented person in the world in her own mind.

Gushing over her husband, Michael Campanella, Siggy writes, “He is my rock, my voice of reason, my everything. He celebrates my successes and encourages me to conquer the world. I want everyone to find their Michael Campanella.” Hmm. This flies in the face of her complaining about Michael being unsupportive of her career, no? #SatanLovesConfusion

Speaking of her career, Siggy is also thrilled cameras caught her at that beauty shop hustling paperbacks! She would also like you to know that she’s available for speaking engagements in a storefront near you. “I’m glad you were given a glimpse into my professional appearances. I love talking to people, inspiring them and giving them a fresh perspective on LOVE and LIFE! It’s my passion, my obsession. If you are interested in meeting me as much as I am you, please check out my appearance schedule http://siggyflicker.com/events.html, I promise you will not be disappointed.”

Even though Siggy was the one to bring Margaret into the group, she seems to get along with her the least. This, says Siggy, came as a surprise to her. She explains, “As soon as I learned that Margaret would be in Palm Beach the same time as our girls’ trip to Boca, I immediately invited her to join me and my friends and meet us for dinner. It’s what friends do. It was not until I watched the episode that I heard Margaret say, ‘Should I frame this over my fireplace?’ during the book signing portion of my event. Why make such a snide comment about my book behind my back? It’s not what friend’s do.”

RELATED: Melissa Gorga Happy To Have Envy Back; Says Danielle Staub Is “Interesting And Intriguing”

At the time, however, Siggy had no idea Margaret was throwing shade. That all changed in Boca. First, Siggy defends her obnoxious behavior in New York Prime. She blogs, “We were three hours late for dinner at New York Prime. My friends and the restaurant staff waited for us to arrive…for three hours. I was soooo excited to see close friends and grateful they waited. I mean, could Michael Jackson or Madonna get New York Prime to wait three hours? Was I excited walking into dinner at New York Prime? Yes. Was it all in fun? Of course. I want everyone to have a good time. I thought the night went well. When I extended another invitation for Margaret to join us for Melissa’s birthday dinner, I had no idea Margaret had been muttering about me.”

She also had no idea that Danielle would come out of the gate swinging at Kim DePaola, Siggy’s alleged “friend.” In fact, she says the trip took a turn to “the dark side” when Danielle showed up. “The strained group dynamic intensified at Melissa’s birthday celebration,” when she was “needled” about her husband not being supportive, shares Siggy.

“I didn’t expect to be needled until the topic morphed into Michael is controlling,” writes Siggy. “Margaret had NOT even met my husband when she said, ‘I looked up man in the dictionary. I didn’t see the picture of Michael Campanella there.’ As to her commentary about the dictionary, get an unabridged version because Michael Campanella can be found under ‘perfect man’ thank you very much. He lays molding solely for me.” Um – lays molding? Is this a diss against Margaret’s contractor husband? <scratching my head>

But the cringe-worthy comment that rung in everyone’s ears was Siggy bragging that she’s “the most talented person in the world!” She now reflects, “I understand how it comes across and believe me, I cringe when I watch it played back. The comment was taken out of context. Am I the most talented person on the earth? Of course not, but it was said tongue in cheek in the context of the evening to lighten the mood. Yes, I do think I’m great at what I do and I think Dolores [Catania] is great at what she does, and I think Teresa is great at what she does, and Melissa is great at what she does…and you are great at what you do, etc.”

Okay, so…that’s cleaned up. Maybe. Not quite. But – whatever!

Next, Siggy defends her reaction to the cake fight: “I can’t describe how my heart sank when the cake and the silver platter were thrown across the restaurant. Like discarded garbage. As soon as Teresa realized how upset I was, she apologized. It’s what friends do.”

But Margaret thought Siggy needed to take it down a notch (or ten), which obviously didn’t sit well with her. She defends, “Earlier I told you what I am. Let me tell you what I’m NOT. I’m not a backstabber. I’m not jealous of others. I’m not malicious. I’m not calculating. I’m not mean. I’m not manipulative. I’m not an opportunist. I’m not an ass kisser. I’m not scared or riddled with entitlement issues. As you see, I get a little excited at times. So, stay tuned for the fireworks!”

Tonight is an all new Real Housewives Of New Jersey on Bravo. Join us in the comments section to discuss all of the dirt and drama as it unfolds!

TELL US: IS SIGGY COMING ON TOO STRONG? OR WAS SHE JUSTIFIED IN BEING OFFENDED?

Photo Credit: Rodolfo Martinez/Bravo

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Being Mary Jane Canceled: BET Drama Will Wrap Up With 2-Hour Series Finale in 2018

Mary Jane Paul is signing off the air--for good. Being Mary Jane, Gabrielle Union's BET drama centered on the titular TV news anchor, has been canceled by the cable network, E! News...


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Miley Cyrus joins James Corden for Carpool Karaoke

Miley Cyrus joined James Corden on The Late Late Show on Tuesday to reflect on her career and sing a number of her hit songs as part of Carpool Karaoke.

from Reality TV World latest news stories http://www.realitytvworld.com/news/miley-cyrus-joins-james-corden-for-carpool-karaoke-1060745.php

Kim Zolciak Hires Attorney After NeNe Leakes Calls Her Racist; Says The RHOA Co-Stars Are Jealous Of Her Blessed Life

Kim Zolciak says NeNe Leakes is slandering her by calling her a racist, so she’s hired an attorney. The Real Housewives Of Atlanta star also claims both she and daughter Brielle Biermann have faced threats as a result of NeNe overreacting to the cockroach video.

“I’ve hired legal counsel at this point. I don’t take this lightly,” Kim explains. “It’s one thing, like I said, to kind of banter back and forth and have an opinion. This is far beyond just having an opinion.”

“I sent it to the Housewives after a big situation in Barcelona. Again, we’re filming a show. But I’ve had this video for a very long time, two, three months? I better be exact before she corrects me!” Kim blames Brielle for filming a SnapChat in NeNe‘s house, then posting it, where her followers noticed the roach. Afterwards, Brielle forwarded it to Kim.

Since NeNe’s accusation, Kim‘s had to “make changes” in her “everyday life” like hiring additional security. “Brielle’s gotten a lot of threats on Instagram,” Kim added. “I mean, it’s been a little rough. That’s why Brielle’s here with me in California right now.” Oh, yeah, so Brielle’s famewhoring aspirations have nothing at all to do with it?

RELATED – Kim Has Kardashian Dreams!

For Kim, NeNe’s reaction has “definitely” gone too far. “Sheree, NeNe, and I have known each other for 15 years, way before the show ever started, and there’s just a line of respect – kids, things that we know about each other – that we just don’t discuss. But now… I spoke too soon, obviously.”

It’s also negatively affected Kim’s other children. “People are dying over racism. I mean, this is a major issue, so I don’t want to hide any of this real life from them, but I definitely try to protect them as much as I can.”

After this, Kim is completely done with NeNe. “I don’t even think about her at this point. That’s why I hired legal counsel – they’re thinking about it, and not me.” Kim adds that a recent tweet that read, “I see she got a refill again,” with a pill bottle emoji was not directed at NeNe.

Despite the mess, Kim still has “no regrets” about returning to RHOA. “I’m a lot stronger and I’m not pregnant,” she told E! News. “Can you imagine being pregnant and all the screaming and wine glasses flying? I definitely enjoy it.” She continued, “It’s fun, but there’s definitely some moments where it’s like ‘Oh God, I did not miss this.'”

RELATED – Is Kroy Jealous Of Kim’s Constant Tweeting?

Of why she’s in the middle of so much drama, Kim shrugged, “I’m super blessed, I’m super happy – I have a great life, so I’d probably hate me too!” That’s Kim – too blessed to be stressed!

TELL US – DO YOU AGREE WITH KIM HIRING AN ATTORNEY? DID NENE GO TOO FAR WITH THE RACISM ACCUSATION?

Photo Credit: Instagram

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Riverdale Season 2 Premiere: Watch the Bloody Opening Scene Now to Find Out Fred's Fate

Archie Andrews is in a race against death. Rejoice, River Vixens and Bulldogs, Riverdale is FINALLY back tonight on The CW, and E! News has your exclusive first look at the season two...


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Addison Agen talks 'The Voice': I want to prove it's possible to do big things and follow dreams at a young age

Addison Agen opens up about her time on The Voice so far at age 16 -- including how it feels to be on Miley Cyrus' team as a young lady and how she connected with the very-mature song "Jolene" for her Blind Audition.

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Mr. Robot Season 3 Primer: Everything You Need to Hack Your Brain Before the Big Premiere

Are you still there? Those are the first words Elliot Alderson asks his audience when his narration returns in the season three premiere of Mr. Robot. And considering the last new episode...


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Riverdale's Cole Sprouse & KJ Apa Tease Archie and Jughead's "Tenuous" Friendship in a Darker Season 2

When Riverdale returns tonight, its two main couples are doing fine enough, but there's another relationship you might want to be worried about. Apparently, BFFS Archie (KJ Apa) and...


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Dance Moms Recap: Burlesque Get Outta Here!

After waiting out a week on pins and needles, we finally got to see the Irreplaceables face off against their former teacher and the ALDC minis on last night’s Dance Moms. Before Abby Lee Miller can cause any drama, Ashlee steps in to yell at Camille for calling Brynn and liar. As the ladies scream in front of all of their fans, the mini moms pretend to take the high road as Jill tries to reign in a furious Camille. Holly believes Ashlee is doing anything she can to justify her decision to remain with the ALDC.

In the dressing room, new choreographer Ayesha expresses her disappointment in the group for pulling their solos. She is a member of the dance community, and it’s embarrassing that she wasn’t able to motivate the girls further out of their comfort level. They need to be more focused, and she admits that she would think differently of them if they came to audition for her. Kira interjects with a nasty comment, but Ayesha is adamant that the girls are being coddled. She calls them out for not even paying attention while she’s talking to them. In the real world of dance, they may only have thirty minutes to learn a new number that has to be stage ready for a Beyoncé show. They aren’t always going to have their moms to fall back on, and Kalani appreciates the lecture.

Across the hall, the Ianas are practicing their routines, and they are as competitive as ever. Brynn wants to prove that she made the correct decision by sticking with Abby. As the mini moms make their way into the auditorium, Abby refuses to enter. When a producer asks if Abby plans on watching her dancers perform, she asks him if he’s on drugs. Was production able to rid the auditorium of her former students and their mothers? Nope? Then she’s out.  As Abby makes her escape, she briefly stops to take a selfie with a fan and chastising marijuana smokers. What? Ashlee is upset that Abby is missing an opportunity to see Brynn as the new leader of the ALDC. I am so confused as to why she’s surprised.

When Ashlee realizes all of the former dancers are in the auditorium, she calls them cowards for not dancing solos. Didn’t they leave the ALDC to get more choreography. Gosselin 2.0 snarks that they must be intimidated by the minis. Liliana does an incredible job with her performance which sends Yoyo into overdrive obsessing about her own Iana’s solo. She also needs Eliana to win so she can spit “I told you so” in Christi’s face. Ahh, these moms are so classy. All of ’em! Eliana out dances Brynn and other Iana leaving Yoyo in tears.

Holly compliments the mini moms on their daughters performances, but the OG and mini moms go back and forth. Aren’t the mini moms upset Abby didn’t watch? Why didn’t any of the older girls dance solos? As the ladies square off, Kira tells Ashlee that Brynn is far better than the choreography she was given, and Ashlee storms off. Backstage, Abby brushes off the fact she didn’t watch her students perform. When the OG moms realize the ALDC is recycling Where Have All the Children Gone, they can’t believe she’s using the dance that their girls put on the map. Um, did they choreograph it? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Ayesha is rehearsing with the Irreplaceables, and she is very concerned they can’t get in synch. She’s also concerned they may be showing so much skin. Kalani and Chloe give their team a pep talk, and Ayesha feels rejuvenated in their ability to execute the number. Abby is willing to enter the auditorium to watch her all-time favorite number, and I have to say it’s still amazing with the revamped point of view. The mini moms don’t seem to mind having a male dancer after that performance. Abby can’t hide her disgust when the Irreplaceables take the stage. When she sees the girls’ costumes she calls them trash before exiting stage left. These are not the girls she raised at the ALDC.

Jill and Christi believe their girls need to show that they are growing up and can do more mature numbers. One of the Ianas is horrified after the girls’ performance. Sure, it was risqué, but they did a great job. Ashlee is so disgusted at what she’s been subjected to with that “stripper” dance that she leaves the auditorium with her mini minions in hot pursuit. She is fine missing the awards ceremony if it means boycotting the brothel. In the solo category, Eliana places first with the other Iana in second, but Yoyo is devastated after missing the moment. Ashlee is peeved that Brynn doesn’t place.

When it’s time award the group numbers, ALDC wins the top spot in their age group. The Irreplaceables are a bit disappointed to place second in the teen division. After the ceremony, Brynn tells her mom that the older girls were cussing backstage in front of the Ianas. Ashlee runs off when the OG moms try to confront her about calling their daughters strippers. The mothers scream bloody murder at one another, yet again solidifying the level of class in both groups. I have a headache.

TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? WAS THE OLDER GIRLS’ ROUTINE TOO MATURE FOR THEM?

Photo Credit: Lifetime

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Maksim Chmerkovskiy pens heartfelt message to Vanessa Lachey after emotional 'Dancing with the Stars' show

Maksim Chmerkovskiy took "full responsibility" for missing a dance with partner Vanessa Lachey on Dancing with the Stars last week amid reports of a feud, but any beef between the pair has definitely been squashed since then.

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Outlander Season 4 Adds Downton Abbey Veterans in Pivotal Roles

Outlander is adding some familiar faces to its cast for season four. The Starz drama has cast Orphan Black and Downton Abbey veteran Maria Doyle Kennedy as Jocasta, Jamie's strong-willed aunt....


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Exclusive: Simone Nguyen talks 'Survivor' -- I wish I wasn't so subtle when fighting to stay over Patrick Bolton

Simone Nguyen wraps up her exclusive interview with Reality TV World about Survivor: Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers -- including how she feels about playing the game considering the conditions were so tough and her hilarious comments on the "eye candy" this season.

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Below Deck Recap: A Farewell Song To Goodwill

On last night’s Below Deck one crew member went down, another almost sunk Captain Lee Rosbach‘s reputation, and a third got labeled a bitter Betty with the bad hair. Well, you can’t say these yahoos don’t try!

As they arrive in St. Barth’s, Valor is sailing into territory usually only charted by Real Housewives. It’s high season, which means multi-million dollar yachts, probably carrying celebrities and the stakes for keeping up with the Joneses – or the Falcons, rather, are high for keeping up. This is obviously foreshadowing, indicating that an ENORMOUS f–k up will happen. And who will go down. Duh, duh, duh.

With EJ (no last name given) on board, Chris Brown has slung a hammock in the supply closet and erected his sleeping quarters there. Additionally, Most Boring Charter Ever rages on. If Kate Chastain has to hear the words “sparkling water” one more time, her washing machines may explode. Let’s hope Kate never finds herself at a an AA meeting where she may also find Jen or Chris Brown.

The guests may be boring, but they know what they want: lobster and a Caribbean tasting menu, aka Matt Burns to get out of his funky chicken. Undercooked risotto ain’t gonna cut it with this sober (in both alcohol content and demeanor) crew of high-maintenance pro-foodies. Actually, the guests were pretty relaxed; all they wanted to do was go in the water, eat fancy things, oh, and gamble. We all have our vices, right?!

You’d think with the guests in bed by 10, Jen Howell would have less to complain about. Think again! Now, Yachterella is complaining that she’s once again on laundry duty. And you’d think, after all the other times Yachterella had been here before, she’d know what to do already, but nope she overflows BOTH machines and Brianna Adekeye is left to clean them up. She immediately tattles to Kate, of course.

Jen and Brianna are in a competition for Martyr of Valor. Brianna has the most work – woe is her, picking up Jen’s discombobulation and incompetence. No, JEN has the most work! Woe is her, forced into hard labor of washing things while Brianna gets to hobnob with hot chefs and serve dinner! Since they both believe they do way more work, yet are constantly picking up slack for the other, Brianna and Jen are getting spiteful. Instead of noticing tension in the mother load, their intrepid leader Kate is going on dates and drinking beer on duty. Don’t Tell Captain Lee the Babysitter’s Dead!

On a bright note, unlike Nico Scholly, Kate is definitely doing plenty of micromanaging and is forced to give Jen yet another lesson in how to work Tide – the detergent, not the ocean phenomena. Then, Jen grumbles that Brianna spends a few moments staring at the ocean while she’s slaving away rinsing coffee cups. Isn’t Jen a mother? You’d think she’d be used to relentless chores, no downtime, and laundry. Also ungrateful people constantly complaining about everything. Her experience must be different than mine. Kate gets it – raising these inept stews is entirely like parenting. Especially once they start bickering.

Missing her daughter, combined with forced celibacy, is apparently driving Jen crazy. She begs Kate for a small break to call her daughter and Kate begrudgingly permits 10 minutes. Using her hair as both a tissue and a security blanket, Jen sniffles in her bunk about her dashed expectations. Jen assumed she’d be taking a 3 month vacation around the world while getting laid. I don’t think Jen realized she’d actually be mothering every charter guest, plus a massive yacht baby, and basically moving her everyday life to the high seas where the accommodations suck and there’s no Tinder. And now that Chris Brown is forced into the punishment closet, Jen’s stuck sharing a bunk with the creepy-eyed EJ. There is something off about his smile. Like I swear he’s a terminator Bosun sent to destroy them.

Above deck, EJ and Nico are butting heads, anchors, and everything else – even mini boats! Captain Lee should force them into the sumo suits to have it out at sea or tie them together until they can figure out how to work together. The problem is actually Nico, who refuses to accept that EJ is now his boss. In the middle is the already entirely helpless deck crew. EJ tells Baker Manning to do one task but not 15 minutes later Nico is there whispering in her ear that EJ doesn’t know what he’s doing – after all, he pulled the anchor up without the brake being fully disengaged and some goop got in the gears.

Even when EJ pulls Nico aside to discuss ‘working together’ with a subtle reminder of hierarchy, Nico is dismissive and keeps affirming that he, too, has authority. It turns out that window washing politics is serious business in yachting and sea spray is a sign of crisis!

For being pulled in two directions, constantly, Baker and Bruno Duarte are doing a pretty stellar job towing the line and appeasing both their bosses. Baker listens politely as Nico complains about EJ‘s allegedly ineptitude; later Bruno mentions that he’s excited to learn from EJ, to add onto everything he’s learned already from Nico. Bruno may not have learned a shammy from a squishy on a cruise ship, but he’s certainly learned to navigate drama! And terrible bosses. If only he could keep his shirt on! Captain Lee actually caught him moving jet skis topless and flipped that guests might see. The way it works is that guests can ONLY see your 8-pack if they request to see it, or Kate demands it, but that’s special occasion sexual harassment. In the course of normal operations, it’s fully clothed at all times for fear of giving a guest the vapors.

Speaking of the vapors, after promising the guests fresh lobster for lunch, Matt realizes that he has NONE. About 3o minutes before they request to eat, Matt radios ashore for someone to bring lobster on boat while the guests are left waiting with a “lemon vinegar” salad. Luckily, the lobster finally arrives so fresh it’s still moving. Only 15 minutes late, Matt savagely cooks them alive over an open flame, ripping out the meat, then shoving it back into the shells, tossing them on the plate with greens and handing it off to the guest as the type of delicacy usually only seen in Indiana Jones movies. Man Vs. Wild, y’all!

The disaster date with Brianna, combined with the under-cooked risotto, has given Matt an awakening. He calls his ex-girlfriend because he realizes he’s screwed that up too. By the time dinner happens, Kate believes they accidentally adopted Matt’s secret doppelgänger, because this new guy is focused, whipping out culinary masterpieces, and about as un-Canadian as you can get! The requested Caribbean tasting meal has the guests swooning and personally thanking him. Kate personally thanks herself, though, for the stern talking-to she gave Matt about how their tip is directly related to their tongues.

Funny thing – EJ is also Canadian.

Captain Lee pulls Nico and EJ onto the bridge to explain to them the concept of working together and figure out which crew member is the weakest link. Nico immediately calls out Chris Brown for his laziness and poor work ethic, but EJ argues that there’s something there. That something is a hangover, or the occasional sharpness Chris gets when his pheromones alight on the scent of a woman. Or alcohol.

Well, Chris Brown finally gets his opportunity to shine at the game night the guests requested. Kate turned their cabin into the most low-rent casino there ever was and dressed Chris Brown up in costume suspenders. He’s ordered to deal fake money so the guests can fake gamble at Black Jack, but apparently he has a very winning personality if you’re not his boss, his co-worker, or a woman he hopes to sleep with. And that is what we call going out with a bang because the next afternoon…

With the guests satiated and the charter coming to a close, you’d think everyone could all breathe a sigh of relief. But then: ENTER THE MALTESE FALCON. It’s apparently the most prestigious yacht in the world, so naturally the Podunk Valor ends up docked right beside it. So close, Captain Lee worries they may drift into their waters even though the anchor is dropped. I personally think Captain Lee was hoping he was close enough to jump ship and defect to the pristine, professionally staffed Falcon.

Lee decides to reorient Valor a few hundred feet away to avoid issue, but of course thanks to NICO’s ineptitude they nearly crashed into the Falcon anyway. In order to move the boat a smidgen, they have to get all of the tiny boats and jet skis off Valor, pull up the anchor, move the yacht slightly, drop anchor again. and reattach everything. Nico and EJ went out on the little boats, and the other nitwits, or “monkeys” as EJ dubbed them, were left behind with anchor duty. Nico and EJ’s poor communication, combined with the general lack of knowledge of everyone else, created a slew of thoughtless rookie (re: embarrassing for Lee) mistakes.

In all, Nico and EJ’s dick-measuring fussiness about who taught the monkeys better sign language and how to push the buttons, Nico forgot the keys to the tugboat, and didn’t leave it running when he detached from Valor. So there EJ and Nico are, trapped together in the middle of the ocean, with the current drifting their boats dangerously close to the Falcon, as they argue about how to tow Nico back. Meanwhile, Baker is too busy watching this boat-wreck to remember to pull up the anchor. And where is Chris Brown? Why congratulating himself on a job well-done that no one will ever know he did good at. Sounds like famous last words… cause they were.

When EJ and Nico finally arrive, Lee is levitating with rage. After saying goodbye to the guests and divvying out tips, he warns that tomorrow there will be hell to pay, dammit, f–king hell!

Then he hauls the deck crew to the bridge to severely warn Nico, and fire Chris Brown for his inexperience. Chris Brown doesn’t care. He’s got a pocket full of money and gets to spend the night on St. Barth’s – which has better women then the porn he watches from his toilet-paper lined hammock. Well farewell our loser leprechaun of foolish pride!

With Chris Brown departed, Lee furious, and Nico and EJ hissing at each other, a night out in ritzy St. Barth’s does little to improve the mood.

Over dinner, Jen complains while hitting on Nico in French using lines from the Christina Aguilera Moulin Rouge song, which brings out Brianna’s devil horns. Nico is hers to shamelessly flirt with – when his girlfriend isn’t there! Brianna mutters to Baker that Jen is “Bitter. Always bitter.” Which prompts Jen to over-react before storming off.  Nico, hypocritically for all his whining about and bickering with EJ, whines that he can’t hear anymore of Jen’s shrieking while Kate tries, in vain, to put her in timeout.

Jen storms over to the bar where she continues complaining about Brianna to Kate who just wants to return to her happy place in Aqua Jesus’s arms. Things get even more tense when Brianna dry-humps Nico on the dance floor, and then shrugs that since he never mentions his girlfriend it’s like she doesn’t exist. See no girlfriend, hear no girlfriend, speak no girlfriend… equals no evil cheating on girlfriend?

As they putter back to Valor, EJ decides to show off by leaping to the dock with the tie-off line. In his brogues. He nearly slips and falls backward, but rights himself. Nico sees this as a sign that EJ is an idiot, and drunk, and orders him to go to bed, “buddy” as they fight over securing the boat. EJ quickly reminds Nico that it’s actually his boat now “buddy boy” as as shocked Baker calls to everyone else that there might be a fight. Classy.

After Nico’s disaster in front of the Falcon, he has no room to lecture anyone on how to do anything. Congratulations Jen and Chris – you weren’t the biggest fiascos of the episode!

TELL US – IS NICO BEING DISRESPECTFUL TO EJ, OR IS EJ A JERK? DID CHRIS BROWN DESERVE TO BE FIRED? IS JEN BITTER?

[Photo Credits: Bravo]

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Dynasty Then and Now: How the CW Is Reimagining the Hit '80s Soap for 2017

Tonight, the fight for control of the Carrington dynasty begins...again. The CW is about to bring us it's remake of the popular 1981 soap Dynasty, and based on what we've seen so...


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Chip and Joanna Gaines Open Up About Why They're Leaving HGTV

Ending their HGTV show Fixer Upper was not an easy decision for Chip Gaines and Joanna Gaines. The couple had announced on September 26 that season five would be the last for the series....


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Vicki Gunvalson Says Briana Culberson’s Lupus Has Taken A Toll, But She’s Doing Okay

Vague health scares and extremely questionable diagnoses seem to eternally plague Vicki Gunvalson, but when it comes to her daughter, Briana Culberson, the diagnosis is real. Last year, The Real Housewives Of Orange County star revealed that Briana had been diagnosed with Lupus, a chronic auto-immune disease that can target and damage any part of the body.

Briana hasn’t discussed Lupus or her symptoms much on this season of RHOC, but Vicki shares that it’s been a tough ride for her. “Lupus has affected part of her heart, it’s literally something every other week,” says Vicki, adding that Briana’s immune system has been compromised as a result of the disease as well, which opens her up to viruses.

Visiting the doctor regularly has become commonplace for Briana, who has been sharing the Bravo screen with her mother since she was a teenager. This year, Briana seems to be the only woman left who will regularly film with Vicki (because, hey – mom clause!), so she’s had to film quite a bit.

After a health scare last year that involved a dirty scalpel – which Vicki claims Briana “almost died” from (!?!) – the road has gotten considerably less rocky. But Briana is still struggling to balance work, family, and health – not to mention her very high maintenance mother, who constantly uses her as a sounding board for trivial, ongoing TV drama.

RELATED: Shannon Beador “Confused” By Peggy Sulahian’s Cancer Diagnosis

Vicki tell Page Six that Briana is currently working at a surgical center but “doesn’t like it.” (I’m sure Briana’s place of employment will be thrilled to hear this publicly stated, Vicki! Wowza. #MomOfTheYear) Vicki adds that Briana, who’s a nurse by training, is still “finding her way with what she can do with it, her health. She wants to work, she wants to be a nurse, but she’s limited.” Briana also has her hands full raising two young boys, though Vicki does help out in the grandma area.

“She’s a trooper, she’s young, she’s got age on her side,” offers Vicki, who notes that many people live with Lupus, are ultimately okay managing their symptoms. Given her long-suffering calmness in the face of Vicki’s on-camera whining, one can guess Briana is also managing her sanity like a champ. Plus, since her husband, Ryan, finished his time in the Marine Corps recently, she may have more help at home.

The silver lining? At least Briana doesn’t have to deal with poor health and a shady a$$ stepfather stand-in at the same time any more. Plus, if everyone refuses to film with Vicki for good, maybe RHOC will just splinter into an assortment of random spinoffs, and Briana can finally get that GOOD Bravo paycheck!

TELL US: ARE YOU SURPRISED TO HEAR ABOUT BRIANA’S HEALTH STRUGGLES? 

Photo Credit: Bravo

The post Vicki Gunvalson Says Briana Culberson’s Lupus Has Taken A Toll, But She’s Doing Okay appeared first on Reality Tea.

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