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Fans of Steve and DJ on Fuller House (and Full House) can rest easy: the two are officially official in season four. "DJ and Steve are together," Candace Cameron Bure confirmed...Sparkles has a new girlfriend – dlisted
Kim Kardashian is loving the “anorexic” label – Celebitchy
Is Denise Richards replacing someone on RHOBH? – Tamara Tattles
Is the Ansifa nude webcam mystery solved? – Starcasm
Chris Pratt makes it official with Arnold Schwarzenegger’s daughter – dlisted
Photo Credit: BG017/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images
The post Tuesday Night Tea – July 31st appeared first on Reality Tea.
Welcome to Grey Sloan Memorial, bitch. Grey's Anatomy is adding a new doctor to the mix in season 15, with Chris Carmack stepping in as the new orthopedic surgeon who's known as...It would be so interesting to know who is really doing the hiring on Below Deck Mediterranean. Yes, Captain Sandy Yawn is in charge of the yacht, but this is also a reality TV show.
Is a casting director making these decisions or is Captain Sandy? It seems to be the former since it’s clear that Captain Sandy cannot stand Hannah Ferrier, yet she is still the Chief Stew of this yacht.
The tension between Captain Sandy and Hannah continues tonight at 9 PM on Bravo. And it’s actually a lot more than just tension. Hannah “disobeys a direct order” from her boss which doesn’t seem like a great thing to do as a Chief Stew and a reality TV cast member.
In other news, Adam Glick’s onion-induced controversy from last season continues to haunt him when those same charter guests return for round two.
It seemed like the love triangle between Joao Franco, Brooke Laughton, and Kasey Cohen was over since Joao and Brooke got together, but that’s not the case. During tonight’s episode Kasey “warns” Brooke about her man’s “flirtatious ways,” which is not likely to go well. And this is not the only romantic drama during tonight’s episode. Hannah and Conrad Empson end up arguing as well. Yikes.
TELL US- WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE TENSION BETWEEN CAPTAIN SANDY & HANNAH? DO YOU THINK JOAO & BROOKE’S CONNECTION WILL LAST? ARE HANNAH & CONRAD A GOOD COUPLE?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]
The post New Below Deck Mediterranean Tonight: Hannah Disobeys Captain Sandy appeared first on Reality Tea.
The beauty of being on a reality TV show is the ability to get an outside perspective on your own life when you watch the episodes back. Or at least it is in theory. There are some reality TV stars who do not learn a thing from watching themselves back on TV. One of those people is Vicki Gunvalson, who is in some hot water with Kelly Dodd.
Vicki Gunvalson and her boyfriend Steve Lodge introduced Kelly’s (very recent) ex-husband Michael Dodd to one of their friends and went on several double dates with them- without ever telling Kelly. Kelly had to find out from a third party. Pretty much every viewer is on Kelly’s side, yet Vicki still has zero understanding that it was hurtful to keep those double dates a secret.
When Vicki appeared on Watch What Happens Live last night, she was on the defensive- and she wasn’t doing a very good job of justifying her own actions. Before getting to the double date drama, Andy Cohen shaded Vicki about her face– yet again. He said, “By the way Vicki, your new face looks amazing. She got another one, folks.” Vicki told him, “I didn’t have any facelifts before. I got the eye lifts, nose, and chin.” And that wasn’t the only time that Andy came for Vicki during that episode.
When they got to the main issue of the season, Andy polled the audience to ask, “Do you think Vicki is breaking girl code?” Vicki said, “I would have broken girl code if I told call because my friend Teri said ‘Do not tell Kelly.’ That would have broken girl code.” In response, Andy pointed out that 90% of the audience said yes.
Vicki insisted, “There is no girl code on this. Michael and her are divorced. He can date whoever he wants.” That is not the issue, Vicki. It is not about who Michael dates. It is about you setting him up with a friend and secretly going on dates with the two of them.
Then Vicki theorized, “It tells me that Kelly still loves Michael if she’s that emotional. Doesn’t that make sense to you?” After a long pause and some very awkward facial expressions, Andy just said, “I see both sides”- but clearly he’s on Kelly’s side when it comes to this one.
A caller asked Vicki to name her “highest highs and lowest lows.” Instead of addressing actual storylines or any of her own actions, Vicki cited her grandsons being born as her “highest high.” For her “lowest low,” Vicki said, “When [daughter] Briana [Culberson] was so, so sick and I thought I was going to lose her.”
Andy called her out for her non-answer and told Vicki, “You’ve had a few low lows, I hate to say it.” To be fair, that is to be expected thirteen seasons into this show.
Back to the issue at hand. Another fan asked, “Have you been on a double date with Michael since Kelly blew up at you?” Vicki answered the question with a question: “Do you want the truth?” Of course, Andy told her, “Yeah.” Then Vicki admitted, “Yeah. I’m not gonna lie anymore. Yes, with another woman.” Really? She did this again? Friend Of The Year.
Andy asked, “Did you tell Kelly about it?” Vicki answered, “No it’s not Kelly’s business. Why is it all of sudden Kelly’s business who Michael dates?” Clearly, she has not learned anything. At all.
Andy tried to explain the (very) obvious problem to Vicki: “Well, it’s not about who he dates, it’s about the communication.” She reiterated, “We are friends with Michael.” Then Andy really stirred the pot when he asked this rhetorical question: “How’d you meet Michael?” She answered, “through Kelly.” And that is the problem, Vicki.
Vicki concluded, “I don’t get it.” She followed up with, “I’m really smart but I don’t get it.” Clearly. Is she just not watching the episodes? How does she not get it? How many times does everyone have to explain it to her?
TELL US- DID VICKI BREAK GIRL CODE?
The post Vicki Gunvalson “Doesn’t Get” Why It’s Upsetting To Go On Secret Double Dates With Kelly Dodd’s Ex-Husband Michael appeared first on Reality Tea.
This season of Teen Mom 2 is really ramping up for what we assume is the finale. It looks from the previews that next week is the infamous reunion taping…
Chelsea DeBoer: Aubree is going to Adam’s parents’ house for their visitation weekend. The next day, Chelsea sees a picture of Adam with Aubree. Chelsea and Cole are pretty upset by this because he is only supposed to see her at the visitation center. Honestly, though, it seems like there should have been clear legal direction about the grandparent visitation and whether that included Adam. If it didn’t, they are in violation and the picture gives her solid proof.
Later, Aubree is back from the weekend and she was confused about seeing Adam. Chelsea goes to visit Mary and they talk about it. Aubree is just too old and too smart for these things. Chelsea probably told her she wasn’t going to see Adam at grandma and grandpa’s house anymore, so of course, she was confused that he suddenly showed up. Chelsea’s lawyer sent his parents a letter referencing the visitation order from the court and that seems like a decent way to handle the situation. Chelsea isn’t taking it silently but she’s also not running back to court.
As it turns out that was a really good way to handle the situation because Adam’s mom apologized. But we learn about this in a pretty epic way and a TM first, I do believe. Chelsea goes to her producer’s hotel room to share a crazy story. This is the first time we’ve ever seen a girl go to the producer’s hotel room, right? Apparently, Adam’s mom showed up while Chelsea was pants-less and Cole was pooping? Chelsea wouldn’t go to the door alone so she had to wait for Cole to get done (nothing like some added pressure I guess). But in the end, his mom wanted to apologize for not realizing the visitation said not to include Adam and she won’t do that again. I’m not sure if I believe that she didn’t know, and I’m rather appalled and embarrassed for Cole to have his bathroom habits aired this way, but hey – it seems like they worked this out without going back to court and in Aubree’s best interest so this is a TM win! We have to take our wins where we can get them!
Leah Messer: Leah’s story this week is rough. We have had a lot of rough stories on this franchise but this one is really brutal. Leah is in Columbus for Ali’s doctor appointments. In a moment of levity though we learn she still does her makeup on the bathroom floor. She checks in with Corey from the hospital and he says that Ali will have an aid through the end of the school year. She won’t lose her until next year which gives them some time to try to fight the decision. They meet with Dr. Tsao. He is going to help with the case that the aid is necessary as well. Eventually, Leah and Ali leave the hospital and Leah breaks down with a producer. She doesn’t want to cry in front of Ali, so after a couple minutes she gets herself together and gets in the car. Ali is excited about her new machine that will help to exercise her lungs. Honestly, Leah just did a great job with this and it’s one of the toughest situations.
Kailyn Lowry: For having three kids with three different dads, Kailyn’s story is surprisingly light. She also doesn’t get much camera time this week. Jo takes Isaac to Jiu-Jitsu, likely as part of their recent agreements and her request that he do more with the activities. The next day, Kail suddenly has purple in her hair. She discusses custody with Bone. Jo now has 50/50 custody of Isaac.
Later, Javi comes over to her house to ‘fill her in’ on the Miami drama with Briana. He certainly cracked the code for how to get more camera time. I like to imagine Matt and Simon smacking their foreheads when they see these scenes thinking this is how I could have gotten way more screen time, mess around with two of them! Anyway, Kail gives Javi some tough love and he tells her she’s right, then they bang (maybe?). OK so we don’t see the last part but if you’ve followed the timeline in the tabloids he was ‘seeing’ Briana, Kail, and Lauren all at the same time so it would make sense.
Briana DeJesus: Briana is sitting in a room with her family but this time its in Miami. She is upset with her mom for confronting Javi and for her mom bringing Devoin. Bri snaps at Roxanne who snaps back. I think Roxanne has a point that Devoin is helping, after all, they are taking care of Briana’s kids while she recovers from elective surgery. But when recovering from a medical procedure you don’t just want anyone around so I also see Briana’s point for why she wouldn’t want him in Miami. Frankly, I’d be upset they all came when you can’t even lift your arms up. Roxanne may have ‘called Javi out’ but it certainly seems that they came down to stir up some drama and get a little more camera time themselves and that’s about it. Later they leave. Javi never shows back up.
So as originally planned Dre comes to take over once the nurse leaves. He confirms that he is on board to wipe butts. Bri classily says she hasn’t pooped yet so its coming! Eventually, they go out to eat to get out of the rental for a bit. They talk about how over Javi Briana is and she rants about Devoin as well.
After some recovery time, Dre is taking Briana and Shirley home. Back home Brittany employs Devoin to get Nova to do her homework. Britt tells Bri she is tapping out upon her walking in the apartment. She also says her butt doesn’t look different. Briana talks to Devoin and it’s actually a decent conversation and while they get to a new understanding she cries and wipes her nose with a pair of Nova’s underwear.
Jenelle Eason: We start where we left off with Jace talking to Barb on the phone (unsupervised with the gun) while Jenelle is out of the car talking to the cop. They meet up with Barb. Poor Janelle is really shaken up. Let me wipe my tears and put away my tiny violin for the plight she’s had to deal with. Afterall, its not like most of this was her fault or like she had a small child who should maybe get some comfort or attention? Barb deems the damage on Jenelle’s vehicle not that bad (you can tell by Jenelle’s face this was not the correct response). Barb asks Jenelle if she pulled a gun on the guy and Jenelle denies it! She flat out denies it. Then she scolds Jace for ‘lying’ to Barbara. Obviously, we know this is a lie since we’ve seen the footage and heard the reports. The ease with which she tells it is the disgusting part, especially knowing cameras follow her around!
Barb talks to Nathan on the phone. She tells him that Jenelle pulled a gun on the guy. It’s quite telling that she believes Jace without question over Jenelle. I’m so glad that Barb and Nathan are taking this so seriously and that they see the need to get Kaiser out of the house. Unfortunately, we know Kaiser is still there so hopefully, this footage can be used against her to get all the kids out.
Barb does let Jace go back to Jenelle’s because she doesn’t want to violate the court order. David was around though so they couldn’t film. Barb talks to a producer until Jenelle comes and they shut down filming because David is with her.
Later Jenelle shoots a special. Clearly, this was the reunion. She tells Kristen that she will film next season with Sasquatch David or she won’t film at all. And she’s got deals just waiting from Netflix and Amazon and other networks y’all. Well, I’ll tell you something Jenelle, I’m over your entitled attitude and I’m not watching another season with you on. Come on MTV, you created these monsters, step up and stop enabling them.
Author: Jeannie S.
TELL US – ARE YOU SURPRISED THAT JENELLE DENIED THE GUN INCIDENT TO BARBARA? SHOULD MTV REPLACE HER NEXT SEASON?
Photo credit: MTV
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The Southern Charm cast has made it known that they are not big fans of Ashley Jacobs since she joined the show to film alongside boyfriend Thomas Ravenel. Ashley has slammed the mother of Thomas’ children, Kathryn Dennis, and even hit on other men in the cast. Another person who is no fan of Ashley’s is Whitney Sudler-Smith‘s mother, Patricia Altschul, who feels the newcomer is nothing but a gold digging famewhore.
In a new interview, the Southern Charm matriarch shared, “My new favorite word is ‘famewhore,’ I love to use it whenever possible, so… famewhore! Famewhore! Famewhore!”
Patricia is like the rest of us, wondering why a woman would pick up and move across the country for such a new relationship. “I think it’s hard to fall in love after five dates. Call me a skeptic, and the fact that she was so adamant about getting a ring, getting clothes, getting jewelry, getting Vuitton luggage, I mean, it seemed a little too obvious to just be love.”
She didn’t hold back when she told ET, “I called her a gold digger. I stand by that, and she told [my son] Whitney [Sudler-Smith], which I thought was kind of insulting, ‘If it weren’t for Thomas, you’d be my second choice.’”
Patricia say she tried to give Ashley a proper welcome at first, but then she showed her true colors. “I was one of the few people that was nice to Ashley over the season. I never really knew how awful the Hilton Head episode was, until I saw it for myself.”
She was floored by Ashley’s behavior and appalled that she didn’t follow any of Patricia’s advice. “She did the opposite of everything that I told her to do. I would say it hasn’t worked for her… She’s kind of the example of what not to do. If you could write a list of what not to do, she would personify that.”
Patricia also shared that everyone in the cast seems to have a strained relationship with Thomas these days. She says she doesn’t “know anybody on that cast that keeps up with her or him.”
On Ashley attending the reunion she says, “I guess she went to, to defend Thomas.” Adding, “I understand that Ashley blames me for everything. Whatever it is, it’s my fault … if there’s anything that I want to take away from the reunion is, I didn’t do it!”
TELL US – WILL ASHLEY JACOBS AND THOMAS RAVENEL LAST? IS PATRICIA ALTSCHUL RIGHT, IS ASHLEY A GOLD DIGGER AND A FAMEWHORE?
Photo Credit: Rodolfo Martinez/Bravo/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images)
The post Southern Charm’s Patricia Altschul Stands Firm Calling Ashley Jacobs A Gold Digger appeared first on Reality Tea.
Never doubt the power of fandom. Timeless fans succeeded in saving their show from cancellation once and now got a movie series finale to end the two-season series. NBC and Sony Pictures...We are now over a month into Big Brother 20, and this season is shaping up to be a good one…maybe even a great one. Since day one, we have had a clearly divided house going after one another. Although the alliance names may have fallen by the wayside, F.O.U.T.T.E., or an alliance changed their name from Level 6 to Level 5 due to circumstance, there are 2 definitive sides in the Big Brother house. The super fans know that a successful alliance is the key to winning this game. Let’s take a closer look at where we stand in week 5.
The old F.O.U.T.T.E. alliance (worst alliance name ever in the history of Big Brother alliances, just saying), which I will gladly call the other side of the house, is firmly in control this week with Queen Bay (Bayleigh Dayton) at the helm as Head of Household. This should bode well for her strong allies including Faysal Shafaat, Angie “Rockstar” Lantry, Haleigh Broucher, and Scottie Salton (although Bayleigh questioned why Scottie was in the storage room for the group celebration when she won the HOH competition). As HOH, power has gone to the queen’s head a bit, but at least she is clearly targeting the heart of the Level 5 alliance by nominating Brett Robinson and Rachel Swindler for eviction.
There has been quite a large misstep by Queen Bay this week. For reasons that I cannot understand as a Big Brother super fan, Bayleigh revealed to Rachel her Power App reward including all of the app’s details. For those who don’t recall, Bayleigh won the reward in week 3 right after her showmance partner Chris “Swaggy C” Williams was evicted from the house. Her reward is called Identity Theft, and it allows Bayleigh to take over Head of Household duties by secretly naming the initial nominees. This power doesn’t expire until final eight.
Of course, as soon as Bay shared with Rachel this coveted information, it began to disseminate throughout the Big Brother house. Bayleigh told Rachel who told her ‘ride or die’ Angela Rummans. Angela then told Tyler Crispen and Kaycee Clark. Tyler took it upon himself to tell Brett, the target sitting on the block for eviction this week. Funny how these things run right through the Big Brother house so quickly.
Image courtesy of @89razorskate20
This leaked knowledge has completely changed the course of the Big Brother game this week. Tyler, in particular, has changed his game plan now that he has this vital information. Let’s leave the specifics of his original plan alone in order to not spoil the upcoming Big Brother 20 episode. Bottom line is that Queen Bay let her HOH power get the best of her, and now that has changed the game and could possibility affect her alliance in the near future.
As long as the Power of Veto is not used to take Brett or Rachel off the block, one of the two should be going home this week. That will be a big blow to the Level 5 side of the house, which by default should become the Level 4 alliance. With only 4 members remaining, they may want to consider bringing in Sam Bledsoe and/or JC Moundiux as permanent members of their alliance. If they don’t include Sam and JC, the ‘other side’ of the house will have a numbers advantage over them. These simple moves can make or break an alliance in the Big Brother house.
Keep it here all summer for news, spoilers, recaps, and exclusives about Big Brother 20. We’ll continue to update you on the latest news related to Big Brother. Make sure to subscribe to CBS: All Access to get your live feeds and enjoy more exclusive content. Don’t forget to follow us on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter to stay updated on all the Big Brother news!
Even though Danielle Staub recently admitted to some marriage difficulties, the show must go on, right? Or at least the birthday party must go on. The Real Housewives of New Jersey cast member had a masquerade-themed party at her house this past weekend. Of course, she took a lot of photos from her big night, but one person was notably missing: her husband Marty Caffrey.
Maybe Marty just took those photos instead of appearing in front of the camera? Then again, with so many people on hand to celebrate Danielle’s birthday, why wouldn’t he just jump into one picture? Especially when there are so many rumors circulating about the state of their marriage these days.
Nevertheless, plenty of others did show up for her big night. Danielle’s daughters Jillian Staub and Christine Staub were happy to celebrate with their mom.
Danielle’s enemy-turned-best-friend Teresa Giudice was there with her adorable father Giacinto Gorga. Rumored new Housewife Jennifer Aydin was also in attendance. It’s not at all surprising that Dolores Catania wasn’t there, but what about Margaret Josephs and Melissa Gorga? Did they just have other plans that night? Or is there more to their absence? Was this filmed for the show? There are so many unanswered questions.
In the meantime, check out the photos from Danielle’s masquerade-themed birthday party by clicking through the photo gallery below.
TELL US- WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE PHOTOS FROM DANIELLE’S PARTY? ARE YOU SURPRISED THAT MARTY WAS NOT AT DANIELLE’S PARTY? DO YOU WANT DANIELLE TO BE A FULL-TIME CAST MEMBER FROM REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY NEXT SEASON?
[Featured Photo Credit: Instagram]
The post Danielle Staub’s Masquerade Birthday Party- Photos appeared first on Reality Tea.
The soap operas are facing some drama off-screen. According to a new report from Deadline, all four of this year's Daytime Emmy nominees for Outstanding Drama Series--The Bold and...There is so much going with the Real Housewives of Potomac ladies this season. Loyalties are constantly shifting and shade is constantly being thrown. Monique Samuels joined the show as a close friend of Charrisse Jackson-Jordan’s, but they are far from that these days.
It’s safe to expect a reunion showdown between these two- especially after that messy Kyndall Douglas situation. Just as reminder, this is what happened: Gizelle Bryant used to date Sherman Douglas. Sherman was married to Kyndall. Charrisse and Monique have filmed several scenes with Kyndall this season and invited her to events that Gizelle attended. Beyond messy.
Andy Cohen asked Charrisse about the Kyndall mess, during last night’s episode of Watch What Happens Live. Robyn Dixon was also a guest for the episode, but most of the juicy questions were directed at Charrisse.
The first word that came out of Charrisse’s mouth was “liar” when Andy asked about Monique’s role in the Kyndall drama. Then she told him, “One thing about Monique which she does, instead of dealing with the truth, she lies her way out of things. First of all, Gizelle and I buried that hatchet a long time ago. On the show you even saw me confront her where I said to her ‘No. I didn’t have anything to do with it.’ Initially? Yes. I was going to get under Gizelle’s skin- which had nothing to do with what Monique was doing. No one knew what I was doing actually.” Clearly no one is completely innocent in this scenario.
Later in the episode, Andy revealed, “You pointed out at the reunion that you put up Kyndall to be a Housewife of Potomac for the first two seasons.” Charrisse confirmed by saying, “Yes, I did.”
Andy started to say “This was before…” Charrisse chimed in with “All of this. Before Monique was even on the show.”
Andy asked Charrisse, “But that has nothing to do with this season?” Charrisse responded, “I’ll be honest. You know Gizelle can get under your skin and there was that little thing that we had, but we did get past it. I kind of was a little interesting in getting her back just a slight bit.”
And then the conversation turned to Karen Huger and her murky financial situation- just like it has all season long. Ashley Darby claimed that Karen’s good friend Matt was telling people in Potomac that Karen did not really live in her mansion and that she was actually living in a townhouse.
Andy asked Charrisse and Robyn if they believed Ashley or Matt. Robyn shared, “I believe Matt was saying those things. I don’t think Ashley would have just made that up.” Charrisse said, “Ummmm. I plead the fifth.”
Later in the episode, a fan asked Charrisse, “Did you at all suspect that they were having financial issues prior to the news dropping?” Charrisse said, “Actually I had no idea about their financial issues, nor do I care.” I don’t know about that last part. Everyone in this cast cares about Karen and her questionable finances.
A fan asked Robyn and Charrisse “Who do you think caused the most drama on the Cannes trip?” Without hesitation, Robyn said, “Ashley was quite messy and confrontational.” Charrisse added, “I would agree with that.”
Just for good measure, Charrisse was asked about Monique yet again. She confirmed the obvious: “Today, we are not in a good space. Unfortunately you know… I really did adore Monique and it really went bananas. No, we’re not friends.” That reunion is bound to be heated.
TELL US- WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON: MONIQUE’S OR CHARRISSE’S? DO YOU THINK KAREN REALLY LIVES IN HER MANSION?
The post Charrisse Jackson-Jordan Is Not Friends With Monique Samuels & Says She’s A Liar appeared first on Reality Tea.
Frasier Crane could be coming back to TV very soon. A new report from Deadline broke the news that Kelsey Grammer was exploring a revival of the iconic series that ran for 11 seasons on NBC. When...Last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County redefined naked wasted. It was the Golden Girls meets The Hangover and Tamra Judge baptized herself in tequila and got a broken foot for her sins.
I apologize in advance if this recap makes no sense – I guzzled two glasses of wine to cope with the second-hand embarrassment of all the shenanigans and now I feel like Tamra in a hot tub at 2 am: completely lacking in judgement and doing slip and sad reminiscent of an 80’s rock video back when MTV and Tamra were young and their misbehavior funny.
It’s always nice when the RHOC take us out of the church to remind us that no Housewife, no matter how much she protests, can ever truly turn her back on her satanic impulses. Where there be tequila, there be whoop it up and a turn to temptation that delivers Tamra straight back to evil. There’s a certain relief in such consistency, but I applaud Tamra for trying to pretend she wants to do the right thing (no I don’t. I’m over her fake Christian routine, although I am glad she has Eddie whom she seems to sincerely love and cherish.)
Speaking of two-faced, Vicki Gunvalson just can’t help herself. Just as she’s betraying Kelly Dodd in the most obviously obvious way possible by going on a double-date with Kelly’s ex, then pretending she’s never heard of this thing called “Girl Code,” the true Bible of Bravo, Vicki cries in a sombrero with empathy over Shannon Beador‘s divorce. Kelly is the new Shannon and Vicki’s bonehead move – in an attempt to appease Steve’s friendship with Micheal (cause Vicki will always stand by her man at the expense of her more loyal girlfriend) – means we’re going to be reliving this Kelly/Vicki fight for the next 3 seasons until I’d almost welcome the return of Brooks just for some different demons.
Anyway, it’s a cold day in hell because I agree with Tamra that Vicki knew she was being sneaky when she set Michael up and the reason she’s so defensive about Kelly’s reaction is because she’s well aware that she was wrong. Kelly is an emotional mess as she tells Tamra about Vicki’s betrayal, clearly expectant Tamra to turn on Vicki, but Tamra still goes to Puerto Vallarta. Because she’s contractually obligated, but also because a whoop it up is a whoop it up and who is Tamra to have principles and morals? Even if the so-called “new Vicki’ is still wearing the same old two-faced sombrero!
In the category of definitely NOT Kelly’s friend is her 12-year-old daughter, Jolie. Kelly reads aloud Vicki’s shitty apology text and Jolie simply reminds her mom that friends don’t go behind your back but furthermore God doesn’t want people to be fake. What I take that to mean is that God doesn’t want people to be Real Housewives. Further proof being that a tween has more relationship savvy than a 45-year-old and a 55-year-old combined. This is your brain on Bravo, kids!
No wonder Jolie wants to go to boarding school – if only to escape that crumbling 80’s apartment!
In the car on the way to the airport at least Tamra had the decency to call Vicki out and she acknowledged that double-dating with Michael without telling Kelly – even if Michael asked her not to – was the wrong move. Tamra is sympathetic to the fact that Steve and Michael are still friends, and again, Tamra, an expert in both betrayal and bad ex-wifedom, is correct that Vicki should encourage Steve to have his own relationship with Michael while she stays out of it. After all, that’s what she’s doing with Eddie and David who are strapping on their spandex bike shorts and rolling around in the mud together in the name of fitness. And still, Shannon is mad. Except Vicki’s life code is FOMO, so she’d never be able to gracefully extract herself from anything.
Let’s take a moment to discuss that bizarre spy commercial starring Vicki and Tamra as so-called best friends playing pop the boob implants balloons with a laser gun to figure out some movie clue. The answer was obviously Alexis “Jesus Jugs” Bellino, so don’t listen to whatever Mila Kunis had to say.
In Mexico, Shannon ships her kids back to the states so she can get her granny panties out of their bunch and properly whoop it up. After filling their suitcase with the nannycam she used to trap David, healing crystals, a soda defibrillator, and 99 lemons, Shannon prepares to the next phase in her Get Single-cation by ordering three double shots and to greet the arrival of Tamra and Vicki. This momentous occasion marks the return of the Three Amigas, a troupe of geriatric fun bus conductresses on a mission to wreck themselves before they check themselves (into the hospital). Literally.
Within seconds Shannon and Vicki have crashed to the ground in a flood of tequila, lime, and broken good intentions. It was a shotski, sombrero, Shannon sandwich and I’m guessing it wasn’t Vicki’s fault at all. Nothing ever is. Also, Shannon made Vicki pee her pants!
This entire trip was a calamity of people falling and flopping and being in denial about both their age and their physical abilities. Just because you teach aerobics or tumble off a bench during a suburban fitness ropes course, or bend and tuck to pick up dog poop while wearing stilettos, doesn’t mean you’re equipped for the tequila drinking and hot tub diving of a spring breaker.
I suppose nothing re-bonds a mistrustful friend like nearly killing yourself over tequila, because thus began a literal marathon of shots followed by the many faces of a possessed Beetlejuice. 15 in all! Predictably they wind up at Vicki’s Mecca – Andales, a debauched cesspool of the failed dreams of Vicki’s early 20’s. Did that place get worse in the years since Bravo last visited? It’s like the chicken or the egg – did Andales get trashier because of Bravo; or was it always trashy AF? Because now there is a woman blowing gym coach whistles in your face while you take shots, then grabbing your boobs. How do you say “sexual harassment” in Spanish?
Bravo segues away from all this debauchery for us to join Gina Kefluflflekuffenheimerishernameo and Emily Simpson at strollercize, some sort of suburban fitness nightmare that involves small children crashing into their mothers while they try to exercise, then being fed donuts and candy. Gina and Emily, much like their names, could not be more opposite. For some odd reason, Emily’s children were dressed in business casual wear, while Gina’s were wearing whatever smelled cleanish. Gina’s behave though, while she seamlessly squats and sit-ups, and sprints, while Gina complains that her children are so bad she needs therapy and medication to cope. Yet she still wants another one? Meanwhile, Gina is super mommy, with totally bionic laser vision, I imagine.
Back in Mexico Tamra is ready wants to go “full throttle.” Which are famous last words, especially considering that last time she went full throttle she crashed a dune buggy and nearly killed off her friend group. This time Tamra nearly killed off her fitness career by diving into a thot tub at 2 am. David is gonna have to start teaching classes at CUT since both Tamra and Eddie are down for the count with injuries and ailments.
But first, there is drunken dancing on the bar where Tamra flashes her pasties at all the poor patrons using tequila as eye bleach. What would Sidney Jesus think? Vicki promised Steve she’d be good though because as he helpfully reminded her – she is a grandmother after all. Wise words, my friend, and he didn’t need a Hallmark card to convey them!
After dancing on the bar Tamra gives Shannon a lap dance and complains that no potential Mexican STDs hotties will be able to penetrate the 3 layers of Spanx preventing Shannon from bringing her sexy back. Shannon protests that she is “Classic and old school.” Sexy is for the 30-year-olds dating David, apparently.
After drinking their weight in tequila the ladies stumble to a taco stand where Vicki orders el pastor and Shannon gives Vicki a come to Jesus talk about how she’ll never get over Brooks and Steve isn’t really the one. It takes an el pastor to know one, I suppose!
Back at the hotel, Tamra is literally and totally naked wasted. And since inappropriate bathtub moments are kinda her thing, she strips off all her clothes and belly flops into the tub, then slips running across the hotel room to try and convince Shannon to join her. Instead of putting on the matching PJs Vicki gave her and went to bed, Tamra again launched herself into the hot tub, this time with Shannon wearing a too-small bra with her cup literally spilling over, and Tamra manages to breaks her foot. Didn’t Tammy Sue ever learn “No jumping or diving into the shallow end”? Vicki, meanwhile, sat chastely in her bathrobe sulking over the day she ever let Steve be her voice of reason.
How did Vicki, the OG of the Whoop it up, became such a buzzkill? Tamra is right – Steve isn’t the one. Vicki doesn’t really want to behave and grow-up. And she certainly doesn’t want to chance. Nope! Nope! Nope!
The next morning we learn that Tamra had to get a cab to the hospital at 4 am and she did indeed break her foot. Because they’re good friends Vicki and Shannon carry her to the beach, first in a wheelchair, then on their backs, nearly dropping her down the stairs. Who would trust Vicki Clumsolton with their life?! Especially After the 15+ shots and cocktails they imbibed the night before still haven’t digested?!
“We’re middle-aged women – we cannot act this way anymore!” proclaims this new Steve-ized Vicki, ordering more cocktails. Shannon disagrees. She’s ready to take off the control-top panties and get her sexy-ish back. Last time she was single was 20 years ago and David has certainly been making up for lost time!
Proof that Vicki’s new mature outlook is faker than Tamra’s boobs, she expresses zero sympathy or empathy for going behind Kelly’s back to double-date with Michael. In fact, Vicki’s actually tired of everything being about Kelly Dodd! The second Shannon and Tamra welcomed Vicki back into the fold, she was done with Kelly. Maybe Vicki is a little more self-aware, the way Emergen-C slightly brightens your senses because she at least considers Shannon’s advice to explain to Kelly that she didn’t mean to hurt her feelings and that she made the wrong decision while learning to navigate Kelly’s divorce.
That night Tamra passes out at dinner after combining painkillers with more booze (and no sleep) so Shannon and Vicki whoop it up with MORE tequila for a tasting in their hotel room. If Shannon’s belt tells us anything it’s that she plans to be heavyweight tequila champion of the universe. Even if tequila brings back terrible memories of the last time Shannon went to Puerto Vallarta, which happened to be with Brooks and David, shortly before she learned David was having THE AFFAIR. Apparently David and the mistress bonded over tequila while Shannon was chugging all the vodka on the western seaboard. She won’t make that mistake again!
Does that not sound like the worst trip ever? And does it also not sound like Shannon is determined to conquer tequila as a F-U to David to prove she’s over him and doesn’t care? Whatever – at least she’s being fun again, Spanx or no Spanx!
After tasting anejo, a tequila-drunk Shannon cries over David moving on just months after they split. Although she knows ending her marriage was the right thing she’s still heartbroken. Thankfully she has Vicki and Tamra (and Vicki’s fish tongue) to rely on for support. Oh Shannon – so naive and always putting her trust in the wrong basket. Just ask Kelly!
Jim Bellino Sues Tamra & Shannon For Emotional Distress Over Comments They Made About His Divorce!
TELL US – DID VICKI BETRAY KELLY?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]
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