We may not agree with their critiques, but we can all agree that there's something unique about Mel B and Simon Cowell's dynamic. For the past two seasons, the duo has made up one...
The Challenge fans, prepare for a bombshell. Longtime viewers of the iconic MTV series, which is currently in its 30th season, were thrilled to see former champ Veronica Portillo, who...
"It was definitely really, really rough for me. There are no words." Over two months after the incident that shutdown production on the fourth season of Bachelor in Paradise,...
This week Tamra Judge tackled a Spartan Race and Peggy Sulahian‘s resting bitch face, but she can’t tackle her woes with Vicki Gunvalson! Will anyone be able to put TamIcki back together again?!
“Eddie is always the voice of reason and that’s one reason why I love him so much,” Tamra shares. “Even though sometimes I just want to vent, he’s 100% right I should not care what Peggy was saying or let Vicki affect me. I’m trying, I promise!”
After the encouragement (re: advice that falls on deaf ears) Eddie provides her, Tamra decided not to be ‘A Shannon‘ by doing a Spartan Race to support Eddie. It was a death-defying life threatening experience for the Real Housewives Of Orange County star, so naturally Tamra roped her favorite pot-stirrer Lydia McLaughlin into doing it too! Unfortunately she couldn’t convince Shannon to be there for David.
“I had not trained for the Spartan race and I was worried I was going to die,” reveals Tamra, who is SO not dramatic! “Lydia and Doug they had NO idea what they were getting into. I really wanted Shannon to go so she could see how fun it was and maybe she would have a different perspective on the race. But she couldn’t go because the girls had sports that weekend. Maybe next time.” Maybe next marriage she means...
RELATED – Catch Up On RHOC Recaps Here!
With a ginormous rope wall behind her, Tamra moved onto conquering Peggy. “Meeting with Peggy felt a little awkward at first but we ended on good terms. I think the frustrating part for me is everyone wants to talk to me about making up with Vicki. So when Peggy started in on me I just lost it. Sorry Peggs!”
According to Tamra when it comes to Vicki and her Vicktim crap it’s “‘blah blah blah…’ OVER IT!”
“I’m confused, Vicki says she’s not happy that Kelly will be meeting with Shannon but Kelly tells everyone that Vicki isn’t worried about Shannon she’s worried about me?” wonders Tamra. After all, as St. Patty’s day drinks demonstrated, look how well everyone gets along WITHOUT Vicki, which proves Tamra is no manipulator! She’s not?
RELATED – Tamra Has A Melanoma Cancer Scare!
“This statement about me being in Shannon’s ear is just another delusional statement from Vicki,” continues Tamra in her Bravo blog. “I can tell you one thing, Shannon is the strongest girl I know and no one is going to convince her not to do something she wants to do. News alert Vicki, Shannon doesn’t speak to you because you included her in a cancer scam and spread vicious rumors about her husband. It has nothing to do with me.”
Instead Tamra points out that flashbacks illustrated just who the manipulator is: Vicki! “I’m so glad they showed a flashback where Vicki got in Kelly’s ear in Ireland. Shannon had no plans to single Kelly out and get her drunk. Shannon ordered drinks for all of us, including me who wasn’t drinking at the time. So there’s your proof, Vicki gets in your ear Kelly!” Ummmm… not quite, but OK!
TELL US – IS TAMRA A MANIPULATOR?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]
The post Tamra Judge Denies Manipulating Shannon Beador; Worried Spartan Race Might Kill Her appeared first on Reality Tea.
It’s Halloween time on The Real Housewives of Dallas and things get more scary than usual. A woman walks around in the nude painted as a tiger, a one horned devil roams Dallas, and an old friendship is resurrected from the dead.
Stephanie Hollman plots revenge on her husband Travis Hollman since he spent $5 mill on a house she didn’t approve of. She recruits a party planner, creates a signature drink, and green lights a “chandelier graveyard” running between $15-20k. Casual. With a theme of bad romance, Stephanie teases a glamorous, scary, and dark affair at her big ol’ mansion. While Stephanie writes out a blank check for her party, Cary Deuber is home with her young daughter Zuri, cooking and baking. Mark Deuber is impossible – looking for his glass of wine that isn’t waiting for him. Surely a home cooked meal will make up for it? No. He makes it a point to acknowledge it’s a not a big dinner, but luckily he ate a late lunch. [Insert eye roll gif of Court Westcott listening to his wife Kameron Westcott.]
Speaking of those two, Kameron, Court, and little Hilton are on their way to the most authentic Mexican ‘restaurante’ in Dallas. We wish were as excited as Kameron to hear Hilton converse in this Espanol only restaurant. Hilton does all the work by ordering in Spanish. Court, who’s over this dinner before it begins, backs out of attending the Hollman Halloween Party. These two don’t appear to have much in common. Kameron relieves her daughter of her Spanish speaking duties to play with some stickers. Cut to: Court rolling his eyes deep into this head. He can’t even stomach the mention of pink dog food. Insert: another eye roll. “This is a business”, Kameron stresses. He instructs her to find other investors – he has no time for this.
At lunch, Brandi Redmond and LeeAnne Locken bond over their boots. They both got an invite to the Halloween party; neither has bothered to RSVP yet. LeeAnne remains confused by Stephanie, calling her two faced. Brandi says she’ll have a sit down with Stephanie tomorrow but appears optimistic. She’s still very hurt that Stephanie talked about her family and put her new celebrity society life first. She cannot understand how Stephanie has no clue what she did.
Across town, we’re still learning more about D’Andra Simmons. Today’s lesson: D’Andra and Jeremy met in D.C. on a business trip. If you ask Mama Dee Simmons, Jeremy didn’t give the best first impression by being clingy and overly affectionate at the dinner table. Dee must have had flames in her eyes at the mere sight of PDA. Simply unacceptable behavior.
Lesson 2 in D’Andra 101: She’s taken on the role of step mom to 18 and 21 year old boys. Jeremy’s oldest son, Keatin, is restarting his life in Dallas. D’Andra fears being viewed as “the other woman” to her step sons. Both she and Jeremy want to keep Keatin busy as he figures out the next step in life. D’Andra tries to excite him by recruiting him to sell her clothes on eBay. Keatin seems respectful of D’Andra and agrees to help. He probably can’t wait to get started! Not.
Stephanie is on her way to Brandi’s house for the big sit down. This seems to be a legitimate falling out between longtime friends, so the stakes seem higher than past housewives “one on ones.” It’s all very real; the two are emotional, raw, and exposed.
Brandi admits to not being a good communicator and says it started with petty things like the incident on Father’s Day when she overheard Steph tell her husband to hang out with “your friends.” Brandi says she’s seen a lot of changes and thinks Stephanie didn’t want to be associated with her. [We’re treated to an amazing classic flashback of LeeAnne warning Stephanie that her charity world is going down the toilet because of the red headed mimicker!!] Brandi says she felt dismissed by Stephanie and was upset by the negative comments to the public about her marriage in her Bravo Blog. Of course they didn’t’ say “Bravo Blog” but we’ve seen the screen shot about three times now. At this point, it’s all but obvious that THE SHOW was what caused the split. These women seem to be talking in circles to avoid referencing the show, newfound fame, and the media attention that changed their dynamic.
Stephanie owns up to what she wrote in her blog, saying it is how she honestly felt. She makes a good point, telling Brandi that she should have said something when the post was made. Brandi breaks down at the mention of Cary, and the “ride or die” Instagram posts just about breaks her. Stephanie keeps it together and apologizes but doesn’t miss the opportunity to say she felt thrown away like a piece of trash. She asks Brandi to take ownership for icing her out and blocking her on social media. Brandi admits she only did that to see if Stephanie valued the friendship. Counterpoint: Steph says she called her 9 times and sent a million text messages, she valued it.
The next order of business was the issue of Brandi’s kids being asked to leave their private school (more fallout from season one antics). Apparently a local news station said Stephanie confirmed that Brandi’s kids were thrown out in an exclusive report. Stephanie claims the reporter already knew that and was using her for information. After Brandi owns up to trying to hurt Stephanie the two apologize and totally break down. Immediately, a bodily function joke is made about snot and there you have it folks, the friendship is officially on the mend. Side Note: This may be the first scene these ladies shared together where they didn’t discuss poop, and that’s a win for us, too.
Just when you think everything has been put on the table, Brandi reveals she suffered a miscarriage and her husband is not talking about it. This explains a lot. No wonder Brandi appeared to have lost some of her light. The way Stephanie looks at Brandi with sadness in her eyes is one of the realest moments on Bravo amongst both real housewives and REAL friends.
Onto more important things: D’Andra needs to make room in her closet. Poor Keatin examines her gowns and dresses. One Oscar de la Renta gown (purchased before he died of course) resembles a traffic cone. Who can blame the 21 year old for not knowing the value of each piece? He just about falls over when he hears she spent $18,000.00 on the orange dress, and she CANNOT wear it again. Embarrassed, D’Andra tells her stepson, “Please don’t tell my mother!” The fear of Mama Dee is real people. Keatin questions how she gets away with all these purchases, knowing his father is Mr. Frugal. D’Andra jokes, “sexy time.” Awkward.
LeeAnne goes back to Elizabeth, her Therapist, to break the news about the upcoming Halloween party at the Hollman’s. LeeAnne may already be testing out a costume, as her shirt seems to channel the late Colonel Sanders. She’s concerned that Steph and Brandi made up so quickly and still doesn’t trust Stephanie. The “not nice of LeeAnne” has allowed Stephanie to inspire her costume – Two Face. The Therapist can just about keep her own emotions in check watching LeeAnne act out both sides of her costume. All she can say is, “That I don’t love.” She goes on to warn LeeAnne about the costume, combined with her attitude, anger, drinking, and history could be – LeeAnne fills in the blank – “a recipe for destruction.” This only excites LeeAnne more.
D’Andra and Jeremy gear up for the big Halloween Party. Jeremy is the only person on earth who doesn’t realize D’Andra is going as Monica Lewinsky. Jeremy is Bill Clinton and for whatever reason she hands him a grey wig (he’s already half grey). It looks like they’re going for accuracy because Jeremy asks where she’s going to put the stain. Fear of Mother (again) prevents D’Andra from going the extra step. She takes her husband into the closet to show that her gowns have still not been removed. She’s still waiting on Keatin to complete some research. Unbothered, Jeremy tells his wife she’s doing well as a step mom.
Off to The Plastic Surgery Channel (who knew this is existed?!), where Mark and Cary are shooting online videos and practice promos. The Promo Director wants to highlight a husband/wife surgeon/nurse combo. Mark glares at Cary, insulted that all she wants to do is yoga. Mark acts like a big baby once again but Cary gets the last word. As they wrap the promo, he complains of a stiff back and she recommends he do some yoga.
The party begins at the Hollman residence and it’s LIT. Literally, with red lights, candles of all shapes and sizes, strobes, and a FULL bar. The outside of Steph’s house looks amazing, but where is the $20k chandler graveyard? Cary and Mark enter as a Tigress and Tiger Trainer. Cary is showing off her yoga body in full body paint and covered nipples. Mark is obsessed. Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton D’Andra and Jeremy enter the big party. Jeremy wishes they decorated. (They’ve got so much stuff all over their house, where would they even fit a pumpkin?) Brandi and Bryan Redmond enter dressed as Mr. and Mrs. Skeleboner. Kameron arrives in an over the top pink fairy tale gown solo. Last but not least, LeeAnne arrives dressed in FULL “Two-Face Stephanie” attire.
LeeAnne is so proud to show off her costume to the ladies. Too bad no one is getting it. Brandi suggests entering Kameron into a pageant. They discuss what their talents would be. Kameron would either spin in a gown or go on a shopping spree. Brandi jokes that she’ll put her in a pageant where you don’t need a talent. Uh oh. We’re about to see how sensitive Kameron can be. She fully takes the bait and is instantly insulted. The claws come out as she says in her interview, Brandi has a good potty mouth and she’s “heard” about her gymnastics at a strip club. Welcome to the Real Housewives Kameron.
Mark and LeeAnne, a dynamic duo, have a moment where she’s more than happy to show off her costume for him, including the $75k rhinestone bracelet. Mark picks up who Two Face really is right away. “If anything about Mark, he certainly knows his fashion”, comments LeeAnne. Mark asks Cary if she’ll assist with working things out between LeeAnne and Stephanie. Then, he says he doesn’t want to get involved. He really is Cary’s husband.
Meanwhile, former Housewife Tiffany Hendra takes a shot of berry tequila dressed as a sexy cop. Word gets to Travis that LeeAnne is telling folks she’s Stephanie, a.k.a Two Face. (We wonder who told him?…Mark…) He contemplates throwing her out. Stephanie immediately tells him not to and to ignore it.
LeeAnne tells Stephanie that she’s confused by her actions. Stephanie isn’t taking the bait and giving her a big reaction. LeeAnne feels the issue is what Stephanie says behind her back and just wants her to say it to her face. Steph admits LeeAnne makes her nervous and is scared of a friendship turning against her. LeeAnne understands that her actions made her feel that way (I guess therapy is working a little) but let’s her know that what she says “spins through Dallas.” Brandi suggests a sit down between the two – LeeAnne is 100% down for it and Stephanie looks like she’s screaming “NOOOOO!” inside.
D’Andra and Kameron are on the sidelines of the party, commentating about the drama they aren’t in. D’Andra finds LeeAnne’s costume choice rude and inappropriate. In her interview, Stephanie admits to being okay with Brandi and LeeAnne’s friendship, but says its “obvious” LeeAnne is up to her old carnival tricks ways and is just waiting for Brandi to catch on. While Travis is still dying to kick out LeeAnne, she and Brandi step outside for a chat. Brandi agreed that while Stephanie is a good person, she felt Stephanie was two faced. LeeAnne expresses her concerns if she’ll lose her alliance with Brandi and if it will revert back to everyone versus LeeAnne.
Next week looks amazing! Dee mans the desk at Ultimate Living, and it looks like she’s pushing D’Andra out of the company. Travis continues to act like an ass. The return of Charity Queen Heidi Dillon (!) and Kameron makes things awkward again with Brandi.
TELL US – THOUGHTS ON THIS WEEK’S EPISODE? Is LeeAnne on the verge of being replaced by Stephanie and on her way to being an outsider again?
For even more Real Housewives and Reality TV Talk, listen to Grants Rants Hollywood Talk Podcast on Apple Podcasts and all major podcasting platforms.
Photo Credit: Bravo TV
The post Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: 2 Sides 2 Every Story appeared first on Reality Tea.
For the final season of The Mindy Project, Mindy Kaling is calling for a little help from her friends. And they're delivering--in a big way. The creator and star of the Hulu Original...Even though Jeff Lewis is entertaining on Flipping Out, he really needs a talk show or some other platform to dish on the other Bravo shows. Not only is he friendly with a lot of the Bravolebrities (i.e. has inside scoop), but is also not at all shy when it comes to sharing his opinions- and he has some strong opinions.
Everyone knows that Jeff has a vendetta against former Real Housewives of Orange County star Heather Dubrow, so pretty much every interview turns into spilling some Heather tea, throwing shade at her, or just straight up insulting her. As awful as that sounds, it never fails to entertain me.
Jeff talked all things Bravo during an interview for the Juicy Scoop with Heather McDonald podcast. He said what every RHOC viewer is thinking this year: “OC this season is bad.” Downright awful.
He continued, “I’ve told Andy [Cohen] this. I told Amy Phillips this. I told anyone who would listen to me. The fact is you’ve got two islands and you have Vicki [Gunvalson] on one island and Tamra [Judge] and Shannon [Beador] on another island. And it’s not working.” Thank you, Jeff. This season has been torturous to watch. If the cast members on this show won’t interact, why do we have to watch it? Well, obviously we don’t “have” to watch it, but we want to and deserve better story lines.
Then Jeff came out with some fighting words when he declared, “They have to let somebody go. I love Vicki. I’ve been friends with Vicki for a long time.” Damn. Calling out the only original cast member who is still on the show. Jeff continued, “I think shes’ a great part of the program, but she’s not working with the girls and just when you think there’s going to be a reconciliation, she hurls these horrible, vicious, nasty, untrue accusations. Is that really going to warm up these girls to where they’re going to reconcile and hang out with you?” He also said, “I think Vicki has done this to herself and maybe it’s time.”
While Jeff was making hypothetical casting decisions, he shared his thoughts on the newest cast member Peggy Sulahian. He said, “Honestly I think it’s not the right fit. I think it’s a misfire.” One hundred percent. He also added, “I will say I think she’s very pretty. They probably fit the profile. They’re very affluent.” But not at all entertaining. Next.
Then Jeff jumped from discussing RHOC to New York and it looks like Heather Dubrow has a rival when it comes to being Jeff’s least favorite Housewife: none other than Ramona Singer. Jeff declared, “She’s not a good person and I’ll tell you why. I’ve had disagreements with Housewives before, but I’ve been able to get over them. I’ve been able to talk them through and apologize. She was very upset with me and she went on Access Hollywood Live, lied about me, and said things that were absolutely untrue.”
The Flipping Out star explained, “She said that I body shamed her and I face shamed her. That is absolutely, totally, and completely false. That’s where it went too far. There’s one thing to [have] a little disagreement, but when you go on live television and spread these nasty rumors about me, that’s when you insult my character. That’s when I come back. I think she now realizes she messed with the wrong bitch. It’s never going to end by the way. It’s never going to stop because I will never forget what she did. I won’t be forgiving her any time soon.” Andy should invite them both to hash it out live. It would definitely make for some great television.
The post Jeff Lewis Thinks Vicki Gunvalson Should Leave Real Housewives, Ramona Singer “Is Not A Good Person”; Doesn’t Believe Heather Dubrow Left TV To Spend Time With Her Kids appeared first on Reality Tea.
Step aside, Starsky and Hutch. Outta the way, A-Team. There's a new fierce foursome on the scene, kicking butt and taking names on their hunt for America's next singing superstar, and they...
We all tend to roll our eyes when reality stars cry “bad editing,” but in the case of Chelsea Houska, the woman has a point! If you’ve been watching Teen Mom 2 this season, you know that Chelsea’s scenes with her family have been brief and very laid-back. Instead of showcasing Chelsea’s happily-ever-after, the show is trying to stir up some drama and storyline where there isn’t one, according to Chelsea.
The Teen Mom 2 star took to Twitter during last night’s episode to share her increasing frustration over the way her scenes and interactions with daughter Aubree, 7, are being edited this season.
Chelsea says she couldn’t hold in her thoughts about the situation, as any mom can understand. She Tweeted, “You know, I’ve tried my hardest to not say my feelings on this season but after watching tonight’s episode and the numerous times they’ve turned sweet great moments into shit. I can’t not say anything.”
She accuses, “They took this Aubree thing and fucking stretched it as far as they possibly could. They took out every time she was being a turd (aka a regular 7 year old) and me correcting her and turned it into: A. Her acting out because of the baby or B. Me ignoring her because of the baby. This, you guys, is horse shit.”
Chelsea continued, “Tonight’s episode they needed some story line so we agreed to talk about having baby fever so soon.”
But she wasn’t as angry about those pieces as she was about the way they are skewing things to make Aubree look like she’s having issues with the new baby and that Chelsea has her hands too full for more babies. “The scene I’m talking about they clipped and cut so damn much. And what was actually a great ass time, they cut down to show me snap at Aubs but did not show the 80000000 times she was not listening beforehand.” She continued, “They of course wanted to make it look like I wanted another baby but was so overwhelmed and having issues with Aubree.”
Chelsea makes it clear this is not the case and her daughter is being a typical seven year old – with cameras documenting, “Aubree is my #1 girl and she’s a 7 year old. When we film she likes to show off and test limits with the crew there. Like a regular 7 year old.”
Chelsea is so fed up with the way the show is trying to stretch things for a story (like last week’s duck “storyline”, too!), “I’m so sick of filming great things and cute things and them trying to dig so deep and create something out of nothing by adding dramatic music. They tell us to trust them with our story. Cole & I made it an absolute #1 priority to always make Aubree feel like she was still everything. And we filmed so much to even show that. All they show is frustration and me telling Aubree not to do shit. And I’m seriously heartbroken that she will see this someday and think that’s how it was.”
I can understand Chelsea‘s pain and frustration at the situation. Some were wondering why she doesn’t “just quit the show” but her dad Randy Houska (who has been far too absent in recent seasons!) commented that getting out of a contract is not that easy. So a lot of this is out of Chelsea’s hands.
On another Twitter note, during last night’s episode, Chelsea’s dad made a sarcastic comment during the scenes of Jenelle Evans and her mother Barbara arguing and cursing in front of the kids, “It is good to scream at each other in front of kids, it teaches them great things.”
Jenelle‘s replies (which seem to be deleted now, but we have the screenshot receipts) were fast and furious. “Hey fat f***, I am so sick of you commenting on my life. Go tend to your own family. You don’t know a fu***** thing I’ve been through.” and she continued, “I don’t give two shits anymore. Not any other parent comments about me negatively except Randy. Nothing positive, EVER.”
She then added a dig (which is so untrue, in my humble opinion) at Barbara, “If my mom wasn’t involved then there wouldn’t be issues, anger or tension. The love and compassion would be the vibes. #truth.”
TELL US – DO YOU THINK CHELSEA’S LIFE IS TOO HAPPY AND NORMAL FOR MTV AND REALITY TV? WOULD YOU WATCH A HAPPY AND POSITIVE REALITY SHOW WITH CHELSEA AND COLE AND THEIR FAMILY? IS JENELLE DELUSIONAL THINKING THERE’S ANYTHING POSITIVE TO SAY ABOUT HER SCENES? IS ALL BARB’S FAULT?
Photo Credit: Instagram
The post Chelsea DeBoer Slams MTV For Editing Of Aubree On Teen Mom 2; Jenelle Evans Slams Randy Houska appeared first on Reality Tea.
Jerry Seinfeld is one of the comedy greats, a sitcom legend and one of the most successful stand-up comedians of all time. But once upon a time, he was a struggling nobody hitting the open mic...
A leprechaun on Real Housewives of Orange County finds no luck at the end of his rainbow. Instead he finds Shannon Beador‘s awful green sequined shirt and equally awful marriage, or Vicki Gunvalson seeing green that friendship insurance doesn’t exist, and Tamra Judge‘s judgement!
Tamra is reeling from her ‘argument’ with Peggy Sulahian, because Tamra feels ‘attacked’ by Peggy. This attacking consisted of Peggy sticking her resting bitch face (or is that just Botox overdose?) into Tamra’s issues with Vicki and suggesting, that perhaps, just perhaps, Tamra should practice what she preaches and move on. In response Tamra decided Peggy could never be her friend. #Adulting
At CUT-A-BITCH Fitness (propel your rage into Booty By Bible!), Tamra is training for a Spartan Race while wearing a Charo ponytail that is just so naturally how her hair looks, Tamra complains about Peggy being a judgmental bitch who doesn’t understand her deep and meaningful non-relationship with Vicki. Peggy apparently does understand Tamra’s BS, though!
As Eddie watched Tamra’s legs churn the treadmill, over and and over, the metronomic whine matching the sound of her own whine, he suggested Tamra stop caring about what people whom she doesn’t like think. After all, Tamra doesn’t want to talk to Viki, so just … well… DON’T.
Hilariously, Eddie agrees with Peggy! Except Tamra doesn’t want Eddie’s annoying advice, though, she just wants to be appeased! Happy wife, happy life, right?! Conversely Tamra expects everyone else to take her advice about marriage though – namely Shannon. Since Tamra’s had two practice marriages, she’s now an expert on how this whole thing works, apparently.
Vicki complains endlessly to Briana that Tamra and Shannon are mean and, again, she’s done expecting them to be nice. She’s so distracted talking about herself, she forgets to pick-up lunch and totally ignores her grandsons swim lessons. Good thing there was a qualified expert there or Vicki might lose them on the lanai in a giant cheesecake. Briana contemplates drowning her ears to make the sound stop. Vicki’s problem is she thinks the most important part of friendship is having fun together. Friends who Andales together, stay together!
Everyone should just take Eddie or Briana’s advice – they could do little segments of ‘common sense counseling’ to the overgrown adolescents reality TV has foisted upon them. However if these women behaved normally there probably wouldn’t be much of a RHOC considering that the entire premise is musical shit-stirring circles! When the music stops, don’t find yourself with no one to bitch with or you’re off the show! (unless you’re Vicki, then they’ll endlessly hire new people to play your friend).
Lydia McLaughlin is also training for the Spartan Race. She only did it to make Doug think she’s cute, though. She actually tosses her hair like Marcia Brady and which tells me all I need to know about where Lydia developed her ideas about life. Lydia behaves as if the Spartan Race, an event geared towards middle-aged men from the burbs, is a trip through hell and she’ll be forced to leap over the devil’s fire. She warns her kids of the dangers, and her son Maverick cries worrying that his parents will be burned alive in the name of exercise.
Lydia wonders if Maverick’s fears are justified because he’s been ‘touched’ with the gift of prophecy. Maybe he’s right – she might FALL DOWN! Then Maverick could end up on his on TLC reality show about psychic kids, or at the very least on one of those superchurch channels asking people to send their life savings in exchange for Jesus curing their headaches, because their headaches are a sign that Jesus doesn’t like their auras.
Meanwhile Shannon goes to lunch with Peggy. The goal of this lunch is for Shannon to remind Peggy, yet again, of the perils of an acquaintanceship with Vicki, but then better Vicki occupied with Peggy than trying to harass Shannon into a friendship. Afterall Peggy is a grown woman though, and Diko can make her decisions for her!
Seriously Peggy is so… bizarre – like an alien impersonating a human. She seems to exist in a bubble, where all the sound is muffled by Diko’s butterfly fingers flapping away. In the confessional one-on-ones she makes sense, but interacting with the women she suddenly can’t understand words? Yet Peggy manages to read Shannon’s mind on the vodka soda with lots of citrus drink, which in Shannon’s mind means they’re soulmates, which is why she must save Peggy from Vicki! Shannon then learns that Peggy doesn’t necessarily have a reason to get a mastectomy, other than her mother dying of cancer, and Shannon’s little ‘CANCER SCAM’ antenna pops up and she’s on the phone to Meghan Edmonds to get her Veronica Mars DVDs out for a refresher course in how to investigate crimes in your upper-class California community.
Meghan is busy though. She’s busy telling us how Meghan Edmonds had a baby and now it’s time to be the real Meghan Edmonds again. Meghan with no baby, baby, baby that is! She’s getting back into the modeling career she never had and bragging about how mommy needs a job. Meghan doesn’t remember that her ‘job’ was part-time ‘hashtag cool stepmomming,’ while spending Jimmy Dad Jeans’ money, and playing Harriet The Spy over cancer?
RELATED – Throwback Photos Of Meghan’s Pre-Baby Modeling Shoot
Meghan hauls the baby, her other baby, the dog, and her nanny to a photoshoot for a designer no one has heard of then goes on and on about her need to be fulfilled with work outside the home, and begging for reassurance that her post-baby body is still hot. I think Meghan accidentally nursed her dog instead of Aspen because Girly-girl is a person too and needs nourishment. Meghan needs to stop acting like such a baby, baby, baby whose baby ruined the life she never had. She should’ve just gotten a dog. I can’t with Meghan – she’s so unwarrantedly self-righteous. No wonder she and Tamra get along.
Anyway Peggy, first of all Kumbya is not a song the women on this show sing. They’re more of Police, Every Breath You Take kind of girls. Or I’ve Got Friends In Low Places, with some alterations to the details of the lyrics. Second of all, telling them about your medical condition is a bad, bad idea because now they have ‘ammunition’ for which to use against you if you ever take that ‘friendship with Vicki‘ thing too far. Thirdly, pretending you’re not playing peacemaker while covertly trying to play peacemaker is doomed to fail. Just ask Kelly Dodd!
Last season Kelly tied to make everyone re-drink Vicki’s Whoop It Up juice and found herself the cheese that stood alone. Literally. Even Vicki literally threw Kelly under the bus. This season Kelly has a new gameplan to island hop, and informs Vicki that her Lifeboat is gonna be tipped over. At a jewelry store they get their auras read, even though Vicki is all “I ONLY BELIEVE IN JESUS” not nonsense (except if it’s delicious cancer-curing juice or casseroles), but then the aura machine says Vicki is happy so she changers her tune and decides to become a new-age guru now that Shannon is dealing with obesity and can’t be taken seriously as a lemon consultant.
Kelly’s auras say she needs luck. Obvs. That’s when she informs Vick that she’s spending St. Patty’s day with Shannon and Meghan, and Vicki stops glowing a sunny-lemon glow and starts shooting green lasers out of her eyes. Vicki didn’t know Kelly had been having heart-to-hearts with Shannon and Tamra, and she is a jellybean at being left out! Vicki warns Kelly not to trust Tamra at all because the ultimate plan is to have everyone be against Vicki, then when it’s convenient Tamra will make either Shannon or Kelly the sacrificial lamb by having them turn on each other again and defend her.
Remember it was VICKI who loved Shannon, stroked her hair, and refilled her vodka glass when no one else would. And it was Vicki who used those tender moments against Shannon when she could. I think Vicki is right that Tamra cannot be trusted and is trying to circuitously get rid of Vicki, but Vicki is a skeevy manipulator too! This is too complicated. I do not need HBO writing my Housewives.
Well anyway, Shannon is exercising and hating it. When David suggests she tweak her attitude alongside her gluten, she bites his head off. This lady is HAAAANGRY and she ain’t craving no mushy quinoa! Luckily Shannon and David are on their way to Mastros where he can get a steak and Shannon can get more of her eternal suffering served on a ginormous platter.
Over dinner with Tamra and Eddie, she complains that David is cheating on her with Spartan Races. Right after they renewed their vows, he discovered a love of para-military pseudo training and has been at the gym ever since, leaving Shannon at home to eat in the name of Vicki Gunvalson. David swears he’s just working out, or watching TV – ALONE – but Shannon wants him right there were she can see him at all times. Like David is a toddler and if he’s too quiet in the other room that means something really, really bad is happening. Well….
Instead of handling this like a person who really loves her husband as much as she loves her vodka, Shannon snipes at David in front of his friends. Tamra, newly minted marriage expert, tsks-tsks that a wife should never emasculate her husband especially in public! I presume that’s a lesson she learned from what she did wrong in her marriage to Simon?
Tamra’s is right, though – Shannon should take an ACTIVE interest in things David enjoys. Why wouldn’t Shannon do the race? Her friends are doing it with their husbands. Even if she can’t do all the obstacles, have fun with it, and bond with David. At least go and cheer the man on! But no, because what Shannon really hates – way more than exercise – is taking ownership of her own crap. Shannon is constantly bemoaning her weight, yet is always ordering a cocktail, and instead of working out with her husband she whines about exercise and yells at David for having fitness goals. The reality is David doesn’t want to be around Shannon. She’s the lemon wedge on the seafood platter – just sort of there, annoyingly getting in the way while you reach for the shrimp, and she knows it, but refuses to acknowledge it. Shannon needs to spartan race right out of her marriage.
Then the Spartan Race happens and honestly, Tamra and Lydia were being a wee-bit overly dramatic. I mean the ‘fire pit’ was basically like jumping over a shoebox, but afterwards they hugged and kissed their husbands like they had survived an episode of The Walking Dead. David just stood there, all alone, like he likes to be; his wolf-like eyes focusing icily on the distance.
Then it’s back to reality where the real warrior business is all about friendship! Kelly joins Me-Me-Me-Meghan and Shannon for St. Patty’s Day, because as Meghan is Irish and wants to announce from here to eternity that MAMA IS BACK and she needs a drink (and a hobby). The nanny is with Meghan so maybe they left Aspen with her big sister Girly-Girl?
Bigger concerns: Why would Shannon wear that green shirt again – so we can all see constant flashbacks of what it looked like 40lbs ago? Just no.
Over shots and green beer and the blinding glare of Shannon’s shirt, Kelly and Shannon have a heart-to-heart about Vicki and Tamra manipulating/not-manipulating them. Then both of them started crying.
After learning Peggy was recovering from a mastectomy which might affect her behavior, Tamra puts the Christian back in her and meets Peggy for a forgiveness-in-the-name-of-Jesus-and-lest-not-ye-be-judged breakfast. Tamra insults Peggy’s demeanor and refers to her as having “resting bitch face,” and Peggy calls Tamra out for being dramatic (which Tamra does NOT agree with!). But in exchange for keeping her RBF, Peggy agrees to stay out of messiness with Vicki. It’s a fair trade – honestly a deadly stare is a great asset on this show!
TELL US – BIGGER MASTER MANIPULATOR: VICKI OR TAMRA? DID TAMRA MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE IN GIVING PEGGY ANOTHER CHANCE? WILL SHANNON AND KELLY’S FRIENDSHIP LAST?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]
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