Let it be known: Chris Harrison loves the Bahamas. He's been there before, you see, and thus he's shocked when he meets someone who hasn't been there before, like Becca...
Justin Bieber is engaged – Celebitchy
and this is the rock he gave her – dlisted
Jerry O’Connell lands a Bravo talk show – Page Six
Jenelle Evans responds to Jace’s conversation with Barbara – Starcasm
Wedding AND babies for David Foster and Katharine McPhee? – dlisted
8 PM EST –
The Bachelorette (ABC)
So You Think You Can Dance (FOX)
90 Day Fiance: Pedro & Chantel: The Aftermath (TLC)
Love & Hip Hop Atlanta (VH1) – reunion
9 PM EST –
Teen Mom 2 (MTV)
10 PM EST –
The Proposal (ABC)
Escaping Polygamy (Lifetime)
Floribama Shore (MTV) – premiere
11 PM EST –
WWHL (Bravo) – Shep Rose and Dale Earnhardt Jr.
Photo Credit: MTV
The post Monday Night Tea & Reality TV Schedule – July 9th appeared first on Reality Tea.
It has only been two weeks of Big Brother 20, and boy has it been a wild ride. On Thursday, Kaitlyn Herman betrayed her alliance by voting out Steve Arienta instead of Sam Bledsoe. She then won the Head of Household competition. Now, Kaitlyn plans to blindside her alliance once again.
At today’s Power of Veto ceremony, Power of Veto winner Tyler Crispen plans to use the Veto to remove Scottie Salton from the block. Kaitlyn then will give a speech about Chris “Swaggy C” Williams calling her a liability and him betraying her, and then she will nominate him for eviction.
Some players already know about Kaitlyn’s plan, but the ones most affected by it (Bayleigh Dayton, Scottie, Faysal Shafaat, and Swaggy) will go into the ceremony completely confused. Hell hath no fury like a Big Brother player scorned.
We expect a lot of fireworks if things go as Kaitlyn plans. So did Kaitlyn stick to her plan to backdoor Swaggy C?
MAJOR BIG BROTHER 20 SPOILER AHEAD. PROCCED WITH CAUTION
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Kaitlyn created lots of drama today. Tyler removed Scottie from the block, and Chris “Swaggy C” Williams went up as a replacement. It will be a long week for both sides of the house.
Keep it here all summer for news, spoilers, recaps, and exclusives about Big Brother 20. We’ll continue to update you on the latest news related to Big Brother. Make sure to subscribe to CBS: All Access to get your live feeds and enjoy more exclusive content. Don’t forget to follow us on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter to stay updated on all the Big Brother news!
It's all coming to an end for Westeros. Game of Thrones is wrapping up production on its eighth and final season, something the cast has known was coming for some time, but that doesn't...
After ten seasons on the Real Housewives of New York City, Ramona Singer is still keeping us entertained. The RHONY star is fancying herself as a bit of a peacemaker on the show this season and reveals how she’s helping to soften the ladies during times of conflict. She also shares her favorite filming moment and talks about the stress of filming a reality show. And, among other things, Ramona reveals what she is looking for in an ideal man these days. Read on for all things Ramona, including her thoughts on that cast boat ride from hell.
On the Daily Dish podcast, Ramona shares whether she misses filming the show after a season wraps, “I love my downtime. We basically film five months. The reunion really is only one day, and that’s in July. So we really we have off seven months. Not a bad gig.” Does she find herself anxious to get back to filming? “it’s a double-edged sword because when we work, it’s really intense and can be emotionally jarring because we’re seven women that like each other but at times we really go at each others’ throats, so it can be quite emotionally disturbing. So, when we’re not filming it’s kind of nice to take a break from everyone and just see them now and then. You’re under different kinds of business pressures. It’s a good balance. When we start filming again, am I excited about it? Absolutely. I have fun when I film with all these ladies and I always say I’ll continue to do the show as long as I have fun because you have to love what you do to be good at it.”
RELATED: SONJA MORGAN TALKS ABOUT FRIENDSHIP SHIFTS
On her relationship status with former bestie Sonja Morgan: “Relationships do change. They go up and down. You’re gonna see a big shift in Bethenny and Carole’s relationship and because of that Bethenny has a different relationship with different girls. Because of it, Carole, Dorinda and I got extremely close this season. You’ll see Sonja and I are a bit on the outs.” Is this going to be a season of Ramona versus Bethenny? “I don’t verse anybody. I think Bethenny at times, she’s maybe at a point in her life where she’s not totally happy and she’s either screaming at you or crying at you. I was just trying to have an intelligent discussion about business and she just got all hot-headed and didn’t want to hear it and just started being not quite so nice. It is what it is, that’s Bethenny.”
Ramona says we won’t see her dating anyone this season, but is focusing on herself instead. “I really put my passions into my Ageless by Ramona skincare line. Developing that, packaging that and you’re gonna see that, how it worked through the show. I found a phenomenal doctor to endorse it.”
She also says we’ll see her transforming her home in Southampton. “I put my energies more into myself – me, myself and I. I think you have to get yourself together first before you can really find someone. If I find someone, it just happens organically. I’m not going to quit my life. I have my financial success, I have my friends, I have my daughter. Of course, I can’t go to bed with my skincare line. So that’s a little problem. It’s nice to snuggle into bed with someone at night.”
The Daily Dish podcaster interviewer mentions that Vicki Gunvalson used a vision board to manifest her relationship with Steve Lodge. She asks Ramona what her ideal man vision board would include. “It’s interesting you told me that because Vicki told me and shared the same thing and I do think positive thinking creates positive results. So I definitely wake up in the morning and go to sleep at night saying I would like a gentleman in his 50’s to 60’s, someone who has been married before, shows commitment. Someone who has children 18 or older because my daughter is older and I don’t want to deal with young children and I want someone who has a child because they’ll understand how close Avery and I are together and I think that’s important. Someone who’s warm, caring, giving, doesn’t take himself too seriously, can live in the moment, makes me laugh. I want to laugh. Boy, do I want to laugh. Someone that’s as comfortable going with me to a black tie charity event or being in the kitchen, barefoot and in jeans, cooking up a meal with me with a glass of wine or two.”
Ramona also talked about the moment when she called into the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion and didn’t realize it. She said that Melissa Gorga became a good friend of hers after they did the Lip Sync Battle taping together and she can’t remember why she was even calling her at that particular time. She said Andy Cohen teased her that she’s the first to do everything when it comes to reunions. “The first to walk off, the first to fall asleep, and the first to call in and be on someone else’s reunion.”
RELATED: CAROLE SAYS FILMING THIS SHOW IS NOT AN EASY THING
Was the boat ride from hell as bad as it was made out to be? “Well, there was no fire and there was no rescue boat. The waters were extremely rough and severe. Water was coming over the boat. The boat was rocking tremendously. So much so that no one could film. That part was scary.”
On her favorite part of the last 10 seasons of filming. “Believe it or not, my favorite thing we filmed over the last ten years was season 3 when I renewed the vows with my ex-husband.” Ramona explains that it was a beautiful moment, having Avery for her mini maid of honor and Cocoa as her ring bearer. “It was a beautiful, beautiful moment.” She adds, “things change in life. It’s strange, but it does. It was a beautiful moment that we shared with our family and the viewers and it was something quite spectacular.”
How has Ramona helped Luann de Lesseps through the divorce process? “She’s doing really great because she really took control of her life. She fell really hard but she got up and that’s what counts. I think by going to therapy and going to AA and going away for a few weeks and just getting into herself and learning to be by herself. She’s great. We all rallied around her and that’s one thing also about all of us women – we may fight like thick as thieves but when we are down and out everyone rallies. And we rally behind Luann and she’s doing spectacularly.”
On who she has conflicts with this season, “It’s an interesting question. I feel like this season I took more of a step back. I’m trying not to be so confrontational. If someone is having a disagreement, let’s say it’s Sonja and Tinsley, instead of telling them to their faces what I think they’re both doing wrong or how they can make up, I take them each aside separately, quietly to see if I can get them to resolve their issues because I think that’s the better way to do it.” She says “even with Carole and Bethenny, there’s some things going on with them, and I’ll take Carole to the side and I’ll say something positive about Bethenny hoping it’ll soften Carole. I’ll take Bethenny to the side and say something about Carole hoping it’ll soften her because those are like subtle things to say that might make people say ‘hmmm’.” Ramona says she finds that if there’s an audience for a confrontation, people are less likely to be open because they have to look like the “strong ass”. She thinks her new approach will have a larger impact on mending fences for others. She says she wouldn’t call herself a peacekeeper, “more of ‘hey let’s not hold a grudge, let’s move on from this’ and then explain the other person’s position. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t work.”
TELL US – IS RAMONA SINGER A PEACEKEEPER? DO YOU THINK HER IDEAL MAN IS OUT THERE SOMEWHERE?
Photo Credit: Ben Gabbe/Getty Images
The post Ramona Singer Describes Her Ideal Man; Says Her Favorite Real Housewives of New York Moment Was Her Vow Renewal With Mario appeared first on Reality Tea.
Toto, I don't think we're in Litchfield minimum security anymore. The new trailer for Orange Is the New Black season six is here, it's intense, and all your favorites are back...or are...Don’t get me wrong…I love The Real Housewives of Potomac. They’re funny, smart, look great, and are always shady. But ladies, when you’re in France, keep your voice down, your opinions low key, your competitiveness to a minimum, and for goodness sakes, don’t scare the natives.
It’s a few short days before the trip to France and everyone is just beginning their day. Karen Huger is out in Great Falls already hitting the Champagne. Hey, it’s five o’clock somewhere, maybe even in Cannes. Candiace Dillard and her fiancé Chris are doing what I suspect is all they ever do together: Talking weddings. Or more succinctly, Candiace asks him about what he wants in the wedding registry. I don’t think Chris knows what a registry is, because he answers “Get laid every night.” Sorry Chris, you won’t find that at Pottery Barn. Gizelle Bryant, her mom, and her girls are going out to breakfast. Her mom will be watching the girls while she is in France. Since the gang’s all here, Gizelle gives them an update on the Sherman situation. The girls are sad that Sherman won’t be around anymore, but they’ll be fine. Gizelle reminds them that they’ll never get rid of her.
Monique Samuels is micromanaging her kids’ outfits and their essential oil therapy for the time she’ll be gone. There’s a certain way and a certain time that these kids are to get their oils and it’s all written down. My guess is that as soon as Monique leaves the mac and cheese and Oreos will be distributed and the kids will be in PJ’s all day. Essential oils will be replaced with popsicles. Guess what…they will live.
Ashley Darby is packing for the trip and Facetimes Robyn Dixon who is at home and sick. Robyn complements Ashley on the song that she sang to Michael at open mike night at Oz. Too bad Michael wasn’t as thrilled at Robyn. When Ashley got the pictures back she noticed that Michael was a little too stone-faced and didn’t show any of the emotions that she wanted to see. It really hurt her feelings, so now the ball is in his court. He needs to do something nice for her. Robyn is excited about the trip but doesn’t trust Monique’s motives. Ashley tries to make her feel better by teaching her to curse in French.
It’s the day of the trip and the ladies arrive one by one and meet curbside. Once Gizelle pulls up, Karen high-tails it inside. As far as Karen’s concerned, Gizelle has been a crappy friend, and Karen is on high alert for when the BS begins. Robyn is late but apparently makes it on the plane. Everyone is in business class except for Monique and Charrisse Jackson Jordan. They decided to upgrade to first class. Gizelle is pissed that she didn’t think of it first Monique didn’t stay with the group. Gizelle then films Ashley sleeping and mentions that not only does she snore; Ashley calls out another man’s name in her sleep. The thing is there are no receipts. So is this “other man” a real person or Ashley’s hall pass?
Finally, they land in France. Unfortunately, Ashley has caught Robyn’s cold. She looks so miserable I feel my throat getting scratchy just watching her. Can you catch a cold from your TV because I think I have? Monique, Ashley needs your essential oils and lots of them! Aaaanyway…Instead of taking a van to the hotel, Bravo Monique has chartered a helicopter. As the ladies head toward it, another copter lands next to them. They’re told that it is the Prince of Monaco, and Karen pretends that he’s there for her. This makes me laugh because it is exactly what I would do but apparently everyone would roll their eyes at me like they do at Karen. Oh, come on! Lighten up, ladies! You’re in freaking France! They arrive at the hotel. Monique has gifted herself the best suite, but there’s a mini-suite available next door. She offers it to either Gizelle or Robyn. She was probably hoping to start a fight, but Robyn is so passive that Gizelle is able to Ramona Singer the keycard out of Monique’s hand. Karen thinks the move was brilliant on Monique’s part. Poor Robyn, won’t she ever learn?
Who didn’t get a good room? Well, that would be Candiace and she calls Chris to complain. Her view is a wall, but Chris tells her to get out of her room and see the sites. You only need the room to sleep and then your eyes are shut. Chris, stop being so pragmatic! Candiace needs to vent and you need to nod and agree. Don’t you know anything about women?
Everyone meets up in Monique’s room for dinner and to get the itinerary. She wants to take them to a place that makes essential oils. Gizelle is like “Really?” No one wants to see baby oil being made, but everyone else acts excited. They’re also going to Grasse where they make perfume. Mo thought it would be fun for Karen. Karen is very appreciative.
Afterward, Ashley tries to teach Karen how to twerk, but it’s going to take a lot more champagne to get that booty bouncing. Room service arrives and Gizelle asks Karen how her perfume is coming along. Remember how Karen said she was ready for whatever BS Gizelle threw out? Apparently, she thought the time is now because Karen becomes a little undone for no apparent reason. She dodges the question and then manages to insult Gizelle’s business partners. Gizelle, Robyn, and Ashley all act like it’s a big deal that Karen doesn’t want to talk about it. Ashley asks Karen if she trusts Matt. You can tell by the look on her face that Ashley has a grenade she’s about to toss. Karen says yes, she does trust him. Ashley has a source that says Matt was recently at a gay club and spilled that Karen no longer lives in Great Falls. She actually lives in an apartment. Charrisse tells us in her sidebar that Ray has an old bachelor pad and Karen has been living in it. When Ashley prompts Charrisse to tell what she’s heard, Charrisse mentions a townhouse. Karen says there’s a townhouse connected to the Great Falls mansion and her son Branden currently lives there while he saves to move out. Charrisse says that the mansion is staged and none of the Huger’s stuff is there. Ashley straight out says, “I don’t believe you, Karen.” But Karen couldn’t care less what Ashley thinks.
Monique and Candiace try to stick up for Karen, but that just reminds Gizelle that she’s pissed at Monique for the first class upgrade. Monique and Charrisse had a lot to talk about and my question is why does Gizelle care since she literally told Monique that she and Robyn would be twins-ing alone and maybe doing a group thing here or there? Monique admits that she and Big Chris had a huge fight the night before she left. Gizelle asks her if it was because the spotlight is more on her not him. Robyn admits that pro athletes are used to being catered to and have huge egos. Charrisse has her NBA coach ex, Robyn has Juan, Monique has Chris, and even Gizelle, whose husband wasn’t an athlete but the leader of a huge congregation can understand the huge male ego that can’t stand his woman’s light shining brightly. It’s a real bonding moment, and also I’m sure Karen is beyond grateful that Monique took the heat off her. It’s all nice until Candiace feels some serious FOMO and pipes up to equate her status as Miss United States to the athletes. Gizelle and Monique start laughing hysterically until Gizelle can’t take anymore and goes to her room to stare at the ceiling.
The next morning everyone is to meet up in the lobby to do the sight-seeing Monique had planned. Gizelle tells us that in France you’re cute at all times. After all, you never know who’ll show up, and you need to be ready. Bravo gives us some Housewives shoe-cam. Cute, cute, cute, cute….Uh, Karen? Wha da fu you wearin? But seriously folks, Karen’s shoes are made for walking and are practical. She’ll get the last laugh in a few hours. Until then, the CVS Sneakers are there to be ridiculed. Robyn is a no-show. Gizelle shoos everyone away and says she’ll wait for Robyn. They all decide to wait a while, but it’s obvious that Robyn is not in a hurry to get downstairs. Finally, they decide to go ahead. Everyone but Gizelle and Charrisse head outside to catch the shuttle. Gizelle says she doesn’t understand why Miss Perfume doesn’t want to go the perfumery (which I listened to twice and that is not what Karen said). Like a ninja, Karen is back and not only hears the conversion but tells Gizelle to knock off the BS. She tells Gizelle that Monique has planned the entire day and by the way, stay out of Karen’s business. Gizelle says every time she turns around Karen is talking crap about her business partners and it has occurred to her why. Is it because Ray wants to be with Gizelle’s business partner Erica Liles for the night? There was a Christmas party where Ray stalked Erica all night. Karen denies it, but Gizelle knows Ray would leave her in the dust for Erica. Maybe Gizelle needs to leave Karen’s marriage alone and find a husband of her own. Or maybe she should stop dating others’ leftovers.
As the nervous French hotel employees look on and hope that the Americans leave without busting up the joint, the rest of the ladies come and remove Karen and Charrisse from the situation. Next week it looks like Gizelle makes good on her promise to Monique that she and Robyn will be hanging out on their own, and the rest of the ladies have a fairly fabulous time.
Author: Dana S.
TELL US: WHERE DO YOU THINK KAREN IS REALLY LIVING? AND WHY DO CHARRISSE, GIZELLE, AND ASHLEY CARE? IS MATT FRIEND OR FRAUD?
Photo Credit: Bravo TV
The post Real Housewives of Potomac Recap: Au Revoir America; Désolé France appeared first on Reality Tea.
Since Thursday, Head of Household Kaitlyn Herman started a plan to backdoor Chris “Swaggy C” Williams. Everything has been going according to plan: she nominated Winston Hines and Scottie Salton, FOUTTE started to believe someone else flipped their vote, and Tyler Crispen won the Power of Veto. Kaitlyn had everything ready to make a move against Swaggy. However, yesterday Haleigh Broucher asked Kaitlyn about her plan, and she spilled the beans.
Haleigh told Kaitlyn that she suspected Kaitlyn wanted to backdoor Swaggy, and then Kaitlyn confirmed everything. She explained that Tyler told her that Swaggy called her a liability, and that she was at the bottom of their group.
Haleigh told Kaitlyn that she was fine with the plan, and she promised to keep everything secret. Kaitlyn then told Brett Robinson and Winston that Haleigh knew, she wanted them to all become a new group. Once alone, Haleigh told Angie “Rockstar” Lantry everything.
Both women were upset about the plan, but knew that they couldn’t tell Swaggy C, Faysal Shafaat, Scottie, or Bayleigh Dayton anything. It would just hurt their games, and cause a pre-Power of Veto ceremony explosion.
Once learning of Kaitlyn’s plan, Angie Rockstar, made sure to socialize with Sam Bledsoe–possibly to try to flip her vote come Thursday. Later in the night, Kaycee Clark, Angela Rummans, and Rachel Swindler discussed trying to pull Bayleigh over to their side once Swaggy leaves, and then forming a new foursome.
The clueless trio of Swaggy, Faysal, and Scottie discussed how they were all safe this week, and the possibility of Kaitlyn lying to them all but they dismissed it for now. With Tyler’s involvement in all this revealed, Angie Rockstar wants him out.
Later, Haleigh and Kaitlyn discussed forming a new group with Tyler, Winston, Brett, Angie Rockstar, Faysal, and them. Haleigh also made it clear that she didn’t care if Faysal left the game along with Swaggy, but Kaitlyn pushed back on that idea.
In addition to all this game drama, the Have-Nots were picked. In a complicated picking ceremony, Faysal, JC Mounduix, Haleigh, and Angie Rockstar became this week’s Have-Nots.
The houseguests also finally gained access to the backyard, and they spent a lot of the day lounging out there.
Keep it here all summer for news, spoilers, recaps, and exclusives about Big Brother 20. We’ll continue to update you on the latest news related to Big Brother. Make sure to subscribe to CBS: All Access to get your live feeds and enjoy more exclusive content. Don’t forget to follow us on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter to stay updated on all the Big Brother news!
Would you marry a complete stranger? That is the simple yet completely complicated question Married At First Sight poised to six singles and viewers back in 2014. Since then, 18 couples...
It started with The Simpsons in high school, and then it happened in college with ER, and most recently with Scandal. I fell behind and I stopped watching. The guilt over abandoning a TV...What is there to say about last night’s 90 Day Fiancé Happily Ever After, except thank you TLC, Sharp Entertainment, universe, and The Family Chantel. Two snaps in a circle to all you ALL. This episode was everything I didn’t know I needed in my life – and more.
When we first caught up with our couples at the beginning of the season, who knew we’d end up in fistfights over chicken wings and downgrades from firehouses? Or secret kids and canceled weddings? Okay, maybe we did see it coming. But still! It’s sort of amazing how much lower these people can go even when they’re already so obviously at rock bottom.
It’s a truth universally acknowledged that a woman in possession of dubious reality TV fame and a questionable dye-job must be in want of a storyline. *Sigh* In Paola’s case, that storyline has been The Feisty Colombian versus The Controlling Oklahoman for three (four?) years now.
But last night, Paola struggled with authentic life matters, including the loss of her beloved grandmother, and her questions about fertility. Even though she knew her grandmother was dying, it was still a shock to receive the news that she’d passed. Once again, Paola wishes she were closer to her family so they could comfort one another.
Molly meets brother Jess out for lunch, and it’s time to put all of the cards on the table. Jess reminds us how much he initially liked Luis (despite Luis’s smarmy behavior and childish ways?) and how disappointed he is that Luis hasn’t “reached out” since escaping to New Jersey. Hmm. Brother Jess: It’s time for a wake-up call, dude. THAT MAN IS NOT YOUR HOMIE.
Molly tells Jess that Luis isn’t who she thought he was. She recently found out, for instance, what Luis was doing on his phone so much…and it was certainly not scrolling through pictures of Molly on her girls trip in the DR. Nope. He was – OF COURSE – communicating with multiple side chicks, most of whom are probably scrambling for some sad scrap of quasi-fame through Luis’s Instagram account.
Molly would like to warn these women not to invite these sloppy leftovers into their lives. Molly should also warn them to remove 1) owls, 2) Buddhas, and 3) devil worshipping candles from their homes.
Jess is sad. And oh god, when Uncle Jess cries, we all cry! Can we make him the next Bachelor? Like, the TLC version? #DreamBig
Anfisa still doesn’t believe Jorge is telling the truth about his ex-girlfriend’s child not being his. And why would she believe him? This is the joker who promised her the world, then handed her a used Chanel bag. Anfisa wants Jorge to do a DNA test and, delusional liar that he is, he agrees (but chances of that ever happening are slim to none).
At lunch, Jorge claims it was 11 months after he slept with his ex that she claimed she was pregnant. But Anfisa, Russian spy that she is, knows that Jorge’s cannabis-addled memory is never trustworthy. Even when he boldly calls his ex up to “arrange a meeting,” Anfisa side eyes the situation. She’ll believe this kid isn’t his when she sees its eyebrows. Also – golddigger that she openly is – Anfisa is not happy about the potential child support that Jorge might owe his baby mama. He needs to be saving up for her new RED BAG WITH HER MAKEUP!
“I feel like it is his child. He knows it, she knows it,” says Anfisa. “I’m the only one in the dark.”
After lunch and adult questions with Robbalee, Nicole and Azan take her back to Azan’s home. The car ride is long – and only made longer by Nicole molesting Azan’s shoulder and snapping kissyface selfies the entire way home. OH MY GAWD GIRL. Calm your t*ts!
After the harrowing ride, Robbalee arrives safely at Azan’s family home, where she is greeted warmly by his mom and sister. Tea and snacks are served, which Robbalee chooses to focus on entirely. She doesn’t know WTF else to say.
“I’m enjoying the snacks,” she awkwardly croaks before finally speaking up about her concerns. Azan translates (loosely) that his mother doesn’t want Robbalee to worry about Nicole. They will take care of her! They will feed and water her daily henceforth! Nicole just inanely smiles, thrilled that everyone is bending to her will, and that the mothers in law don’t speak the same language.
But Nicole, who barely speaks ONE language, was apparently trusted to gather all of the necessary paperwork for her Moroccan marriage license. Bwahahahahaha! Oh, I needed that laugh. Okay, so – at the licensing office, Nicole finds out that she didn’t bring an original copy of her police record, which is needed for the judge to sign off. Azan’s relief is palpable, but he plays the bummed out groom with aplomb.
“Oh my god,” says Azan, seeing his green card virtually disappear before his eyes. Looks like these two lovebirds won’t be able to get married in ten days after all! Good thing he has, like, six other women around the globe on the hook to fund his gym membership fees.
But wait – Nicole’s father and other family members are coming over for the wedding in just a few days. Could they not bring the original document? WHAT IS GOING ON? Okay, Nicole says it would take a few weeks to get the document verified. But hmmm…are we really going to trust on matters of legal paperwork? Or even a McDonalds Drive Thru order? No. No, we are not.
When you get downgraded from a firehouse to a warehouse, you know the American Dream is really working its magic in your life. But somehow Annie refuses to believe that her “life happiness” will be fulfilled by the steps David is taking…which is to say, none at all. Except if we count “borrow money from friend until almost homeless, then whine to family members” as a super solid plan.
Here’s the deal: Chris (remember him? David’s human ATM? husband of Nikki, the Only Normal One?) has sold the firehouse and needs Annie and David to move out STAT. He tells David on the phone that he’s got only a few days to find a new place and, since Chris still can’t quit him, he offers David a new place to stay: THE WAREHOUSE APARTMENT. No, it’s not the title of this summer’s newest horror flick. But it is just as f**king scary.
David tells Annie the news over dinner, and her face could not be more stank if she shoved two full cloves of garlic up her nostrils. She can’t believe she’s deigned to live in a firehouse, only to be tossed out for even worse conditions. The dreams of two water buffalo back home grazing lazily next to her family hut must be looking pretty sweet right about now.
Field trip! David takes Annie to visit the warehouse, which is run by a very chipper young lad who will be 100% more successful in life than David BECAUSE HE WORKS. David turns his nose up at the idea of doing any kind of labor in this storage facility because he is sooooooooooo “overqualified.”
I didn’t get a master’s degree to work in a warehouse! scoffs David, the heavyweight champion of PATHETIC LOSERS. But he did apparently get a master’s degree to live in an abandoned space above a warehouse that has no stove, no hot water, and windows that don’t open. (Maybe someone from that firehouse will be making a visit to this space soon – isn’t that a hazard? Ooh – full circle moment.)
“I cannot take a shower in two minute!” yells Annie when she hears about the hot water shortage. But it’s really when she sees the “apartment” – which looks like the abandoned set of The Office, but more depressing – that she loses her sh*t. Annie draws her line: She will not allow David to drag her here, the third location (i.e., where the murder victim definitely bites it). She can’t even cook! She’ll have to eat chips and guacamole all day and start wearing David’s enormous pants! THE HORROR.
Bottom line: If David makes her move to this hovel, Annie threatens she’ll move back to Thailand – with or WITHOUT him. “This is a lot of stress on me,” whines David.
Holy sh*t you guys! It’s Pedro and River UNCHAINED! The fight we’ve been seeing teased all season finally broke out, and it was frankly even worse than I predicted. Let’s lay the groundwork…
The scene: Dinner at The Family Chantel’s home. The food: Chicken wings, in a nod to the sweet feet served up last time. The players: Family Chantel versus Pedro and Sister Pedro (Nicole). The motive: HUMAN HARVESTING.
Dinner is served and, at first, everyone politely trades niceties. Then, Mother Chantel asks Nicole how things are going at the apartment. When Nicole says, “Bueno!” Mother Chantel immediately jumps on her. In so many words, she wonders why Nicole has been being a total b*tch to her daughter? For instance, why did Nicole clap and say “THANK GOD!” when Chantel left the apartment one day? Hmmmmm?
Pedro is immediately pissed that Chantel ran to mommy and daddy with complaints about his sister, but Chantel thinks she needs backup. Nicole denies ever shading Chantel in such a manner, and Pedro plays dumb too. As Chantel and Nicole argue, Pedro suggests they switch seats. Mother Chantel is all, OH HELL NO! Everyone is staying put.
And this is when all hell breaks loose. You may have to rewind 45 times to see it, but here’s the basic gist: Pedro tries to “shush” Mother Chantel, which causes River to immediately step up. “Who do you think you’re talking to?” he screams. Then – and this is bleeped out well, so take another look – River calls Pedro the “N” word. WOW. Pedro stands up, ready to fight. River stands too, bizarrely punching the light fixture to start the scrap.
*Special mention must go to Father Chantel, who keeps shoveling food into his face while all of these preliminaries are going down. Tip o’ the hat to you for nobly finishing your dinner, Sir!
In a blur, Pedro whips around the table and lunges as River. The entire family gets in on the brawl, along with producers. Punches are thrown, Nicole spider-monkey-jumps on River’s back, and even Winter gets into the group wrestle. At one point, it even looks like River PUNCHES NICOLE IN THE FACE (!!!!), after which she’s thrown to the ground. HOLY MOTHER OF CHICKEN FEET! It’s a clusterf**k of epic proportions and, frankly, needs an ESPN playback to break it all down accurately.
In the end, Mother Chantel is left holding a huge chunk of Nicole’s weave. Nicole is on the ground. Pedro breaks glasses on the table before stomping out, finally followed by the now-snatched-bald Nicole. Father Chantel is screaming at Pedro, “WHY DID YOU DO THAT? WHY!?!?!?” as producers try to wrangle everyone to their respective corners.
Finally, Chantel is left bawling in the corner. There’s no coming back from this…is there? I am SHOOKETH.
Writer’s Note: Check out my podcast Pink Shade With Erin Martin for more Reality TV talk (Housewives, 90 Day Fiance, Exclusive Interviews & more!). Available on Acast, Stitcher, and iTunes! Visit pinkshadewitherinmartin.com for all links.
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Photo Credit: TLC
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