One night down, one more night to go until we find out who wins Dancing With the Stars season 25! At least we now know one more star for whom that dream has come to an end, because...
What’d you think of Christina Aguilera’s tribute to Whitney Houston? – Dlisted
Is Lena Dunham a “hipster racist”? – Celebitchy
Derick Dillard speaks out after TLC fires him – Starcasm
It’s safe to say Tori Spelling isn’t living within her means – The Blast
Charles Manson died – Dlisted
Catelynn Lowell seeks help for suicidal thoughts – The Ashley’s Reality Roundup
8 PM EST –
Dancing with the Stars (ABC)
The Voice (NBC)
Elizabeth Smart: Autobiography (A&E)
Love & Hip Hop (VH1)
9 PM EST –
Real Housewives of Orange County (Bravo) – reunion
Holiday Baking Championship (Food Network)
Teen Mom 2 (MTV) – reunion
Scared Famous (VH1)
10 PM EST –
Elizabeth Smart: Questions Answered (A&E)
Christmas Cookie Challenge (Food Network)
Teen Mom 2 (MTV) – special
Photo Credit: Lester Cohen/WireImage/Getty
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Dancing With the Stars professional dancer Jenna Johnson, now part of the dance troupe on the ABC series, is taking you behind the scenes of season 25 in her last guest blog of the season for E!...This season, Kelly Dodd joined the ranks of Bravo’s unsurprising divorces. Kelly filed for divorce from Michael Dodd, her husband of 11 years, two months ago after viewers witnessed them fighting and trash talking each other for two seasons on Real Housewives Of Orange County.
Not even some sage advice about marriage and intimacy from Vicki Gunvalson could put MiKelly back together again! Imagine that… (sarcasm). What’s unique about Kelly’s situation, however, is that this is actually the second time she’s filed for divorce from Michael – and this time she hopes to see it through to the finish line. Kelly shares that they’re already working out a custody agreement for Jolie, 12.
On the first installment of the reunion, which airs tonight, Kelly is questioned about her separation and admits that it was challenging watching her marriage fall apart on television. Gee – just think how Jolie feels!
Kelly reveals that the “breaking point” came after filming for season 12 ended over Michael’s constant need to control her. He can’t handle having a famous wife, y’all! (Sarcasm). “We started fighting all the time. Both of us. One minute he’s good, one minute he’s not,” she explained to Andy Cohen. “I can’t bring friends over, he gets jealous. He just wants me to himself.”
“It’s sad,” Kelly reflected. “We have a kid together, a child together. It’s hard to see it go.” Almost as hilarious as Vicki offering marital advice, Tamra Judge will also provide some – ironically about how children are affected by divorce. I suppose Tamra should know since she does divorce almost as well as she does marriage (again – sarcasm).
Other than Kelly discussing her divorce, Shannon Beador will also open up about her separation from David. Lydia McLaughin finds herself questioned about her snarky comments and meddling intentions – and finds that Meghan Edmonds is her biggest critic. Vicki will also discuss her relationship with Steve and how all the drama with Brooks has affected their relationship.
You can discuss the reunion below in the live-thread, and make sure to catch our recap tomorrow morning.
TELL US – WHY DO YOU THINK SO MANY HOUSEWIVES FIND THEMSELVES GETTING DIVORCED?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]
The post Kelly Dodd Struggled Watching Her Marriage End On Real Housewives Of Orange County appeared first on Reality Tea.
In all honesty, Porsha Williams has been reaching for a story line on the current Real Housewives of Atlanta season. She is always talking about becoming a vegan, her sister moved into her house because most of the other women wouldn’t talk to her, and she just doesn’t seem to understand why Kandi Burruss won’t forgive her for spreading rumors that Kandi wanted to drug and rape Porsha last season
In stark contrast, Dr. Jackie Walters is really going through some tough problems on Married to Medicine after she found out about her husband cheating on her, so they made for an interesting pairing as guests on the last Watch What Happens Live episode.
Host Andy Cohen wasted no time diving right in with the questions for Jackie: “What an emotional journey for you this season. Found out right at the top of the season that Curtis [Berry] had cheated on you. I know you filed for divorce. How soon did you file after finding out the news?” She shared, “On day three,” and Andy couldn’t help reacting with, “Really? Wow.”
Then Andy asked, “Who was most supportive in your friend group to you?” Jackie said, “All of the ladies had been very supportive. I can honestly say they’ve all met a need in some way. Obviously, I know Simone [Whitmore] well and Heavenly [Kimes] has become a great friend, so I’ve talked to them a lot.”
It felt so awkward watching Jackie answer such serious questions and then jumping into these bull shit questions about Porsha’s contrived story lines. Andy pointed out, “Tonight Kandi threw a little shade your way about the Africa trip” and he played a clip of Kandi and her squad talking shit about Porsha. During her on-camera interview, Kandi said, “You can’t go to Africa for your best friend’s wedding? Well, I’m sure if there was an African there waiting to hook up with your ass, you would get there.”
Porsha didn’t skip a beat and said, “I’m glad that they are so concerned about Porsha. Just put me in front of her scene because they’re ‘Porsha, Porsha, Porsha’ scenes.” She’s not wrong, but what Porsha did to Kandi last year was absolutely deplorable. Of course she’s going to talk shit about her whenever she can.
Andy asked Jackie about the gifts Curtis sent her after the cheating news came to light. She admitted, “Well, a girl always loves a gift, but help my heart, no. It was definitely helpful to know that he was trying something.”
And then the interview shifted back to Porsha with a viewer wanting to know if she “toked it up before Sheree’s [Whitfield] party.” Porsha said, “Well, yeah. I mean it’s a party. We pregamed. We were lit.” Obviously, Andy gave her a high five for that one, but he wanted to make future plans know more, asking, “Do you smoke it up a little bit?” Clearly, Porsha was confused since she said, “No. Wait. Did I answer the wrong question?” She later said, “No, I did not toke anything” and Andy rescinded his high five.
Moving back to the serious matters at hand, Andy asked Jackie, “Do you think the other husbands defend Curtis because they too have cheated?” She said, “That’s a good point. Let’s say yes.” She also said, “No. Absolutely not,” when she was asked if Curtis’ mistress actually believed he wasn’t married.
Andy asked Porsha is she thinks Kandi will forgive her for spreading those rumors last year. Porsha just said, “I hope so,” and seemed just as unapologetic as usual.
Surprisingly, Porsha actually had nice things to say about Kenya Moore and her surprise marriage to Marc Daly. She shared, “Yes, I have met her husband.” She also said, “At the beginning, I was like ‘I don’t know if this man exists.’ Toward the end, after seeing that she’s changed a bit, I just feel like she wanted to have a personal life and she just didn’t want to have it on the show. I didn’t think it was fair at first, but hey, it’s her choice. That’s what she ended up doing.”
And of course, Porsha was asked about her ex BFF Phaedra Parks. A viewer wanted to know, “When was the last time you talked to Phaedra? Do you ever think that she and Kandi will mend their issues?” Porsha said, “I’ve tried all season and hoped with Kandi, but it hasn’t happened, so I don’t know if that will happen with Phaedra and Kandi. I have talked to Phaedra. I texted her happy birthday and on my birthday she texted me as well. So we have had small communication.” Three episodes in and it doesn’t seem like Porsha “tried”at all, but maybe that happens later in the season?
TELL US- IS PORSHA SINCERELY SORRY FOR WHAT SHE DID TO KANDI? ARE YOU SURPRISED THAT JACKIE IS BEING SO OPEN ABOUT HER HUSBAND’S AFFAIR?
Photo Credit: Charles Sykes/Bravo
The post Porsha Williams Hopes To Make Up With Kandi Burruss; Dr. Jackie Walters Discusses Her Husband’s Affair appeared first on Reality Tea.
Netflix giveth and Netflix taketh away. In addition to announcing which new movies and TV shows will become available for streaming in December--including Bright, Fuller House, Guardians...Check out what your favorite reality stars were up to this weekend with our latest photo roundup. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Erika Jayne attended the 2017 American Music Awards at Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles.
Ramona Singer was out and about in NYC this weekend. The Real Housewives of New York star stopped by the “Downton Abbey: The Exhibition” Gala Reception and was also photographed at the 2017 Women’s Entrepreneurship Day at The United Nations.
Sonja Morgan attended an event in celebration of the life of Lee Mellis at 21 Club on in New York City.
Photo Credit: J. Merritt/Getty Images
The post Reality Star Sightings: Sonja Morgan, Erika Jayne, Ramona Singer & More appeared first on Reality Tea.
With three days until Thanksgiving, Netflix gave subscribers an extra reason to be grateful by announcing which movies and TV shows will be available to stream in the month of...
This is about to be a 24 karat magic television special! Bruno Mars is bringing the stage to the small screen thanks to 24K Magic Live at the Apollo, a primetime television special set to...
There’s no doubt that Real Housewives of New Jersey has centered around Teresa Giudice and her family for most of its run. While the Giudices bring the most compelling moments to Season 8, this season’s arguing is focused on Siggy Flicker. Almost every conversation leads back to Siggy and she hasn’t been showed in the most favorable light.
Siggy opened up about what wasn’t shown that led to her explosive reactions, Jacqueline Laurita leaving the show, and what makes Teresa such a great Housewife.
Siggy had a lot to say during her interview on the Juicy Scoop With Heather McDonald podcast. And of course there were some mentions of Siggy’s reality TV rival Margaret Josephs. She even gave Margaret a compliment when she said, “I think Margaret is a fabulous Housewife.” And then she began to share her side of the story, “I don’t have a problem with her being a Housewife. What I have a problem with is that you don’t know me. You coming right out of the gate taking jabs at me.”
Siggy continued, “I didn’t really know the extent of what she does. Now that she’s been taking jabs at my expertise, I don’t have have one lawsuit. This woman is engulfed in lawsuits because she copies other people’s ideas and claims them as her own.”
Watching the show, it just seems like Siggy is going off on Margaret for no discernible reasons, but she insists that’s not the case. She said, “Margaret comes over to me and all of a sudden you see my shimmying. All the middle parts- this is what I’m pissed off about this season- there’s a story board: ‘This season we are going to portray Siggy as crazy. We’re just going to show her reacting, but we’re not going to show what she’s reacting to.'”
She explained what went down during the Gorga tasting, “When we were sitting down, Joe Gorga came down and asked us what happened in Boca. Dolores [Catania] and I were describing it. Margaret and Danielle [Staub] walked over and what you didn’t see was back and forth.”
Siggy recapped the conversation that wasn’t shown: “‘You’re not going to cry again because you have no uterus.’ Yeah really? Because you’re the ugliest woman in the world for making fun of me. Oh really? Some relationship expert you are. Oh really? Cheap shit that you steal from other people made in China. Oh really? Just like your implants. Bitch, I don’t have implants. I had them removed after my hysterectomy. ‘There are things that happened that have been taken out that I’m letting you know right now.”
That back and forth makes a lot more sense than randomly referring to someone as the “ugliest person in the world for making fun of me” and bringing up goods manufactured in China.
Siggy maintained, “At the end of the day, I’m going to fight because I want the truth to come out. I’ve never attacked anybody in my life. Ever.” Then she went in on Margaret: “For twenty five years I’ve done nothing but helping people and building people up. Google her name and see how many lawsuits and how many people have come after her. I’m sorry. I wouldn’t be talking about this if I wasn’t on the defense.”
She continued, “It is unfair what has been done to me. There’s a thing called karma. There’s a thing called God. I believe in God and I believe in karma. When karma comes knocking on certain doors, I’m going to be happy.” Ouch.
Moving away from the Margaret topic, Siggy discussed her infamous arrival at that Boca restaurant. It seemed like she was just looking for attention from random restaurant patrons, but she revealed that she actually invited a lot of people to that restaurant and they had been there for a while before the cast rolled in. She said, “[They] waited three hours to see the Housewives of New Jersey.”
Siggy added, “I wanted to say hi to my friends.” And she did: loudly. She definitely made a moment. She was talked about a lot and provided some prime content for memes and GIF’s. Even with so many people hating on her and making fun of her arrival, she says, “They didn’t do me a disservice. I’ll survive.” It could be worse.
This season, Siggy is experiencing the strongest reaction on social media. Last season, Jacqueline absorbed most of the backlash from the fandom. Heather asked Siggy, “Was it hard when Jacqueline didn’t return?” She admitted, “Yes. I can say this without anyone taking it the wrong way. Jacqueline Laurita not being on the show is amazing for Jacqueline Laurita. This show is not easy. She’s the happiest she’s ever been. She’s with her husband, her children, and her grandchild. She’s such a different person because it’s so stressful.”
Siggy made it clear that she’s looking forward to the end of this season when she said, “December 20 couldn’t come fast enough, especially when you’re the target.” She added, “Everyone who knows Jacqueline knows she’s the sweetest person in the world.”
Even though Siggy is good friends with Jacqueline, she’s also close with Jacqueline’s friend-turned-enemy Teresa. Siggy had nothing but praise for the star of the show, saying, “There’s a reason why Teresa Giudice is the number one Housewife in history. They waited for her to come home from jail to film Real Housewives of New Jersey because that’s how magical of a Housewife she is. That’s how I feel.”
They even filmed that three-episode special where Teresa only appeared via speaker phone. This woman was able to carry a show via speaker phone, so of course she’s a noteworthy Housewife.
Circling back to the drama, Siggy explained why she’s been so active on Twitter and Instagram this season: “I have a right to defend who I am and my character, especially when there’s a false narrative. On December 20, you will no longer see me on social media. Until the war is over, I’m going to fight every single day.”
Siggy said, “Why shouldn’t I use social media to explain myself? If you were on Housewives, would you leave your character, your life, to the hands of an editing department?”
She admitted, “All I wish is that you would see the stuff that has not been put in. Somebody takes a jab at my relationship expertise and my career and I know their career has lots of holes in it, and you don’t think I’m going to respond. So when I respond about your cheap stuff being made in China and everything like that, people are like ‘how did you get from zero to one hundred?'”
On another note, those hormone pellets must have done their job since Siggy admitted, “For the last seven months, I haven’t had a single hot flash. My sex drive is back. I’m not crying as much. I’m back to being Siggy.”
TELL US – WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT SIGGY’S EXPLANATION OF THE GORGA TASTING DRAMA? SHOULD SIGGY RETURN FOR ANOTHER SEASON? DO YOU MISS WATCHING JACQUELINE ON RHONJ? IS TERESA THE BEST HOUSEWIFE OF ALL TIME?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]
The post Siggy Flicker Discusses What Wasn’t Shown On RHONJ, Jacqueline Laurita Leaving The Show, & Why Teresa Giudice Is The Number One Housewife In History appeared first on Reality Tea.
Transparent without the trans parent? Looks like it might happen. Jeffrey Tambor, who has come under fire with allegations of sexual harassment on set of the Amazon series, announced he does not...
I’ll tell you what is about the most disappointing thing that could ever happen on a Real Housewives Of Atlanta episode – that I did not get to experience Sheree Whitfield Vs. Party Planner: The Resurrection. I was all excited for a revival of the infamous “Who gon’ check me boo?” moment (like basically my favorite real Housewives moment ever), and instead I got a lackluster mini-fit of Sheree tearing off her mic and acting like a normal person under stress. Let’s just call this what it is – unacceptable!
See, I depend on Sheree to act like, well, Sheree. Sheree of yore, that is. Like “Budget, what’s that?!” This new evolved, life-coached Sheree, who is essentially your average busy-body after an extra pumpkin spice latte and behaves strangely mature-ish (for her), is a real snooze.
Backing up, Sheree decided to host a 70’s party for her mother’s 70th birthday. And considering that Thelma is basically the reason for the continued existence of Chateau Sheree, I’d say that’s a fair trade-off. Sheree hired a party planner called “Tiffany,” who it seemed was doing a pretty adequate job of attempting to push Sheree into a meltdown, but when push came to shove, Sheree just dropped that drama disco ball (the one that wasn’t even centered above the dance floor!).
Like where is the Sheree that demanded a helicopter to fly her into the party and then spazzed and snapped when she was told that couldn’t happen. I need “extra” Sheree (Sherextra?!) – like what even was that discount 70’s costume she had on? Where was her impractical Diana Ross-realness!? The new Sheree, who when told her party planner WASN’T SHOWING UP WITH THE LINENS 2 HOURS BEFORE THE PARTY, did not storm over to Tiffany’s office to towel snap her with those linens until Bravo infamy was made or hunt her down across Atlanta while wearing a wig, but merely cussed her out over voicemail, then threw the phone. Come ON!
Why were we not given the courtesy of an epic confrontation? Instead we got a party with great costumes but had to be satisfied with Porsha Williams fighting with her sister Lauren over Porsha not recognizing that she’s a selfish, self-absorbed jerk. (Didn’t they have this fight already?) Which I tell you, is no substitution!
Tiffany and Sheree – you disappointment me. Especially you Sheree. You have been checked by a mythical party planner nobody ever even saw. Hmph.
In other news, Kandi Koated Kompany is hiring a new assistant because after years of abuse Carmon is finally quitting to open her own insurance agency. She’s not off the chain gang completely though, because Kandi Burruss is an “investor” in this new business. Is Kandi like running a music-industry mafia? Let these people MOVE ON. Everyone must be so endlessly dedicated to and wrapped-up in Kandi’s Kandi-ness and it’s just exhausting.
I don’t care what Don Juan and the Klique have to say about Porsha and Shamea. Why do they even care how much Kandi spent on her plane ticket and how Porsha supposedly can’t afford one or why she cannot allow her feet to touch the airplane floor in case of blood clot? Porsha is hoarding her money for that salon she’s never gonna open and the hoverboard that will transport her from there to Dish Nation to Kenya (the actual country, not the Moore Manor off the country highway).
Kandi still isn’t talking to Porsha, but she sure is talking about her. And Porsha is always doing something ridiculous – like wrapping her entire body up like a mummy with the hopes that she’ll come out looking like Beyonce. I’m not saying anyone on this show should accept real-reality status quo, because otherwise why would I watch them? However, they ain’t never gonna be Beyonce, have her thigh gap, or be mistaken for her in any airport, so maybe instead of reaching for their wildest dreams they could aim for being compared to a lesser member of Destiny’s Child? In their heyday at least – I’ll allow them that.
Anyway, Porsha does body wrapping because “this grown woman weight don’t play” and her thighs are now the size her waist once was. Being a “baby vegan” hasn’t given her the 24 inch waist of her high school days, so she put on some oven gloves, a thousand pounds of surgical tape, and got on a trampoline for about 15 minutes. Except her booty couldn’t be contained by the gauze and some came popping out – now I guess she’ll have a lopsided half-slenderized butt?
After that, Porsha took herself to a meeting with her business advisor and real estate agent to see about opening a salon. She was praising herself for being only a little late this time, when the actual adults in the room dropped the bomb that opening a salon was not going to happen next week like setting up a Barbie playset, it would take 9 months and require things like business plans, financing, projections, staff, location build-out, permits, and Porsha actually figuring out her role in the whole enterprise. Presently, she envisions she’ll Bentley over there after her Dish Nation gig to “hang out” among her people, while someone else does all the work – someone like her sister Lauren. Still Porsha claims she’ll be in charge and running things. Just not at the office level. Or the managerial one. Or the financial one. Just like the fun one? It’s basically a hair-brained scheme (pun intended!).
Lauren and Porsha snip at each other about what Porsha wants until the real grown-ups in the room leave to do real grown-up jobs, then they get into a full-on fight in the middle of a restaurant because Lauren feels used and unappreciated by Porsha. Apparently, this salon is supposed to be a partnership deal, except Porsha is the greater partner since she has more money, but Lauren is the one doing all the work. Lauren is also dependent on Porsha for her job and living arrangement, but Porsha-sitting has taken its toll and she is not paid accordingly.
Did I mention that neither of these girls is a hair dresser, nor has ever worked in a salon, let alone owned one? Also, I don’t think they ever mentioned owning a salon before last week, because they didn’t have the simplest details ironed out! So after Porsha shrieks that she’s done all this ‘business-ing’ for the greater good of her family, Lauren storms out complaining that she and her daughter are going to be out on the street. Have none of these people ever heard of an apartment? You don’t have to live in self-named mansions, palaces, chateaus, and manors.
However, I get it – Lauren does all the work for the hair care line and everything else, yet Porsha’s name is up in lights, which engenders that she gets most of the profits. Also, Lauren is Porsha’s sister, so she’s being paid less than an actual employee, which further provides Porsha more profit. It occurs to me that this is also pretty much Kandi’s business model: hire people who she’s close with her so they’re less likely to argue about wages or hours or any of that employee/employer stuff that the real world demands.
Anyway, the salon is no more open than the gap between Porsha’s must-be-elevated-thighs.
In other developments-ish, Cynthia Bailey goes on a date with Will, who she decides is her in male form. Except not, since no matter what she proclaims, her dating game is weak! Five minutes after divorce, she’s already considering another relationship!
No one assumes that Will could be dating Cynthia, but not sleeping with other women on the side. Because men cannot go without sex? OR because that is how dating in the post-Tinder romance economy works? Or because none of these women think they’re worth a man waiting for them? I really don’t know, but Kenya Moore and NeNe Leakes have different advice for how Cynthia should handle this. Kenya, who after 65 engagements and I don’t know how many rent-a-men, has finally found a Prince Charming via voice mail, says Cynthia has no right to know and definitely shouldn’t ask Will. NeNe, who has been married since before people had thought a smart phone was possible, thinks Cynthia needs to find out. I say if this Will is as great as they all say he is, why assume he’s sleazy?
Oh, Kenya – so her marriage is off to an auspicious start! Her husband is living in NYC for business, while she remains in ATL to go about the business of being a Housewife. A Real one, not a real one, which is what her husband likes her to be: cooking, cleaning, and sexing – all the wifely duties. So basically he got a mail order bride? Cause this is giving me a whiff of 90 Day Fiance without the visa drama.
One of Kenya’s annoying dogs (sorry, I cannot stand them) pees on her wedding gown. She just wipes it off with her hand and a tissue, then calls Marc to tell him all about the dog pee, how much she loves and adores him, all the lingerie she still has. He doesn’t pick up, so she’s attempting to leave voicemail after voicemail which keeps cutting-off and hanging up, because Kenya is literally reading a romance book on tape these messages go on so long. Yet persistent she is; calling back and back. Honey. Sigh. This is why it took you so long to find a man! Let them breathe a little! How about, “Thinking about you. Call me when you’re done with work so I can tell you about that lingerie I’ll be bringing up this weekend. Love you!”
Anyway, they see each other every weekend and have so much sex Kenya had to put a bag of frozen peas on her crotch. Then she goes back to ATL, and refuses to tell anyone his name.
Finally there is NeNe. Life is supposed to be good: Brentt graduated high school and plans to go into the family business of the entertainment industry (eye roll), NeNe is hot – literally and figuratively, and she and Gregg are doing marvelously. Except for his health. He goes to the hospital with numbness and dizziness, which he assumes is his heart. At first, NeNe behaves like it’s no big deal. She’s so flippant, she actually puts on a costume and takes herself to Sheree’s Soul Train party where she jive turkeys all over the Chateau. She’s never been to the Chateau, and knowing how it goes with that place, if she didn’t get in there now she may never have an opportunity again. Also, Gregg wanted it this way. He wanted his wife to have fun on his death bed. Ok, bad joke! Although even Cynthia is worried NeNe isn’t taking this seriously enough.
The next day though, Gregg is getting minor surgery to investigate the blockage in his heart, but NeNe hasn’t even made it to the hospital when he goes in! Gregg calls, freaking out with nerves, which makes NeNe freak out and think about the possibility of Gregg being diagnosed with a major medical issue, or even worse: not coming home at all. Yikes.
I hope that jive turkey was worth it on this pre-Thanksgiving episode of RHOA. At least, it was a FABULOUS party and everyone looked great, and Kenya’s moves on the Soul Train dance floor – well I can see why her husband is such fan of dancing with her. Get it, girl! Then get them frozen peas!
TELL US – WERE YOU DISAPPOINTED IN SHEREE? IS PORSHA TAKING ADVANTAGE OF HER SISTER? SHOULD CYNTHIA TAKE DATING ADVICE FROM KENYA OR NENE?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]
The post Real Housewives Of Atlanta Recap: Jive Turkeys appeared first on Reality Tea.
Tired of turkey? Put out with potatoes? Craving something a little different for this year's Thanksgiving dinner? We may be able to help! As you probably already know, food and TV...It’s Thanksgiving week, so I think we should all go around the table and give thanks for the blessing of 90 Day Fiance in our lives. I’ll go first: I am thankful for Nicole and Azan’s brutal scene at the gym last night, which inspires me to slow my roll on the gravy Thursday. I’m also thankful that my partner claims he loves me more than 55%, which is apparently the new #RelationshipGoals Azan has outlined. Lastly, I am thankful that we didn’t see too much of Evelyn and David this week, allowing more room for Josh and Aika to introduce themselves a bit more toward the end. A little internet sleuthing will also give you a bit more perspective into Josh and his sordid past – and I highly encourage you all to check out his public arrest record to get to know TLC’s newest criminal suitor (yikes!!!).
Last seen, Luis was asking his fiance’s teenage daughter if she likes to “f**k her boyfriend.” Molly says she’s not okay with this kind of talk, but we’ll see just how deeply that line in the sand is drawn. Annie flies to the U.S. to announce to David’s family that she’s his fiance – because, um, he forgot to do that! But first, we see Andrei arrive on American soil, ready to meet Elizabeth’s family. Who, incidentally, already hate him.
Andddddrrrrrei saunters off the plane excited to see Elizabeth, who he has 90 days to wed. He’s also got 90 days to convince Elizabeth’s family that he’s not the neanderthal she makes him out to be. Except, he kinda is. Knowing Andrei gives zero f**ks about women, men, children, bed frames, luggage, top buttons on polo shirts (you get the drift), Elizabeth is dreading him meeting her father, who is protective of her.
With 45 days to wed, Molly and Luis are halfway to the finish line. But Luis is well past the line of appropriate behavior for a soon-to-be-stepfather. Olivia has known this for some time, but ever since Luis’s “I AM YOUR NEW DADDY!” speech with Kensley, little mama is having none of his creepster vibe either. She doesn’t want Luis near her – in the car, on the swing – anywhere! I know there are some Luis apologists out there (and I get that he’s struggling to learn cultural boundaries), but I’ll just say it: When kids tell the new boyfriend to back off, no matter WHAT the reason, you back the eff off. At worst, alarm bells are sounding and, at best, the kids need adjustment time. In either case, Molly needs to be on high alert.
In Thailand, Annie and David prepare to leave for their long trip to Chris’s home of illicit massages. Annie is over the bachelor/bachelorette party tiff, but she’s heartbroken about leaving her family. They won’t be able to see her get married, and she doesn’t even know when she’ll be back in Thailand, considering David probably sold half her dowry to spring for one-way plane tickets. (Mother Annie: Go count your buffalo, woman!) In tears, Annie thinks about what she’s leaving behind and wonders if it’s worth the jobless, penniless, homeless man she’s about to give it up for. Annie’s father gives David a talisman of good luck to wear just in case. Let’s hope that thing has emergency Baht tucked inside.
Hot damn, you guys! It’s time. It’s the performance we’ve all been waiting for. No, not Beyonce’s superbowl halftime show, not Lady Gaga Live. It’s Nicole at the gym!!! Yes, Azan has convinced Nicole that she needs to get healthier, and – despite wearing the “bad bra” – she’s agreed to work out with him. Azan hopes Nicole stops being lazy; Nicole says she wants to be healthier for herself too. It will be a long road, but at least she showed up for day one!
As Azan pushes Nicole through her personal training sesh, Nicole begins rethinking this “new me” journey. Because, like, it involves work! And sweat! And not eating cheese fries! Plus, Azan reminding Nicole to “just breathe!” through every leg press and squat is not doing much to motivate her. He’s trying his best to be positive, but his tone sounds more like me desperately screaming “GO POTTY!” at the dog every morning on our wintry walk. It’s not pretty. Or particularly dignified.
Frustrated, Nicole wonders why Azan wants her to change so badly? If she doesn’t change, he’s even threatened not to come to America. “I don’t want you to be lazy!” he barks. Nicole wonders if he’s even attracted to her? His response, my friends, is as follows (and I quote): “Physically, I am attracted to her, but it’s just like, for example, fifty-five percent.” I guess this is the latest, cooler version of Mohamed’s “Physically, Danielle is acceptable to me” for millennials.
These sweet nothings whispered in any woman’s ears would bring most couples to death blows, but in Nicole’s case it just makes her more whiny and obnoxious. “But are you attracted to me no matter whaaaaat?” she pleads repeatedly. Azan just defeatedly sighs, “Yeah.” What, I must ask again, is this dude’s long game? Is he really that desperate for a relationship (he doesn’t seem like it)? Is he hoping to transform Nicole from a whiny, lazy pre-pubescent brat into a magically reformed mature spouse? It baffles the mind.
Baffling minds elsewhere, Evelyn and David are apartment hunting. Because nothing says “let’s rent a new place!” like having no jobs or money for wedding cake. David already knows that Evelyn will be choosing the apartment with absolutely no input from him, so why is he even being dragged along? With a budget of $900/month, all David cares about is having a lock on the bathroom door so he can get some peace and quiet.
The first place they look at is a house-apartment that Evelyn calls “vintage” and the rest of us call “total tear down.” David isn’t loving the grandma’s attic vibe of this joint, but Evelyn has already decorated it with family band posters in her mind, so she sulks when David reminds her that it’s out of their budget at $1,200/month. He is not about to be tied down in NH for the long haul in this overpriced rat trap. Evelyn thinks he needs to accept the fact that he’ll be a prisoner resident of Claremont forever, so he better come correct.
In Tampa, Elizabeth’s been singing Damn! I Feel Like a Woman! in her head on repeat since Andrei arrived. As she and Andrei assemble her bed frame, they talk about the future – and about tonight, when Andrei will meet the family. Elizabeth is afraid of her father, she’s afraid of Andrei, she’s afraid of nude lipstick. But Andrei thinks she just needs to calm the hell down. The fact that Elizabeth’s father is financing their lives at the moment is of no concern to him; he claims to have savings too! Allegedly.
Annie and David finally arrive in U.S., anxious to get home. Except they don’t have a home. So of course, Chris picks them up at the LA airport to show them a magical time before dismal reality sets in. David hasn’t lived in the U.S. for 4 years, so he’ll have to get used to living in the Walmart parking lot there again too. Annie is hesitant to live with Chris and Nikki, especially when she eyes the pool out back where the forced Thai-massaging will take place. But the couple throws them a sweet welcome home party to help them get comfortable – and to drill Annie with 101 questions. When are you getting married? Where? How many kids will you have? Can you make one RIGHT NOW?
David already has adult children, who are closer in age to Annie than David is. <shudder> When David admits that he hasn’t even told his kids about their new stepmom, everyone is shocked. Annie, of course, has no option but to go along with David’s disastrous plan of springing the news on them face to face now. But first, David just hopes that Annie doesn’t think Chris and Nikki’s 5-bedroom LA home is indicative of what’s waiting for her back in KY. In other words, she’d better enjoy the indoor plumbing and central air while she’s got it.
Back in Morocco, Azan is waking Nicole and May up at 2:45pm! It’s time for a hike. Out in the foothills, Azan hopes Nicole and May will enjoy the outdoor exercise, but Nicole just misses her car and the Wendy’s dollar menu. Azan encourages Nicole ONCE AGAIN to change, as if him saying it over and over will simply make it happen. Like the twit she is, Nicole blames her laziness on May, who keeps her up all night. Azan isn’t buying it.
Now in full tilt whining mode, Nicole complains that she just can’t change overnight! Yes, true, but Azan needs proof of purchase. Nicole just snarks that he’ll have to trust her, period. These are the words of a woman who cheats on him every six months and who still doesn’t know what the produce aisle at the grocery store looks like. Okay.
In GA, Molly and Olivia are having some girl time at the spa. As they get pedis, Olivia complains that her mother’s “new obsession” is taking up all of her time. Everything in their world is all about Luis now, and Olivia feels left behind. When Molly complains that she just wants Olivia to see her happy, Olivia tears up. Of course she wants her mom to be happy! But it shouldn’t be at her children’s expense. “It just doesn’t feel good,” cries Olivia, but Molly, now in tears too, swears it will all turn out okay – and that no one will ever take the place of her daughters. Except a 20-something year old bartender.
In NH, David and Evelyn have 66 days to wed. But today is David’s lucky day, ya’ll! Because he gets to witness The Evelyn Cormier Band’s very own lead singer, Evelyn Cormier, live in the music studio. David reminds Evelyn that she can record her YouTube music anywhere, but she’s determined to record it in her friend Mike’s homemade studio for life! “We’re just gonna go where God calls us,” chirps Evelyn. “And hopefully it’s here!” Oh, she’s the devil in a red dress, that one. Please, somebody, start the mean-memes of Evelyn now. We need those in our lives.
At the “studio” (which shall remain in ironic quotes), Evelyn breathes heavily into the microphone and distorts her mouth in disturbing shapes. She and “producer” Mike discuss bridges and chords and images…which is perhaps supposed to impress David? David, however, is no fool. He knows about the Interwebs! He’s like, can’t Evelyn just record music in Garage Band and call it a day? No, she cannot! Hmmph! She must live near her “creative faucet,” otherwise known as her family, to achieve this level of orchestral perfection! Again, she is the WORST.
Ugh, enough of them! Moving on to Josh and Aika, we travel to AZ where Aika is recovering from her forced march to that super sketchy modeling agency. She came to the U.S. to get married and have children, but now Josh is acting like he has no idea about these nefarious plans. At least he takes her ring shopping to replace the ring he originally gave Aika – which was from his ex-wife!!! “Josh recycle it,” comments Aika, who doesn’t want sloppy seconds.
When Aika chooses a $12K 2-karat ring, though, Josh is like “Are you crazy?!” He’s a home theater installer who lives with multiple roommates, not a fancy McDonalds branch manager like Before The 90 Days Larry! Aika is not happy.
Back in GA, Molly takes her mom and Olivia shopping for a wedding dress. It’s her first marriage, so she wants to go all out – and that means a big white dress. Luis is more traditional, so Molly can’t go full Priscilla Queen Of The Desert, but she can at least get a little blinged out. Olivia has come around, feeling happy for her mom for the first time. Until she sees Molly’s first dress – which is in a word, hideous. In fact, the black bra underneath it might be its best feature. Plus the upper arm tattoo.
When Molly steps out in her second dress, both mom and Olivia agree that it’s “the one.” Squealing, Molly decides this is what she’ll wear on the big day. She isn’t sure about whether her dad will walk her down the aisle, though, which makes her sad. He’s not supportive of her marriage to Luis, so Molly thinks her mom might walk her down the aisle instead. Molly’s mom promises she’ll be there in whatever capacity Molly needs her, tearing up at the request. Aww. I really like Molly. But dang, woman! Get a grip on this boyfriend/daughter situation, STAT.
In a more tense situation farther south, Andrei and Elizabeth are awaiting her dad and brother’s arrival at a restaurant. Andrei has been instructed not to say, “Ugh. Me new man. You old man. I take girl from you to OWN for self now!” Thus, he’s fully prepped. When dad and bro arrive, Andrei chats about his home country of Moldova (for 3 seconds) before they launch into particulars: How will Andrei support Elizabeth? Andrei needs his green card before he can work, so he plans to depend on Elizabeth’s part time salary (that she gets from daddy’s business) until further notice.
When her family hears that Elizabeth would be happy to move to Moldova if Andrei wants her to, they’re shocked. And frankly, so am I. It seems Elizabeth just likes to stir the pot with whomever is questioning her. When Andrei suggested moving to Moldova earlier, she blamed her family for not wanting her to go. Now she’s blaming Andrei for potentially (in theory) taking her away. Hmm. She seems the type who likes men fighting over her – even if two of those men are her brother and dad. It’s whack.
Not happy with the ex-wife’s haunted ring in AZ, Aika sulks at dinner with Josh. “I gave up my life for you, and here I am – with nothing! Sometimes I want to go home,” admits Aika, who thought she was signing up for a more glamorous life. Josh just writes off Aika’s demand for a new ring as unimportant, but he doesn’t quite understand who he’s dealing with. Aika seems like a sweet person, but she also seems like someone who’s honestly laid out what she wants: A husband, baby, and financial security. As for the baby, Josh wants to wait. But Aika is done waiting! She also doesn’t appear to know that Josh has “complications in conceiving.” Um – vasectomy? WTF is he talking about?! Oh Lord, I guess this poor woman will find out soon enough.
In GA, Luis has been given a union-approved break from his houseboy duties. It’s baseball time! Uncle Jess, who’s traded his pretend cowboy hat for a baseball cap, takes Luis to the big boy batting cages to let off some steam. “This is real dude day!” celebrates Jess, who as a reminder, stood idly by while Luis spoke vulgarities to his niece last week. Blech. Jess encourages Luis to keep trying with the girls, that they’ll come around. But if they don’t, Luis says straight up that he’ll just move home again.
Plus, he’s bored as hell hanging around the house on dog-poop duty all day. So, maybe he’ll just have to force Molly to move to the DR with him if things don’t change! Jess seems shocked to hear this, knowing that Molly won’t be doing any such thing. He thinks Luis should maybe talk to Molly about this HUGE DEALBREAKER before they get married. Ya think?!? GAWD.
We end in Morocco, where our fair couple, Nicole and Azan, are arguing once again. Shocker. Nicole needs to stay in because May is sleeping, but Azan wants to meet his friend in a cafe. Nicole thinks Azan has been going out too much, which shows that she’s not his priority. “I am her for him, and he is going out seeing frieeeeeends,” complains Nicole, who has a point. But the truth is that Azan isn’t ready to be a parent, nor is he keen on hanging out in a reclined position with Nicole until 3pm every day.
Out with his friend, Azan admits he is scared of going to the U.S. with Nicole. Will he find his culture there? Will his culture be disrespected? He’d prefer to stay in Morocco, frankly, and is just agreeing to go to America for Nicole’s sake. Hmm. Maybe he needs to rethink this plan. Because signing on to a lifetime of the care-and-feeding-of-Nicole (while leaving all of his support systems behind) is not something I’d wish on my worst enemy.
Bottom line: These two have 1) nothing in common, 2) no shared values, 3) opposing health & world views, and 4) no physical attraction. So, the question remains: Why the hell are they getting married? Discuss.
TELL US: SHOULD AZAN GO TO AMERICA? DOES AIKA DESERVE A NEW RING? ARE LUIS AND MOLLY HEADED FOR THE ALTAR, OR DISASTER? IS ANNIE IN FOR A HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT? WILL EVELYN IMPRISON DAVID IN NH FOREVER?
Photo Credit: TLC
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