Well, well, well, how the turntables: Ellie Kemper would totally be down for a reboot of The Office. The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt star discussed her former role on the show as Erin...
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Something wicked this way has come, and we're already clamoring for more. Chilling Adventures of Sabrina made its debut on Friday, and now all we can do is ask what happens next?...
Landon Clements may be no longer be a cast member on Southern Charm, but she still has plenty to say about her co-stars. At a recent event in L.A., she talked about her former co-star, Thomas Ravenel, and his arrest last month. She also dished on which of her former cast members she keeps in touch with.
Us Weekly was on the blue carpet talking to the celebrities at the UNICEF Masquerade Ball, so they naturally were curious to get Landon’s take on Thomas Ravenel’s very serious situation. She told them, “I know in my heart that Thomas is a good person and whatever happened, happened. I wasn’t there that night. But I can’t imagine that he would ever hurt anyone.”
Landon added, “because it is an ongoing court procedure, I can’t really comment and I don’t want to comment … I will let the courts take care of it, I suppose.”
The outlet then asked her who she is still in contact with from the Southern Charm cast. Not shockingly, she shared: “Mostly Shep. I mean we’ve been friends for so long, he’s like a brother, it’s like a love-hate relationship always, but you know I still talk to him.”
She also shared that she’s still very close with Whitney. She added, “Even if I don’t talk to them on a regular basis, I doesn’t mean that I don’t love them. They have a big place in my heart always.”
TELL US – DO YOU MISS LANDON ON THE SHOW? ARE YOU SHOCKED THAT SHE IS STANDING BY THOMAS RAVENEL?
Photo Credit: Tibrina Hobson/WireImage/Getty
The post Landon Clements Defends Former Southern Charm Star Thomas Ravenel And His “Good Heart” appeared first on Reality Tea.
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Welcome home, witches. Now that Chilling Adventures of Sabrina is finally out on Netflix, it's time to take a deep dive into the magical world of Sabrina Spellman. Specifically,...
Outlander fans have much to celebrate--but perhaps even more to worry about--when it comes to Roger and Bree in season four. When E! News visited the show's set in Scotland and asked...
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We all have Shannon Beador to thank for bringing the current season of Real Housewives of Orange County to another level. Sure, it has been so frustrating to hear her constant complaints which have inspired constant complaints from her costars about her complaints.
It all came to head during the cast trip in Jamaica when Shannon argued with every single cast member and disappeared the next day, ignoring all of their messages, ultimately skipping out on the group activities.
Obviously Shannon has to return to the group eventually. Didn’t they all book the same flight home? Plus I assume she’s contractually obligated to hang with them, at least to some extent.
Shannon is set to emerge from her isolation during tonight’s new episode. Will she apologize to the group for upsetting them all when they were already stuck in 90 degree heat without air conditioning? Most likely not, but she will probably give some sort of half ass apology while complaining about her life to the cast members she actually cares about: Tamra Judge, Kelly Dodd, and Vicki Gunvalson. There’s no way that she’s going to give new girls Emily Simpson and Gina Kirschenheiter the time of day, something she has been very adamant about.
According to an episode description on the Bravo website, this is what we can expect from the new episode: “Shannon continues to isolates herself from the rest of the ladies, who continue their trip with a day of adventure with a comical climb up a gorgeous waterfall. Later, Vicki coaxes Shannon to rejoin the group for a beachside dinner, where Shannon makes amends with only a few of the women at the table. An unexpected phone call makes Emily emotional. ”
Oh Shannon. Is anyone at all surprised that she “makes amends with only a few of the women.” That is just a #TotalShannonMove.
TELL US- DOES SHANNON OWE AN APOLOGY TO EVERYONE IN THE CAST? DO YOU ENJOY WATCHING SHANNON THIS SEASON?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]
The post New Real Housewives Of Orange County Tonight: Shannon Emerges After Blowup In Jamaica appeared first on Reality Tea.
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Kim Zolciak spends a lot of time on social media defending herself. The Don’t Be Tardy star takes a lot of heat from followers on everything from her selfies to photos of her kids and more. Today the former Real Housewives of Atlanta star took some time to lay down a few facts and tidbits that might shut up a few of her haters (but not likely..).
Kim shared a bikini selfie on Instagram and decided to start off with explaining that her killer body is due to hard work. “Fun Facts: I run 3-4 miles 5x a week I have ALWAYS loved to run. I don’t eat red meat or pork NEVER have. I’m 5’8! From the time I get up to the time I go to bed .. I rarely sit down. I hate breakfast but drink @310nutrition shakes in place of it.”
Since she was on a roll, she continued to get real about her hair, skin and more. “I love skincare I have almost every product ever made, when we were building our house We built a special cabinet just for all my products. Hence why I started @kashmerekollections. I naturally have black hair but now 95% gray. I have a device in my heart. I breastfed all 6 of my kiddos. I love my teeth (Braces twice) and my feet.”
Kim then talked more about her Ask, Believe, Receive philosophy. “I have always been able to manifest long before I ever knew what it meant. I wrote in my journal when I was 12 “I wanted my own show by the time I was 30″ I started on RHOA at 29.”
She continued with even more, “I have one brother he is 20 months older than me. I love the beach. I quit smoking years ago after reading “The Easy Way To Quit Smoking” never smoked again. At 18 I went through the windshield of my car (glass came out of my forehead for over 10 yrs) my mom picked piece by piece out of head in the hospital with tweezers. I would squeeze on my forehead (like a pimple) but out would come glass instead for over 10 years.”
Kim gets real about her plastic surgery, “I had a tummy tuck/ boob job by the best @dr.hochstein.” And admits, “I eat chocolate everyday.”
She then went into more about her family and her travel issues, “I love my family more than ANYTHING in this world. I thank God and my angels a million times a day for my incredible blessed life.” She continued, “I don’t do elevators, I’d rather walk 30 flights. I’m claustrophobic to an extreme level. I have never had a c section. I have only a couple friends, I married my best friend. I’m almost 8 years older than Kroy I went to nursing school and graduated. Practiced for a few years and loved it. I get car sick every time I’m a passenger. I love to gamble. I ASK for what I want, I BELIEVE I already have it, and I RECEIVE it. I’m anemic and get iron IV for it often. I worry about my kids 24/7. I’m loyal to a fault.
She ended with a little more realness, “I posted this pic because it took 3x to get my ass to look this juicy!!”
TELL US – WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT KIM ZOLCIAK’S SPONTANEOUS OVERLOAD OF FUN FACTS?
Photo Credit: Instagram/Kim Zolciak
The post Kim Zolciak Lets It All Out With A Bikini Pic And Some “Fun Facts” appeared first on Reality Tea.
Death came to Modern Family. It wasn't the first time, but the 2018 Halloween episode titled "Good Grief" featured a death that touched every part of the Pritchett-Dunphy-Tucker clans....
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The cast of Fox's long hyped live production of Rent is here and...wow. The network has tapped Vanessa Hudgens, Tinashe, Brandon Victor Dixon, Jordan Fisher and more to star in the live...
On this week’s edition of Married to Medicine, Quad Webb-Lunceford stops by at Toya Bush -Harris’s house and after some minor chit-chat about building a home, the conversation turns to Quad’s divorce from husband Dr. Gregory Lunceford. Quad claims that she had a method for how she addressed the divorce, putting the divorce papers on the table with the keys and walking out, because she didn’t want to make an enemy. Quad also says she’s not ready to date, but is ready for some girl time. Later that night, the girls will get together at Mariah Huq’s “Black Love Party.”
In the meantime, Mariah is scrolling through a notification from her bank for an unknown $3,000 purchase when her husband Dr. Aydin Huq walks in. Mariah questions the purchase when Dr. Aydin claims she’s tracking him. He admits that it’s for medical testing to get licensed in other states — it’s to protect him in case the new company that just took over decides not to extend the one-year contract he just signed. Mariah and Dr. Aydin talk about where he would want to go if he leaves. He wants to go to California — Mariah’s not pleased — but also opts for Texas. “Big hats, big boots and big boobs! I like that!” said Mariah.
At Dr. Contessa Metcalfe’s house, it has been three weeks since her double mastectomy and she’s not really ready to venture out of the house yet. Dr. Jackie Walters, who also had a double mastectomy, stops by with a bag of goodies and a pep talk for Contessa to try and get her to venture out one step at a time. Contessa assures Jackie that once her drains come out, she’ll give it a shot.
Back at Toya’s house, Dr. Eugene Harris III returns home and the conversation turns to the couple’s 10th-anniversary celebration. Dr. Eugene decides that he wants to lose a few pounds and Toya hopes that it’s to wear some sexy thong or another surprise for her. When they talk about planning their vacation, they decide that they want something romantic, but they also want a do-over from last year when they all went together on a couples’ vacation that Dr. Heavenly Kimes planned. That debacle of a vacation is still fresh in Toya’s mind, so she wants to make sure it’s done right this time.
Speaking of anniversaries, Jackie and Curtis Berry start talking about their 16th-anniversary celebration. They have been struggling over the past year, thanks to Curtis’ infidelity. He was photographed in public with a 27-year-old woman, but he says that he wants to move forward and start working on another 16 years. He has a surprise in store for Jackie.
Heavenly is catching up with her friend Towanda Braxton while Towanda is in the dentist chair and she’s grilling Towanda about her new man. Towanda says he’s amazing, but that the ex is bitter. Towanda says she got divorced because he was a cheater and it was affecting her children. Heavenly also grills Towanda about her sex life and asks if she’s pregnant. “I’m outta here,” laughs Towanda.
Curtis surprises Jackie with an outdoor dinner under a gazebo, which takes them back to their first trip to Paris. He mentions that he learned then about how in control Jackie likes to be, while Jackie talks about Curtis’ carefree ways. They decide that the rain that’s coming down around them is to wash away the old and bring in the new.
Toya calls the squad and tells them about the couples’ trip. Everyone seems on board, but the question is brought up as to whether or not to invite the newly-single Quad. Toya decides to let Quad decide what she wants to do. Quad decides that she’ll go and do some things with the group and some things on her own. After a constant battle with Dr. Contessa Metcalfe, Toya is also uncertain about inviting her.
It’s time for Mariah’s Black Love Party! The idea is that everyone comes dressed as a famous black couple in love. Mariah is concerned, however, that she and Dr Aydin will be judged because they are an interracial couple. The costumes are great, Dr. Simone Whitmore and Cecil go as the couple from “Love and Basketball”, Jarrett and her husband go as Will and Jada Smith; Eugene and Toya go as Steve and Marjorie Harvey. Jackie and Curtis dress as Michelle and Barack Obama. Simone jokes that they should’ve come as Bill and Hilary because Bill had a Monica. Oh snap, too soon? LOL
Mariah and Aydin come as Cookie and Lucious from Empire. To the cameras, Curtis says, “That’s one Cookie I want in my bag.” If Jackie’s eyes could only throw the daggers she had in them.
At Quad’s new townhome, Heavenly stops by dressed as Tina Turner. Quad is flabbergasted because Heavenly doesn’t get that it’s a black couple in love and Tina Turner’s husband Ike was a known abuser. Definitely not a good example.
Quad tells Heavenly that she’s not going to the party because she went to the costume store and, unexpectedly, had a breakdown over the fact that she was getting a divorce. She’s angry, mad and sad. Heavenly tells her that she’ll stay with her but lies to Mariah about why she’s not coming, saying that she’s staying home with her husband. The women feel that Mariah is the reason that Heavenly isn’t coming.
Mariah reads a poem about black love that she wrote to finish out the night.
Photo Credit: Bravo TV
The post Married to Medicine Recap: It’s all About Anniversaries, Forgiveness and Black Love appeared first on Reality Tea.
Luka Sabbat is doing an awful lot for being only 20 years old. Not only is he one of the stars of Freeform's grown-ish, but he's also running a creative company for artists, and...
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Man's best friend is getting a documentary series on Netflix. That's right, the streaming platform that riveted you with Making a Murderer and The Keepers is turning its attention on your...
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If the photos we’ve been seeing of the Real Housewives of New York cast at events over the past few months are any indication, we won’t be seeing as much of Bethenny Frankel or Luann de Lesseps this coming season. It seems to always be the Fab Four hanging out together: Sonja Morgan, Tinsley Mortimer, Dorinda Medley and Ramona Singer. Last night was another example of that. The ladies were having some fun together at the opening night of the Big Apple Circus at Lincoln Center in NYC.
Tinsley served as the Ringmaster/hostess of the opening night and Sonja Morgan was involved in some of the acts during the show, too. Also tagging along with the Fab Four: Dorinda’s beau John Mahdessian. He seems to attend a lot of these events with Dorinda, but stays low-key and off to the side mostly.
Check out the photos from their night out at the Big Apple Circus down in the gallery!
The post Tinsley Mortimer And Her Real Housewives of New York Co-Stars Have Fun At The Big Apple Circus Opening Night – Photos appeared first on Reality Tea.
Riverdale is a small town full of secrets, scandals and milkshakes, but the cast of Riverdale is full of bubbly personalities, go-getters and real-life BFFs. Even though the cast has only...
No one is going to promote a TV show and say that the upcoming season isn’t up to par. That just wouldn’t make any sense. With that said, so many reality TV stars and executive producers promise “epic seasons” of shows that end up being just OK.
It can be so tough to know what to believe when it comes to the hype around a TV show, but Andy Cohen is insistent that the Real Housewives of New Jersey ladies really bring it for Season 9. Not only that, but he believes that last season’s rookie Margaret Josephs has become an “essential” part of the cast.
Andy tweeted, “Just watched episode 7 of new season of #RHONJ – the season is fantastic & new women are GREAT! So excited.”
A fan asked, “3 more words to describe what you’ve seen?” Andy answered, “Funny, dramatic, Jersey.”
Another tweeter responded to Andy’s original post with “Glad to hear seems all the gossip blogs are spreading this is the end of the #RHONJ this is my fave cast hopefully they stick around!” Andy replied with a very reassuring tweet: “Omg it’s a rebirth. Feel GREAT about this season. I feel like we really got it right.” A rebirth? That’s a far cry from the go-to move of describing a reality TV show as “epic.”
One viewer told Andy “Not with Margaret in it sweetie.” Andy clapped back with “She is essential now!” Now that is some high praise. Margaret quoted that response and added “When the King defends his Queen.” New Housewife Jackie Goldschneider told Margaret, “Damn straight!! Love u @MargaretJosephs.”
Is it November 7th yet? I need to witness this “rebirth” firsthand.
TELL US- WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ANDY’S COMMENTS ON THE UPCOMING SEASON? IS MARGARET ESSENTIAL TO REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]
The post Andy Cohen Says Margaret Josephs Is “Essential” To Real Housewives Of New Jersey; Describes Season 9 Is A “Rebirth” appeared first on Reality Tea.
The Real Housewives taglines say so much. Not only do they provide ample GIF and meme material, but they also set the tone for the season. You can (usually) tell a lot about a Housewife’s storyline for a season based on her tagline.
Real Housewives of New Jersey returns for Season 9 on November 7, the trailer already came out, and now the taglines are here.
Us Weekly reports that OG cast member Teresa Giudice’s tagline for Season 9 is “These days I don’t throw punches, I roll with them.” We don’t need her throwing any punches, especially since that might be a probation violation, but let’s at least hope she’s still down for screaming matches verbal arguments.
Melissa Gorga’s Season 9 tagline is “Don’t try to bully me, because I’m a boss.” This giving off Season 7 Melissa vibes when her tagline was “I always act like a lady, but now I think like a boss.”
It has been speculated that Margaret Josephs is poking fun at her Season 8 foe Siggy Flicker with her Season 9 tagline: “I can make you laugh, or make you cry. Your choice!” Just based on the trailer, Margaret gets into it with new girl Jennifer Aydin, so this could be a tease about their interactions during Season 9.
Once again, Dolores Catania is talking about loyalty. Her Season 9 tagline is “I may put up a tough front, but I’ll never leave you behind.” Who is this referring to? Dolores was virtually absent from the trailer, so it will hopefully be interesting to see who she’s loyal to when the new episodes start airing
Jennifer’s tagline is “I’m obsessed with family, traditions, and Chanel.” The other new Housewife Jackie Goldschneider says “I have four kids, two degrees, and one kickass life.” That’s definitely catchier than Jennifer’s. Taglines aside, what will the fans think of the new additions to the cast?
One person who does not have a tagline this season is Danielle Staub. She’s back for more drama, but once again she is a “Friend of the Housewives” and not a full-time cast member.
TELL US- WHO HAS THE BEST TAGLINE THIS SEASON?
[Photo Credit: Tommy Garcia/Bravo]
The post Real Housewives Of New Jersey Season 9 Taglines Are Here appeared first on Reality Tea.
Fifteen years ago, audiences met Elphaba and Glinda on the Big White Way when Wicked made its Broadway debut. Now, the original Elphaba--Idina Menzel--and Glinda--Kristin Chenoweth--are back...
Pretty much every Real Housewife wants to be the queen bee on her show. There are plenty of women who think that they actually are the queen bees on their shows, but unfortunately for them that crown can only go to one person. Love her or hate her, that person on Real Housewives of Atlanta is NeNe Leakes.
She’s not the only one who thinks that though. The king of Bravo himself, Andy Cohen, agrees and believes that Real Housewives of Atlanta would not be the show that it is if it wasn’t for the OG cast member.
How did this come up? Twitter, of course. It all started when NeNe decided to do a question and answer session with her Twitter followers. A fan tweeted, “Glad you’re back on the show? What made you decide to rejoin the cast? Love seeing all of you ladies.”
NeNe responded with “RHOA is my baby! I started this franchise, shot the pilot and waited 4 it to be shopped! There’s never been a season where @Bravotv @Andy didn’t ask me back. I honestly needed a mental break.”
Andy quoted NeNe’s tweet and declared, “#RHOA is the house that Nene built!”
NeNe loved Andy’s tweet so much that she took a screenshot of it and posted it on Instagram. She added, “Well i guess we can all go to sleep wit our wigs off! Andy has spoken…Drops mic! Good nite bitch #RHOA #facts put some RESPECT on my name.”
TELL US- IS REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA THE HOUSE THAT NENE BUILT?
[Photo Credit: Instagram]
The post Andy Cohen Says Real Housewives Of Atlanta Is “The House That NeNe Leakes Built” appeared first on Reality Tea.
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Goodbye to you, Rick Grimes. Andrew Lincoln officially says goodbye to The Walking Dead in the Sunday, Nov. 4 episode of the AMC drama, but his swan song has already begun. In the Sunday,...
Last night’s 90 Day Fiance threw me for a loop. I found myself thinking, “Aww, these two are crazy kids just might make it!” more than once. WHO AM I? I don’t know if TLC is frauding us or not (hey – someone call Danielle to get her on the case), but there were more than a few tender moments this week that left me wistfully imagining that all might be okay in some of these fools’ lives. Then of course, Larissa and Leida landed, and we were immediately brought back to our senses. Thus, the trainwreck continues on its collision course, no matter how many beautiful vistas we see out the window on the way.
Before we get to those crazy chicks, let’s review the newest couples of the bunch: Steven & Olga Steven is a 23-year old beach bum who couch surfs at his friends’ houses and works as a waiter to support his skateboarding lifestyle. (Put that on a Tinder profile and watch the ladies swoon.) Although he made some dumb mistakes in the past, Steven says his days as a graffiti hooligan and ladies’ man are over. Why? Because he accidentally knocked up a Russian last summer! Natch.
Olga was visiting Ocean City, MD, for a few months when she met Steven, her summer romance. As it turns out, their three months of fun became a lifetime commitment when Olga found out she was pregnant. She’s been back in Russia for the duration of her pregnancy, but Steven plans to travel there to witness the birth of their child, and to see if they’re ready to commit to marriage. “I’ve got to grow up,” sighs Steven, who’s grandmother isn’t convinced that he’s ready to be in charge of a big boy bicycle, let alone a wife and baby.
Grandma is the only constant figure in Steven’s life, and she is touched to hear that Steven might name his son after his father (her son), who passed away when Steven was only seven years old. Aww. I love Steven for this! I love Grandma Steven too! I know, I know…our dreams of Steven being a sweet kid who’s “doing the right thing” will inevitably be crushed by TLC footage in a mere matter of weeks, but let’s bask in the glow of this tender moment while we can, people. WE NEED THIS.
After Steven calls Olga to check in, we see a final scene of Gram & Gramps dropping him off at the airport. They’re concerned about their clueless grandson flying to Russia – a country, as Grandma points out, the U.S. is having very troubled relations with at the moment. Also, Steven is just generally a hot mess, according to his family. But, hey, he’s got a camera crew with him who have literally lived through machete attacks and drunken Angela tirades in the past…so we’ll hope for the best?
It’s time for Jay to face the final interview for his K1 visa, so Ashley flies down to Jamaica for moral support – and to “get the D every day,” which is apparently all Jay has to offer in this relationship. Taking a page from Fanny Pack Ricky’s playbook, Jay has thrown cheesy rose petals all over the bed in preparation for Ashley’s arrival. He also tells us that Jamaican men are romantic, so the ladies can’t get enough of them. “We have a heavy sack,” Jay reports with a wink, which just caused me to stop typing, put my hand to my mouth, swallow the bile back down, and continue this recap in nauseated. THIS SHOW IS GIVING ME PTSD. (But I refuse to quit it – ever.)
Ashley even admits that she has to give Jay sex three times a day – but it’s all totally fine because that’s what keeps their relationship HAWT! Something tells me that this thrice per day sexytimes will not keep things afloat when Jay lands in Mechanicsburg, PA, and is assigned the role of stepfather/houseboy upon touchdown. (Hello, Luis and Molly 2.0!)
After they copulate enough times to lighten Jay’s sack to manageable levels, Jay heads out to his interview. He’s nervous because he’s had American girlfriends in the past, but wants us to know that this time it’s “real.” He also wants to make it clear that he would never marry someone “fat and slobby” just to get a green card. Apparently, immigration believes him because Jay returns from his interview with a smile on his face and the good news that he passed. Ashley throws her arms around him and they celebrate with a drink. He’s coming to America, ya’ll. Watch out, women of south central PA.
After Jonathan begs Fernanda to forgive him for panty-gate, she reluctantly decides to let it go. After all, who’s couch is she going to sleep on if not this dude’s? Also, Jonathan needs her to be cool because he’s about to introduce her to his circle of friends at a dinner party that night.
When they arrive, Fernanda is immediately intimidated by the stately home Jonathan’s friends own. But they turn out to be pretty lovely people who warmly welcome her into the fold, even though she can’t understand a lick of what they’re saying. Those North Carolina accents are beyond her translation skills!
Then, in a moment that makes me eternally pledge my love to Fernanda, she mimics them PERFECTLY for producers, following that up with calmly defending her home country of Mexico at the dinner table when the group discusses the border wall. Basically, everyone falls in love with her, probably more than they ever will with Jonathan, The Smarmy Realtor who keeps used thongs in his drawers. This girl might be young, she might be in a relationship with a total bro-douche, but damn! She’s kind of the best, right? GO FERNANDA!
So, if Fernanda is the best, then let’s all just go ahead and vote Leida as the worst…mmmkay? Because, yo – this chick be CRAY! I can’t even deal, and I’m not the one marrying her spoiled, entitled ass.
Eric is picking up Leida, her son Alessandro, and her AWFUL sister, Reina (sp?) in NYC because he wants to save the crushing disappointment of Baraboo, WI, for later. Upon arrival, Leida shows us what she’s made of immediately. Let’s just say that if Leida were a cocktail, its ingredients would be curdled milk shaken with strychnine and dusted with shards of glass. She goes down like a smoooooooth colonoscopy, people.
Anyway, Leida arrives. Eric manages to smile (at least a little) at seeing his bride-to-be, then throws Alessandro up on his shoulders to give him a tour of the airport. After initial greetings commence, Leida proceeds to b*tch at Eric for packing the bags into his trunk wrong, for taking them to a “cabin” in PA instead of staying in NYC, for the lowly state of their accommodations upon arrival, and for just generally existing. Eric hopes in vain that his lifestyle – which, by the way, is WAY more grim than this here cabin – is enough for Leida.
Eric also hopes that serving up breakfast burritos the next morning will save the day. Spoiler alert: THEY DO NOT. Leida and Reina sneer at the food laid out before them, with Leida outright commenting that she just thinks Eric should hire a maid to do this lowly work for them. Eric’s like, That will not be happening.
Sister Leida tells producers that if Eric can’t provide the lifestyle to which Leida has become accustomed, there is no way in hell she and her son will be staying. She also tells us that Leida is a nightmare to live with if she doesn’t get her way, which earns her some points for honesty. To further cement the point, we’re reminded that Leida’s parents will actually be flying into NYC soon to assess the situation. Thus, we shall prepare for the Indonesian Inquisition! Yo, Eric – are you ready to be boiled in a vat of oil and burned at the stake? Because this family is about to get all Game of Thrones on your sorry carcass.
Okay, let me preface this section of the recap by stating plainly that I LOVE ASUELU WITH THE FIRE OF A THOUSAND BURNING SAMOAN SUNS. Seriously, this guy is bringing me pure joy every time he’s on screen, and I second the comments of that random woman in the airport: If it doesn’t work out with your stink-faced girlfriend, call me. (Just don’t tell my husband.)
It’s the day of Asuelu’s arrival in LAX, and Kalani is excited to greet her baby daddy after spending months apart – especially as a single mom. Once she sees him, her eyes light up for a total of 5 seconds until Asuelu busts into a full – shirtless – traditional dance right there in Arrivals. Kalani is mortified by this public display of AWESOMENESS, practically pretending she doesn’t know him.
But Asuelu doesn’t care about embarrassing Kalani. He also doesn’t care about rubbing his naked midsection on the public floor of LAX. He’s just thrilled to be in a new country with the woman he loves, heading home to see his baby boy. Getting there is a bit hairy, however, considered Asuelu is freaked the hell out by LA freeways, not to mention Kalani’s 21st century ability to drive a motorized vehicle.
Back home at the Air B&B, Asuelu is awed by the “palace” Kalani has rented for them. We see photos of his home back in Samoa, which is a humble shack with no walls and a dirt floor. His life is going through a serious upgrade, and let’s just hope he’s in it for the right reasons. (Father Kalani suspects he’s not.)
Before Family Kalani can get all up in Asuelu’s loincloth, at least he’s allowed to have some sweet moments with his baby boy. Although baby Oliver cries when Asuelu holds him, Asuelo isn’t fazed. He’s just thrilled to be with him. Kalani is nervous about Asuelu not knowing the first thing about child-rearing – or life in the U.S. period. She’s hoping he’ll be a husband, father, provider, and teammate. Not sure Asuelu’s up to the task…but his child like enthusiasm is certainly a good sign. Or…maybe not? It’s too soon to tell. In the meantime, I HEART ASUELU! (And yes, I’m fully prepared to retract this statement at a later date. Like next week…)
It’s the day of Larissa’s arrival to the house of Colt and Mother Colt. And something tells me this BFF pair aren’t ready for the Brazilian Bomb that’s going to explode their entire codependent lives. As Mother Colt drives her dear boy home from work, they chuckle about how Larissa doesn’t really know anything about “the real Vegas.” Um, she also doesn’t know about 1) the three cats in prairie dresses, 2) Mother Colt’s desire to sit next to Colt for every meal until she takes her last breath, and 3) THE SLOT MACHINE BEHIND COLT’S CHAIR. (Can we discuss this? Wtf is going on, friends? Please explain.)
“I just don’t want to feel left out,” laments Mother Colt, who fully expects to be brought along on dates with her son and daughter-in-law…and sleep in their bed? Let’s assume YES. Larissa, you in danger girl!
When Colt picks up Larissa from the airport, we find out that Colt may actually be the one in danger. As soon as she marches her little pleather skirt and heels his way, she complains that he hasn’t brought her flowers. “Where are my flowers?” she keeps repeating, barely even bringing it in for a Duggar-style, side hug. DAYUM!
But Colt isn’t about to give in to Larissa’s demands, even when they pass a vending machine flower stand. “I’m not wasting $20 on flowers after what I paid for parking,” he deadpans, much to Larissa’s increasing irritation. After she’s loaded into Colt’s mommy-son vehicle, she finds out what else Colt refuses to pay for: AIR CONDITIONING. Come on, Colt! The flowers I get, but no AC in Las Vegas? That’s borderline abusive to any and all passengers. #WhatWouldYourCatsThink
As they drive in a 105-degree car through the dusty outskirts of Vegas, Larissa begins to panic. “This doesn’t look like my fantasy,” she complains, admitting she confused Vegas with New York, Hollywood, and Beverly Hills. Ummmmm, QUE? Also, she’s hot as balls, so her swamp ass situation is not helping her attitude. “Yeah, we’re in a desert,” says Colt. “Does Brazil have a desert?” “NO!” screams Larissa, who is likely developing a rash under that pleather situation.
Hilariously, Colt doesn’t even try to play it off like there’s any hope for Larissa’s dream. Instead he repeatedly reminds her that “this isn’t like the movies.” Well, unless the movies are about 4 millions tourists in stretch pants and fanny packs crowding around the “Welcome to Las Vegas” sign by the side of a filthy freeway to take selfies. In that case, then welcome to your dream, Larissa! Because that’s exactly what she gets when Colt drives her to the famous sign and stands awkwardly with her while she is slowly depressed to death before our very eyes.
“It’s not in my American dream,” sighs Larissa. “In future, I would not like to live here. In here is a nightmare!” Unaffected, Colt just laughs, because – DUDE – Larissa ain’t seen nothing yet. I mean, wait ‘til she gets a load of Mother Colt and the trio of bonnet-wearing cats waiting for her at home. Oh, TLC. We know you love us when we see storylines like this unfold. And all I have to say is…Bring. It. On.
Writer’s Note: Check out my podcast Pink Shade With Erin Martin for more Reality TV talk (Housewives, 90 Day Fiance, Exclusive Interviews & more!). Available on Acast, Stitcher, & iTunes! Visit pinkshadewitherinmartin.com for all links.
TELL US: ARE ANY OF THESE COUPLES THE REAL DEAL? IS LARISSA GOING TO MAKE COLT’S LIFE A LIVING HELL?
Photo Credit: TLC
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