"This is too screwed up...even for you." It was only a matter of time before American Horror Story: Cult really embraced some weird sex stuff, so good on Winter (Billie Lourd)...
The reality stars have been out and about a lot over the past few days already! We have an all new reality star sighting roundup for you tonight! Above: former Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Brandi Glanville attended the 12th Annual Denim, Diamonds And Stars at Four Seasons Hotel Westlake Village.
Some of Brandi’s former RHOBH co-stars were also out and about this week, including Yolanda Hadid, Lisa Vanderpump and Lisa Rinna.
Ramona Singer looked fantastic in white as she hit up Gabrielle’s Angel Foundation’s Angel Ball 2017 at Cipriani Wall Street. Her Real Housewives of New York co-star Dorinda Medley also made an appearance at the event.
Also in the gallery this week: Marlo Hampton, Teresa Giudice, Christy McGinty & Todd Gibel and more!
Photo Credit: Robin L Marshall/Getty Images
The post Reality Star Sightings – Brandi Glanville, Dorinda Medley, Teresa Giudice, Lisa Vanderpump, Cynthia Bailey And More appeared first on Reality Tea.
It’s sad to know that next week will be the season finale of The Real Housewives of Dallas. This show has been an escape since August. It has been a strong season filled with drama, laughs and dick jokes. This week proves once again that the cast has all equally pulled their weight. New girls, Kameron Westcott and D’Andra Simmons have also made a name for themselves. D’Andra hasn’t been the catalyst for any drama, yet is still arguably coming across the best this season. Never boring, D’Andra keeps it real and hasn’t shied away from an opinion yet. Kameron has committed to not being taken seriously, and it works. We’ve laughed (and sometimes rolled our eyes) through all of her moments and got to see what pink dog food looks like. We know you were wondering…
This episode picks up with Stephanie Hollman patiently teaching her son the alphabet with a Tutor. She’s happy to see that his confidence is growing and feels good about his progress. Later, we learn that her husband Travis also suffered from dyslexia growing up. And now he’s a multi-millionaire. Stephanie smiles as she realizes that her son is going to be just fine.
Wearing a fur over a fur, Kameron and her mother Karen, preview the Sparkle Dog launch party venue. Kam’s mom has things to do; don’t expect to see Karen at the party. Kameron recounts age seven when she was designing a towel for her parents’ textile company – pink and white of course. Neiman Marcus snapped it up, naturally. The goal is for her guests to “feel the sparkles”, walk across a pink carpet and even engage with a dog psychic. D’Andra arrives and Kameron explains that they have the product, but it’s red – NOT PINK. She asks if she should cancel and D’Andra says in business and product development you can’t stop the party. [Who says you can’t learn business while watching Housewives?]
Later on, Stephanie asked Cary Deuber to meet for dinner. Cary feels alone and hated by everyone. Stephanie was concerned that Cary left the table at the white party questioning her friendships. Looking to clarify, she asks Cary if she said she’ll never be friends with her and Brandi Redmond again. “Yeah” said Cary, “I did. That cave dinner is where I feel it went off track”. Stephanie takes Cary’s side, agreeing that Brandi wasn’t right to out Cary as “the nanny”. Later, Cary feels that once Brandi came back into the picture, she and Stephanie haven’t hung out as much and references some “spell” Brandi must have. She encourages Stephanie to be conscious of the spell and be clear that they’re two different people.
Over at LeeAnne Locken’s house, Brandi arrives with a HUGE, like REALLY big floral arrangement. LeeAnne is feeling stronger and should survive the flesh-eating bacteria after all. Brandi says her feelings were hurt once again by Cary at her White Party. LeeAnne says she smashed the glass to get everyone to shut up but doesn’t know how they’ll move forward with the former Nanny. Brandi, still a little fired up, stands behind her revelation of Cary’s past, telling LeeAnne she kept that secret for over a year. LeeAnne, channeling Real Housewives of Orange County’s Kelly Dodd, labels Cary the puppeteer of Brandi and Stephanie, dubbing Stephanie as being easily swayed and Cary super manipulative. She tells Brandi that Stephanie isn’t as two-faced as she thought, instead manipulated by Cary. Cut back to the dinner with Stephanie to and Cary: Cary says, “I’m not the kind of friend who’s going to try to manipulate [you] into anything”. Like a coach in a locker room, she encourages Stephanie to separate herself. On the flip side, LeeAnne advises her teammate Brandi to tell Steph that if she stays close with Cary, it will damage their friendship.
D’Andra and her coordinator Amelia head to the lab to meet with Jackie to sign off on the production sample. L22 Elixir is officially happening. It’s also her favorite number. Everything is ready to go – except the main ingredient – L22. They’ll have to wait four weeks, despite launching in two. Maybe Jackie has the solution? The Cosmetic Designer replies, “Uh, then I don’t know what we’re going to do”. Amelia is officially concerned about Mama Dee. Is Dee going to be angry and lose confidence in D’Andra? Will they get L22 in time? And will D’Andra ever run the company?
At the Westcott mansion, Kameron fills her kids in on the status of the red coloring debacle. The kids aren’t worried. According to Kameron, her patience level is not working out. Court received a box he has yet to open. This poor guy, he knew he’d take on the majority of this business venture. His initial investment produced red dog food, forcing him to throw in an additional $10k just to get it pink. The “mystery box” arrives and is it bubble gum pink? …well, is it? … kinda. Regardless, Kameron is making dog food history.
Deep outside of the Dallas zip codes, miles away from Highland Park is Plano, TX. – home to the Redmonds. Kameron takes a moment or two to parallel park and can’t stop talking about the commute. Some vintage Housewives music plays, it’s all very housewivey. Kameron and Brandi are supposed to work on their friendship. Not missing an opportunity, the red dog food mogul takes a moment to remind Brandi she served her guests drinks out of plastic cups at last week’s party. She ever so sweetly invites Brandi to her launch party. In her interview, she vocalizes her concern over Brandi possibly jeopardizing her “brand”…. In an overly edited sequence, we cut to Brandi saying she doesn’t want to have a stick up her ass like Kameron. Kameron perceives Brandi’s button pushing to be a possible girl crush. They both chalk up their differences to “believing in different things”. With the invite to the launch party comes instructions that Brandi needs to be on her best behavior. We’re talking Highland Park level behavior. To her dismay, sexual chocolate (the dildo) is not invited. Surprisingly, Brandi apologizes that Kameron would have to address the phallic figure.
It’s the day of The Sparkle Dog Launch Party and we’re told a compromise has been made. Apparently, focus groups weren’t happy with how the pink dog food came out of the other end and must be mixed with a little bit of brown kibble. Kameron seems okay with it, looking like a million bucks in her pink sequin dress as she oversees the set up. Court, can’t contain his excitement, standing in gym shorts calling it the most absurd thing he’s ever seen. These two make an interesting pair.
Brandi, LeeAnne and D’Andra drive over together. Brandi tells the two of her lunch with Kameron. LeeAnne fills D’Andra in on the Nanny secret that came to light at the white party. Brandi is still not over being called a liar by Cary. Relieved she missed the white party drama, D’Andra won’t get involved with the insinuation that Cary had an affair with Mark while he was married. She said she was accused of being a home wrecker and wants nothing to do with it.
The ladies of Highland Park arrive with their dogs. Kameron and some of the ladies try the pink dog food. (Is this a party faux pas?) Steph’s dog, Biscuit arrives and dog food is served upon silver trays. This is how you know you’re in the right zip code. Louis Vuitton Westcott arrives on a sparkle pillow, complete with sparklers behind him. Stephanie asks if Mariah Carey has entered the building! The whole thing is very Kameron and very strange according to Steph. During her speech, it’s Kameron’s turn to break out the note cards. We learn that “pink means power” and even though she’s blonde, it all came together (with a little help from her husband’s checkbook) and she’s proving to everybody that Sparkle Dog will be a success.
Across the party, sits a pet psychic. D’Andra is concerned that one of her dogs, Gypsy doesn’t follow her around the house. The Psychic leans in, Gypsy does love D’Andra, but just didn’t bond with her mom as a puppy. D’Andra draws similarities to Gypsy’s struggle to latch to her mother’s nipple to the relationship with her OWN mother. Breaking down, D’Andra describes her relationship as strictly business. It’s kind of sad when she says she wants a regular mother/daughter friendship – one not involving money or finances.
We learn of LeeAnne’s upcoming engagement party. Everyone is invited EXCEPT Cary and Mark. Apparently, LeeAnne’s fiancé Rich enjoys Cary and Mark for whatever reason and would like them to attend their celebration. Instead of talking to Cary, LeeAnne would rather just talk to the one househusband that creeps her out, Mark. LeeAnne corners Mark, but is surprisingly subdued – for LeeAnne. She outright says that she has an issue with liars and Mark asks her if she’s calling his wife a liar. Mark then asks her if she has told stories about him “soliciting men for favors”. Once again, LeeAnne owns it, confessing “Yes”. She clarifies that she said that after Cary told the girls that her fiancé has a small penis. Technically, her surgery was before Mexico – and so was the comment. LeeAnne says Rich really respects Mark, and in turn, he asks if she respects him. She says yes, despite calling him his practice a “chop shop”. LeeAnne doesn’t back down, telling the Doc that she said that it was in response to his wife calling her Doctor a vagina Doctor. Here we go again. Mark fires back saying it’s a fact. LeeAnne asks if it’s a fact that Brandi’s Doc killed a patient on the operating table. LeeAnne calls Mark’s wife a liar and agrees that she’s lied about Cary, owned it and apologized, while Cary has not.
At the bar, Stephanie encourages Cary to have a conversation with Brandi. Cary asks for someone to send Brandi over to talk to her. Weird. Anyway, Cary and Stephanie get up and walk over to Brandi. They cut off a waitress who looks at them pissed. Cary and Brandi end up right where they started – at the bar. Cary asks what she did that was SO BAD that Brandi had to bring up her scandalous nannying past – she cuts to the chase, telling the redhead to “cut the shi*”. Defusing the situation, Cary asks why it’s such a bad secret that she watched Mark’s kids. Brandi thinks Cary crossed the line by being that close to a family and felt like she was keeping a secret for her. Cary writes it off as a job, and that she watched LOTS of plastic surgeon’s children because she was so trusted. She calls out Brandi for joining LeeAnne to trash her marriage. Brandi ultimately apologizes for talking trash about Cary in front of the whole group, feeling it should have been done in private. In private? She only said what she knew to hurt Cary, what would they have talked about in private? Despite feeling betrayed, Cary accepts Brandi’s apology and feels LeeAnne is once again the person behind it all.
Next Week: LeeAnne and Rich’s big engagement party kicks off. Stephanie can’t accept LeeAnne in Brandi’s life. D’Andra faces the big boss and the music over the missing L22. Brandi and LeeAnne argue over something LeeAnne did or didn’t say. And with that looks like the end of friendship we all saw coming.
TELL US – THOUGHTS ON THIS WEEK’S EPISODE? WAS LEEANNE RIGHT TO APPROACH MARK DEUBER?
Listen to Grants Rants Hollywood Talk Podcast on Apple Podcasts and all major podcasting platforms for even more Real Housewives and Reality TV juice!
Photo Credit: Bravo TV
The post Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: The Nanny and the Confessor appeared first on Reality Tea.
Whoever decided to book Kelly Dodd and LeeAnne Locken for the same Watch What Happens Live episode deserves a raise. What a fire pairing. Andy Cohen barely had to do any hosting. These two were more than happy to open up.
Kelly and LeeAnne spilled tea, talked shit, and kept it real as they possibly could.
It seemed like such a random and magical idea to put Kelly and LeeAnne together, but Kelly actually revealed, “We actually have each other’s phone numbers. We talk to each other.” I would love to see those text screen shots.
Of course Andy referenced LeeAnne’s iconic surgery day soliloquy about having hands in her hands- several times. LeeAnne shared, “Surgery freaks me out. My grandmother died on the operating table, so I really freak with surgery. So I get there and Brandi [Redmond] got me in such an agitated state and I walk in and the doctor was like ‘we gotta relax her, so let’s give her more.'” Andy asked, “So that was you relaxed?” LeeAnne admitted, “That was me fighting the drugs.”
Kelly couldn’t help chiming in with, “What did you say? ‘My hands aren’t knives’? What are you: Freddy Kruger?” LeeAnne admitted, “Yeah. Kind of.”
Andy got more than Kelly’s opinion on the Dallas drama when he asked, “If someone told you that your boob doctor killed his previous patients on the surgery table right before you were going in for your surgery, what would you do in that situation?” She said, “That’s what Vicki [Gunvalson] said about Terry Dubrow.” Wait. What? When? Kelly added, “I swear. Promise. That’s why Heather [Dubrow] got mad.” Andy had no recollection about any of that (and neither did I- a self-appointed Bravo historian), but Heather insisted that it was a part of that infamous Ireland bus fight. This makes sense since there was way too much going on in that scene to comprehend it fully.
Andy also asked Kelly how she would react if she had a good friend who wouldn’t let her in the house with her kids like Brandi did to LeeAnne. Kelly continued spilling that Dubrow tea by saying, “That happened to me with Heather. Bye, bitch.”
Then Andy went back to asking LeeAnne about Dallas instead of Kelly (even though that was giving us some pretty juicy OC tidbits somehow). In response to a clip from next week’s finale argument with Brandi, LeeAnne confessed, “I think at that point I was so sad to have somebody flip back and forth so many times that- you know, you saw me at the reunion- I was just sad.” Andy confirmed that with a “Yeah.”
A caller asked LeeAnne about her nemesis Stephanie Hollman making jokes about her flesh eating bacteria. LeeAnne said, “Watching Stephanie this year consistently dog me and talk horrible about me in her confessionals, but then smile to my face every time we did a scene together was really… You’re getting to see the Stephanie that I deal with every year.”
We all knew it was coming. It was the elephant in the room for the whole episode. Andy looked to Kelly and said, “You re-filed for divorce. What’s going on with you and Michael [Dodd]? She responded with, “We sold our house”- which saddens me because she has the most visually appealing home on the show. Enough about me, Andy wondered, “Do you think this is for good?” Kelly shared, “Well, I’ve tried. I filed for divorce too five years ago. I wasn’t with him for two years. I tried for five years and it’s just not working.”
Andy remarked, “It seems to me that you were getting along the best that I’ve seen.” Kelly agreed and said, “We get along great. We have a good time together. We are really good friends.” LeeAnne shared her two cents: “Sometimes you need more than just friends.” Kelly added, “I need more than a brother.” Damn. That’s rough, but I’m so #TeamKelly these days that I am all for it.
A caller asked Kelly if she thought “Lydia [McLaughlin] was overreacting about being left out of the group text?” Kelly said, “Oh, absolutely. Of course. It was ridiculous. We even said to her that it was ridiculous. It was just an oversight.” It was also ridiculous how Lydia initiated that group walk to abandon Meghan Edmonds in response to her breast feeding her baby moments after she was complaining about being excluded. The irony. The hypocrisy. Standard Lydia.
LeeAnne jumped back into the conversation and told a viewer, “I think there will be cast members at my wedding.” By that she has to mean D’Andra Simmons and Kameron Westcott. There’s no chance in hell that she’s inviting Cary Deuber or Stephanie. Whether or not Brandi gets invited is something that could change from day to day. I actually do enjoy their relationship (when they’re getting along) so I hope that they do end up get back together eventually. It is not likely, but I am all for it.
A viewer asked Kelly, “What do you think about Meghan saying you’re too mean and nasty for the show?” And she had the best response: “Well, she’s boring for the show.”
TELL US- IS MEGHAN TOO BORING FOR RHOC? WAS BRANDI AND LEEANNE’S FRIENDSHIP GENUINE?
[Photo Credit: Charles Sykes/Bravo]
The post Kelly Dodd Calls Out Meghan Edmonds For Being Boring; LeeAnne Locken Talks Brandi Redmond Friendship appeared first on Reality Tea.
Jack Pearson is celebrating. Though his character is unfortunately no longer with us on This Is Us, at least in the present-day timeline, Milo Ventimiglia was ready to gush over last...
Before that beyond annoying panty-gate storyline (that got dragged out way longer than it ever should have), Dorit Kemsley was immediately criticized for two things during her first season on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: her inexplicable accent and her army of nannies she has for her two children.
Obviously none of us actually know how things work in the Kemsley household when it comes to the nanny involvement, but the portrayal of the situation is definitely something that stood out to the fandom. Now the mother of Phoenix and Jagger wants to add a third baby to the mix.
Dorit shared her thoughts on expanding the Kemsley family in an interview with Us Weekly. She revealed, “I think that if that happens, then it happens. I’m not focused on it, but I do also think that I’m put on this Earth and designed to be able to multitask, and be able to have a family, and have young babies and still have a career.” She added, “I also have a lot of support and a great team around me. So it’s not really like everything is on me. So I have help.” We are aware.
She explained that she doesn’t mind waiting for a third child because her recently revived fashion career is her new baby: “I sort of put my career on hiatus to start a family with my husband, and I was really focused on that,.” Now I wonder if pondering a third baby will be a part of her storyline next season.
Dorit added “Now it feels like I’m in that right place to do it all over again, and I’ve got great balance because I’ve got a supportive husband, and my children are just a little bit older. They’re not baby-babies, although they’re still babies in my heart. They’re off the bottle, and out of diapers, or one of them is, anyway. So it’s a little bit easier, and it just feels like it’s now.”
RELATED: Dorit Kemsley Enjoys Beach Vacation With Her Family – Photos
TELL US- ARE YOU HAPPY THAT DORIT WILL BE BACK FOR A SECOND SEASON ON RHOBH? IS IT A GOOD TIME FOR DORIT TO ADD A THIRD BABY TO THE FAMILY OR SHOULD SHE FOCUS ON HER WORK FOR NOW?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]
The post Dorit Kemsley Wants To Have A Third Child appeared first on Reality Tea.
Ghosts. Demonic possession. Witchcraft. Vampires. The lost colony of Roanoke. For six spooky seasons, Ryan Murphy and his team have leaned hard into the supernatural to deliver the scares...
Mark Ballas and Lindsey Stirling were perfect for Dancing With the Stars' A Night at the Movie episode. The Dancing duo received a 40--yes, four 10s from judges Carrie Ann Inaba, Len...
Sara Ramirez is returning to TV. The Grey's Anatomy fan favorite is joining the cast of CBS's Madam Secretary in the wake of Bebe Neuwirth's departure. Ramirez will play Kat...The breakup and custody battle between Bethenny Frankel and Jason Hoppy has been beyond messy. Now it seems like the drama has finally come to the end for the former couple since he took a deal in the stalking case against him.
Hopefully they can just co-parent peacefully from now because it definitely got way out of hand for a while. He (allegedly) showed up at their daughter’s school screaming at her. She has also alleged that he sent her threatening emails and texts.
Now Page Six is reporting that Jason took a dismissal deal in the case which means he did not have to admit to any sort of guilt in the stalking charges. All he has to do is leave Bethenny alone for six months and the case will be dropped. That seems like a pretty good deal to me. The man definitely lucked out- minus all of the bad publicity and notoriety he has gained.
Apparently Jason was offered this deal because he doesn’t have a criminal record and most of the communication was about their daughter Bryn. I’m not sure how threatening someone helps with the whole parenting thing, but Bethenny is probably just relieved to put this whole mess behind her for now. She’s busy saving the world after hurricane damages.
Instead of just letting this one go and being grateful that he got such a good deal, Jason’s lawyer Alex Spiro made this claim outside the courtroom: “It is clear from the trajectory of this case that her claims were not substantiated or credited and that their motive was questioned.” They really just couldn’t let it go? There are witnesses and screen shots. Come on.
RELATED: Court Drama Continues For Bethenny Frankel And Jason Hoppy Over Stalking Charges
TELL US- WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT JASON TAKING THE DEAL IN THIS STALKING CASE?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]
The post Bethenny Frankel’s Stalking Case Against Ex Husband Jason Hoppy Will Be Dismissed If He Leaves Her Alone For Six Months appeared first on Reality Tea.
Nick Lachey is disappointed. It's only natural. The singer and professional partner Peta Murgatroyd were booted from Dancing With the Stars during week six, "A Night at the movies."...
After getting set up by Carole Radziwill on a blind date, Tinsley Mortimer fell into an immediately serious relationship with Scott Kluth. They went to Miami right after that and he was sending her flowers during the Real Housewives of New York cast trip to Mexico.
Since Tinsley could not bring men back to Sonja Morgan’s townhouse, she moved into a hotel, and she revealed that she would be moving in with Scott “in the fall” during the RHONY reunion. There’s no word on whether or not that actually happened, but if it hasn’t, it’s not going to now.
According to a report from Page Six (an honorary RHONY cast member at this point), Tinsley and Scott have broken up. According to someone who is described as “a source close to Mortimer,” “Tinsley thinks Scott is a great guy … it was too much too soon.” Who goes on a trip with someone days after meeting him? Tinsley seemed to be all about this relationship, so did she think it was too much too soon or did Scott? Maybe it was both of them- either way, that definitely seems to be the case. At least they didn’t rush into a quickie marriage (and divorce) like a certain Countess.
That same source told Page Six, “She started filming ‘Housewives’ after escaping a really bad relationship and then jumped right into a whirlwind romance with Scott. She didn’t have time to heal or fully settle back into life in New York.” Yikes. Where will she live now? Will she move back into the infamous townhouse with Sonja? Will she go back to the hotel? Will she just start dating someone else and hope that he’s dating for a roommate? Is she still working as an “account executive” for Scott’s company Coupon Cabin? There are just so many questions, the most important one of all being: Will Tinsley be back on Real Housewives of New York for another season?
RELATED: Tinsley Mortimer Is Traveling Through Europe With Scott Kluth & Working For His Company
TELL US- ARE YOU SURPRISED THAT TINSLEY AND SCOTT BROKE UP? DO YOU WANT TO SEE TINSLEY ON ANOTHER SEASON OF RHONY?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]
The post Tinsley Mortimer Reportedly Single Again: Was It Too Much Too Soon? appeared first on Reality Tea.
Roseanne, Darlene, Jackie, Becky (No. 1 and No. 2), D.J. and even Dan (yes, somehow Dan has risen from the dead) are all back for Roseanne, 20 years after the show ended. The eight-episode revival...You can take the Real Housewives Of Orange County out of the OC, but you can’t take the OC out of the girls, right? Lydia McLaughlin tried when she hauled them all the way to Iceland on the other end of the earth but wound up arguing over the same trivial details anyway.
For all her complaining that she’s left out of the fun (what fun? I ask you) Lydia did put together a helluva a trip for these women. I guess she was trying to suck up and make them like her or something. They arrive in the land of eternal daylight of the shit-talking mind, and Tamra Judge worries that exposure to all this sun will add to her wrinkle collection. Like she might soon start looking (and acting!?) her age. Of course, they have plastic surgery for this, but still – the real Tamra is not her best side.
On the bus from the airport Kelly Dodd is the only person who gives a flying figaloon that they are in this beautiful country. As she quizzes the driver about local customs from the no puke zone at the front of the bus, the other women roll their eyes.
Meghan Edmonds brought her baby and nanny, and on the bus Aspen fusses and is apparently hungry. Meghan just sits there staring straight ahead while the nanny tries desperately to calm the baby down. Meghan didn’t need all the ice in Iceland to freeze her heart! I blame Jimmy Dad Jeans for this. So many years of emotional neglect has left Meghan feeling despondent and alone – something she can commiserate with Lydia over! Or perhaps it was Meghan who rendered Jimmy Dad Jeans without a jazz hand in the world, seeking solace only in his love of candles and cheese. Who knows, but Meghan, girl – that was COLD!
Their first stop in Iceland is shopping, and if nothing puts these ladies in a good mood it’s spending money. It doesn’t matter that they’re shopping for winter parkas and snowpants that turn them into moon explorers. Especially when they realize that $99,000 Krona is less than $1000 dollars. Even Shannon Beador is excited – for once she’ll able to buy everything, because no one else is competition for her size! I mean, good for her for looking at the eternal bright side of Iceland.
While Vicki Gunvalson tries to figure out how zippers work – foreign concepts in foreign lands, y’all! – she and Tamra start laughing. A slight thaw! Their laughter continues all the way to the hotel, which is in the middle of nowhere – literally – and every room is decorated like a different continent. It’s the Epcot Center of Iceland. Only with booze and penguin jerky. Mmmmmm…
Lydia puts herself up in the ‘Golden Girls in the 1980’s stateroom,’ but Shannon finds herself living with Orca furniture – she is happy amongst her killerwhale furniture kin. Actually Shannon is happy to be anywhere that’s not the OC, but everything with David is just ammmmmmaaaaaazing and wonderful and WHAT AFFAIR?! They had a vow renewal so that means nothing could ever possibly go wrong again #CallVickiGunvalson
Tamra is trapped in the Japanese suite, which consists of a giant inverted wooden tissue box holder that serves as a bathtub and a kids-sized chair and table, plus these wooden block shoes that go with a geisha costume. It’s kinda of perfect for Tamra. There, in the wooden bathtub that will inevitably give a girl splinters in her cooch, Vicki and Tamra bond. They reminisce about terrible trips past, and the next thing they know they’re squeezing under the kids table (where they’ll forever belong), popping champagne and remembering why they were friends in the first place. Shannon looks on warily as Peggy Sulahian suggests a toast to friendship. Shannon does not trust La Gunvalson and whatever hidden guns she has under her cashmere poncho.
With everyone bonding, My Little Lydia is feeling all by herself in her normal room; gazing into the forever sun with her Carebear Stare and wondering why no rainbows are appearing on her horizon. Even calling Douggy Delightful does little to pick her up.
At 8pm in the blinding sunlight the ladies meet for dinner on the the hotel horizon. All bundled up in furs and blankets, they sip drinks and we meet the man I am convinced is Vicki’s soulmate: Fridrik. Fridrik is the owner of this astounding hotel, and he serves them such delicacies as fermented shark and puffin (yes, the penguin – not the cereal!) for dinner, then demands they wash it all down with a magical elixir called “Black Death.”
Afterwards the women retire to Lydia’s room for “a nightcap.” It dawned on Lydia that Tamra and Shannon aren’t with them. It turns out that Shannon told them all in a group text that she was staying in to do her oxygen healing lemon enema and holistic hygiene routine, although I’m sure she would have appreciated the natural benefits of fermented fish. Everyone knew this except Lydia because *gasp* SHE’S WAS LEFT OFF THE GROUP TEXT! The horror. The glacial ungodliness. HOW DARE THEY?!
Meghan swiftly adds Lydia to the chain and no one understands why Lydia is acting like someone forced a fermented shark down her throat. But the big deal is that My Little Lydia is tired of being left-out! First the farmhouse dinner – now this. Worst of all the group text was initiated by Tamra, and Tamra is supposed to be Lydia’s Soul Sister in Christ. Now bibles will spontaneously combust throughout the land because Tamra [again] violated one of the commandments. Thou Shall Not Exclude Soul Sisters From Edict Scrolls To The Plebeian Masses. At least I think that’s what Moses said…
Lydia goes to bed sads, but Kelly and Vicki don’t go to bed at all. Why waste all this daylight on sleep – it just means more hours to whoop it up! They corral Fridrik and his DD to take them into town where they are treated to the Icelandic delicacy of fried mozzarella sticks and then they all crash a 1987 high school reunion. It was the most perfect kind of outing for Vicki. Are she and Fridrik not perfect together?!
The next morning a well-rested Tamra saunters into the common area with Shannon and they are both wearing viking hats. Shannon apparently finds this to be so witty and is proud of herself. When Tamra learns of Kelly and Vicki’s wild whoop up, she’s jealous. That +1 role used to be reserved for her. Now she has Shannon – and cheesy costumes.
The first adventure is driving ATV’s across black ice. Actually the first adventure is getting Shannon into her snowsuit. It doesn’t fit. It doesn’t zip! She has to pee but can’t unzip! Why is she a medium when she should be a small but needs a large!
Shannon is also the only one who will trust Tamra with her life after Glamis. Of course Shannon didn’t almost die in Glamis courtesy of her hatred of Vicki, but hey – why let another opportunity pass her by?! As they traverse the amazing terrain, all the women think about is being cold. Even the barren (and f–king amazing!) bones of a dead Killer Whale doesn’t put things into perspective. They all cluster around the skeleton, staring despondently, wondering why Iceland would transport the body of Shamuu all the way out here, then just leave it sitting there to decompose. They don’t understand art. But they do want some lunch. Lydia is disappointed and feels like the dejected bones of a former Seaworld attraction.
At the restaurant, while Lydia is in the restroom, Shannon whispers to Tamra that Lydia is upset about being excluded from the group text so perhaps Tamra should mention that it was an accidental oversight due to jet lag or something. Lydia returns to the table in the middle of this lecture, and attitudes are high as the altitude! Lydia argues that it wasn’t being left off the text, it’s that her feelings are hurt but Tamra doesn’t care. Tamra doesn’t get it – Lydia should get it over it.
I certainly don’t care, but Lydia does. So much that she throws menus at Shannon and Tamra, then storms away from the table to cry in the bathroom. Peggy goes to check on her, but she takes so long even Vicki realizes something’s wrong. Vicki has put on her ‘being good’ blinders on now that the women like her again. It’s a familiar feeling Kelly should recognize from last year’s trip to Ireland. It was there that everyone started thawing towards Vicki, and when Kelly found herself in their crosshairs, Vicki didn’t defend her friend for fear of being ostracized again. Well, look how that turned out?!
Shannon bristles that she would never overreact to something so small and trivial. Cue to flashbacks of Shannon’s entire life, including the time she nearly came to blows with Heather Dubrow over a chair.
When Lydia finally returns to the table, the awkwardness is so palpable even the appearance of Meghan’s baby from somewhere on the frozen tundra can’t boost spirits. Poor Aspen’s nanny! Lydia and the ladies decide to hike to a nearby waterfall while Meghan nurses and Vicki provides Lydia with some advice on the whole Shamra debacle.
Although Lydia was in the right to be mad about Tamra’s callousness, throwing the menus is gonna blow up into a ‘gate’ and we’ll be hearing about how Lydia is unhinged until they all turned into that Killer Whale sculpture by the beach. Vicki advises Lydia to cut this off at the head with a swift apology for her over-reaction. And knock me over with a paper menu – was that some salient, solid GOOD ADVICE from Vicki Gunvalson?! I have the vapors. And Lydia is having a psychotic break!
Lydia does try to apologize, but Shannon and Tamra flood her with their defensive rebuttals about how it was so an accident to exclude her and it’s not fair that Lydia is mad. You know, the usual gracious Tamra behavior! Still Lydia tried and so the ladies go hike up a glacier where Shannon complains all the way up and Shannon complains all the way down. Even though Meghan is the one who has to pee in the sinkhole of a crevice.
I honestly don’ know how anyone puts up with Shannon. It’s like dealing with your cantankerous grandmother. The inshanity never stops. I mean, Meghan’s infant is less high maintenance. Ergo maybe Shannon needs a nanny? A Shanny!
All the way up the glacier, she huffs and puffs and whines that she’s too out of shape, frets she’ll fall, then almost fell and needs help, her shoelace got caught on her shoe and at one point Tamra literally RUNS to escape her. Then all the way down its the same refrain – like The Song That Never Ends… Shannon try being H-A-P-P-Y for once. She should go hang out with Lydia’s mom.
By the time they’re on the bus back to the hotel, Vicki’s night of whopping it up has caught up with her. And the high altitude is making her woozy. Plus, now, Vicki apparently has a heart condition?
At the hotel Vicki starts feeling faint and vomits while soap opera doctors Peggy and Kelly worry about that to do. Apparently Peggy is the official trip caretaker – unless thy name is Shannon, then she’s out (wisely!).
Peggy worries that Vicki is having heart palpitations and possibly a heart attack, and tells Kelly to call for help. The Icelandic paramedics arrive and hearing sirens immediately Meghan is on the case. Barging into the room to sniff out this health drama and medical detective all over Vicki’s chart. Is Vicki faking a heart attack for casseroles?! Will Meghan manage to procure a copy of the medical records and learn that Vicki suffered only from Fermented Shark Indigestion. Or perhaps it was the Black Death that poisoned her…Will Vicki miraculously recover in time for dinner?!
But seriously – why was Meghan involved?! She is such a busy-body, but overall, so far this is a fun trip and everyone is getting along. So sad that we all know it won’t last!
TELL US – WILL EVERYONE MAKE IT OUT OF ICELAND ALIVE? WOULD YOU TRAVEL WITH SHANNON? WILL VICKI AND TAMRA BECOME FRIENDS AGAIN?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]
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