Summer House Recap: Shots Fired!

On last night’s Summer House, roommates turned enemies, and Lauren Wirkus demonstrated how to lose a guy you don’t want in 10 days or less.

After learning of Carl Radke‘s “betrayal” in bringing a date to a wedding, then lying about it, Lauren has decided she must confront him to let him know A) she doesn’t care; and B) she does care that he lied; and C) she’s a super chill, rational, understanding, forgiving person who totally doesn’t want to marry Carl and have extremely tall babies. Carl got his karma, however, because he came down with tonsillitis at the wedding and is forced to endure an entire weekend in Montauk, including Lauren’s rambling lecture while sober.

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Is this some sort of crazy twin-vengeance that Lauren and Ashley concocted in the margarita machine to rain down upon the Carl’s sweet salesman tongue leaving him, literally, red-faced, panting, and unable to speak!? Let’s hope cause that would be exciting TV.

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After talking until Carl forgets he possesses male anatomy, Lauren manages to find it in her heart to forgive, but Ashley has her eye on him. And they both have their eyes on Stephen McGee, who is juggling a dangerous game of go-between. Lauren demanded no one talk to Carl about the messy date situation until she got her claws into him, but Carl and Stephen rode to Montauk together and of course he spilled the beans about what Lauren knows and that she saw the photo of him with a date.

Stephen advises Carl to play it cool and wait for Lauren to come to him; then Stephen sneakily tells Lauren to go talk to Carl before Kyle Cooke gets his rosé on and all the crumbs come falling out of his mouth.

After lecturing a sober Carl, Lauren gives him some ear plugs and a sleep mask for his eyes. See no evil, hear no evil, have no fun in Summer House, and Carl and his antibiotic go to bed! The rest of the crew turns up the music for a much-needed tension releasing dance party. By 2 am most of them “turn down for bed,” but not Kyle. He’s once again drunk-dialing No Demanda-Amanda. Despite breaking up with her not once, not twice, but thrice – most recently the previous week in NYC – Amanda Ubers her desperation right over then begs Kyle not to use her. The next morning, Amanda is still here, and plans to stay. Her punishment is being forced into water aerobics while wearing a swim cap led by Coach Stephen. She also has a nose plug. Because smell no evil?

I guess mid-summer is the time for all relationships to sink. And not only that, but everyone is dragging the messy detritus with them from NYC. Cristina Gibson and Lindsay Hubbard are NOT getting along, not in Manhattan and certainly not in Montauk, and career transitions are the straws that failed to stir the drink.

Cristina left her job at a start-up to refocus on her freelance journalism career, subsequently Lindsay has dissolved her PR firm to go solo. Over manicures, Lindsay announces that she plans to have her interns working from the apartment while she figures out office space. Cristina is flabbergasted – in addition to having to step around all of Lindsay’s messy drama with Everett Weston, she’s now going to have interns piled up on her WiFi? Without warning? All while Cristina is already working from home! She suggests Lindsay haul her interns down to Starbucks – they have bathrooms there! – or work from home.

Lindsay is furious that Cristina isn’t being supportive of this big career change and that she’s hogging the apartment for her own work. She decides Cristina is a “bad friend.”

I see both points. I think Lindsay could’ve been more upfront about her plans. Initially it sounded like she was going to have the interns working there indefinitely and that she’s known for a while that her company was going to end. However, Cristina could’ve been more flexible – especially saying she didn’t mind a day or two, but hoped within a week Lindsay could figure out a better solution. Of course, these two were already on bad terms, so…

Involving himself in the messiness is Everett, who rips into Cristina for being unsupportive and tells Kyle that he’s lost all respect for her because Cristina is just bitter about his relationship with Lindsay. Kyle, however, feels bad that Cristina is caught in the cross-hairs of a “power couple” who is ganging up on her.

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In addition to launching her own firm, Lindsay is dealing with drama with her mom. Her mom basically abandoned Lindsay and her brother to start a new family so they haven’t spoken in eight years. She realizes that her issues with her mother have clouded her relationships with others – friendships and boyfriends alike – but she’s apparently not motivated to examine them any deeper than the bottom of a beer.

With all the drama in her personal life, in addition to the stressful work situation, Cristina is trying to put on a happy face for the sake of the house, but everyone knows there’s some sketchiness with her work situation because, at 32, Cristina definitely wouldn’t choose to be launching back into freelancing. When Lauren tries to discuss it with her over shopping, Cristina pretends everything is fine.

Also is Cristina not a real housemate? Only occasionally air-mattressing it in a Wirkus‘ room? I’m very puzzled.

Since Cristina has to attend a big Hamptons event for work, she puts all her housemates on the guest list. Unfortunately, in the sweltering tent, sober Carl reveals himself to be a giant tent pole in the mud whose charm is operational only with rosé. The Wirkus twins are unimpressed. But they’re distracted by Carl’s failures when drama erupts between Cristina and Lindsay.

Initially Lauren tries to mediate, encouraging Lindsay to be sympathetic to what Cristina is also going through and the stress of an unstable work situation, but Lindsay is one, or 10, drinks beyond reason. Carl won’t like that! When Cristina and Lindsay try to talk out their issues, Lindsay accuses Cristina of lying about her job to hide that she was actually fired.

Cristina is outraged, and freaks out about the potential damage Lindsay’s lie could do to her career. With that, the party is over, and Cristina finds herself driving home with Ashley, the married one and house mom. Meanwhile, in the other car, Everett and Lindsay feel justified for outing Cristina! Oh my!

TELL US – IS LAUREN OVER-REACTING ABOUT CARL? WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON: LINDSAY OR CRISTINA?

[Photo Credits: Bravo]

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