It has been nearly a year since we last traveled the road with love-struck Americans and their overseas fiances for the 90-day journey that, in my opinion, turns into one of THE best reality television shows out there. Yes, folks, 90-Day Fiance is back for season 4 on TLC, and last night’s multi-episode premiere started off what looks to be an epic season filled with true love, super sketchy fiances, and – wait for it – Danielle and Mohammed updates from season 2!!! (We won’t be recapping the past season update, but feel free to comment below. 
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In case we missed the antics of that totally tragic couple, we’re presented with Danielle and Mohammed 2.0 this season in the “love affair” of Nicole and Azan. I swear, TLC combed the planet just to find these two. I guess we can offer thanks that there won’t be a Mark and Nikki 2.0 joining us for another American Horror Story installment since Mark has probably already buried her body in his basement. #SmallVictories But, before we look back, let’s see who’s on the docket to get hitched this season!
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First, a quick highlights reel of the Countdown to the New Season preview special.
Before the couples reunite for their 90-day K-1 Visa process, we are given a sneak peek into the circumstances that initially brought them together. Meet Nicole, a Florida resident, who has a toddler daughter and extreme, tragic delusions that her foreign boyfriend is The One. Azan, from Morocco, likes to take shirtless selfies of his guns and hunt for gullible American women in his downtime. They are essentially a match made in hell.
Nicole has no idea where Morocco is, but she booked a flight there anyway to spend 5 weeks with Azan, leaving her daughter behind in the care of her sister. Nicole’s reasons for falling in love with Azan? “He’s hot!” she giggles. Nicole’s family is terrified she’s getting conned. And that she’ll get caned for breaking a law while abroad! They don’t know whether she’ll come home with a fiance or in a body bag. There is not enough prayer in the world to save this situation.
Matt, a country boy from Kentucky, is engaged to Alla, Ukrainian. With the largest age gap between them (Matt is 42, Alla is 30), they in no way approach the exquisite creepiness of Mark and Nikki last season. Matt does have some ex-wife baggage though – three of them! He’s been “unlucky in love,” but hopes Alla is his lucky number 4. Alla has a 6-year old son, Max, who Matt doesn’t consider baggage at all. He considers Max a blessing, which is very sweet. Matt and Alla have met in person several times, traveling to exotic locales throughout their “love story.” But Alla is “very different” from Matt’s exes (read: pole dancer), so he hopes his family and friends will accept her as his wife.
Pedro, from the Dominican Republic, and Chantel, an Atlanta native, were set up through some sort of “Learn to Speak Spanish” program. Which resulted in Chantel: 1) falling in love with Pedro, 2) agreeing to marry Pedro, 3) bringing him to the US on a K-1 Visa to move in with and wed her, and 4) lying to her parents about THE ENTIRE THING! Chantel told her parents that Pedro just happens to be coming to the US on a student visa. She knows they’ll freak if she tells them the truth. She describes her family as close knit, with no one ever getting any privacy. So, solid plan, Chantel!
Next is the crown jewel of this season’s couples: LA resident Jorge and Russian-born total con artist Anfisa. Jorge owns a medical marijuana supply company which gives him a lucrative 6 figure income, but hasn’t made him a millionaire yet – though he expects to be there one day! Anfisa can smell a potential millionaire 10,000 miles away though, as she set her sights on Jorge via an internet dating site, then demands luxury gifts out of him ever after.
Jorge admits to spending somewhere in the neighborhood of $70k on Anfisa thus far, and she hasn’t even come to live with him yet. But when he draws the line at buying her a $10k Chanel bag before his flight to meet her in Russia, Anfisa goes MEDIEVAL on his accounts (which Jorge stupidly gave her all of the passwords to), canceling his iPhone and changing his email password before he can stop her from cancelling his flight. We leave the preview with Jorge wondering if he is even going to Russia after all? Bottom line: This girl is a problem. Jorge’s sister and niece already realize this, but is Jorge too desperate to call it quits?
Our fifth couple is not covered in last night’s preview, but we’ll be seeing more of them in the coming weeks. 36-year old US resident Narkyia and 28-year old Nigerian native Olulowo (“Lowo”) round out the group. The couple apparently met after Lowo catfished Narkyia on a site for “big beautiful women,” then admitted to it later.
Thus, from the extended preview we learn the following: Love hath no brains. Now, on to the full episode!
Nicole is ready to embark on her five-week trip to Morocco. She drops off her daughter May with her sister Ashley and sets sail (well, flight) for Parts Unknown. As her family drives to her at the airport, Nicole calls Azan for one final “I love you” which sounds anything but sincere coming from Azan’s mouth. Nicole’s mom mentions this point. She also makes Nicole promise she’ll take care of herself over there, but doesn’t look convinced Nicole is even capable of such a thing.
Meanwhile, Matt is awaiting Alla’s arrival. Matt’s mom is excited – she bought balloons! But she is wise enough to know that life is unpredictable, especially when you are inviting a woman and her child into your life “forever.” Matt does wonder if Max will resent him for interfering in his and his mother’s life, but he hopes for the best.
Back at the airport, Chantel is attempting to pick up Pedro for the second time. He apparently “missed” his first flight. <side eye> He shows! And the couple embrace with a long awaited kiss. Pedro says he loves her and, from the look of this smooch, Chantel is at the very least in lust with him. She’s also redoubled her efforts on the sextytimes lingerie for his pleasure, which she donned at botched airport pickup #1. Oh snap! She also arranged the rose petal/heart/poem/photo/candle situation in the bedroom again. Although Pedro is most impressed by the air conditioning and hot water on demand. #NotPicky
The duped Jorge is still trying to contact Anfisa, who shut down his digital world over a Chanel handbag. She’s not picking up. And he’s obviously not going to Russia. (Jorge: HIDE YOUR PASSPORT!) Jorge is still trying to make this engagement happen though, which is just sad. He knows he’ll have to “work for it” to make this relationship better, which is the understatement of the year. He does finally get a hold of her via phone later, but she promptly hangs up on him. To Jorge, the situation is still murky. (And by murky, I mean: On the parched savanna of their relationship, Anfisa is the hangry cheetah and Jorge is the blind bunny rabbit about to be turned into a tasty snack.)
At an airport in KY, Matt is holding flowers awaiting Alla and Max. His mother is there along with Matt’s niece, Stephanie. After they arrive, Alla and Max grab Matt into a group hug that seems sweet and genuine. Aww. I’m rooting for these guys! (I know I’ll eat those words, but hey! It’s the only somewhat hopeful scene thus far!!!)
Over in Morocco, Azan is preparing for Nicole’s arrival. “How do I look?” he wonders. Answer: Scared sh*tless. He claims he can’t wait to see Nicole though, and takes his best friend Hamza along to the airport to meet her. He hopes Nicole loves Morocco. But he should just be happy she figured out where it is. Will she look like he imagines she will? (Um, I assume photos and Facetime/Skype would have handled that…?)
Upon seeing her, Azan runs to give her a warm hug, which Nicole reciprocates. But he does admit she’s bigger than he expected. Ouch! “You are the one,” Azan tells her later though, so maybe his the harshness of his words didn’t belie his true feelings? (I’m throwing you a major bone here, Azan!! #ManUp!)
Back in Atlanta, Chantel takes Pedro to meet her best friend Gigi, the only one who knows the couple are actually engaged. Chantel has actually told her entire family and friend circle that “this show” being filmed is just about people from other countries dating each other. Erm, okay. As more friends arrive, Pedro takes the hot seat. He’s learning English, but valiantly tries to answer her friends’ grilling questions about why their relationship is so rushed. Gigi calls out Chantel’s friends on going too hard on Pedro. They are just concerned about Chantel though, and ask straight up if Pedro is using her for a green card? He is speechless at first, finally stammering out “I love my girl” as his answer.
Alla and Max come home to a huge party of Matt‘s family and friends – complete with name tags! (YESS!) – which is a little much to foist upon someone right out of the gate. It’s also a little too much public conversation, in Alla’s opinion, to openly discuss Matt’s ex wives in front of the entire group, which Matt does. She’s a more private person. Alla does seem to want this marriage to work though, so she’s willing to try 90 days in this new life.
Back in Jorge‘s depressing mess, he’s still hang-dogging it through his days, counting the minutes until Anfisa turns his phone and email right back over to him. It’s been 10 days since she hung up on him, but she did call him the previous night to string him along a bit more. So, of course, Jorge is both feet in again! Anfisa has agreed to fly to the U.S. after all! WHAT!? Jorge giggles that he thinks she just wanted to “build some suspense” to make him think she was not coming, even though she was.
“She’s crazy!” Jorge gleefully laughs as he holds a bouquet, awaiting her arrival at the airport. Oh, grasshopper. The stupid is strong with you.
Anfisa arrives, then lets Jorge maul/kiss her for awhile before they head out to live their 90 days in purgatory. She immediately complains about his car (an Audi), him not cleaning her seat up before she arrived, and his general existence. She does perk up when Jorge suggests they go shopping though, idly tapping on her phone (that Jorge pays for) while he figures out how to get all of her sh*t in the car. He’ll have to call a taxi. Then throw Anfisa in it and ship her off to San Quentin for grifting. Looks like we’ll have to wait until next week to see how much lower Jorge will go to keep this chick happy.
Well. If this premiere is any indication of the level of drama season four is bringing, we are in for a veritable inferno of chaos, people! TLC is serving their mess up piping hot.
I am IN.
TELL US: WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE PREMIERE? WHO ARE YOU ROOTING FOR? WHO IS DOOMED?
Photo Credit: TLC
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