Below Deck Sailing Yacht Recap: No Means No

I didn’t think there ever would come a time when I would take Adam Glick‘s side on anything, but on last night’s Below Deck Sailing Yacht that moment came. I am permanently imbedded with second-hand embarrassment for Jenna MacGillivray after she begged Adam to have sex with her, then told him he’d end up living alone in a van for rejecting her. Girl… it’s not that he’s not that into you, it’s that he’s actually trying to respect you by not putting it IN you before you’ve even had a first date.

It’s ironic that Jenna is complaining that Madison Stalker is moody and overly-emotional when one minute Jenna seems happy to be hanging out with Adam, and the next she’s throwing a tantrum because he doesn’t want to bang her in Greece’s answer to Motel 6. This should be a compliment!! It’s like the opposite of Tinder hooking up. It’s like ‘I want to get to know you like this is 1886 and we’re in a Jane Austen novel.’ It’s like be happy!!

But first lets discuss the latest disgusting pile of bruh’s to land on Below Deck: the nauti boys from Jersey. It sounds like a 1990’s boy band, and I do believe there were a few frosted tips in the greased hair to complete the image.

It’s 3 am, the party is raging like ‘roid use, and they have random girls barfing on board. Madison is the only stew working this impromptu party. While Madison and Parker McCown are cleaning up puke, one of the boi’s set the smoke alarm off by smoking indoors. Which awoke Captain Glenn Shephard. Captain Glenn is AMAZINGNESS PERSONIFIED.

 

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Captain Glenn was calm, sensible, and immediately diffused the situation by announcing that the girls – all of them, trashed or not – would be heading home, escorted by Parker. Meanwhile, the bois would need to start winding down. Captain Glenn even helped Madison forage up a 16th dinner for these voracious, ravenous gluttons and stood by with a pleasantly detached but firm smile as they ate it, then slunk off to bed. I’m not sure if Madison woke Captain Glenn, or the smoke alarm, but whatever it was it was a blessed intervention. Madison makes it to bed around 4:30 and the rest of the crew wakes up to find food, puke, glass, and spills all over the boat.

I am so confused about this: If Jenna and Adam knew these guys would be a handful based on their previous night why wouldn’t Adam a) Prepare food Madison could easily reheat or serve without heating (subs for instance); B) why wouldn’t Jenna have a plan in place where Madison could wake her up if it got too rowdy. Instead when Jenna goes to let Madison know she can sleep way in, she also tells her that next time she should wake her up. Good to know, but too little too late! Although if I were Madison I wouldn’t have waited for the go-ahead.

After all that Madison just wants a little praise or recognition from Jenna, instead she gets chastised and stonewalled. Madison makes the mistake of mentioning feeling under-appreciated to Adam, who snaps that there’s no crying (or whining) in yachting. He also calls Jenna one of the nicest chief stews he’s ever worked with – an opinion that was not formed because he wants to “bang her.” Classy. Real classy. Jenna was wondering if Adam actually wanted to sleep with her, so there ya’ go – if you would’ve been nicer to Madison, could’ve had your answer all along!

Of course, Jenna overhears a lot of this exchange and asks to speak to Madison privately. Instead of reassuring her second in command that she’s doing a good job, Jenna tells Madison that she doesn’t have time to pay attention to her because she’s too busy managing guests. Jenna needs a seminar in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and also a therapist or life coach. Whatever is more readily available at sea. Sure, these particular guests are demanding a-holes, but Jenna could throw Madison a cursory ‘great job.’ After all she’s able to find it in her cold as the Baltic Sea heart to let Georgia Grobler know that getting turn downs done in an hour is “amazing!” And especially since Madison is dealing with these jerks late-night, after they’ve been drinking and are partying. What is Jenna’s problem?!

 

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The worst part is Jenna complaining about the stews, right in front of them, to Adam. Also she never defends them when Adam is snippy about their service skills. I’ve been trying to give Jenna the benefit of the doubt, because she seems organized, dedicated, and excellent at dealing with the guests, but she should be more concerned about her team than getting in good with Adam. Jenna treats them the way I treat my kids after I’ve been stuck in the house with them on a Covid-19 quarantine and the supply of wine is running low. Which is to say with zero patience yet expecting total tolerance and compliance from them.

After such a rowdy night the guests don’t wake up until after 1. Which means Adam is making a 3pm breakfast. Immediately afterwards they want to go to a beach club – an empty beach club – to drink and party some more. Jenna’s suggestion of water sports is literally laughed at. Yes, why would people go out to sea, on a boat, to do things in the water?! How silly!

Parker gets the lucky privilege of taking them to shore, but Parker is actually Parker thrilled to go. He considers himself a “pledge” into their frat0cracy of bro-dumb. Parker didn’t even mind their party boy antics, and dismissed it as ‘boys will be boys.’ All the women on board know better: these are the type of men who treat women excepting their relatives and wives as whores and playthings, and all men who pass the ‘manly test’ as superior beings. They’re gross cretins.

It’s obvious that while no one else wanted to interact with them, Parker thought he was getting off lucky escorting them to the beach. Instead of sitting there cracking out on his phone like normal yachties do, Parker jumped right into the party spinning records and dancing.

Before dinner Captain Glenn warns the bruhs that he has to dock the boat by noon and can’t be woken up at 2:3o in the morning by wild parties. Chastised by dad, they all promise to be good and after eating a huge dinner prepared by the “Ted Bundy of chefs” (that would be Adam) they all drunkenly turn in by 11pm. Seriously how much alcohol did this crew consume?! They even kept the party going when one of them stepped in glass and sliced open his toe after sabering a 400th champagne bottle. That schtick got old the 2nd time.

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The next morning breakfast and boozing is sedate as they prepare to leave. Everyone is expecting a pathetic tip – especially when the guests walk off board carrying bottles of champagne, justifying that they paid for them already. But surprisingly they leave the crew $2,200 each!

You’d think everyone would be in a good mood to get rid of toxic charter guests, but Adam decides this is the moment to pick on Parker for not making his bed. Instead of taking it in stride, like a true bro, Parker flips out like a whiny brat and starts tantruming that Adam is embarrassing him. Even Byron Hissey has no patience for these emotional outbursts. He’s a parent, it’s understandable. It’s like the second you hit parenthood your tolerance for tantrums and histrionics dissipates immediately.

 

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Parker needed to take a time out, but instead he freaked out on Paget Berry about Adam’s disrespect and decided he wasn’t gonna talk to Adam ever again!. Then Parker stomped away from the conversation before Paget could get a word in edgewise. OK, WHOA PARKER, WHOA. Grow the F Up. yes, Adam was being kind of a dick (his default mode), but that was a way overreaction. Furthermore his disrespect towards his superiors and the hierarchy on the boat is completely Rhylee-esque. Aka, OUT. OF. LINE. and immature.

Later over dinner Parker lectures Paget for cussing at the table, because he can’t eat his dinner around bad words. Is Parker serious?? Was that his nannies rule at the table? He’s a nightmare.

After turning the boat around everyone gets some relaxation time in. Jenna takes Ciara Duggan shopping to replace all the dishes and glassware the Neanderthals broke, while almost everyone else hits the beach for some swimming. This gives Georgia ample – and I do mean ample – opportunity to flirt with Paget unrestrained. Georgia is literally throwing herself at him, rolling around in a thong and shamelessly flirting. Obviously the onus is on Paget to set boundaries as he’s the one in a relationship, but Georgia is still going too far.

Just as Jenna is informing Ciara that she and Paget behave more like siblings than sig-figs, they walk by the dock to see Georgia and her thong butt, putting a wine glass on Paget’s naked chest and threatening to do a bodyshot. Paget pretended to protest that she was ruining his nap, but you know any naps he’d be taking would involve a wet dream! And not from spilled wine.

Oh, trouble in Pagville. Ciara is not impressed, but pretends it’s no big deal as she and Jenna intercede on this scene and stand right in Paget’s sunbathing light. When the keeper’s away the little cult-kid will play! Immediately Georgia covered up with a robe too. Interesting, interesting… Ciara decided it was time for Paget to come home and do a little reprogramming conversion therapy. She also canceled his evening activities so he was brought right to bed after dinner, which meant no playdate in the club with his friends.

As aforementioned Adam and Jenna are not long for this yachtmance. After shopping Jenna got some thongspiration from Georgia and straight up propositioned Adam about going to a hotel. It’ snot like they can have sexxxytimes in a room with an unmade bed! Adam declines, because well, it’s weird. Also they’ve been ‘hanging out’ for like 2 weeks. Over dinner Jenna continues pressing the issue, badgering Adam about why he doesn’t want her. She claims he’s rejecting her because he doesn’t want to turn her over the dining table. How Adam wound up the mature one in any situation is beyond me, but here we are in the apocalypse of Coronavirus.

While everyone else goes to the club, Adam and Jenna return to the boat with Ciara and Paget. This would’ve been a great time for Jenna to carve out that alone time she claims she needs to feel liked by Adam, but instead she ‘throws a Parker’ by having a huge emotional meltdown. Jenna actually starts crying on the dock because Adam doesn’t want to sleep with her immediately. She then decides if Adam doesn’t want to literally take her now, he’ll be dying alone in his van. A hermit sending out Unabomber threats. Um, Jenna… I think you went from A to Z. Meaning you got divorced before you even got a first date. There is faaaar too much emotion wrapped up in a guy you’ve made out with like twice. And now Adam has nowhere to run or hide since they work together. Karma is, well, a bruh.

TELL US – IS JENNA OVER-REACTING TO ADAM? IS SHE INCONSIDERATE OF THE STEWS? IS PARKER DISRESPECTFUL?

[Photo Credits: Bravo]

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