Good viewers, I regret to inform you that we will be subjected to reliving a moment that no one should have to suffer through twice in this recap today – the “boudoir photo shoot” that Briana Renee and Matt Ericson [Grundhoffer] thought was a brilliant idea. This week, Little Women: LA also brought us an extended version of Terra Jole’s argument with Briana, and bonus footage of new gal, Mary, who Elena Gant decides to haze. But all is not lost! For Terra takes the group on a dildo tour.
We pick up at tequila tasting, where Terra and Briana are going at it over the women’s march – but really, their issues go about 62 floors deeper than that. Briana has a nasty habit of being cool to your face, and very uncool behind your back. And Terra’s not here for it anymore. Jasmine Sorge isn’t either, it turns out, as she jumps in with questions about Briana “stealing” Terra’s manager. Jasmine isn’t drinking the Terra Kool Aid, as Briana surmises, as much as she’s seeing the light after how dirty Briana did her friend Lisa (because it was Lisa’s fault Matt was sending her inappropriate texts, remember?).
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Elena is back from Russia, where she was burying her father, who unexpectedly died of a heart attack. She meets Terra for a walk, filling in her in on how sad the experience has been for her, and how emotionally mixed up, given the complicated relationship she had with her dad. Terra relates to Elena’s experience, having lost her father recently as well. Elena cries as Terra encourages her to keep her father’s memory alive for her children. She’s devastated her boys will never know him.
The ladies move on to discussing Mary’s fashion show, for which she’s scouting little people models. Elena already has her guard up, wondering whether she’ll like Mary OR her fashion sense. Prediction: Neither.
Speaking of Mary, she meets Briana out for coffee. (Is she a legit new addition to the show? God knows these women need some fresh blood!) Under the guise of wanting to “get to know” Mary, Briana slides into the convo the fact that SHE is an aspiring model, and has even booked a Maxim photo shoot! Mary smells the desperation a mile away, but sails past it to discuss Tonya Banks, who came hard for her at tequila night. Mary is wary of Tonya, and thinks she – and her supposed “business” – are shady.
Briana wants Mary to know who brings the real shade to the picnic, though: Terra. But Terra is Mary’s friend, and has invited her to contribute to a Sexual Health Expo event. Briana has been invited too (as has the entire group), but she’s hesitant to participate. Mary thinks Terra reached out to her to move on, but Briana is once bitten, twice shy. For good reason.
Over at Tonya’s house, she and her daughter, Angelique, are going through Tonya’s old line of Little Boss Body Activewear. She’s gonna do a freebie of old sh*t when you buy her new sh*t for the low price of…who the hell knows? Because the line isn’t complete yet. She tells Angelique about Mary, who she thinks is a try-hard and a big mouth. (Is Tonya rewatching scenes of herself circa seasons 1-4?) The real issue, however, is how much Terra likes Mary, and how supportive Terra is of Mary’s business. After dogging Tonya’s fashion line last year – remember the lotus logo? – Tonya is still bitter at Terra. Again, for good reason.
Jasmine and hubby Chris are out at a jumpy play place with their kiddos, already talking about baby #3 – well, Jasmine is! She fills Chris in on the Terra/Briana drama, and how she’s pretty much done defending Briana. Jasmine has been down for the cause ever since she met Briana, but times have changed. And Matt’s dirty dog behavior – along with Briana’s incessant defending of it – hasn’t helped matters. Jasmine will be attending Terra’s Sex Expo though. She’s a team player.
Decidedly NOT a team player is Elena, who comes with Terra to visit Mary in her fashion hub. Mary compliments Elena, saying how nice it is to meet another beautiful woman who might wear one of her dresses. Elena’s all, UM – WHO IS THIS CHICK? She immediately gets offended that Mary would assume she’d model for her, which is possibly the dumbest thing to get offended about – ever.
After looking through Mary’s sketches and grilling her about the collection – and why Mary “had to travel across the ocean to fins little people” – Elena’s jealousy is raging hardcore. Her own failed fashion dreams still haunting her, Elena can’t seem to bring herself to play nice. Even Terra tries to calm her friend down, which is the irony of ironies. Offended when Mary asks about her own line, Elena bites back that Mary’s designs are overdone and trite! Unrattled, Mary thinks Elena is just frustrated because her fashion line didn’t work out. Yip. Sounds about right. After Elena unravels further, Terra apologizes on behalf of Elena, then leaves with her, attempting to talk her down in the hallway. Elena doesn’t want to hear reason though, feeling insulted by Mary and by Mary’s obvious success.
Hmm. I don’t know about this Season 6 Elena. I smell production all over this. She is posturing as a dramatic, over-reactor to everything that comes her way and it reeks of Terra Jole’s School Of Reality TV Relevancy. Hey Lifetime – Bring back the real Elena!
Before we head into the next scene, I need a moment to center myself. Yes, we have come to the point in the program in which Briana will drop her drawers and pose for her closeup – all while Matt eggs her on with his limited vocabulary of smarm. Sigh. Okay – here we go…
Briana has always wanted to break into the modeling biz, and she thinks the right time to do it is just after marrying a jobless leech and birthing his baby. As anyone would. Draped in white fur and red underpants, Briana struts her stuff for the camera, excited that Matt can someday say, “Hey, check out my hot a$$ wife!” to his Instagram girlfriends.
Props to Briana for feeling good in her own skin – that is awesome. But it’s interesting that she cut off communication with her family in part because they accused Matt of “fetishizing” her. She doesn’t see the irony in this though, and looks forward to the day when she can slam her Maxim shoot down in front of her haters (ahem, Terra and now Jasmine) and say, “Bam, b*tches!” Matt just can’t wait until the day he can cash the check Briana just earned him.
Back in the semi-real world, Tonya has invited Elena to go shopping to distract her from her grief. They talk about Elena’s emotional rollercoaster…which may be part of the reason she freaked on Mary? Maybe not, as Elena still doesn’t like her. Neither does Tonya, so they’re two peas in a pod. Both women are offended by Mary’s insults to their own fashion lines too. So – Heifers, UNITE!
It’s the day of the Sexual Health Expo, and Mary shows up in a blue jumpsuit to support the cause. The jury is still out on the rest of the group, but Mary is brave to face off with whomever shows up. Christy McGinity Gibel and Jasmine arrive (Christy wasn’t invited, but Jasmine dragged her along for comic relief – which I kinda love her for!), and stroll through a few rows of dildos before greeting Terra and Mary. Just as things seem pretty calm, Briana walks in – then Elena. Tonya is a no-show, which disturbs Terra. Okay, ladies – grab your strap-ons!
After a few sex toy tutorials by questionable vendor carnies hosts, Mary pulls Elena aside to apologize for offending her by bringing up her failed fashion line. Elena says it was just all too much, too soon. Admitting she was a little too harsh on Mary, she says she just didn’t want Mary to assume she’d be involved in her fashion show. She also confesses that her own fashion line was stressful and, without fully saying it, intimates she was hurt and insulted being reminded of its failure. The ladies apologize to one another, and agree to move forward on better terms. Elena is still keeping her eye on Mary, though.
In a sex dungeon elsewhere, Briana confronts Jasmine about taking sides with Terra. Jasmine defends her stance – she’s not siding with Terra! She just doesn’t trust Briana anymore. But if she’s not backing Briana 100% in Every. Single. Argument, Briana takes epic offense. Jasmine is done being Briana’s Yes-Woman, though, and isn’t afraid to deliver this news.
Reminding Briana that she’s had her back since day one – even when Matt was doing his dirt ALL around town – Jasmine breaks down in angry tears as she schools Briana. Jasmine sees Briana for the fair weather friend she is. If she goes against her even once, after everything she’s supported her in over the years, Briana calls her out viciously. And Jasmine has no time for friends who have conditions, one of which is NEVER questioning Briana’s terrible decision making. YES! I AM OFFICIALLY #TEAMJASMINE NOW.
Sadly, Briana delusionally thinks that Jasmine’s opinions are solely being shaped by Terra. What she doesn’t realize is that Jasmine’s (not to mention all of humanity’s) opinions are based on what a sh*t friend Briana is. And that is the actual “Bam b*tches!” moment she’ll never comprehend.
TELL US: IS JASMINE DONE WITH BRIANA FOR GOOD? CAN ELENA AND MARY MOVE FORWARD, OR WILL ELENA AND TONYA MAKE MARY THEIR JOINT ENEMY?
Photo Credit: Lifetime
The post Little Women: LA Recap – Bringing Sexy Back appeared first on Reality Tea.
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