Real Housewives Of Orange County Recap: Sorry, Not Sorry

OK, what? Is Meghan King Edmonds, who I don’t even like, supposed to be the Patron Saint Of Injured Vicki Gunvalson here on Real Housewives Of Orange County? Well, at least Vicki is finally getting ALL the casseroles her heart desires!

Last week, the ladies were in a frightening accident after Tamra Judge flipped their ATV in the Glamis Dunes. Vicki was airlifted to the hospital but poor lowly Tamra only got whisked away by ambulance.

Heather Dubrow and Kelly Dodd, luckiest stars in the Bravo galaxy, celebrate their survival with some judgey phone calls in between many glasses of champs (and one PTSD-flavored beer). First, Heather called Meghan to let her know Vicki was at the Palm Springs hospital, so could Meghan please just abandon waiting for Shannon Beador‘s arrival at La Quinta to rush over and check on Vicki. 

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Briana can’t go because she’s soooooo deathly ill (not too ill for Merv Griffin’s estate!), plus has kids, plus has PET scans (did Meghan verify that?), and has no sympathy for Vicki’s likely exaggerated injuries.

Michael is ummmm… permanently indisposed?

By the time Shannon arrives, dressed like modern day Mrs. Roper tried culottes, Meghan had totally forgotten the accident occurred or that Vicki was in the hospital. Priorities! Meghan didn’t tell Shannon until hours later when they were on the golf course. This fact shocks the champs out of Heather’s buzz when she calls, mid-golf, to try again to persuade Meghan and Shannon. Meghan and Shannon are like, butttt we’re dressed for golf, not frienemy care-taking… 

Shannon is also appalled that no one called HER first (since she loves Vicki so very much and all) and in that withering moment decided she shall not abandon more time to broadcast the perfect and palpable love between David and herself to rush off and attend to Vicki Vicki Probably Not So Sickie! Shannon smirks as David laughs that Vicki should “call Brooks” to come visit her. Meghan decides that, considering how much Vicki has “lied lied lied,” she’s doesn’t trust that she’s that injured! 

Does anyone else feel that Shannon’s hatred of Vicki is disproportionate? I get her when she say she doesn’t want to pursue a friendship, but Shannon has a loathing towards Vicki that is deep-seated and seems, ummm, shall we say overwrought considering Vicki was essentially her reality television friend of ONE YEAR.

Since Heather continues chastising Shannon and Meghan for refusing to help Very Alone Vicki – the paramedics even cut off her clothes! – Meghan bitchily suggests that since Kelly and Heather are Vicki’s friends, not her, perhaps they should put down their champs and get into their own cars to see if Vicki is OK. Especially because, according to Meghan’s magical Mapquest, Glamis is also only 45 minutes away/ Heather is aghast that Meghan dare defy her and abruptly hangs up.

OK, I see both sides of the situation. On the one hand, if I were Meghan, I would have gone to the hospital – if anything because I’m nosy as hell and also because I’d want to be the bigger person (Cause hello – it’s on TV), but also because as Heather’s friend, I would have done it for her. PLUS, Meghan is like Medical Mysteries Detective; you’d think ol’ rubber-necker would leap at the chance to poke around Vicki’s medical records!  

At the very least, I wouldn’t have reacted dead-souled, dismissive, and flippant like Meghan and Shannon did – like at least fake a better sympathy act! On the other side of the spectrum, Heather and Kelly WERE sitting there, getting toasted next to the campfire, bemoaning how they could have died, blaming their inability to leave on ‘shock’ (which I believe is possible), then expecting Meghan to fix everything.

Although Kelly did verify via Mapquest that they were actually two hours away, plus yeah, they did only have RVs (with little kids in tow), but in between all their lecturing, moral high grounding, and champs drinking I think one of them could have gotten a Bravo producer to give them a ride, being that it was such an emergency and Vicki was allll alone, scared, cold, and left to perish at the wheel of haphazard frienemies! Also, as Tamra mentions, Meghan could hit up Vicki’s birthday, but not drop by the hospital with some sweat pants? At least keep some consistency in your game, Edmonds. Is it haterade you’re drinking, or champs?

Later, Meghan and Shannon discuss Vicki’s birthday party and Shannon starts applying the pressure that Meghan resist the urge to be Vicki’s friend. Meghan is the pawn in the midst of the War of Vickerson Possession. 

Meanwhile, Tamra is released from the hospital with Eddie by her side. Instead of rushing to the nearby hospital to check on Vicki, Tamra returns to the campsite to drink champs, sniffle that she could have killed all her friends, and to blame Shannon and Meghan for not joining the Vicki Gunvalson Nurse Corps. 

Over dinner (or was it a rather unwieldy dessert?), Meghan reveals that she has been texting Vicki all day to check in on her, and although Vicki is in a neck brace, she texted photos from the accident. Shannon is aghast. If SHANNON were injured her focus wouldn’t be on FaceTime! Oh Shannon, Madame Over Sharer – YES. IT. WOULD. Ultimately, Shannon decides that, based on the “sick selfies,” Vicki is clearly playing the VICKtim by exaggerating her injuries. A Housewife and her sick selfie will never be parted!

Personally, I think that after a serious accident, better safe than sorry. It didn’t sound like VICKI was the one applying the pressure to Meghan and Shannon – Heather, Kelly, and Tamra were. And Heather was laying it on thick … letting Meghan know that with no one to fill her love tank Vicki was reduced to taking an Uber home from the hospital at 1 am with no clothes or purse, only a “paper hospital gown.” Apparently, this is also Meghan’s fault, because she could have brought Vicki sweat pants. 

At this point, Jimmy Dad Jeans threatens to use his jazz hands to fight Heather if she keeps blaming Meghan. Meghan swells with pride – or maybe that was the itty bitty bean she calls a baby bump? Can we talk about how Meghan has replaced awful headbands with the most fried, dried, crispy awful hair this season? Girl needs some sort of cabeza intervention. 

The next morning, Tamra calls Shannon and Meghan to bitch them out because the accident was actually extremely life-threatening and everyone could have died if Jesus weren’t their roll bar. Tamra is disgusted that Shannon and Meghan didn’t try to be more supportive. When Meghan insists they didn’t know it was that serious Tamra snaps “Go to hell!” and slams down the phone. 

Why didn’t Meghan mention that she texted Vicki in the hospital? It seems prescient to at least inform Heather and Tamra that she’d been in contact. Meghan was sending emotional child support! It’s not cozy sweatpants, but its not complete coldhearted abandonment like Shannon, who gets a COMPLETE pass of blame from Tamra and Heather.

Meanwhile, Heather has PTSD. And Tamra is having nightmares. And Kelly is drunk and slurry-sorry that she preemptively judged Heather, who is SOOOO not a arrogant, moralizing, hubristic bitch, but an ANGEL! Heather bats her eyelashes, which turn into little wings to spirit her up, up, and away to the heavens. Surely she could have flown to the hospital on her halo – FOR VICKI.

Despite almost dying and despite the reoccurring nightmares of seeing her friends lives flash before her very eyes, Heather decides it was still a good trip. [SIDE EYE] Then it’s back to OC they go!

Back home, Meghan’s guilt trip has gotten the best of her so she brings Vicki a casserole. Oh wait – no, a candle. From her and Jim’s True Love Never Burns Out collection for the Bravo Home Shopping Network. Nothing says I’m concerned for your well-being like a promotional product!

Seeing Vicki in a neck brace, Meghan immediately starts FAKE blubbering that she cannot believe Tamra’s “reckless driving” almost killed everyone, and she had NO IDEA how serious the accident was since Heather was being so melodramatic, in between sips of champs! Vicki demures that Tamra was a totally safe driver, and then sniffles about how hurt she is that Meghan decided they weren’t friendly enough for her to visit the hospital. Which Vicki heard from Heather, who cares. 

Then, Briana calls to mock Vicki for claiming her injuries are serious when Briana has the flu, which is a real illness.  Look – everyone knows Vicki is an exaggerator. Isn’t that part of what makes her such judiciously bad-good TV (exempting that whole fake cancer ickness). Vicki will always WHOOP everything up to 11, making a big deal a bigger one. I’m 100% positive every single woman on this show knew that Vicki was gonna play the sympathy card and roll out the VICKtim act. Some of them chose to play into it – which is fine; some not. Tamra ALSO exaggerated the severity of things which is to be expected. What’s not to be expected is Little Miss Charlton Christian suddenly getting her judgey panties in a bunch about Shannon and Meghan’s response.

I think Heather felt rebuffed by Meghan and turned that around to be about Meghan rebuffing Vicki. Those in glass dune buggies shouldn’t cast stones.

Later, Heather, Kelly, and Tamra, also miraculously recovered, finally visit Vicki, who is in remarkably better spirits. She can barely speak or move but that’s OK because they’re all bonded for life now! Heather is shocked that Meghan beat them to the Vicki visit and can’t BELIEVE Meghan would drive to Vicki’s house – the same distance from La Quinta to the hospital to suck up on the post-op. Tamra is disgusted because Meghan is apparently going around town accusing her of causing the accident with reckless driving. 

But most importantly: woe is Vicki – just as she likes it!

Poor Tamra has other Jesus fishes to fry! She feels off-kilter and unbalanced after the accident, and can’t train, so she has to postpone her fitness competition. Eddie encourages Tamra to take care of herself, because working out can wait. According to Tamra, it is now Eddie, not Jesus, who saved her. This girl has a lot of saviors for someone still so shit-stirring and bitchy.

And poor Shannon now realizes she’s the only asshole who hasn’t checked in on Vicki, so she half-heartedly calls in the midst of wandering through her house itemizing furniture she didn’t even know she had for the move. Some of the rooms Shannon hasn’t been into since BA (Before Affair), and she had no idea what sorts of stuff was in there. She appeared trepidatious – or maybe that was PTSD from having to call Vicki and fearing Vicki may actually pick up the phone! Luckily, Shannon was able to scrape by with a really frosty, insincere voice mail (Seriously – it’s better to not call than leave a message like that!). 

Then, Shannon meets Heather and Tamra for a drink. Strangely no one is mad at SHANNON for refusing to visit Vicki in the hospital. All the blame falls squarely on Meghan. Heather now has new complaints to add to her litany: Meghan, who is supposed to be her good friend, never even called to check in on her to see how she’s doing in the aftermath! Did you know Heather can’t stop reliving the roll?! And Tamra keeps imagining what life would be like if she had Housewives blood on her hands (as if she doesn’t already!)! We could have had a Bravo does Lady Macbeth situation here! Instead of furiously trying to scrub imagined blood from her hands, Tamra would see spots of orange self-tanner and the remnants of false eyelashes clinging to her.

Shannon encourages them to cut Meghan a break – she’s hormonal and pregnant, after all, but Heather doesn’t care and is shocked by Shannon’s cavalier attitude at how Meghan treated her. Just so you know – this is all about Heather! So, is Vicki the one playing the victim? 

The next day, Heather meets Meghan for lunch, but snippy informs an exhausted and pallid looking Meghan that she’s already eaten. After Meghan gets done telling Heather how she’s feeling super depressed since becoming pregnant and is alone because Jimmy zoomed off again, Heather rips into her for not showing care, compassion, and consideration to Vicki. Also, how DARE Meghan call Heather Serious Actress Dubrow “theatrical” and “patronizing” – Heather’s emotions naturally present like she’s the lead diva-bitch on a soap opera! 

At first I thought pregnant, exhausted Meghan was gonna snap and let Heather have it for her holier than thou arrogance, but after Heather started ripping into Meghan over being called immature, Meghan decided that this time she would be the bigger person. She sighed, ate her watermelon salad, and swallowed her crow, then like a chastened child who suddenly realizes how to manipulate adults, apologized for not taking things seriously enough. Then Meghan reached across the table to squeeze Heather’s hand, and says, “I’m just glad you’re OK.” BURN.

Heather, momentarily unsettled by having Meghan stroke her ego just so subliminally, thanks her almost-former friend for the apology, fluffs her hair, and then scurries out. I wonder what caused Heather more distress: the accident, or no longer having a reason to hold Meghan’s ass over the campfire? Sometimes Meghan surprises me with her ability to cut through the BS just so subtlety. 

TELL US – DID HEATHER OVER-REACT TO MEGHAN AND SHANNON? SHOULD MEGHAN AND SHANNON HAVE VISITED VICKI? 

[Photo Credits: Bravo]

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