On last night’s Southern Charm, the snark was flowing like a gin martini, Craig Conover and Shepard “Shep” Rose‘s bromance was back in full swing, and Thomas Ravenel‘s shiner from the premiere was nothing but a faint bruise (take that, Republic headbutter!). Kathryn Dennis grieved passed over invitations while Michael the Butler Cameran Eubanks hosted an intimate dinner party with Patricia Altschul’s guidance. The only one missing was Cooper Ray – he, like JD and Elizabeth, need to be staples. Are you listening, Andy Cohen?
As with every episode, the show begins with each charmer starting a new day in the Holy City. Negotiating a real estate contract reminds Cameran just how much she loves being a modern Southern woman. Her place doesn’t have to be in the kitchen (or in the nursery) – she can have a career! She just needs husband Jason to pick up an ink cartridge for the printer on his way home so she can commence with commerce. Scarlett O’Hara was also a modern Southern woman, but even she knew when to call in reinforcements. Cameran reveals that after two years of marriage, Jason is ready for a baby. Unfortunately, Cameran’s biological clock has yet to start ticking, but she’s building up to some mild domestication with a practice round–she’s planning a dinner party for her friends.
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After spending the night in the city for Craig and Naomie’s Lowcountry boil, Kathryn awakens at Jennifer Snowden’s apartment to rehash the awkward events of the previous evening. She still can’t fathom why T-Rav would suddenly change Kensie’s nursery palette to pink unless “someone” persuaded him that periwinkle was the new fetch. It’s never going to happen. Kathryn laments that folks have the wrong opinion of her (I’m actually inclined to agree. Curses!). Gold diggers don’t live in Moncks Corner with their parents and share their childhood bedroom with a toddler. Jennifer just can’t fathom the wringer that T-Rav insists on putting Kathryn through…she thinks he’s such a manipulator. Jennifer confesses to viewers that even though she swore up and down last season nothing ever happened between her and T-Rav when he was with Kathryn, the two may have kind of, sorta, totally, all in hooked up. Shut the front door. I never suspected that bombshell in a million, trillion years! Or maybe it’s just that Jennifer’s face seems so different, it’s like I’m hearing the admission from a totally different person? Not that there is any method to Kathryn’s madness when it comes to views on loyalty or girl code, but she’s given Jennifer a pass. Kathryn is fully aware of this news, and the fact that both she and Jennifer were manipulated by a one time roof-raising politician has bonded the girls even more. Meanwhile, T-Rav takes a break from polo practice at his plantation to share some Rosetta Stone French with the nanny. He espouses that Kensie is his “raison d’etre,” or his reason for existing, while sharing his woes over custody issues with Kathryn and broadly interpreting South Carolina domestic law.
Across town, Shep stops by Landon Clements‘ new home, and she presents him with her staple starving artist snack: hummus and carrots (or just plain ol’ Tuesday lunch for us normal folk!). While Landon is glad to be off the boat, she’s still in self-proclaimed “financial dire straits” after having access to so much money during her marriage. Chickpea offerings and a $2-3K/month downtown rental? I can’t even hashtag that as a first world problem. That’s a straight up peninsula problem…the struggle though. 
But not Craig! He’s working on, well, working. Or at least maybe doing some work. Progress! #NewCraig He’s facetiming with his parents in Delaware and relays that he’s gotten his office set up in Naomie‘s parents’ house. Remember that whole taking the bar thing? Craig sheepishly admits he may not have had enough credits to sit for the exam, but he’s planning on remedying that stat so he can take the bar in February (spoiler alert…he didn’t). Of course, Craig can’t study full time without bringing in some sort of paycheck, so he’s devised a brilliant business plan. He’s going to go to work for JD to help market JD’s hospitality brand. Craig will be investing in the business the good ol’ fashioned way, with hard work, sweat equity, and a check to JD for $15,000.00. I’ve got a similar plan in motion, and as soon as I hear back from that Nigerian prince, I’ll tell y’all all about it. I kid, obviously (not about my get rich quick scheme, as my money is being wired as soon as the prince’s estranged father’s estate is probated) about comparing Craig’s partnering with JD to an Internet scam. JD seems to know how to run a successful business, rear a beautiful family, and stay on the fringe of drama without ever getting sucked in fully. He needs to be a regular cast mate!
In preparation for her dinner party, Cameran pops in on grand dame Patricia where she meets Pat’s intern Anna and Anna’s pet hedgehog. The hedgehog has one of the smallest penises Patricia’s ever seen, but certainly not the smallest. Do tell, Pat, do tell! If someone had told Cameran five years ago that she’d be in Patricia’s social circle, she never would have believed it, but now she relishes in their friendship (who wouldn’t?). Cameran extends an invitation to her gathering, seeking advice on what Crock-Pot creation to fix from Pinterest. Patricia’s ears aren’t tuned to hear those kind of words (slow cooker, plastic ware, BYOB, no valet…it’s all just one big dog whistle) as they are on emitted on a lowbrow frequency. She automatically recommends Cameran enlist local chef/etiquette guru/domestic goddess extraordinaire Suzanne for help with the planning of said shindig. For good measure, Ms. Pat offers up butler Michael (fresh off his vacation) to bar tend. Selfishly, she’ll need a good martini to make it through the pre-dinner mingling. Talk about a hostess gift! Cameran goes over the guest list, and T-Rav and Kathryn are noticeably absent. Cameran can’t be expected to cook for a crowd and mitigate drama at her first dinner party rodeo.
That evening, Craig and Shep convene at Royal American, and they are oh bro cute together. They are joined by Landon and her friend Robyn. Shep may also have invited another girl from his little black book, Bailey, to meet them as well. He has maybe spent quality time with both ladies, but what can he say? He’s generous! Craig likens Shep’s behavior to that of a “college frat star,” and if anyone would know that role, it’s Craig! Landon is always put in an awkward spot when her friends hook up with Shep. Such is the trade-off for being pals with Shepstradamus. Shep notes that two girls in the hand are worth something about bush (no pun intended…), but even he seems a bit uncomfortable seated between two ladies who are vying for his affection. At least Landon and Craig can find amusement in watching the debacle unfold. The following day, Cameran heads to Ted’s Butcherblock (home of the world’s best potato salad) to meet with Suzanne regarding her dinner menu. Between learning the ins and outs of cheese biscuits and cuts of meat, Cameran is enthralled. She was raised on happy meals. Preach, Upstate! Citing her penchant for peasant salt (what in the world is this coarse salt of which Suzanne speaks?), Cameran hopes that Jason won’t run for the hills when he realizes their marital kitchen is void of whole peppercorns. Thank God for Suzanne!
T-Rav has invited Patricia and her son Whitney Sudler-Smith to Annie’s Bistro, the premiere French restaurant in Charleston. A quick Google finds its location to be in front of the Lowes in the Towne Center shopping center in Mount Pleasant. Thomas may have arrived three drinks early, but he’s quick to impress his table mates with his grasp of the French language. Whitney likens it to Rosetta Stone, and I have a moment’s pause. Do we share a brain? Or, as they say in Paris, a cerveau? Whitney questions T-Rav’s social life, but Thomas says he’s not dating because he’s fearful what Kathryn would do if the news got back to her. Patricia thinks it’s a shame to learn that Kathryn is keeping Thomas (as he says it) from seeing their daughter. She recalls her relationship with Whitney’s father, their shared custody, and doing everything in their power to keep the situation from being pernicious and acrimonious (SAT, what?) while making sure everything was in “the best interest of the child” (I just had PTSD from the family law portion of the bar exam). Why can’t Kathryn follow suit? Speaking of, Kathryn is house hunting in the I’On community with Jennifer, who asks whether Kathryn has been invited to Patricia’s upcoming Flamingo Party. The inquiry hits Kathryn like a ton of bricks. What has she done to be ostracized? Will spelling out curse words make her more palatable to the upper crust? Because she can spell, D-A-M-N [space] I-T.
Cameran’s cleaning for her evening’s dinner party, as Suzanne arrives to provide assistance. Suzanne requires saucepans, wine glasses, and carving knives, and she’s shocked to learn they are all still perfectly wrapped wedding gifts that Cameran has yet to utilize…or even unpack. Do these items need to be washed since they have technically never been used? Cameran isn’t fazed. She never claimed to be a cook (or someone who has ever used a pepper grinder). Cameran is honest at least, and she admits that she only hopes to impress Patricia with her dinner party. Luckily, Patricia and Michael arrive early to help with carving, mixology, and place cards. Michael takes over where Suzanne left off, and I don’t think he’s joking that Cameran couldn’t afford him when she teases about stealing Pat’s butler. In West Ashley, as Naomie and Craig prep for Cameran’s dinner party, he receives a call from Kathryn saying she’d like to stop by as she’s been house hunting in the area. If I’On is close to West Ashley, I need a new GPS. Kathryn comments on their dapper attire, and she’s saddened to learn that, yet again, she’s been left off a guest list. I feel badly for her as I know she wants to be part of the group. Craig promises to champion for her to be included going forward.
The gathering is off to a great start, with Michael tending to the roast and the glassware as the crew convenes on Cameran’s beautiful home. Shep wonders if his lack of home cooked meals from attractive females is in direct correlation to never getting past the “let me get you an Uber”relationship stage after a night on Upper King. Cameran’s spread is impressive, even if she does toss Pat’s coveted well-done piece of meat off Danni’s plate and onto Patricia’s. Shep applauds Cameran for not needing to put on airs, and everyone seems to enjoy the food.
Over dinner, Craig and Whitney are hazed about proposals and engagement rings. Cameran asserts that while she dated her husband for four years before marriage, the older you get the more you know what you’re looking for in a partner. Patricia interjects to say she married Whitney’s father after a whirlwind three month courtship, followed by her second husband thirty years later after knowing him for two only weeks. With wine emojis and one-night stands, Patricia feels there is no longer any mystery when it comes to romance. Women are making themselves too available…but marrying after two weeks is playing hard to get? Even though it makes no sense (or does it?), her snarky observations are entertaining nonetheless. Craig, always looking out for his friends, turns the subject to Kathryn with the help of an oh-so-obvious voice over dub. Get it together, Bravo! Cameran blames the awkwardness between Kathryn and T-Rav for their absence. She doesn’t want her maiden voyage dinner party to be the scene for their drama. Shep appreciates what Craig is trying to do (after all, he and Danni are good friends with Kathryn too), but Craig needs to know his audience. Patricia adds her two cents, but Craig can’t take a cue and keeps pushing. #NewCraig, you tried.
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE PART ABOUT CAMERAN’S DINNER PARTY?
[Photo Credit: Bravo TV]
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