Real Housewives of Potomac Recap: Desperately Seeking Marriage

  

It’s time to drop the manners lessons and get a little bit more real with the Real Housewives of Potomac this week, and given Charrisse Jackson-Jordan’s confession about her crumbling marriage and Robyn Dixon’s financial dirt being dragged out into the light (courtesy of Google, no less!), it looks like that’s just what’s about to happen. 

We begin with Gizelle Bryant, who’s accompanying Karen Huger on her first flight lesson. Karen is interested in getting her pilot’s license, but Gizelle isn’t sure Karen’s – er – airbags will survive the altitude. While they wait for her plane to be prepped, the ladies dish about newcomer Ashley Darby. They weren’t fans of Ashley’s whiskey tasting, but Karen is a fan of Ashley – so far. Gizelle is reserving comment for now. 

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Ashley is meeting Katie Rost, and her three kids, at the park. So she’s worn her best pageant casual for the occasion! Ashley fills Katie in on the whiskey tasting, including her beef with Gizelle being squashed. After Katie foists the kiddos off on the au pair, Ashley and Katie swing and chat about being 27 – which is how old Katie will be on her next birthday. Katie is feeling the burn in her 30s, still pining away for boyfriend Andrew to marry her NOW. He’s pushing 50 after all! (He’s 44.) 

Back at flight school, Karen is sweating through her faux cowgirl hat. She’s nervous about her weave getting caught in the propeller living through her first flight lesson. 

At the park, Ashley moves on to the real work she’s been doing lately: Googling all of her castmates for dirt! She apparently hit the jackpot with Robyn, who Ashley claims is declaring bankruptcy with her ex-husband, Juan Dixon. According to Detective Ashley of the Google search box, the Dixons only have $25 in their bank account right now. This information is legitimate, how? Katie asks no followup questions, which is just kind of…weird. She seems to accept Ashley’s internet deep dive as gospel. What mess Ashley’s just gotten herself in with spreading this news remains to be seen. #messy

Charrisse is at home playing basketball with her kids – alone – while her husband Eddie is at Rutgers coaching. Her friend comes to visit for a drink, and Charrisse confesses her marriage isn’t going well. Eddie stops by Potomac for only brief intervals; his life is lived in Jersey now – also alone? Hmmm. Charrisse breaks down in tears as she confesses that her marriage doesn’t look like the marriage she pictured in her head.

Charrisse and Eddie used to have nothing (financially), but had each other. Now, their arrangement is more of a business. And business is bad. This may explain the brittle front we’ve been seeing from Charrisse since the cameras began rolling. She’s obviously unhappy (just as Gizelle intimated).  

Gizelle and her three daughters are meeting her ex-husband, Jamal, out for lunch. Jamal is sporting my grandma’s scarf and a bit of a stank face for the occasion. Their girls are adorable, as always, and Jamal and Gizelle seem to have a fun, healthy repartee in their relationship. Gizelle says Jamal’s cheating had nothing to do with her being a bad wife, although she is not interested in getting back together with his cheating a$$ ever, despite their friendship now. Gizelle is into enjoying other things – and other people – now that she’s shed the ex! Ain’t no Robyn-and-Juan situation about to happen in the Bryant household.

After Karen prays over the plane, her daughter and hubby Ray meet her for her pre-flight consultation. They cheer her on as she straps into her 2004 rented prop plane. Just like Bill and Melinda Gates, no? 

Meanwhile, at Katie’s house, she’s pretending to wash coffee mugs while she contemplates how to get her claws deeper into Andrew. She knows he loves her and her kids. And he’s a “fixer.” He fixed her post-divorce life, says Katie. So, why isn’t he fixing to put a ring on it? (Maybe because she’s scaring the living sh*t out of him with her incessant nagging!?) In any case, the only person Katie has to bond with in Andrew’s absence is her kids’s nanny, May, who is a lesbian – which Katie “loves!” She “loves her energy!” and her being a non-threat in the boyfriend-stealing department.

But Katie is not only all about forcing Andrew’s hand in marriage; she’s also all about forcing a home renovation on HIS HOUSE…which she’s basically squatting in with her three kids and nanny. She laughs that she’s asked Andrew to make certain changes to his house for “many months” now, but he hasn’t made them happen. So she’s taking matters into her own hands. The contractors show up, Katie directs them to start, and that’s a wrap. Fix that, Andrew.

At Robyn’s house, she – like every other mother in America! – is desperately trying to get her kids to eat while she gets ready for an event that her PR agency is throwing tonight. Her life has gotten more complicated (ie, she has to work now) since those NBA checks aren’t coming in anymore. She admits she’d rather not work, but she needs the money.  

Charrisse’s kids are with Eddie, so she’s hanging out alone in her jammies when Karen calls to check on her. Karen invites herself over to keep Charrisse company and, the next thing we know, Katie and Gizelle are recruited into joining them for an impromptu evening of girl talk. I like this. Maybe it’s producer-driven, maybe not. But seeing these girls get together casually for the first time will be a much-needed breath of fresh air in the stale script we’ve been handed thus far on RHOP. 

Karen arrives first, then Gizelle and Katie ding-dong-ditch Charrisse before joining them. In a stark attitude turnabout, Charrisse does not LOSE HER F-ING MIND about Gizelle’s silly behavior. The ladies sit down to dish about Ashley’s upcoming “teeny-bopper” birthday party, but let’s get real: they really just want to dish about Ashley. Gizelle is shocked that the first info Ashley shared about her husband was that he has a large penis. Karen’s reaction face is thus: Oh Hell No. It’s worth noting that we’re 30 minutes into this episode and the word etiquette has not been trotted out even ONCE yet. Will it happen now? 

The group agrees that talking about your man’s private parts is not a smart move. In the weirdest non sequitur ever, Katie hints that she likes men and women. And their private parts! She took a dip in the lady pond and she liked it! #ThisWillNotGetYouARing 

Talk turns to Google, and who’s using it to dig up everyone’s dusty old skeletons: Ashley. Karen is not pleased to hear this. She speechifies about “not getting anywhere in Potomac!” if you’re Googling people’s dirt, yadda yadda yadda. When she finds out what Ashley’s dug up about the Dixons though, Karen gives her a pass, claiming that perhaps Ashley doesn’t know any better. Is this Karen being gracious? Or simply glad the Google search wasn’t pointed toward her? 

Charrisse admits that many people put up a facade in hopes of covering up the real mess they’ve got going on behind closed doors. She confesses to the group that her marriage is basically one of these facades – a facade that’s been going on for three long years. Gizelle encourages Charrisse to “know where you’re at” with the marriage before making any drastic decisions. Charrisse breaks down in tears as the group surrounds to her offer hugs and words of friendship. Despite their differences, they’re there for her.   

Ashley is at her birthday party venue prepping the scene. She plans to have models walking around in body paint to entice the “cougars” she says are invading from Potomac. Does Ashley need to do a search on the word “cougar” to understand its actual definition? Because I don’t see any older women with younger men in this franchise. Girl, get back to Google! #Vocabulary

Back at Katie’s house – which, let’s be clear, is actually Andrew’s house – she’s welcoming him home from a tough golfing trip. She reveals the changes she inflicted on made to his house during his absence, which include the creation of a “Mrs.” room (huh? Mrs. WHO?), his clothes being moved to a spare closet, and his balls in a jar of formaldehyde on the mantel. My God. This girl is a piece of work. 

Andrews is all: The cameras are rolling, don’t flip out…the cameras are rolling, don’t flip out…“I wouldn’t say that I like it, but I will say that I accept it.” Katie just giggles at Andrew’s muffled shock and says she’s going to get him drunk tonight. Drink up, dude! This is Katie’s world and you’re just living in it.

It’s the day of Ashley’s birthday party. She’s getting decked out in her best cheetah bustier for her kitty-themed event, while in a foreclosing house far, far away, Robyn is getting a fateful phone call. Gizelle is on the line to inform her girl about Ashley’s dirt-digging, and what’s been revealed to the group about Robyn’s financial state. An unhappy Robyn sums up Ashley’s detective work thusly: “That’s some whack sh*t right there.” Word. 

At Ashley’s event, the painted models are free but the drinks are not. Really? Ashley can sit around Googling other people’s money troubles, but can’t spring for an open bar at her party!? Karen and The Black Bill Gates are not impressed.

Naw! No. Nein. Katie and Andrew decide the best time to tongue each other is in front of an assorted group of friends at Ashley’s party. As they make out like horny teenagers, poor Charrisse (who is hard to sympathize with, but I find myself in her corner at this moment!) is sitting next to the disgusting display. 

As the inappropriate make out session continues, Robyn shows up with her big girl pants on. She’s here to nip Ashley’s messiness in the bud, even if she has to pay for her own drinks to do so. Gizelle offers her support. “I’ve heard about being thirsty,” says Robyn. “Ashley is de-hydrated. Somebody give her a glass of water.” 

Ashley finally arrives, her Crocodile Dundee hubby – and his alleged anaconda – in tow. She goes to find Robyn and Gizelle at the bar, and pleasantries are quickly exchanged before Robyn cuts to the chase. Why is Ashley Googling her? And how does Robyn’s dirt affect Ashley’s life? Ashley admits she searched for background information on Robyn because she felt Robyn was a closed-off person. Robyn defends that she’s been through “some sh*t” in her life, and she is a private person because of it. And her bankruptcy is in the past. 

Ashley apologizes if her actions hurt Robyn, but she doesn’t seem all that contrite, in my opinion. Gizelle scolds Ashley about the hypocrisy of running around spreading rumors about “friends,” then claiming she’s not out to hurt anyone. Ashley promises she didn’t spread the information around spitefully, and apologizes again. Robyn graciously forgives her and keeps it moving. Which is better than most would do in a situation like this. Robyn chalks Ashley’s poor decision making up to her age. And her quick forgiveness up to the three drinks she downed! 

After blowing out her birthday candles, Ashley is dragged outside where her hubby Michael is rolling up in a white Porsche convertible with a big red bow on top. 27 is going to be a big year for Ashley: she’s opening a restaurant, she wants to start a family, and now she’s got a Porsche to rub in all of these Potomac ladies’ faces.

Katie seethes with jealousy as she practically licks Andrew’s face off, hoping to mark her territory. Maybe she should just urinate in a circle around him at all times? “F*ck you!” Katie screams at Ashley and Michael as they drive away with her dreams.  

TELL US: DO YOU THINK ASHLEY MADE A MISTAKE, OR DID SHE SH*T STIR? IS KATIE PLAYING THIS ENGAGEMENT GAME THE RIGHT WAY? ARE YOU SURPRISED AT CHARRISSE’S CONFESSION ABOUT HER MARRIAGE? 

Photo Credit: Bravo

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