Last night’s Vanderpump Rules featured dueling birthday trips – one made no attempt to be classy and the other pretended to be something they’re not.
First up, Ariana Madix grabbed the Toms and Jax Taylor for an RV trek around Sonoma Wine Country, which ground to a halt at a NASCAR track for wieners and wienies. The wienie being Tom 1 who whined and cried – in front of Ariana’s brother no less – that Ariana doesn’t find his man bun and overall short-alls attractive enough to f–k. The poor Toms – it seems they have something in common, in that their ladies would rather do anything but them.
But first there was the drama over The Missing Lala.
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A mysterious disappearance occurred. Lala Kent was supposed to be part of The Destiny Trek to Inner-Redneckdom, but she failed to show at the airport, then sent Ariana a lame-ass text apologizing for bailing on her boo-girl. Jax marvels that all this time he was wasting his precious few brain cells coming up with complicated excuses for bailing on girls when he could have just texted a flippant ‘sorry.’ Then Tom 1 comes rolling around the corner in an RV and all thoughts of Lala are temporarily forgotten.
RELATED – Bulldoze & Bounce House Through Ariana’s 30th Birthday!
Brittany Cartwright is ecstatic to see that RV. It’s like coming home. Inside, there is concern over the fart factory that is Jax, who also has nasty odor emanating from his post-breast reduction compression ‘bro’ combined with his shower-less state and exacerbated by the Axe body spray (probably Designer Imposters) that he’s fumigating his underarms with a la a teenage boy. Tom 2 barely notices… so blissfully at peace he is away from Katie Maloney. Katie who is strangely the happiest and most fun we’ve seen her all season away from Tom. Tom declares that distance is good for relationships. Uh huh.
Yes, Katie is in her happy place in Montauk, firmly ensconced in the the plaits of Stassi Schroeder‘s under-braid and uni-boob, to celebrate the many-splendored wonders of prepsters. Unfortunately, there is a fourth-wheel on their trip, and that wheel is a square named Scheana Marie. The fun police is further bitter when she finds out Lala bailed on Ariana’s trip, because otherwise Scheana would have been invited. Um… no, Scheana, you weren’t invited because you ditched Ariana for the three-headed she-beast! And to Montauk you will go.
Kristen Doute doesn’t get Montauk. Like, it’s a beach resort. And, like, what do people do on beaches but, like, sit around and, like, do nothing, which is pretty much Kristen’s entire life, so she could have avoided paying for a plane ticket and just stayed home to do nothing. But then Stassi wouldn’t get to wear her hideously unflattering collection of striped wardrobe pieces (OMG – those shorts she wore on the beach with the uni-boob bathing suit! My eyes are crying tears of vodka!).
At the Montauk Beach Club in Stassi and Katie’s room, they are already predicting how Scheana will overtake this trip with her wet blanketism and try to make Stassi’s birthday all about Scehana. As if it’s possible to make Jesus’s Birthday about anyone else – I mean, it’s already a national holiday in which we all gather around a giant bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, draped in white satin, decorated with diamonds, atop which sits Stassi, and at her feet we bestow gifts. Mostly booze. Sometimes bad boyfriends.
Scheana so does not want to be on this trip, and she has her sour grapes all tucked up in her cheeks giving her a permanent snooty, puss-face. I mean, her workout regimen is set on ‘Summer Body,’ so she will not be drinking beer and booze on the beach, plus Stassi stole her straw and Scheana cannot consume ice cause of her teeeeeth. Oh for god’s sake – this is the same woman who chugged tequila from a tampon last year. Shut it, Scheanners (although I agree with her that shots have too much sugar).
Well, Stassi will not be out-done in her attention-seek, so she starts sniffling, oh so gently, about Patrick dumping her – yet again – and now she’s single, alone, and forever tainted by the stain of Jax. It’s just not fair: Kristen is in a 90% perfect relationship, Katie is engaged to a man who is so relieved to be away from her he relishes sharing an RV with Jax’s compression ‘bro,’ and Scheana is soon-to-be-divorced. Now that is something to compete for, girls! But, on the surface, they all look 90% perfect and that’s what counts, right?!
Stassi, however, is so sad and alone she’d let a seagull shit on her if only to give her a sign that someone is out there noticing her (later that sign will come from a lighthouse’s fog horns).
While the Three-Headed She-Beast (plus Scheana, the extra tail that sometimes falls off and must be nailed back on while she sulks and mopes), complains over drinks about the lack of Montauk nightlife.
The Redneck convention hits up wine country, where they quickly dissolve into a game of high/low in which loser has to drink the back-washed wine from the spittoon. Ariana wins that honor. GAG. Neither Jax nor Brittany are classy enough to handle wine – Brittany professes her undying love for Wild Turkey, which is also what Jax has named the special place where Kristen allegedly licked. Tom 2 pretends he was a sommelier in his past life. Who does he think he is… Lisa Vanderpump?
After wine country shenanigans, they all hop back into the “winebago” to drive to their Mecca; the motherland: NASCAR. More tequila is required to power this hell beast on wheels into the park-n-lodge lot, but where there is a will, there is a way, right?
Meanwhile, back in L.A., James Kennedy appears on the scene and he has swapped his addiction to booze for an addiction to ice cream. The dude is emotional eating his way into a size 2 because every time he thinks of taking a drink he goes out for a gelato. At one such desperate time of craving attention and relevance he meets “Arthur.” Arthur used to work at SUR, but now owns his own bar and he’s something like James’s sponsor/good angel on his shoulder, which is the voice of reason. He also happens to need a DJ at his hot new restaurant and James is angling to parlay his sob story about being fired, drinking himself into irrelevance, and his parent’s divorce into a job at Arthur’s DJ booth.
Lisa is attempting to track down Lala. She’s concerned because Lala asked for the day off on a busy Saturday to attend Ariana’s birthday bonanza, then proceeded to bail on that vacation. No call/no show on a vacation is most certainly a sign that something is wrong. Perhaps Lala realized Tom 1 rented an RV and she’d be stuck on there with Jax?
Lisa is so desperate for answers she turns to James, who is readily on the case (aka came waltzing in the back door of SUR like he still works there). James blames Lala’s boyfriend for controlling her. Newly sober James is thoughtful and worried about Lala because her boyfriend sounds psycho – loitering outside her house and not letting her hang out with people? Lisa decides even Lala deserves better than that… then swats James on the rump and sends him out the backdoor like a naughty puppy.
Back in Sonoma, Ariana is venting to Brittany about how Tom 1 actually wants to do IT with her – which yuuuuuck – and even worse, he wants to go down on her! This confession spilling requires a lot of tequila. But at least Tom isn’t making Ariana run around the block so he can suck her stinky toes like Jax forces Brittany to do. Brittany finds this hilarious, though.
Unfortunately, Tom 1 feels dejected. He’s reduced to jerking off out of necessity. And it gives him the sass. Tom 2 turns to his friend, gently takes his hands, and they just pause for a moment in mutual understanding. These poor boys, doomed to women who don’t get their sexy. At least they have each other! Meanwhile, Jax has only his self-sabotaging alter ego lurking beneath his shiny, fart-laden exterior.
Ariana proceeds to get drunker and drunker at the thought of doing it with Tom. So drunk she winds up dancing and tailing in the wind, while eating a huge slab of steak with her bare hands, ripping with her teeth as Tom squirts ketchup from a little squeeze package onto it. Tom 2 marvels at this apparition of pure perfect womanhood before him. Brittany, with her natural redneck-itude, is no comparison to this mythical cave woman/hipster that has possessed Ariana. Jax feels a little sad inside and squeezes his own boobs to make himself feel better.
RELATED – Is Brittany ‘The One’?
But in Montauk, Stassi is victimized by the slim pickings. Or maybe it’s her… ? Over a dinner of Scheana’s sulkiness and refusal to take shots, a grandpa hits on Stassi, then a man with the personality of road kill. It is Katie who gets the most ‘action’ when she speaks to the bartender about Greece. Katie apparently loves Greece. Katie is also apparently really fun and relaxed when she’s not around Tom 2. She gives Lala credit for bailing – since Katie no longer has to worry about Lala stressing Tom 2 out by desperately trying to get in his pants, Katie can relax. She’s also ecstatic that now everyone will know she was right about Lala being a horrible person!
Ahhh… poor Stassi. It’s 10 PM and she’s back in her room calling Tom 2 over speakerphone to discuss the possibility that Lala was kidnapped by aliens. Tom is euphoric himself; the RV trip is everything he ever could’ve asked for. He’s so happy Katie barely recognizes his voice – she suspects he may have handed the phone to some random man. Tom thinks being away from each other has prevented the onset of Tequila Katie. And possibly a skinny-dip in the freezing cold ocean will clear her head and lobotomize her terrible personality.
No, Katie is OK on this trip, it is Scheana who’s the annoying person. Is Montauk making everyone try to act classier?
Of course Scheana isn’t gong skinny-dipping. Scheana is allergic to fun. Scheana is cold. Scheana can’t drink liquor cause it will make her sicker (or make everyone even more sick of her sulking). Yet Scheana wants to go roll around in the mud and muck at NASCAR?
Scheana apparently discarded the memo explaining that on Stassi’s birthday – the national holiday of entitled West Hollywood biatches – skinny-dipping is mandatory. So Scheana begrudgingly puts on the terrycloth robe and watches as Stassi, Kristen, and Katie run naked (or half-naked) into the freezing water until a lighthouse shines its beams right on their cellulite and cheers erupt. Katie and Kristen race out with the towels, leaving Stassi stranded in the water, clutching her bits, until they realize they forgot her there, completely exposed, and return with a towel. Scheana cackles and cackles about the magical rays of karma.
Back in Sonoma, after Jax passes out fully-clothed, providing everyone with an ambient noise orchestra of his farts, Tom 1 and Ariana canoodle in the single pull-out cot while reflecting on what a perfect day it’s been. Tom apologizes for ditching Ariana on her birthday last year, and being so insensitive, while she strokes his little ponytail and reassures him that all is forgiven. And perhaps she lets him touch her shoulder and kiss her chastely on the cheek.
Some girls get all the luck!
TELL US – WHO HAD THE BETTER BIRTHDAY TRIP?
[Photo credits: Bravo]
The post Vanderpump Rules Recap: Bottoms Up Birthdays appeared first on Reality Tea.
Will & Grace's return isn't exactly nigh, according to series star Debra Messing. Messing took to Twitter to shoot down reports of a series revival pick-up that were stoked by Will...
Running into an ex can be awkward, but having to sit next to one while on a late-night show might be excruciating, which is exactly what Nick Viall had to endure Monday night. This...Teen Mom 2 fans, we are back with a new season, new drama and more interaction with the long suffering Teen Mom 2 producers. These Teen Moms have been busy since the reunion: Kailyn Lowry is on the verge of divorce from Javi Marroquin, Chelsea Houska is on the verge of marriage to Cole DeBoer, Jenelle Evans is on the verge of jail time and well, Leah Messer is on the verge of a nervous breakdown if she doesn’t find her damn keys.
Kail and Javi have some major unresolved issues happening right now in their marriage. So Kail copes with her issues by jumping out of a plane, which seems like a reasonable response to a crumbling marriage. If throwing yourself out of a plane is symbolism for what’s going on in her relationship, message received loud and clear.
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Chelsea and her ex, Adam aren’t really on speaking terms either, although Aubree continues to visit. At the last reunion, Adam said he didn’t know if he was going to continue filming……and by filming, he means standing up the producers while they are outside of his house and he naps upstairs. When the producer calls him on her cell phone from his front door, he drops a barrage of F bombs and basically tells her nap time is the most important time. To clarify, we aren’t talking about Aubree’s nap time, we are talking about his. The producer has no choice but to let sleeping beauty rest up and once he does let her into his house, she is surprisingly calm for someone who just got yelled at by an overgrown man-child. But Adam has a bone to pick – mainly, that he’s getting a bad edit. Sounds like someone needs to be put back down for another nap.
Onto Jenelle, who is doing GREAT, except for the fact that she is about to go to court for assaulting her ex-baby daddy’s new girlfriend. Jenelle is fuming that Nathan Griffith’s girlfriend, Jessi, would have the nerve to try and send a mother to jail for assaulting her. Never mind that the mother in question has been in jail more times than we can count and that’s really why she’s in the position of heading back there.
Some really emo music accompanies the scenes of Jenelle going into court (just so we understand the severity of the matter) and we get treated to the most boring hearing footage ever. OJ Simpson trial this is not, people. Jessi relives her harrowing ordeal about being knocked in the head with a mason jar while Jenelle sits passively, decked out in her I’m- getting-my-life-together-and-trying-to-stay-out-of-jail starter pack ensemble. Nathan takes the stand and quickly loses his cool when being cross examined by Jenelle’s lawyer. Seriously, can someone cross examine him on why he continues to style his hair that way? Pause and we will come back to this later (the trial, not why he continues to style his hair that way).
Leah admits that raising three girls (and endless baby dolls) is hard. Even harder when you have to get to a game on time. Leah goes into full blown meltdown mode when she realizes she’s going to be late. She admits the next day she had a panic attack because she was worried about ex Corey Simms being mad that she was late. Also, MTV was there filming and she’s NEVER late outside of filming. Leah makes sure to point out she’s doing a lot better but just had a bad day.
Kail’s friend Gigi stops by to visit and Kail explains that she needs to “do something crazy” in life, hence jumping out of a plane. I feel like having all those dogs and kids running around is crazy enough but hey, to each his own. Kail catches Gigi up on what happened at the reunion with Javi – in short, Javi has changed, Kail has changed, Dr. Drew says to not change and stay together. Curious to know if Dr. Drew actually watches the show.
Javi FaceTimes with his friend, Darius, who is urges Javi to get “beach ready” while Javi complains about Kail. He says he has spoken with Lincoln every day and Isaac gets on the phone too but not so much Kail, which we already knew. He wants to fight for his marriage but is unsure of what he’s coming home to. Kail goes out to eat with Joe, Viv and the kids but all Isaac wants to do is talk to his “other dad”, which is sad to see how he’s handling everything and obviously gives Kail pause since she knows life with “other dad” might not last much longer.
Chelsea, Aubree and her friends go to try on dresses for her wedding. Aubree is adorable in her excitement of trying on her dress and it’s really a sweet moment. Chelsea’s mom keeps commenting how it looks like a wedding dress – chill out, mom, one wedding at a time. They all go out to lunch after and Chelsea has decided now that she’s older, she doesn’t want every aspect of her life on TV and it sounds like that includes the wedding.
Leah just found out that other ex, Jeremy Calvert was offered a job in South Dakota for three to four months, further complicating matters. Later that day, she complains to her friend that she won’t be happy if he only sees Addie here and there.
Back in court, Jenelle is on the stand, explaining the case of the mysterious slippery mason jar. Jenelle is TRYING to be a good person and a good mom, if only drinking glasses full of water would stop being so damn slippery. Even Jenelle’s lawyer doesn’t seem convinced. Outside of the court room, David tries to comfort a crying Jenelle while she waits for the verdict. Like OJ before her, Jenelle is found not guilty even though everyone believes she did it.
Can Jenelle stay out of trouble for at least another episode? No promises, guys.
TELL US – WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PRODUCER INVOLVEMENT BEING SHOWN THIS SEASON? IS IT WEIRD TO BREAK THE FOURTH WALL?
Photo Credit: MTV
The post Teen Mom 2 Season 8 Premiere Recap: Trials and Tribulations appeared first on Reality Tea.
All girls grow up eventually. With HBO's Girls returning for its sixth and final season Feb. 12, executive producer Jenni Konner conducts a group exit interview with actresses Lena...
You're fired is fired. After a long wait, The New Celebrity Apprentice finally returned on Monday night, with Arnold Schwarzenegger taking over for former host and current...
Well if that was any indication, this is going to be quite a fascinating season. Nick Viall has officially begun his reign as The Bachelor's current star, and for the most part, his...Happy 2017 – here’s a selfie! All of your favorite reality stars rang in the New Year and celebrated New Year’s Day with plenty of vacations, antics, and social media sharing.
Above, Vanderpump Rules star Scheana Marie, who just filed for divorce from her husband Mike Shay, is ready to start fresh in 2017 with a big F-U to 2016.
Below, see photos from Caroline Stanbury, Melissa Gorga, new Celebrity Apprentice star Snooki, Tamra Judge and Shannon Beador – who celebrated together – Julianne Hough, and more!
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TELL US – WHO HAD YOUR FAVORITE NEW YEAR’S CELEBRATION?
[Main Photo Credit: Instagram]
The post Photos – Reality Stars Celebrate The New Year & New Year’s Eve! appeared first on Reality Tea.
Don Lemon had a Happy New Year – Dlisted
Lauren Conrad is pregnant! – Babyrazzi
Is Gwyneth full of shit? – Celebitchy
Is it all a ruse for publicity? – Celeb Dirty Laundry
Can you get behind this hair trend? – Total Beauty
Gold Rush star facing mega fines? – Starcasm
8 PM EST –
The Bachelor (ABC) – premiere
Celebrity Apprentice (NBC) – premiere
Masterchef Celebrity Showdown (FOX)
Kids Baking Championship (Food Network)
Love & Hip Hop (VH1)
9 PM EST –
Vanderpump Rules (Bravo)
Cake Wars (Food Network)
Teen Mom 2 (MTV) – premiere
Leave It To Stevie (VH1
9:30 PM EST –
K. Michelle: My Life (VH1)
10 PM EST –
Timber Creek Lodge (Bravo)
America’s Next Top Model (VH1)
Photo credit: Paul Archuleta/WireImage for Fashion Media
The post Monday Night Tea – Links, Open Chat, What’s On Reality TV Tonight appeared first on Reality Tea.
The holidays are officially over, and as a reward for surviving the networks are bringing us new seasons of Celebrity Apprentice (with brand new host Arnold Schwarzenegger) and Teen Mom 2 season 8. There’s also an all-new episode of Vanderpump Rules.
Celebrity Apprentice has been on hiatus for 2 years while they replaced hosts when Donald Trump left to focus on politics. The show also moved from NYC to LA and Tyra Banks is on board as an advisor. This season’s cast features Real Housewives Porsha Williams and Kyle Richards, and other reality star veterans Carson Kressley and Snooki.
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The cast also includes Vince Neil, Carnie Wilson, Brooke Burke-Charvet, John Lovitz, Lisa Leslie, and more. Celebrity Apprentice airs at 8/9c on NBC.
[Credit: MTV]
Also premiering tonight is season 8 of Teen Mom 2. Jenelle Evans, now pregnant (again), continues to deal with legal issues and her custody problems, all while insisting David Eason is not only the one, but oh-so perfect (he’s not).
WATCH – TEEN MOM 2 SEASON 8 TRAILER!
Newly divorced Kail Lowry is having a quarter-life crisis and decides to confront it with sky diving. Leah Messer continues to be Leah – which means crappy parenting, lots of excuses, and bad hair. She also continues to insist she’s single…
Chelsea Houska is engaged and pregnant. She and Cole share the news with Aubree that she’s going to be a big sister. Teen Mom 2 season 8 airs tonight at 9/10c on MTV. Stay tuned for recap in the morning!
[Credit: Bravo]
Finally, Vanderpump Rules is back and it doesn’t appear that a new year has brought new attitudes! Lala Kent has disappeared, even bailing on Ariana Madix‘s birthday trip. While the Toms and Jax Taylor are having a blast on Ariana’s NASCAR/Wine Country birthday, Stassi Schroeder takes a rag-tag group of biatches to Montauk for her own birthday trip. Annnndddd… it’s decidedly less fun, of course!
Stassi cries over her split from Patrick, while Scheana struggles to fit in after her fight with Katie and Stassi. Back at SUR Lisa Vanderpump is shocked to learn the full extent of the Lala situation and how she’s been treated by the other girls.
RELATED – Social Media Bashing Makes Stassi Suicidial?
Vanderpump Rules airs at 9/10c on Bravo. Join us to talk Vanderpump Rules, Celebrity Apprentice, Teen Mom 2, or The Bachelor!
TELL US – WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING TONIGHT?
[Main Photo Credit: NBC]
The post Celebrity Apprentice And Teen Mom 2 Premiere Tonight; Plus New Episode Of Vanderpump Rules! appeared first on Reality Tea.
It's Stassi Schroeder's "f--king birthday," Vanderpump Rules fans, and we all know what that means: It's time for a trip! In tonight's episode of the Bravo reality...
There isn't a soul on the planet who doesn't have an Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonation in their back pocket, ready to be employed whenever necessary. With the iconic actor and former...
Now that we've finally gotten out of 2016, we find ourselves left with a lot of loose ends. That was a tumultuous year both on and off TV, but 2017 could very well be full of promise...What the hell was going on last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta? That was the weirdest episode ever!
For some odd reason Cynthia Bailey decides to have a ‘Starting Over’ party in the office of a boob doctor and have her implants checked for an expiration date. The ladies of Real Housewives have done a lot of weird things in a plastic surgeon’s office, and they’ve had a lot weird versions of starting over/Tru-Renwal parties, but this one was by far the strangest. The whole cast showed up, dressed to the nines, to cram into a little exam room, screech over Cynthia’s boobs, and then watch the doctor diagnose them unevenly hard, but still usable. Not a very dignified way to start over.
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It involved a lot of women screaming “Titties!” and also Kenya Moore denying that anything on her body is fake. Like, OK…
It was all very awkward and unprofessional. And I don’t know if I’d trust any type of plastic surgeon that has “Curve King” written in huge italicized Arial font on the wall of his lobby, or allows his office to be turned into a really strange strip club/desperately single ladies party. The the doctor may have told Cynthia her implants were fine just so he would never have to hear Phaedra Parks cackle “TITTIES” again.
Oh man, speaking of Phaedra, there is serious weirdness between Phaedra and Kandi Burruss. Kandi must be super upset, because she didn’t eat during her conversation with Phaedra, then she skipped the Taco Tuesday food when she met Porsha to discuss her earlier confrontation with Phaedra.
Am I missing something here? Cause I really don’t get exactly what’s going on? Suddenly – years later – Kandi is furious that Phaedra dated someone else after she and Apollo separated? Even if she was still technically married, the dude had moved out, was headed to prison, was ignoring his family to go running around to strip clubs with Peter, had already seen a divorce attorney, and was cheating. Plus he was creepy.
RELATED – Peter Spills On How Apollo Met His Fiancé!
I think there’s some revisionist history happening here on Kandi’s part, and I also think it’s none of her damn business if Phaedra wants to go into details while she’s in the middle of a divorce. Kandi is also confusing peaches with bitter melons – Phaedra initially invited her to dinner to discuss how Mama Joyce was harassing her, but Kandi decided Phaedra was hitting below the belt and had to finally call her out? She’s also upset that Phaedra made comments about Todd’s finances last season, so now she is accusing Phaedra of having an affair?
Kandi can be frustrated with Phaedra for living a double life, but I don’t really understand her sudden need to expose all this now? I mean, it’s not like Phaedra is trying to be friends with her? She just wants Kandi’s crazy mama to stop stalking her – which seems reasonable?
I personally don’t care what Phaedra did while Apollo was running around in the days before he left for prison. I also think Riley is more mature than Kandi. Last night, Riley turned 14 so Kandi handed her $5k in diamonds with a Publix cake, and then encouraged Riley to go have lunch alone with her estranged father Blockhead. Even after Riley asked Kandi to come with her because she felt uncomfortable around the man she’d seen like 10 times her whole life. Finally, Todd’s daughter had to basically demand Kandi agree to go with Riley!
Kandi is apparently too preoccupied with what Phaedra is doing, or did, and what kind of chocolate she was eating to worry about her priorities, because she spent the entire episode telling EVERYONE about the argument they had and how she called Phaedra out for wanting to get married again and dating someone before Apollo left for prison.
First, Kandi tells Cynthia and Kenya she snapped because she’s tired of being fake with Phaedra. Then, she’s totally fake with Phaedra at the doctor’s office. Then, she calls Sheree Whitfield to complain about how she was forced to expose Phaedra’s chocolate-flavored skeletons. Then, she informs Mama Joyce in the jewelry store, and Mama Joyce grins like a crocodile in one of those Animal Planet specials about World’s Deadliest Creatures.
Finally, Porsha Williams gets involved. Because of some eggs. Porsha gets it into her very scrambled brain that should insert a crystal egg up her hoo-hah to make Todd donate sperm for her ‘get knocked up’ project. This is called “Yoni” and she drags Shamea Morton along too. She also invited Sheree. Porsha described it as ‘light exercise,’ which is why she and Shamea are dressed for the club and then with a crystal egg literally shoved up their cooches they do downward dog in mini dresses. It brings a whole new meaning to “vajazzling.” Sheree walked in during this scene. She pretends she’s on her period and wisely avoids Yoni.
Now Sheree has been ridiculously messy lately. It is she who informs Porsha that Kandi and Phaedra had a very unsatisfactory dinner and that Kandi is telling everyone Phaedra had an affair. It is also Sheree who revealed that Kandi told her Porsha once slept with Block. Porsha denies this, but maybe it’s the crystal egg calling her vaj rejuvenated?
Porsha’s crystal high is immediately cracked by Sheree’s information, because Kandi broke girl code. Not only that she broke BFF, or Former BFF, code big time by legitimizing gossip about Phaedra by gossiping about it herself, which de facto makes it true. Porsha’s high school logic is entirely right.
Shamea isn’t too fond of Phaedra either. She accuses Phaedra of hitting on her ex-husband while they were still married. Porsha doesn’t comment on anything except that Kandi is taking a conversion that should have stayed between A & B and involving the whole alphabet.
Naturally, Porsha and Sheree take Phaedra to tea to let her know how Kandi is conducting the business of their former friendship. Phaedra is not pleased and whispers that Kandi and Shamea have also had sexual relations. Hmmm… well Phaedra did warn Kandi that if she’s gonna dig her grave, she better make it big enough for two! How’s that for an eternity in the hell of your own making!
In the middle of the gossip Olympics, Sheree meets with her interior designer to pretend she’s purchasing $3,000 chairs for Chateau Charade Sheree, which has to be done in 2 months time for Sheree’s housewarming party. Sheree wants her guests to have actual working toilets to use, not the sump-pump hooked up to her double-wide in the backyard. Whoever heard of planning a housewarming party with no house?
Then, Sheree squeezes in yet another meeting about Phaedra and Kandi. This time, she and Porsha meet Kandi at some taco restaurant. Kandi knows she’s not there for the food, which is why she wore a skirt so tight she can’t sit down and ate in the car on the way. Instead she’s there for the grilling. Porsha questions Kandi’s motives for spilling Phaedra’s secrets (or lies) and why she’s so angry. Kandi says it’s about money, because Phaedra was telling people not to do business with her. I mean, really, Kandi? You’re acting that trashy over $15 and a debunked work out video? All this in defense of Apollo? Who almost got your ass snatched by the FEDs? Everybody knows… when you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas.
Proving that she’s not ‘over it’ like she claims, Kandi is extremely emotional over the mess with Phaedra and super defensive about Porsha calling her out. She also outs Porsha for knowing that Phaedra was so-called cheating. Porsha pleads the fifth. Kandi complains that she used to be friends with Porsha, who has now abandoned her for Phaedra. Maybe there’s a reason no one wants to be your friend Kandi…
After Kandi storms out, Porsha turns to Sheree and insinuates that Kandi not only had an affair with Shamea, but that she’s ‘in the closet.’ Sheree just cannot believe her luck – all the sparkling water that is turning into gold and crystals this episode!
RELATED – Kandi Claims Porsha Propositioned Her For Sex!
Finally, after getting her boobs group-fondled, Cynthia finds serenity in her new lake house, and Noelle meets Peter, who she decides must pay for abandoning her by sweating to death in hot yoga. That was the weirdest hot yoga I’ve ever seen, made even weirder by Peter’s awkwardness. Did he fart in there?!
After class, Noelle confesses that she feels rejected by Peter, who is like a father-figure to her. Peter was very sweet in reassuring Noelle that he’ll always be there for her, but that he’s not handling the divorce well. And then he blamed his estrangement from Noelle on Cynthia, even though he is the one who moved to Charlotte in the first place. Meanwhile, Cynthia is happily sipping champs on the lake and has sold all Peter’s glamor shots with the Atlanta townhouse. Or maybe she burned them with her wedding license?
TELL US – IS KANDI TAKING HER VENDETTA TOO FAR OR IS HIGH TIME PHAEDRA GOT CALLED OUT?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]
The post Real Housewives Of Atlanta Recap: Scrambled Eggs appeared first on Reality Tea.
Where can you see models arguing in their underwear at a New York City tourist attraction? Only on America's Next Top Model and in the clip below. In the exclusive preview, model...
Clear your schedules and clear your DVRs! Welcome to 2017, a year of new beginnings and new TV shows, and E! News has your guide to all the small screen's best offerings in the...
