The trial of the century is over--again. FX's The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story wrapped up with the shocking verdict--spoiler warning, O.J. Simpson was found not guilty of the...Last night, the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills wrapped up their trip to Dubai and Lisa Rinna had an epiphany: she’s not gonna become the collateral damage of two narcissists with queen complexes, also known as Lisa Vanderpump and Yolanda Foster. Lipsa has diagnosed and labeled them as “hating each other” (medical name haterificaious bitcheria). There we have it – Lipsa has solved the mystery of whodunnit with the Munchausen in the Kyle Konservatory with the ulterior motive.
Our first clue that nothing is going well – the ladies can’t manage to enjoy 5-star shopping without bitching. Just buy shoes and shhhhhh! In a mall that engulfs the Mall Of America, then spits it out, chewed up and mangled, onto its ice rink, the 5-story mall of Dubai chauffeurs them around from luxury store to luxury store in Bentley golf carts. There goes LVP‘s cardio!
Lipsa wore her walking sneakers, unnecessarily. She had to put them to good use though, because – ugh, comfort shoes! – so she decided to walk all over the friendship of LVP!
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In the mall, Kyle Richards worries someone will cuss. She’s terrified of ending up in jail in a foreign country and never getting out – Kyle’s fear is some Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills viewers’ fantasy.
Erika Girardi ponders a $700,000 bracelet, and emails the details to Tom’s secretary then crosses her fingers and prays and prays that come Christmas morning she’ll have been a good little girl who made Santa Tom’s Nice List! In concession, Erika buys a hot pink Chanel purse, because, as Erika explains to us plebeians with no access to the internet, when you’re in Dubai you’ll find things you’ve never seen anywhere else – like pink Chanel clutches – so you better buy them! I assume Erika didn’t happen upon any necklaces with “C–ty” written in Arabic?
In Kathryn Edwards, Kyle finds a friend who will be honest about her fashion don’ts! Kyle tries on a pair of sunglasses and Kathryn remarks that they’re “horrible” – indeed they were.
There are so many gorgeous places to run and hide, the ladies can distract themselves from not speaking. It’s possible for Lipsa and Eileen Davidson to completely ignore LVP, who, as it turns out, notices and is disappointed by the strained glances and awkward scuttling between the Chanel fantasy tweeds.
So the ladies shop; they shop with a vengeance to hide their discontent and to mask their frustrations and mistrust. Speaking of trust, as they all amble around the mall, their slew of black cards are just left out, strewn around the register. Credit card fraud apparently isn’t a concern – these women are probably considered paupers in the billion dollar playground of Dubai.
From being insignificant poor peeps to being like tiny little sparkles beside the Hope Diamond, they climb to the top of the Burj Khalifa, the world’s tallest building. Even LVP’s ego is dwarfed as she lowers herself to offer Eileen the phony apology Eileen has been begging for. In ultimate irony, LVP got fakeness coaching from Kyle – of course Splits McHairflips Squeaky Squeal was the gal for the task! So, on the 152nd floor, where the only thing higher is literally the sun, with the planes soaring beneath them, Lisa pulls Eileen aside and whispers an apology so softly Eileen thought the height was playing tricks on her. She was momentarily stunned – maybe it was from staring at the sun too long? The sun being that blindly, dizzying assumption of LVP’s supposed motives. “Don’t want to throw me off now?” LVP jokes as Eileen stands there, silenced.
Of course staring down at the earth from 152 floors did little to put things in perspective considering how the yacht ride went!
Back in Beverly Hills, Yolanda lectures alternate Hollywood Friends Brandi Glanville and Kim Richards about the importance of non-Hollywood friends. Boozdi and KimKillah are apparently shining examples of so-called real friends – which is why they only hang out with Yolanda with Bravo cameras present.
Since she’s detoxing the evil spirit of Lyme away, Yolanda had Daisy prepare per-packaged healthy food, which scares Brandi, who is pawing around for a Taco Bell wrapper and hopes that syrupy liquid is red sauce, not pomegranate juice. Compared to Dubai, with the women swanning around in $2,000 caftans and swinging Chanel shopping bags, Brandi’s supermarket flowers, generic Target gift bags, and cheap ‘catchphrase’ t-shirts really illustrate how tackily unsuited she was for RHOBH.
Proving her brain function truly has been eroded by Lyme, Yolanda describes hanging out with Kim and Brandi, “There’s no manipulating, there’s no trying to position, it’s just, like, what is, what is.” Yolanda compares this to Lipsa and LVP trying to throw her away because she’s sick. Ummm… no, I think they’re trying to distance themselves because you’re toxic – and no amount of grapefruit juice takes the lie out of a liar. Also, birds of a feather flock together, which is why Yo is reduced to defending Brandi’s sick sense of humor after Brandi gifts Kim a t-shirt that says “Medicated.” Brandi also jokes about making a “SICK” shirt for Yolanda.
Yolanda snarkily explains that she ‘doesn’t get’ Brandi‘s insensitive humor, but she’s clearly pissed over the sick t-shirt. Yolanda has approximately 0% humor, and I don’t think that can be blamed on leaky boobs or Lyme.
As part of her lessons on friendship, Yolanda complains that people aren’t “about fixing things,” instead just moving on. “People don’t like sick people.” Poor Yolanda – her friends weren’t spending every moment of their lives taking care of Yolanda. Because everything. In all lives. Is about Yolanda. And Yolanda’s Journey. And Yolanda’s needs not being met. And Yolanda’s attention-seeking. And Yolanda’s unquenchable thirst to be considered important. Yolanda – sip some of your own Kool-Aid: the healing starts within. Oh and Kim gets a journey. As part of that journey, Kim spills juice on Yolanda’s purse. Not just any beet juice: luxury artisinal organic beet juice squashed from beets found deep in the heart of the Himalayan dessert, harvested by a special flock of bees that can both withstand freezing temperatures and blistering heat to extract special photo-proteins from these magical, mythical beets that gently stroke the egos of the entitled, so as not to disturb the equilibrium of their own delicately balanced meta-delusions.
Yolanda pretends she’s totally fine with her ruined bag while gesturing wildly for Daisy to clean things up while cursing Bravo for forcing her to interact with lower-vibrational specimens.
Back in Dubai, the women celebrate Kathryn’s birthday with dinner on a yacht. Erika’s gift to Kathryn is the special attentions of her glam squad, who turn Kathryn “hunty”. Is that what Lipsa’s on when she’s desperately seeking to create a situation that is not there.
Eileen and Lipsa press Erika for her opinion about Yolanda vs. LVP. But Erika is smart – she knows what they’re up to, and plays it cool. Lipsa wouldn’t know cool if it turned her hairless ass into a ice cube, so she blurts out that all of the group’s issues stem from LVP and Yolanda hating each other. And everyone else is caught in the middle of the ultimate battle of greatness and ego.
Eileen complains that confronting LVP on the beach didn’t make anyone happy and was exhausting. So why did Eileen bring it up? Why did SHE spur the situation, and again on the yacht where she is hissing in Lipsa’s ear about how sorry she feels for LVP.
Over dinner, no one speaks, lest they say the wrong thing to entice the flames of riot. But then Kyle, oh Kyle, she simply cannot keep it together, so she complains that no one is speaking, when they usually have fun. She coaxes LVP and Lipsa to talk it out. With Kyle as your peer mediator you know this oughta go down like the Titanic!
Lipsa subtly plies LVP with information about her dislike for Yolanda, which Lipsa gently suggests is rooted in Yolanda’s behavior and accusations towards Ken. Something Lipsa can relate to given how she flung a glass in Kim’s face last season over her fake accusations against Harry. LVP tears up.
Then Lipsa swoops in with the stake to the heart and twists things all around to accuse LVP’s hatred for Yolanda being so deep she made Lipsa the fall-guy for the Munchausen comment, then tried to drag Kyle down, and is still lying now.
The “tension” between LVP and Yolanda has enraged, oops – no, I mean engulfed the group, so that’s why Lisa Rinna was manipu-munchausen’d into calling Yolanda a big fat phony baloney whose lies were on life support. While Lipsa and Eileen are yelling at LVP to take accountability, I find myself wondering why they aren’t taking their own advice.
There in the middle of the hyena’s laugh is Kyle, who can’t exactly deny what Lipsa is saying but can’t exactly stop defending what LVP said either. Eileen demands to know why Kyle is OK with LVP “betraying” her. LVP is sticking by her story – she didn’t say it and she’s not owning up to anything.
Poor Kathryn is all like, can’t you just let me eat cake? And Erika only likes c–ntiness in small doses, so they leave the table, leaving Eileen to pound on it while raging about fakery before stomping off. Finally Lipsa storms away too because she just “can’t”. Can’t what – stay and clean up the ginormous mess she just made, not only ruining someone’s birthday, but a vacation too, and possibly a friendship? All over Yolanda. Why is everyone so afraid of upsetting Yolanda – that’s the only sickness infecting RHOBH!
And then there were two. And like any good Agatha Christie mystery, Lisa and Kyle are left to decide if they should turn on each other (as Lipsa and Eileen seem to hope) or become thick as thieves. Across the yacht, Eileen hovers, eavesdropping, desperate for a drip of information. I’m starting to fear that all her years on soaps has seriously skewed Eileen’s concept of reality? Meanwhile, Lipsa complains that all this drama stems from one person. Well no two actually: Yolanda and Lipsa!
Kathryn encourages Eileen to stay out of it, but Eileen hisses at Kathryn, snapping at her to be quiet. Good lord Eileen!!! Kathryn, coolly and huntified, is undaunted, she reminds everyone that none of them have to understand Kyle and Lisa’s dynamic. Eileen agrees Kyle and LVP love each other, but Lipsa compares their friendship to Kyle’s dysfunctional relationships with Kim and Kathy.
Eileen and Lipsa cheers to the crazy, whipping through the night sky and tousling things like a kaftan in the wind. They decide Kyle isn’t so much LVP’s friend, but her humble servant.
But truly, what the hell is going on here? As I think I see it, Lipsa accused LVP of trying to throw Kyle under the bus with the Munchausen story, initially Kyle corroborated Lipsa’s tale, yet LVP refuses to own up to it or admit to saying it – either she didn’t say it at all, or she doesn’t want to do so publicly. LVP stands firm that she said “everyone”.
I personally think LVP was making a joke to Lipsa and another joke to Kyle, but the tensions were running high and everyone was fearing for their own scalp, so it got all twisted and serious. Or maybe LVP did say it, but she’s refusing to admit to it and now Kyle is sitting there looking the ass for ardently defending a friendship to a woman who tried to sell her up shitcreek where Brandi Glanville was waiting, but also possibly looks like a liar who was trying to throw LVP under the bus. The true question remains: What are Lipsa and Eileen’s motives? Was this all about getting to the bottom of some metaphorical truth? Honestly who is the true manipulator?
Kyle pounds the table, hisses, and begs LVP to change her story. “I won’t tell a lie!” she snaps to LVP. “I’m asking YOU to not tell one either!” LVP refuses. She will not concede defeat. She will not lie down and play dead. Finally, Kyle throws her hands up, and announces they’re moving on – there’s cake to be eaten and they’ve ruined Kathryn’s birthday party. LVP isn’t OK with Kyle’s attitude, however, she’s pissed that Kyle believes she would say that at all.
Kyle is channeling her energy into salvaging Kathryn’s birthday, even though the other ladies insist the time for cake has passed. I think KYLE needs that cake – sugar kills the bad girl blues! Kyle bustles around with the melting cake, which she practically dumps on Kathyrn’s lap. She flings a present at her, then Kyle flops down on the sofa, exhausted by drama in the dessert.
Although there ain’t nothing worse than a fake cake, Kathryn is genuinely sweet about the whole disaster. As Kyle has a nervous breakdown and stress-shreds her kaftan, Kathryn and Erika coo over Kathryn’s new Chanel wallet. Eileen shoves Kathryn’s cake back into the box, avoiding LVP’s eyes, which are practicing telekinesis to throw Eileen overboard.
The next day, Kyle and LVP seem fine as they laugh over unhinged Lipsa and her crazy accusations. Downstairs at the breakfast table, no one is quite in the mood to spend 24 hours on a plane together, or discuss their favorite parts of the trip. Yet to make everyone squirm LVP is jovial and upbeat.
Erika makes a toast to the very worst vacation she’s ever had – and that includes the one where the Erika Jayne tour bus ingested bad sequins and got food poisoning so bad the solid gold toilet seats had to be destroyed, and then back to BH they go dragging the dusty, dehydrated drama with them.
TELL US – DID LVP TELL A LIE? DO LVP AND YOLANDA HATE EACH OTHER?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]
The post Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Recap: Let Her Eat Fake! appeared first on Reality Tea.
On last night’s Dance Moms, Christ-y returns! Ashlee wanders into the viewing room to a find a new mother. Christy explains that she’s not exactly “new,” since Abby Lee Miller has been training her daughter Sarah for ages. Ashlee looks a bit deflated and admits that while her daughter has been working hard to make the team, she’s not very popular with the moms. Christy understands…and agrees with Ashlee’s detractors. Abby needs to keep to girls she’s been training since they could walk, and she warns that Brynn’s ALDC jacket can easily be taken away from her. It’s extremely rich when Melissa enters and hugs Christy, thanking her for her support and text messages. Could this be more fake? When Jill and Holly welcome Christ-y with open arms, I know it must be a sign of the apocalypse. They all used to hate this woman. Ashlee is basically Christ-y 2.0! At least Jessalyn remembers how horrible she was.
At pyramid, Abby praises the girls’ David Bowie routine. The bottom row is comprised of Kalani (she’s absent for her great-grandfather’s funeral), MacKenzie (sloppy feet), and JoJo (good job in the group number, there’s no real reason why she was arbitrarily placed on the lowest rung). Kendall follows on the second tier for making it through a morning without a meltdown, and Maddie is shockingly in the third spot for her silly string aim. Nia is in second for a great performance in the group number, and Brynn takes the top spot for her solo win.
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Jill notes that Abby has been glowing ever since a rendezvous with a hot guy on their recent trip to Vegas. Abby has nicknamed said fellow “Magic Mike.” The group routine is an homage to Michael Jackson and his love of baseball because that is apparently where his symbolic rhinestone glove came into play…it was a metaphorical catcher’s mitt. I’m going to have to Google that for sure. Sarah and Brynn will be doing a duet, and I apologize in advance as I know I’m going to get them confused. They look like they were separated at birth. Kendall and Maddie are thrilled to have a duet together, and Melissa interrupts to to inform Abby that Maddie will be absent from rehearsal the following day due to a performance at Disney’s sixtieth anniversary. Abby wonders aloud if it’s fair to Kendall to cut down on practice time. When Maddie tells her mother that Abby doesn’t want the duet to be rushed so she may can it, Melissa is peeved. Maddie has missed out on so many opportunities to be loyal to the ALDC, and quite frankly she’s sick of hanging out with a bunch of negative Nancy moms at some budget dance competitions.
The following day, Jill and Jessalyn passive aggressively muse about Maddie’s rising star and whether she’ll stay with the ALDC. When Melissa counters that Kendall and Maddie dance like one person, Jill reminds her they still need practice. On cue, Christy chimes in–she, too, has heard the rumors that Maddie is quitting the team. Melissa exits the conversation abruptly, and Jill compares trying to get Melissa to talk about something she’s avoiding is like trying to pry a half-eaten hot dog out of Abby’s hand. It’s not going to happen. When Ashlee tries to question Melissa further, she gets bitterly defensive. Jessalyn tries to diffuse the situation by Googling the story behind Michael Jackson’s glove (thanks for sparing me the task!). She can’t find any baseball references, and the moms tease a blushing Abby as to whether she got this story from Magic Mike.
In Maddie’s absence, JoJo is rehearsing the duet with Kendall. Abby hints that she’ll be Maddie’s replacement if she’s unable to attend the competition. Kendall’s face immediately goes sour, and Abby decides that perhaps Kendall could just perform the routine as a solo. Like the pro she is, JoJo steps aside, not letting the change phase her. Kendall half-heartedly goes through the motions until Abby stops to question her sullen attitude. Kendall storms out in tears. She doesn’t want a solo, she wants a duet with her best friend. As Jill and Melissa rush to coddle her, JoJo is given the opportunity to perform the dance as a solo. JoJo is excited for the chance, and she’s not upset that her teammate had a tantrum if it means she may get a solo. After an awesome performance, Abby wants JoJo to do the solo. When Jill returns, Christy is quick to inform her of the turn of events. Jill wants to know if Abby is going to take the duet from Kendall, and Abby starts yelling about how the choreography didn’t lend itself to a duet. Kendall storms out again, only to return to yell at Abby about screaming at her. Jill gathers her daughter and the two peace out of the studio.
The next day, Maddie seconds Kendall’s sentiment. She would love another solo with her friend. Inside, Ashlee accuses Jessalyn of throwing Kendall under the bus to get a solo for her daughter. Christy is salivating to join in on the fun. As soon as she can, she kisses up to Jill, reminding her that Jessalyin is trying to deprive Kendall of an opportunity. Jessalyn is confused. Kendall said she didn’t want to do the dance as a solo, and she certainly wasn’t keen on dancing a duet with JoJo. Jill confronts Abby that her daughter is constantly punished. Abby retorts that the only lesson to be learned is that when you’re given the opportunity to dance, you do it all out regardless of what you think about the music or the costume…or your partner. Who knew Abby’s crazy would subside mid-season to make room for Jill’s?
At the competition, Christ-y wishes JoJo good luck on her solo but in the next breath tells the child she feels badly that Kendall can’t do it. I have to hand it to JoJo, she’s got a backbone. She looks Christ-y square in the eye and eloquently states that neither she nor her mother had anything to do with Abby’s decision to give her a solo. The timing wasn’t right for a duet. You go, JoJo. I think even Abby is secretly pleased with the display. Christy then changes her tune to start sucking up to Abby, but Abby needs Sarah to prove herself. Backstage, Kendall and Maddie give JoJo a pep talk. They know she had no part in taking away their duet, and they both think she will rock the dance as a solo. They are correct, and Abby is blown away by her performance. Brynn and Sarah’s duet has beautiful lines and is very graceful, but to be honest, it kind of bores me and I can’t tell which girl is which. The judges love it though, although Sarah gets more constructive criticism. Abby believes that the pressure Sarah has put on herself is causing her to suffer from a case of the nerves. She then lavishes JoJo in praise. The moms are in awe of Abby’s mood in the wake of Magic Mike!
The judges gush over the group number, and I have to agree. I thought it was fabulous. Of course, Sarah gets a critique for falling behind at one point. At the awards ceremony, JoJo doesn’t even place. What? Brynn and Sarah’s duet wins first place in their division. Everyone is floored when the group number doesn’t place. Abby notes that Sarah was behind most of the routine, and Christ-y wrestles with back talking Abby or trying to save her daughter’s spot in LA. Melissa wishes everyone could just get along. Ashlee quips that Melissa shouldn’t care what goes on since they all know she’s leaving. Abby asks Melissa if she has anything to say, but Melissa just grins and smiles. She’s so out of there!
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S DANCE MOMS?
[Photo Credit: Lifetime]
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Rest easy, Benedict Cumberbatch is finally stepping into Sherlock Holmes' shoes (but probably not that deerstalker cap) again as Sherlock gets back into production. Masterpiece and...
Scroll down for all the Fact v. Fiction for Episode 10, "The Verdict" ________________________ Even as it was unfolding two decades ago and it was obvious that never...
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Kyle Richards and The Real Housewives of New York star Sonja Morgan are guests on WWHL tonight.
About Kyle “finding out” Lisa Vanderpump tried to throw her under a bus over the Munchausen drama, she shares, “I didn’t just find out anything. This is something that happened months ago. I dealt with it in the moment. When Lisa Rinna brought it up, I said, ‘I’ve already dealt with this and we talked about this and it’s over. I don’t want to be brought into this. If you have an issue with it, that’s your thing. I have moved on. Lisa and I are in a good place and I want to stay there.'”
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Are Lisa Rinna and Eileen Davidson bullying Lisa Vanderpump? “I think bullying is a strong word,” says Kyle, “and I don’t think it really should be used in the Housewives forum. However, they had an issue with Lisa and they felt like they had to discuss it, and that’s what we do on the show. I’m sure that Lisa felt like that but I think they were just expressing their opinion, but I chose not to be a part of that.”
A caller asks if it’s true that Sonja used to date Luann‘s new fiance, Thomas D’Agostino. “I love him. I love him a lot. He’s a great guy. I love the Countess. I want them to be happy and I’m very excited about their upcoming nuptials.”
Andy‘s like, OK, but did you DATE him? “I thought everyone knew…that was in all the news…well, when I was dating him, it wasn’t on the news because we were very discreet. I have known Thomas for a very long time. He’s a very nice person. We had a nice relationship.”
Sonja says she’s had “nothing new” done when a viewer says her face looks different. “Oh, the vaginal laser,” she jokes, “the effect of that…I lost weight with all the new exercise.”
Is Kyle‘s jacket real fur? “This is not fur. They are feathers and birds lose their feathers naturally … These are actually made out of Housewives eyelashes.”
Kyle admits it is “very difficult” to be friends with Lisa Rinna given how she treats/talks about Kim Richards. As for Lisa Vanderpump, she shares, “Lisa and I are great, which is why I didn’t want to rock the yacht in Dubai.”
Speaking of Kim, Kyle admits she thinks Brandi Glanville wearing her “it’s not fun to be sober” t-shirt with Kim is insensitive. “I was not shocked by it, because nothing she does shocks me, but I think it was very insensitive.”
When asked if she thinks Carole Radziwill and Luann de Lesseps will ever be friends again, Sonja teases, “You’re going to have to tune in because there is a lot going on between the two of them and it doesn’t start on a good foot.” Andy adds, “It sure doesn’t … The season starts with Sonja and Luann moving in together…”
Why does Rinna bring up Yolanda Foster and Munchausen repeatedly? “Like she says, her lips were made for talking and that is just what she’ll do. She talks too much and she likes to talk about other people’s lives and not her own.”
Despite her earlier over-share about her well-exercised vagina, Sonja says her dating life is “so boring” right now. Andy asks about the tall 25 year old that accompanied Sonja the last time she was on the show. “You don’t forget a good man, do you?” she quips. “I did bring him here…nhjbut I don’t have him on camera on the show.”
Sonja blushes and stumbles over her words when Andy asks if Mr. 25 and Tall is still a friend with benefits. “It was so much fun when Luann was at the house,” she says, changing the subject. “Tripping up the stairs… tripping down the stairs…”
When a caller asks Kyle why LVP and Yolanda are so at odds, she says, “If I were to guess, probably something to do with Mohamed and the relationships there.”
Poll – Whose side are on you on – Lisa Vanderpump or Everyone Else? (Andy changes it to Lisa/Kyle or Everyone Else after Kyle points out that she stuck by Lisa Vanderpump.)
Lisa/Kyle – 79%
Everyone Else – 21%
TELL US – DO YOU AGREE WITH THE POLL RESULT? ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT RHONY?
Photo Credit: Twitter
The post WWHL: Kyle Richards And Sonja Morgan Talk RHOBH And RHONY; Kyle Continues To Stand By Lisa Vanderpump appeared first on Reality Tea.
Talk about a whole lot of mixed emotions. The People v. O.J. Simpson just capped off its excellent first season with another excellent presentation of the thing we all knew was...
There's a scene in the finale of FX's The People v. O.J. Simpson where, after the verdict is read and everyone bursts out of the courtroom, Robert Kardashian (David Schwimmer) runs to the...
I just can’t deal – Dlisted
Charlize bitches about pretty people problems – Celebitchy
Bethenny Frankel does not have cancer – Starcasm
Did Teresa lie in this interview? – Babyrazzi
Those boys are going to rebel one day and wear regular kid clothes – Celeb Baby Laundry
Emilia Clarke thinks the boys should have equal “screen” time on GoT – Dlisted
Photo Credit: Adriana M. Barraza/WENN.com
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