This may be the last season of The Vampire Diaries. Or maybe not. While talking to reporters about the long-running series, which is now going into its eighth season, The CW boss Mark Pedowitz...Is it me or are things on Real Housewives Of New York just straight up mean this season?! If it isn’t raining men in NYC, it’s raining bitches – and everyone is getting drenched!
At least things start out positively. Moving into the fifth floor of Manor Morgan is Luann de Lesseps. The heater may not work but at least there’s a hot plate.
While Luann lounges on a bed still bearing the trappings of 1992 bourgeois stylings, she wonders if her hostess with the mostess loose ends, Sonja Morgan, has told Bethenny Frankel about the Tipsy Girl unveiling. Sonja shrugs off the potential snafu. She ain’t scairt of Bethenny. The well of booze has a deep trough, and Tipsy Girl is but a little drop, all of it likely going down Sonja’s gullet. After all, there was once a Skinny Bitch, then along came a Skinnygirl, and that little low-fat piggy went on reality TV and squealed all the way to the bank.
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Across town, Bethenny is having dinner with Ramona Singer and Carole Radziwill. After Ramona throws a tantrum about chairs (because she’s not embarrassing at all), she complains about Sonja’s socially unacceptable behavior. I honestly cannot possibly imagine anything more dense than Ramona not recognizing that she is the living incarnation of “hypocrisy.” I am quite certain Merriam Webster coined a special term for her called Pinotcrite, a picture of “Turtle Time” included in the definition.
Ramona has morphed from the most pinot-infused person ever, to a biatch! And where did Ramona Pinot go!? I’m not hearing about it anymore, now that Skinnygirl is back on the Bravo scene. I’m also not liking this clique Bethenny, Carole, and Ramona have got going. These three are handing out “narcissist” diagnoses faster than I can say the word deflection. Or is it projection? Or is just plain old dumbed-down delusion? I was going to give them a moniker, but I kept getting stuck on Kragle (from the LEGO movie), which in my mind morphed into “Crazzle,” which works.
Anyway, while Ramona is ordering fish Bethenny won’t eat, Bethenny is cackling to Carole, which quickly transitions into cracking on Sonja over Tipsy Girl. Bethenny is livid and feels hurt on a personal level that Sonja is hijacking on her success – especially since Bethenny invited Sonja into her world. And Sonja wants to be part of Bethenny’s world. “Where the people are…” Except Bethenny is more like Ursula the Sea Witch than any kind of Princess Charming.
Bethenny vows to let Sonja have it – and it won’t be with the butter knife Ramona is handing her! Bethenny is brutal, but Ramona is worse! Sonja is supposed to be her friend, but the pinot fountain that is Ramona’s mouth cannot stop spewing nasty comments about Sonja’s behavior, her drinking, and her nonsensical businesses which flounder (pun intended) before ever making it to land. Ouch! C’mon Ro – I thought you were having your 87th Tru Renewal, but you’re turning into Truly Re-Bethennied. And I don’t think that skinny girl has room up her anus for both you and Carole!
Jules Wainstein is dealing with a crisis. Her nanny up and quit after cashing the Christmas bonus and Jules can’t figure out how to stuff the pod into the Keurig. She got one of Sonja’s interns to post a “Nanny Wanted” add on Craigslist. The specifics include: must be willing to always wait in line for Jules. Must be willing to give Jules a blow-out. Must not be willing to give MichaelD2 a blow-job. And must be willing to suffer for Jules’ fashion. What kids again?
The potential candidate scores points for her ability to select Rio’s outfits, and her compliance at waiting in line at nightclubs from Jules‘ youth and Bonpoint sample sales (which I guess kind of counts as child rearing), but since she speaks “Spanglish” instead of Castilian Spanish, she is rejected. #PrioridadesByJules #Spanglish
While Luann is cozying in Sonja’s apartment, hiding from the torrential downpour of men flooding the leaky windows, Ramona meets Dorinda Medley for pancakes at Sarabeth’s. Dorinda chose the restaurant because it recalled a happier, simpler time – when Avery and Hannah were in day school a block away, and the Medley/Singer families were tight-knit. Now the daughters have flown the coop, the husbands have passed away or on, and all that remains are Ramona and Dorinda, nibbling pancakes and pretending they don’t want to fight for the last bite.
Now their troubles are Sonja and John. The conversation drifts this way almost immediately after Ramona gets ignited by her cappuccino. The trouble with Sonja, according to Ramona, is that she just drinks too much and Tipsy Girl is not a good fit for an actually tipsy girl. Dorinda agrees Sonja is in a bad place, but she comes at it with compassion and suggests that perhaps Ramona is evolving (or devolving) while Sonja stays stuck.
As for John, Dorinda just wants Ramona to mind her P’s & Q’s – if she can’t say anything nice, say nothing at all, but mostly: fake it til you make it because John is here to stay. Since Ramona loves Dorinda, and she’d probably like a discount on dry cleaning, you’d think she’d comply, but I have a feeling we’ll be having this same conversation next episode, and the next, and the next, and next season John’s Housewife tagline will be “I’m the only stain on this show that won’t come out!”
Speaking of stains, Luann is about to get a very unpleasant reminder of her past transgressions. But first it’s time to tackle that weighty conversation between Bethenny and Sonja.
Bethenny has no patience for Sonja, who skips benignly into Skinnygirl HQ as if this will be a regular old chat between friends who haven’t had their issues spilled onto Page Six. Especially when said issue is one rather incompetent girl’s business being a “cheater brand” on a successful girl’s business. Sonja fed herself to the wolves that day and those wolves were “hangry” – the pack leader especially thirsting for blood colored Skinnygirl red.
Bethenny rips into Sonja with a ferocity that no amount of Sonja’s put-on precocity can deflect. Yes, Bethenny is right to be livid that Sonja “rode her coattails” by hopping into bed (I hope not literally!) with Peter, the rather shady former business partner of Sonja’s rather shady former friend (that being Ramona), and obviously Sonja is no business woman, no matter how many times she claims to be playing host mother and mascot to a Nigerian Football team called the Invisibles (or however you say that in Nigerian – let’s ask someone on Real Housewives of Atlanta since they’re all having affairs with invisible Nigerian princes.).
Yes, Skinnygirl is up here, and Tipsy Girl is down there, but the point is that Bethenny has point – Sonja did in fact tread on her turf wearing her very highest heels. Unfortunately, Bethenny didn’t have to go so low-down dirty mean in confronting a woman she considered a friendly acquaintance less than 48 hours earlier. Bethenny shat on Sonja like she was nothing and completely belittled her in a way that was unflattering (for Bethenny), and gross.
Sonja burst into tears. For one half of a hot second Bethenny recoiled at her own harshness. And, honestly, how dare Bethenny, a woman who admitted to marrying for a spinoff, be calling anyone out for being a user. Sonja sobbed that she was just a girl, with a dream, trying to get ahead after shelling out millions in an unfair bankruptcy and being forced to take on Luann as a boarder. Tipsy Girl tied-in nicely with the one venture Sonja actually has afloat, her Sonja In The City party business. Which threw a thing or two, and didn’t require much effort on her part, so she synched up with these two guys who seemed to have a good thing going.
I believe Sonja and I don’t. I think the intelligent part of Sonja, which she works so diligently to hide, immediately knew Bethenny would have an issue with the thing she holds most precious being infringed upon. Tipsy Girl was no accidental coining. Yet, I think Sonja hoped Bethenny would laugh it off as another Sonja-Gaffe, another Sonjaism that would go no where but up in smoke and mirrors, and Tipsy Girl would be passed around the hollowly triumphant finale party, then lapped off the floor by Carole’s Baby, who turned to booze because his helicopter mother never taught him coping skills and made him lie to his father that he never ate meat, while secretly feeding him Steak Tartare. In short, I believe Sonja cried because she’d been caught, and also because she’s desperate, but also because she realized she’d traded a powerful semi-ally for an equally powerful enemy.
Carole and Adam are now writing a cookbook. And fostering a kitten. Because apparently Carole’s story line is animal hoarding. Adam included – he is awfully furry and fuzzy around the edges. And if we want to talk potential “cheater brands,” doesn’t ole Bethenny have a cookbook. Isn’t one of those cookbooks a vegetarian cookbook?! Oh my!
Carole writes the proposal while the kitten frolics and Baby chases, and Adam turns radishes into letters – Common Core Cooking? This revolutionary little book they’re working on will shine a never before seen spotlight on veganism for the middle-aged girl and will be whimsical, if you like watermelons instead of watermelon sour patch kids. Which are vegan, I might add. Carole has abandoned her long overdue manuscript to dot Adam’s I’s and cross his T’s, and pretend she likes holistic living. All facades are not created equal.
At the very least these two are cute. And so are kittens. Plus it was the only scene of the night (other than SoAnn shaking up) that didn’t feature screaming, crying, Jules, or John.
Oh dear, and now it’s time again for the John portion of our evening. Because this season of RHONY is forever brought you by the letter “J” and the number “Again” (as in “Infinity”), which is the number of times we have to bear witness to Ramona pretending she’ll try to get along with John and do the decent thing; multiplied by the number of times we’ll have to bear witness to John pretending to put aside his differences with Ramona for the sake of Dorinda. Then they’ll both promptly do the opposite as fast as humanly possible. Faster than Ramona can judge a narcissistic alcoholic who will ruin her dating life.
The evening begins at Sushi Roxx where Luann is in high spirits due to her dry spell lifting once she moved to Sonja’s fifth floor. When you’re up, you’re up! And when you’re wet, you’re wet – so says Ramona. Who laughs so hard at her own crass joke that she knocks over her wine glass, shattering it. But she’s never ever embarrassing in public! The Pinot Vulgarities continue when Ramona reveals that Harry Dubin has been running around town saying Lu’s Lady Lu is anything but dry, and actually squirts. In case we didn’t hear that all the way in Queens, where John’s flashlight reading glasses are resting on his nightstand waiting to inspect Dorinda, Ramona repeated it over and over. Luann was embarrassed, but being Luann, she took it like a champ.
Then Ramona dashes off to Doridna’s party, the one Dorinda is hosting with John. The one Ramona wasn’t actually invited to given that she can’t stand John and derides him as the silent fart following Dorinda around Manhattan like a human stain unremovable by anything in Madame Paulette’s retinue.
Lu and So stay behind to discuss the trouble with Bethenny. Luann is supportive of Sonja’s strife and starting to recognize a pattern in Bethenny’s aggressiveness. She decides Bethenny needs to get laid, and therefore, unwound. Possibly Lu will pass a guy out her window, using the pulley system, and string him along to Cheateu Skinny. The merriment ends at John’s party where Luann runs into her stalker ex-boyfriend Rey who begs her to love him and kiss him, and causes Luann to flee.
Ramona is practically salivating. As if Rey was made of pinot and she must gulp him down. She scampers over hoping to get the goods on Luann’s dirty deeds. What is Ramona’s deal with trying to make Luann look bad? Why would she be so desperate for gossip that she’d talk to this cretin, who is clearly trashed and who sounded like Balki Bartokomous. Apparently he comes from Ibiza?
John was asking himself the same question as he decided to eject Rey (what a pretentious put-on of an ‘I moved to NYC to reinvent myself’ name). Shockingly, Ramona defends Rey and insists he isn’t doing anything wrong, EVEN though Sonja was also uncomfortable with him!
Of course, being John and Ramona (who I’m beginning to think need a good hate f–k!), they escalate into a screaming argument. Ramona wasn’t defending Rey, she was asserting herself to John. Rey was transference, but John didn’t want it, so he shoved his hand in Ramona’s face – absolutely appalling and unacceptable! – and demanded she leave as well. Poor Dorinda is beside herself. She tries to tell Ramona that Rey is gross, then she begs John to back down.
Eventually, Ramona, who is never an embarrassment, leaves WITH REY! Dorinda follows and their argument erupts in the street. Dorinda accuses Ramona of ruining the party to cause a scene. Dorinda knows Ramona did this on purpose and is furious. Ramona, naturally, takes zero ownership for her behavior and blames John.
Ramona storms away (with Rey trailing after). Then Dorinda gets in a cab to go home because she’s furious with John, disgusted with Ramona, and exhausted by it all. John chases her down and begs her to stay, but Dorinda refuses. She informs him that his actions were justified – kicking Rey out, telling Ramona to stay out of it – but his reactions – shoving his hand in Ramona’s face and screaming – were certainly not.
Dorinda is a smart, sweet woman – kind but tough, honest but never mean, righteous in her assessments but loyal and fair. The kind of no bullshit woman Bethenny imagines herself to be. Except Bethenny is a cheater brand Dorinda.
TELL US – IS TIPSY GIRL A CHEATER BRAND? DID BETHENNY OVER-REACT OR DID SONJA DESERVE IT? WHO WAS WORSE: JOHN OR DORINDA?
Photo Credit: Bravo
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To you who are about to read this recap: I salute you! For those of you who actually tuned in last night for Part 2 of Little Women: LA Matt and Briana, Ride or Die…can we go in on a group therapy rate together? Because I may need some deep work on my residual anger issues after witnessing this unnatural disaster. It only took me an entire week’s worth of hot showers to clean the stank off after witnessing last week’s sh*t show, but I fear it will take Briana Renee a lifetime to live with herself after broadcasting this hot mess to the world. Sigh.
We pick up after Briana told Matt Ericson he couldn’t come home yet, just after taping the LWLA Season 4 Reunion. Upon hearing that news, Matt threw himself a wittle hissy fit then slept in his car, but he’s suddenly back! And just in time to take Briana’s poor, sweet, innocent daughter, Leiana, to a “Daddy Daughter Dance.” Erm. No. WHY IS BRIANA ALLOWING THIS!? And where is Leiana’s actual father, Leif Manson!?
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As Briana helps the adorable Leiana get ready for the dance, she reflects on the fight she had the night before with Matt. She’s nervous about seeing him today, but had promised him he could take Leiana to the dance beforehand. So she’s stuck. Matt Daddy <dry heave> arrives, and Leiana is excited to see him, saying she missed him while he was “on his trip.” This obviously gets to Briana, who is still claiming to be on the fence about what to do. “Matt is a really good stepfather to Leiana, and I can only imagine how great of a father he’ll be to our son!” gushes Briana about her cheating, lying, blaming, smarmy husband. “It’s times like these when I don’t think about divorce,” she delusionally adds.
Matt apologizes to Briana while Leiana runs upstairs for a minute. Claiming he’ll do whatever it takes to win her back, he says he’s sorry for reacting badly to Briana asking him to stay away for another night, but then excuses his behavior as “only human” and basically a giant reaction to the reunion stress.
Here we go with THE MANY FACES OF MATT again! Remorse, irritation, blaming, defensiveness, then anger. Is that the cycle? I’m sure there are a few more stops on the manipulation train, but it’s all just too much to parse out right now. Briana says she still felt it was the right decision for him to stay away. As if their only issue is Matt squatting in the bushes renting a hotel for one night, this couple sure knows how to dance around an issue. As of now, they’re not getting anywhere, so Matt takes Leiana to the dance, promising to have her home by 9.
Enter: Leif! YESSSSSS!!!! Just the man we’ve been crying out for! Finally. Briana’s ex-husband (and Leiana’s father) stops by to drop off Leiana’s backpack, and to sit down for a little heart to heart with Briana about the pond scum she’s shacked up with. Briana is not happy to see him, telling him flat out that Matt is at the “Daddy Daughter Dance” with Leiana. This does not sit well with Leif, for obvious reasons. He’d like Briana to tell HIM about these events in the future, as HE is Leiana’s actual father. Ahem.
Leif asks about Matt: “Does he abuse you?” Briana, shocked, squeals “No!” She also claims Leiana is not in harm’s way either. Matt “adores her to no end.” Quickly turning the conversation to other topics, Briana says she needs to find another house that will accommodate her growing family. Whether Matt stays or goes, she wants to move. Leif is concerned about Leiana switching schools, and about her general welfare. He doesn’t want Briana just up and moving somewhere without offering him some proof “in writing” that things (I assume he means custody/visitation) will stay the same.
Briana has already put in her application for the new house, though, and argues that “everything else will stay exactly the same.” Sighing the heavy sigh of a man who’s been dealing with Briana for years now, Leif just shakes his head and says, “You obviously don’t listen.” Why does he seem so powerless in this scenario? If I were him, I would be at the Daddy Daughter Dance right this minute, tapping Matt on his pleather-jacketed shoulder.
After the dance, Briana has a chat with Matt. She tells him Leif wasn’t too happy to hear about Matt and Leiana at the dance together. “Awww,” snarks Matt, “Did I hurt his feelings?” Briana lets his gross comment slide, broaching the topic of their wretched relationship again. She brings up the hotel, to which Matt again snarks, “Oh, the hotel, where I got like 2 hours of sleep?” No, he did not like it there, he says. He wants to come home. Briana has been thinking a lot; she doesn’t know how to trust him again. She’s still not ready for him to come home yet. The barely contained rage rises to the surface of Matt’s maroon face as he snipes that it’s “horesh*t!”
Now she’s poked the angry bear. Matt argues that him staying at a hotel doesn’t get them anywhere. Briana wants to move forward, she says. But a vengeful Matt claims he’ll never move forward like this! He’ll pack his sh*t up and walk out! Briana’s response should be: SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN, THEN! BUH-BYE! But instead, she infuriatingly just rolls her eyes, then goes to check on Leiana.
The next day, Briana goes to see a therapist about her issues. What’s with the impromptu, single therapy appointments that these two think qualify as “healing”? (Lifetime: you really need to pay for years of professional help for Briana, at the very least, to make reparations for airing this garbage!) She confesses the sexting to the therapist, saying she’s had nightmares for weeks since. She felt Matt was the first person she’s ever trusted, and now that trust is shattered. She’s not sure how to repair that. But she hints that she’s leaning toward staying with Matt when she says “if he ever does this again” she’s definitely out! Really? AGAIN!?
Also haunting Briana are feelings about her birth mother, who had “her own demons” and abandoned Briana at an early age. Matt’s despicable behavior has caused these feelings to resurface. She also doesn’t want her kids to ever feel abandoned like she felt. Ahh. Is that what this Ride or Die crap is all about? Briana is willing to be treated like a doormat because she doesn’t want her kids to be abandoned (in her mind)? In any case, she’s going to see her birth mother soon – for the first time in 11 years – to work through these issues.
Before that, Briana is meeting up with LWLA costar Jasmine Sorge, who was the only “friend” who repeatedly gave Matt the benefit of the doubt, only to be duped by him in the end. They haven’t seen each other since the reunion. Briana says Matt is in therapy and is “reflecting” about the error of his ways. She also tells Jasmine about Matt blaming her for his behavior, which Jasmine is horrified to hear. Jasmine also isn’t buying this therapy business, astutely pointing out that there’s a vast difference between someone claiming they have an “addiction” and someone “talking sh*t about their wife” on social media. Briana robotically responds that she knows there’s no excuse for his behavior, yadda yadda yadda, but they’re having a baby together.
Jasmine isn’t convinced. She’s also concerned about Leiana, but Briana defends Matt as a “f*ck up, but a great father!” Just like we all describe our loving husbands. She says he’s messed up when it comes to adult relationships, but would never hurt a kid! Why would he stop at hurting anyone? wonders Jasmine. He’s hurt Briana repeatedly, after all, who he claims to love. Their toxic relationship is just gross, and Jasmine feels straight up murdery (don’t we all!?) about Matt. She wants to strangle him! Get in line, girl. Get. In. Line.
Next on Briana’s #SearchForTheAnswer is a stop at the airport, where she’s meeting up with her birth mother, Fabienne. They awkwardly sit together for a beat, then discuss how surreal it is to see one another. Fabienne has bipolar disorder and battled an alcohol and drug addiction, eventually abandoning Briana at the age of 10. She apologizes for missing so many years in her daughter’s life. She wonders if Briana’s issues stem from her abandonment, and if that’s why Briana stubbornly pushes so many people away? Briana basically agrees.
Fabienne knows what’s been going on with Matt, but doesn’t say much in the way of advice. Briana says she has moments of anger, but still doesn’t know what to do. In the mean time, she’s willing to work on her relationship with Fabienne, although she’s not ready for Leiana to meet her. “I just hope the day will come when you will call me mom again,” Fabienne adds wistfully.
Well, that day may not be here yet. But Fabienne will be treated to meeting the man, the myth, the dirtbag himself: Matt! But why? And, pray tell, where are Briana’s parents and step sister? You know, the ones that stuck by her side after Fabienne split? The ones that Briana lived with after her divorce from Leif? The ones Matt demands “will NEVER see his baby!!” Interesting that Briana is all about her birth mother right now, given the fact that she hasn’t seen the woman in 11 years. Yet the actual family who knows her and loves her is stonewalled. Hmmm.
Ahhhh. Now it’s becoming clear! As Fabienne, Matt, and Briana sit down for dinner, Fabienne says she “has great compassion for Matt’s illness” because she’s slayed her own dragon of addiction. Matt’s all, “Well I’m gonna slay my dragon too!” (Right after he Snapchats a pic of his dragon to @bustyhooters141.) He blathers on about the therapy, the therapy, the therapy…and all the ways in which he’s going to “move forward.” He hugs it out with Fabienne afterward slipping her a $20 for her help in aiding and abetting his game.
The next day, Fabienne tells Briana in private that she’s actually pretty concerned about her though. Matt’s behavior is a pattern, and it’s too soon to tell whether this pattern can be broken. As for their mother-daughter relationship, Briana says she’s willing to work on things. They hug, with Fabienne telling Briana she loves her.
Oh lord, no! I regret to inform you that a trust exercise/ropes course is in our viewing future. #HaveWeNotSufferedEnough!?!?
Super Morman-looking-man-boy and “marriage coach” David Hilton has Briana and Matt out on some god forsaken obstacle course, where he instructs them to blindfold each other, leading their partner to safety. Briana admits it’s tough to cough up any words of encouragement for the blindfolded Matt. She’d rather push him over the cliff? Go for it, mama! She cries that he doesn’t make her feel safe. Mormon Marriage Coach tells Matt he needs to make Briana feel safe by “fulfilling his role” as a good husband. Briana’s not sure he’s capable of that.
Then Mormon Marriage Coach demands an answer from Briana regarding when she’ll be making a decision to take Matt back or not. “Is this time of indecision helping your relationship?” he prods. Um, who is this jackass? Is he being paid off by Matt’s henchmen too? Doubtful, as henchmen cost actual money. But still – what the hell?
Pushed into a corner, Briana answers, “Um, no,” and admits that she knows a decision needs to be made soon for the good of her marriage. Okay, Morman Marriage Coach: it’s over the cliff with you too, dude. You are voted off the island immediately! And, ladies and gentlemen of the jury: WHY IS NO ONE CALLING MATT OUT? What is up with this constant pressure on Briana, the victim? I’m sorry. This sh*t is sick.
On their drive home, Matt piles on. He keeps pressuring Briana to give him an answer. “So I’m just supposed to hang out in California, like, I’m just gonna kick it here? Or I’m gonna go back to Seattle? Like how much SPACE do you need?” Briana whines, “Why do you sound so frustrated?” Matt argues that kicking him to the curb isn’t any way to work on their marriage.
Briana surprisingly musters the strength to fight back though. Matt doesn’t have the right to be this upset, considering he’s the one who strayed in their marriage. “So, we’re back to that now!” Matt angrily pouts. “That just feels like bullsh*t to me.” He’s not willing to even take one percent, let alone one hundred percent (which is the exact percent owed him) of the blame here. But Briana stands somewhat firm. It’s her decision to make, and she’ll take her time doing it. So he can just sit there and sweat in his Things Just Got Weird t-shirt, and like it.
The next day, Briana meets her friend Lisa out for lunch. Because why not get yet another person to weigh in again on whether they think the Titanic will really, truly, absolutely sink? Spoiler alert: it does. Briana tells Lisa about their weird counseling session, and how she had an epiphany today. What is this epiphany, you ask? Well, it’s the fact that marriage is hard work, and the only thing a person can change is themselves. #DeepThoughtsByJackHandy
Briana doesn’t want the pain to last forever, so she needs to make a decision – no matter what that decision is. She touts a bunch of empty words like “letting go” and “moving forward.” But is she ready to be a single mom? asks Lisa. That role doesn’t scare her, says Briana. But she’s not sure she’s ready to take it.
Later on, Briana finds out her new rental has been approved, so she’ll be moving into the new house soon. As she scrolls through photos of her tragic wedding day to Matt, the hot pink folder of all of Matt’s disgusting text messages sits beside her on the couch. Briana laments she “can’t move forward in life if she’s still holding on to the past.”
Matt strolls in, all smiles. He knows what’s coming. Briana tells him the new house news, then moves on to the real news. The past few weeks have been hard, but she doesn’t want to hold on to the hurt any longer. “It’s not the easiest decision,” she says, but she wants to…”move in to the house together!” Ugggggggggghhhhhhhhhh. You know, we all knew this was coming, but it’s just another level of depressing to see this pathetic mess play out in living color, isn’t it?
Matt is, of course, thrilled that his master plan worked. He’s back on the payroll, ya’ll! No more standing on the freeway with his cardboard sign “Will text schlong for food.” As he wipes away a crocodile tear, Matt speechifies that they will “surpass anything in their relationship” (huh?) as long as they work together. As a toast to their future of mutual delusion together, Briana and Matt light the hot pink folder of shame on fire.
“New life, new start,” says Matt. While Briana muses that they’ve always said “Ride or Die,” and they haven’t died yet. So she’s ready for the ride!
Well then, go for it Briana. I, for one, am getting off. I feel pukey.
TELL US: ARE YOU SURPRISED BY BRIANA’S DECISION? IS MATT TAKING ANY RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS ACTIONS? WILL THEIR RELATIONSHIP SURVIVE?
Photo Credit: Lifetime
The post Little Women: LA, Briana And Matt Recap: Ride Or Die, Part 2 appeared first on Reality Tea.
It's a a bird, it's a plane...it's Supergirl on The CW! That's right, Supergirl is moving from CBS to The CW this fall, but will still be airing on Monday nights on its...
I don’t know if it was just my mood or what, but tonight’s episode of Watch What Happens Live was the funnest and funniest in a long time! Andy’s guests were Luann de Lesseps and Housewives Superfan Michael Rapaport (yes, that’s his official title now) and they were hilarious together. Both of them were there to have fun and not be too serious and it was a good time.
Andy starts off the night by bringing up Luann’s surprise birthday party last night – which Ramona Singer was uninvited to! Ramona took to Snapchat to vent about it and Andy played the video for her. Ramona says that Lu’s fiance called her at the last minute and “dis-invited” her because of rain and Ramona says there’s no rain in HER apartment and it’s big enough for a party. Luann laughs at the video.
Andy asks why Ramona’s invite was taken back. Luann says it was a surprise party, so she had nothing to do with the invites. She sort of mentions the rain as a reason but then stumbles on a few explanations as Michael gives her shit for double talking and side talking her way out of it. She finally fesses up that John and Dorinda were coming and she thinks it wasn’t a good night for “that mix.”
Luann shares her friendship status with each co-star:
Sonja – everything’s good there
Jules – “Jules and I are fine.”
Carole – “We are in a much better place”
Ramona – “Ramona and I were cool until I saw the episode. She tried to keep this crazy stalker at the party and she encouraged him and that was not cool.”
Bethenny – “Bethenny and I are up and down.”
Dorinda – “Dorinda and I are great friends.”
Andy plays the clip of Bethenny being firm with Sonja at her Skinnygirl office. He asks Luann’s opinion on the situation. “I feel like Sonja is trying to make ends meet, trying MANY things as we all know. She’s got many things going on. I totally think she should’ve spoken to Bethenny first, at least mentioned it, not just put it out there without even speaking to her.”
Michael chimes in and suggest that Sonja and Ramona need to be hooked up to some sort of brain wave analyzing machines to see what exactly goes on in their minds because they are so far out. Michael jokes that Sonja is coming for Luann next with “Countessless pocketbooks.”
Luann tries to explain her Rey situation. She says they met in Ibiza and just had a few dates, he was never actually her “boyfriend.”
Andy wants Michael’s take on some of the RHONY situations. He pulls up Dorinda first and Michael says “first of all, I want to say that Dorinda could be interchangeable with the Jersey Housewives – any time you need to fill her in. Her hand gestures! They come from wild angles. Her angles are unpredictable, I’m going to use them!”
He then asks Michael’s thoughts on Carole and Luann deciding not to be friends, “sad, it made me sad.” On John and Bethenny’s Skinny Cow argument, “I want to offer John a self defense class in the summer for $99.99. When he meets up with Bethenny he needs to be able to talk trash better. I think I can help him because he’s a bull in a china shop. Her footwork alone, he’s outmatched.” On Jules’ Hampton house, “I would be concerned about her Hamptons house as an investment. That place looks like a mess.” On Luann regifting Ramona’s birthday present, “For a Countess, that wasn’t very Countess-like.” What does he think about Carole and Adam? “I think Carole and Adam are cute, but when Carole got a watermelon hand wrap and didn’t thank him. Like if he had handed me a watermelon wrap, he would’ve got lucky with me. She acted like that was a wet bag of potato chips.”
Andy remarks that Michael likes John on the show. “I think John brings an Indie straight to video gangster movie quality to the show. ” He says that John is a complete mess and he had his chance to shine tonight by asking Rey to go, but he put his hand in Ramona’s face and you can’t do that to anybody.
Luann says that Ramona encouraged Rey to stay. And it was not cool. She say John tried to get rid of him but Ramona was all “no, come talk to me.”
Luann shared that her kids like her fiance Tom. “When they see their mother happy, they’re happy. They love Tom.”
At the end of the show Bethenny Tweeted Andy and said “Hey, Andy, The Spinners called, they want their suit back.” (He was wearing an all cream ensemble – with matching tie – we’ll look for a pic)
On the After Show someone asks Luann if she thinks she’s a good influence on Sonja. She says that she absolutely is because she looks out for Sonja. Like if the “Tipsy Girl” comes out, Luann makes sure that Sonja gets home safely, etc. whereas Miss Turtle Time does her own thing at the end of the night…
A caller asks Luann and Michael what their all time favorite Housewives moment has been. For Luann it was singing with Natalie Cole. Michael chooses the brawl at the retreat between Joe Giudice and Joe Gorga. (That truly was an epic Housewives moment – especially with the spray-on hair getting everywhere!!!)
And we need to give a shoutout to Bobby G from the Bronx for being the best caller.
Poll question was ‘whose side are you on: Bethenny or Sonja’? – 54% said Bethenny.
TELL US – DID YOU WATCH THE EPISODE? WAS IT MEAN FOR LUANN’S FIANCE TO UNINVITE RAMONA?
Photo Credit: Twitter
The post Luann de Lesseps and Michael Rapaport Talk Real Housewives of New York And So Much More On Watch What Happens Live appeared first on Reality Tea.
Let's all rest easy, because no matter how messed up the Empire season two finale really was, we end this season knowing that our beloved Jamal Lyon (Jussie Smollett) is alive. He's not...
What. A. Season! Survivor: Kaoh Rong has been quite the whirlwind. Remember that time a bug crawled into Jennifer's ear and it was the worst thing we've ever seen? And then of...
They might as well team up with Kendra and Hank and do a famewhoring couples reality show already – Dlisted
Melania Trump had to sleep with the peasants in Iowa – Celebitchy
Sheree’s son busted for DUI – Straight from the A
Khloe Kardashian says divorce goes against her Christian faith – Starcasm
Mariah was a major diva last night on WWHL – Dlisted
Photo Credit: Instagram
The post Bedtime Tea – May 18th appeared first on Reality Tea.
Farrah Abraham claims she was tricked into making her sex tape, Backdoor Teen Mom, but in a recently uncovered hilarious court filing, the Teen Mom OG star is being accused by Jonathan Lee Riches of secretly filming a sex tape with him, then blackmailing him by threatening to release it! And that’s just the tip of the iceberg in this insanely bizarre case, riddled with absolutely nonsensical claims against Farrah. Is this, like, karma?
It certainly appears that in the delusional category Farrah has met her match! Sit down. Take deep breaths – it’s this ridiculous.
Jonathan Lee Riches claims that in 2012 he and Farrah had a rendezvous at, of all classy places, a Holiday Inn in Iowa. Faaaahncy. Unbeknowst to him, despite the fact that she was like on TV and stuff, Riches claims he had no idea that A) Farrah was underaged; and B) Farrah had secretly recorded their sexytimes.
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Fast-forward to 2016, Riches filed court documents against Farrah saying she held onto the sexy footage and was attempting to blackmail him by shopping it around to purveyors of porn. GAG GAG GAG.
In the court documents Riches alleges, “I was actually filmed without my consent by her and now Abraham is selling this illegal tape to the Adult Entertainment Industry for millions of dollars.”
“Abraham tells me I have to pay her $1,000 a month in hush hush money not to expose our past relationship or she will call the police on me and press charges,” the court documents, obtained by Radar Online, continue.
If you think this claim is salacious, hold on – the loon is not done.
Riches, who is even less connected to reality than Farrah, also claims he’s the true father of Sophia – not Derek Underwood – and ‘confesses’ that he “committed pedophile acts by getting Farrah Abraham pregnant when she was a teenager.” Even more insane: He blames the entire thing on his purported “MENTOR” (his term), Josh Duggar! The what-the-f–kitude is truly astounding here! So this guy claims Josh convinced him to impregnate a teenaged Farah?!
RELATED – FARRAH & FAM VACATION IN HAWAII!
Riches is now seeking a restraining order against Farrah to forbid her from “selling, distributing or giving away this sex tape of us, total invasion of privacy.” A judge dismissed the bizzar-o claims. Thankfully.
Farrah spoke out denying any involvement with Riches. “This makes no sense and is not true clearly,” babbled Farrah. “Everyone knows who Sophia’s dad is. No one knows who this guy is.” When FARRAH says something makes no sense, you know you’ve crossed way over the threshold of insanity!
I actually feel sorry for Farrah that she even has to defend herself against this whack job!
TELL US – DO BELIEVE RICHES BIZARRE CLAIMS HAVE ANY MERIT?
[Photo Credit: WENN.com]
The post More Farrah Abraham Sex Tape Drama: Alleged Blackmail, A Secret Tape, Paternity Scandal, And More! appeared first on Reality Tea.
Luann de Lesseps is crazy, happy in love after a whirlwind romance to Tom d’Agostino Jr. and the Countess is about to shed her title for a New Year’s Wedding complete with 3 dresses (and how many Bravo cameras, again?!).
Luann is over the moon about her second chance at love, and Tom seems equally smitten at his second chance with a Real Housewives Of New York star. As you know, he once had a fling with Ramona Singer, but that doesn’t seem to bother the couple. As we know, Luann always likes to best Ramona, so there she went and snagged the big diamond and the Bravo fairytale (who am I kidding – I SO cannot wait to watch this! I SO cannot wait to see Luann’s wedding fashion!).
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And, last night Luann got some more excitement – a surprise birthday party! I presume it was thrown by Tom.
Luann shared photos of her top secret event and she indeed looks both shocked and delighted. Hopefully she didn’t spoil anyone’s good time with an impromptu musical number. Anyway, Happy Birthday Lu!
“#surpriseparty Happiest of birthdays!” [Credit]
“Happy couple! Happy Birthday #love” [Credit]
Well, Luann‘s life may be diamonds, and love, and everything nice but RHONY is quite the opposite! On tonight’s episode, Sonja Morgan visits Bethenny Frankel to tell her about Tipsy Girl, and she is shocked by Bethenny’s scathing reaction. While Bethenny cuts Sonja out of her life, Luann moves herself into Sonja’s townhouse. Adam finally returns from Ethiopia to use Carole for a book deal to work on his vegan cookbook with Carole Radziwill, and they also foster a kitten. Can you handle the Dramzzzzzzzzzzzzz [Vicki Gunvalson falling asleep face].
Meanwhile, Dorinda Medley and John host a party, where Luann‘s ex causes a scene that erupts into a argument between Ramona Singer and John. Dorinda decides she’s had it with Ramona meddling in her life and throws her out after a screaming argument! Yikes.
Reality Tea will be live-tweeting.
TELL US – ARE YOU EXCITED FOR LUANN’S WEDDING?
[Main photo credit: Instagram]
The post Luann de Lesseps’ Fiance Throws Her A Surprise Birthday Party! appeared first on Reality Tea.
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It's official: The Good Wife is getting a spinoff. The network announced at its Upfront presentation on Wednesday that the new series is officially happening, and will star TGW alums Christine...
Well played, Lifetime, well played. I’ll give the network a slow clap for sure after last night’s wrap up to the Dance Moms reunion. It had me bawling like a baby, but I appreciated that it focused on the only two redeeming qualities of the show: the girls’ genuine friendships and the amazing dancing. Plus, kudos for plugging the girls’ music videos and YouTube channels! Each of these young ladies has a bright future ahead of her, and Jai Rodriquez is yet again a breath of fresh air compared to ol’ Phil Collins.
The reunion begins with the girls joining The Boys of Temecula in a fabulous hip-hop number. After the dance, Maddie, MacKenzie, Nia, JoJo, Kalani, Kendall, and Brynn join to Jai to dish about the drama and the fun we’ve seen this season. Maddie recalls that she, her sister, and Nia were the only original ALDC team members remaining, and they have all grown up together. Jai shows a clip of the girls learning of Maddie and MacKenzie’s departure which starts the waterworks. You can tell how much these girls love each other. Don’t you remember being that age when when those kind of friendships were the only care in the world?
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Maddie tells Jai that it truly hit her she was leaving after the team performed its last group routine together. After watching a clip of the Ziegler sisters final awards ceremony, MacKenzie admits she was too choked up to speak. The girls discuss how strange it will be not to have Maddie in her permanent spot at the top of the pyramid, and Jai questions who they think will be the next Maddie. Abby Lee Miller has been building up Brynn for this role, but Maddie thinks whoever joins their team should be their own person, not a replacement. Are you listening, Abby? Brynn admits that it’s hard to be the new girl, and Kendall empathizes as she was also brought onto the team through a probationary period. The girls also remind Brynn that she was given lots of solos this season, although Brynn felt pressure from Abby to beat Maddie. MacKenzie and Brynn have gotten really close, and Mac calls her a great addition to their team.
The crew briefly chats about the minis (I’m not going to lie, every time I type “minis” I think of Chick-fil-A mini biscuits and I get incredibly hungry!) with JoJo calling them a hot mess (ha!) and MacKenzie saying she related to them. We’re then treated to a video reel comprised of every single one of Abby’s mortal enemies wishing Maddie and MacKenzie well in their future endeavors. You know Abby is seething as Candy Apple Cathy calls her an old crone while praising her proteges! Interspersed with Cathy’s rambling message are clips from Jeanette and Ava, Shangelica, as well as Black Patsy and Nicaya. Gino is present in the clip to opine about his first kiss with Maddie, and she’s blushing just as much as when it first happened. Even Vivi is able to get a word in edgewise despite her chatty mother.
After a performance of the group number Boss Ladies, Jai gushes about Kendall’s YouTube channel. They take a volunteer from the audience to play in Kendall’s version of Double Dare. She and Jai quiz the Ziegler sisters on Dance Moms trivia, and they douse the poor fan in Hawaiian Punch, salad dressing, and shredded cheese whenever Maddie or MacKenzie gives a wrong answer. I am having flashbacks of being hazed in my middle school girls’ club (it was a horrible idea then, and it’s a horrible idea now!). JoJo then discusses her friendships with Maddie and MacKenzie before debuting her video Boomerang, which is actually pretty cute. Kendall and Jill have parts in the video, which you know made Jill’s entire year.
The girls dish on Abby, chastising her for leaving tissue trails, borrowing things and never returning them, and using JoJo’s sweatshirt as a napkin once. Only once? Next, MacKenzie shares her latest video for her song I Gotta Dance which is accompanied by The Temecula Boys. We’re then treated to more tears as we watch footage of the girls growing up together in the ALDC studio followed by a solo from Maddie. It’s crazy to think how little they were when the show began. The girls are crying as they share favorite memories and explain how much Maddie and MacKenzie mean to them. Thanks, girls. You have a grown woman nearly sobbing into her Pinot Noir. At least I’m not alone…Jai’s right there with me! To finish off the reunion, Todrick Hall joins the girls for one last epic routine.
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE SECOND PART OF THE REUNION? DID YOU GET TEARY AT THE GIRLS’ GOOD-BYES?
[Photo Credit: Lifetime]
The post Dance Moms Reunion Recap: Cry Me A River appeared first on Reality Tea.
