Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap: Abs & Jabs

The Real Housewives of New Jersey are the gift that keeps on giving! Last week’s episode was such a RIDE. From Margaret Josephs dumping water on Danielle Staub, to THAT hair pull. These women are violent, and we can’t get enough. That entire final five minutes was so legendary. If you like heart racing edge of your seat drama, you were loving it.

The chaos that these ladies were causing in that store is mind boggling. Everyone was looking on like WHAT IN THE ACTUAL F**K? Where do Margaret and Danielle even go from here? They can’t be friends. There’s no way. Danielle called her trout mouth, and Margaret called Beverly Danielle a prostitute. Those are fighting words in Jersey. The women of Beverly Hills or OC could NEVER. The fallout from this is going to be pure golden entertainment. 

“I just can’t help myself” MIGHT be the scariest phrase in Housewives history now. Danielle gave zero f’s and went there. You almost have to admire her confidence.

It’s so hard to tell who really escalated this. The women were all totally trashing Danielle the entire time at the store. Plus, their husbands were recently gawking over Danielle’s sex tape. Also, Margaret did dump the water on Danielle before Danielle burned her stuff and pulled her hair. Everyone played a part in this going to the next level.

 

RELATED: Real Housewives Of New Jersey Star Joe Giudice Isn’t Sure Where He Stands With Teresa Giudice; Says “I Love Being Married”

 

Teresa Giudice is absolutely ridiculous for her weird loyalty to Danielle. A decade ago you were calling her a prostitution whore. What changed?

Jennifer Aydin is correct by calling Danielle a dangerous woman. Danielle should probably exit this show. I don’t think it’s good for her mental health. She is willing to do anything and everything for ratings. I mean, I do love it, but I think it’s time for her to go.

Danielle calls Marty Caffrey to fill him in, and he’s happy Teresa has her back. What a joke. Teresa defending the situation by calling herself “old school Italian” is classic Tre. That has literally nothing to do with the other thing.

Margaret and Teresa start going at it over her loyalty to Danielle. Marge openly questions their friendship, and Teresa just doesn’t get it. Margaret storms off in terms over the altercation, and Teresa chases after her. At the end of the day, she was physically assault by a deranged woman.

 

RELATED: Margaret Josephs Speaks Out About Danielle Staub Pulling Her Ponytail On Real Housewives Of New Jersey; Says Attack Was “Horrific”

 

Margaret issues Teresa the ultimate ultimatum. It’s either Margaret and Danielle. Teresa needs to make a choice. I don’t think Margaret will like the choice here. Teresa stopped speaking to her entire family for years on this show. Her priorities are all sorts of screwed up. Everyone gets it but Teresa. The intelligence train has clearly left the station with that one.

Back home, Teresa checks on her father who just got released from the hospital. If anything, Teresa is really good to him. Family is a huge priority for her. She just shows it in a weird way at times.

Dolores Catania stops by, so I’m sure they’re going to discuss the Danielle/Margaret issue. Hopefully, Dolores can drag some common sense out of Teresa. Good luck. Furthermore, that’s like catching a unicorn.

Teresa fills her in about the fight between her and Joe Giudice at the dress shop. Stick up for yourself. Dolores makes a great point about the prenup. She needs to make sure that Joe won’t go after HER money now. Teresa is the breadwinner now that Joe is doing nothing but living the criminal life. He could take her to the cleaners if they get divorced.

Teresa not knowing the details of the prenup made me do the biggest eye roll ever. I CANNNNNNNT. Does this woman know anything? Wah.

 

RELATED: Real Housewives Of New Jersey Star Teresa Giudice Spends Christmas Eve With “Pool Boy” Tony Delorenzo

 

Margaret has whiplash. I may find this hard to believe. She might be milking this a little bit. I love her, but come on this is slightly dramatic. Surely, it wasn’t that intense.

Teresa doesn’t care at all about Margaret’s ultimatum. She makes so many excuses for Danielle. If you don’t want to choose between your two friends, you can at least keep them away from each other. It shouldn’t be that hard. However, she’s entirely disregarding Margaret’s feelings about the issue.

Melissa Gorga and Joe Gorga don’t get why Teresa keeps Danielle around. Welcome to the club. Nobody does. It makes no sense. Maybe Danielle has something on Teresa. What else could be keeping the two of them in contact with one another?

Jackie Goldschneider wants her kids to know more about better nutrition habits. This is all stemming from her father’s severely gross comments about her past weight struggles. What a disgusting thing to say to your child. She’s doing a really great job teaching them. She’s super boring on the show, but at least she’s a great mom.

 

RELATED: Real Housewives Of New Jersey OG’s Teresa Giudice & Caroline Manzo Film Project Together

 

Joe and Teresa are going pool furniture shopping. Basically, this is a great opportunity to get through her head about Danielle. Cut the cord. Let the monster go back into the darkness.

Never mind. Teresa is making excuses for Danielle again. Despite Joe laying out a million examples about how toxic Danielle is, it doesn’t matter. She is waiting for Danielle to attack her first before cutting ties. WHAT KIND OF MENTALITY IS THAT?

Someone needs to get back to the yoga and find her happy place. Teresa is in need for some clarity and enlightenment. Danielle could probably throw a box of kittens off a bridge, and Teresa would be like, “well Old School Italians”. After all Danielle has done, Teresa still doesn’t get it.

Melissa looks particularly pumped for her fashion show. Even more so than usual. However, I like her and all, but she’s such a snooze in her solo stuff. It all feels so contrived.

 

RELATED: Marty Caffrey Says Real Housewives Of New Jersey Owe Danielle Staub Their Paychecks & Careers

 

Joe doesn’t think he was mean at all to Teresa on the phone. Joe takes no accountability to anything ever. He blames Teresa for everything. It’s actually quite disgusting to watch.

If this is anything like the past Jersey fashion shows, there’s going to be lots of tension. Fashion and the Garden State don’t mix evidently. By and large, they all end in disaster.

Jennifer’s having some anxiety about expressing her feelings to her leader Teresa. Unlike the others, she’d never go fully against Teresa. She wants to be her friend so badly. She’s just another one of Teresa’s soldiers.

WTF is Margaret wearing to this fashion show? I don’t even know how to begin to describe it. However, she’s going all in about Teresa at this event. She just referred to Teresa as an embarrassment. I THINK TERESA IS GOING TO FINALLY DESTROY HER. RIP MARGARET JOSEPHS.

 

RELATED: Real Housewives Of New Jersey Star Jennifer Aydin Responds To Bethenny Frankel Shade; Margaret Josephs Says Jennifer Won’t Be Relevant In 10 Years

 

Without doubt I think Teresa is heading into this fashion show looking for a fight. We are obviously getting some classic Tre drama and craziness tonight. I hate that it’s at the expense of Margaret in her multicolored fur ensemble though.

Dolores fills in Melissa about the budding tension between Teresa and Margaret. Melissa seems kind of pissed about it. Is there room in Jersey for anything besides Teresa’s inflated ego? After that Teresa says she doesn’t go up to people, people go up to her.

Jennifer tries to defend Margaret and the water pouring, but all of the sudden Teresa does the unthinkable. She pours her own water on Jennifer to prove a point. Who acts like that? That’s not appropriate at all, and the circumstances are not the same.

 

RELATED: Real Housewives Of New Jersey Star Jennifer Aydin On Joe Gorga Diss About Her Sex Life: “My Husband Doesn’t Have To Brag About Where He Squirts Every 5 Minutes”

 

Obviously Jennifer is a sane human being, so she didn’t attack Teresa the way Danielle did to Margaret. Normal people can keep their hands to themselves. Teresa is so blind. Especially when it comes to Danielle. There might be no hope for her.

Melissa’s fashion show was alright. The biggest highlight was Joe finally dropping his caveman mentality and recognizing Melissa’s hard work. It’s about damn time.

Margaret quickly exits to avoid being in the same room as Teresa. Hopefully this is building to a really dramatic blowout. With the way Teresa’s acting, I wouldn’t want to be Margaret when this eventually reaches a head.

TELL US – WHO IS MORE AT FAULT FOR THE FIGHT BETWEEN MARGARET AND DANIELLE? SHOULD TERESA PICK A SIDE? ARE YOU ENJOYING THIS SEASON OF THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY?

[Photo Credit: Bravo]

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Off the Grid Thursdays: Discovery Channel’s new block of homesteading reality TV

The Discovery Channel is launching a new night of themed reality TV, which includes Homestead Rescue season 6, Reclaimed, and Building Off the Grid.

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Andy Cohen Grilled LeeAnne Locken Over Her "Racist" Comments on RHOD Reunion & It Was Rough

Andy Cohen wasted no time holding LeeAnne Locken accountable for her controversial comments during tonight's Real Housewives of Dallas reunion part two. As fans of the...


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'Married at First Sight' recap: Jessica Studer and Austin Hurd, Taylor Dunklin and Brandon Reid, and Katie Conrad and Derek Sherman get married

Married at First Sight featured Katie Conrad and Derek Sherman, Taylor Dunklin and Brandon Reid, and Jessica Studer and Austin Hurd tying the knot during Wednesday night's Season 10 episode on Lifetime.

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The Cast Fights With LeeAnne Locken On The Real Housewives Of Dallas Reunion Tonight

Just like this show as a whole, Part 2 of the Real Housewives of Dallas reunion is all about LeeAnne Locken. Of course, we will revisit the L’Infinity dress debacle. D’Andra Simmons and Kary Brittingham can’t face too much heat for this, right? Especially considering the real issue of the season: LeeAnne’s comments about Kary and her Mexican heritage.

Sure, we have this non-feud between Stephanie Hollman and Kameron Westcott that earned them seats right next to Andy Cohen, but when it comes down to it, this is the LeeAnne Show, like it or not. Tonight is gonna be full of heavy topics, I’m sure: mainly these incredibly insensitive remarks from LeeAnne. The video of Brandi Redmond seemingly mocking Asians surfaced after the reunion finished taping.

There will probably be some lighthearted chatter about the Thailand trip and the horror of ping pong shows, but there’s no doubt that all roads lead back to LeeAnne. Even Andy seems upset about her remarks. And I don’t blame him.

There will also be a discussion about the fact that most of the women didn’t actually think LeeAnne’s comments about Kary being “Mexican” would be aired. That could explain why no one reacted in the moment, but they were so heated after the fact. That is very interesting, isn’t it? Were they tipped off based on the questions during the confessional interviews? When did they realize they should speak up when someone makes remarks of that nature? Damn. Hopefully this is a learning opportunity for all of them. Nevertheless, it’s gonna be a rough night for LeeAnne.

RELATED: Real Housewives Of Dallas Star Kameron Westcott Speaks Out After LeeAnne Locken & Brandi Redmond’s Culturally Insensitive Remarks

Watch Real Housewives Of Dallas tonight at 9 PM on Bravo. Comment throughout the episode on this post. Tweet us with your thoughts. Follow us on Instagram. Like our page on Facebook. And make sure to check our site tomorrow for our Real Housewives Of Dallas recap!

TELL US – WILL LEANNE LOCKEN BE ABLE TO RECOVER AFTER HER INSENSITIVE REMARKS ABOUT KARY? OR WILL SHE GET FIRED? WHO DO YOU WANT TO RETURN TO REAL HOUSEWIVES OF DALLAS FOR SEASON 

[Photo Credit: Bravo]

The post The Cast Fights With LeeAnne Locken On The Real Housewives Of Dallas Reunion Tonight appeared first on Reality Tea.

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'The Bachelor: Listen to Your Heart' musical spinoff of 'The Bachelor' coming to ABC in April

The Bachelor will be mixing music and romance on The Bachelor: Listen to Your Heart, a new spinoff, this spring.

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Teresa Giudice Continues Siding With Danielle Staub On Real Housewives Of New Jersey Tonight

Tonight’s Real Housewives of New Jersey episode starts right where the last one ended: with that epically horrendous hair pull. Everyone in their right mind sided with Margaret Josephs after Danielle Staub dumped the contents of Margaret’s purse into a lit candle and pulled on Margaret’s ponytail.

And then there’s Teresa Giudice. She thinks the real crime is that Margaret poured water on Danielle. Oh, girl. What is going on in that mind of yours? Not much. Melissa Gorga, Dolores Catania, Jackie Goldschneider, and Jennifer Aydin are there to support Margaret, but not Teresa. She still thinks this is all Margaret’s fault. I cannot wait for the tables to turn (pun intended). I can’t wait to see what Danielle does that finally turns Teresa against her, but that’s not happening tonight.

During tonight’s episode, we will witness Melissa’s Envy fashion show. Yawn, I know. It’s nothing like the Posche fashion shows back in the day. However, Frankie Catania will be walking and Gia Giudice will be in the audience, planting the seed for that prom episode I am oh so excited about.

 

RELATED: Real Housewives Of New Jersey Update: Joe Giudice Isn’t Sure Where He Stands With Teresa Giudice; Says “I Love Being Married”

 

In other news, Teresa throws water on Jennifer after Jennifer said that Margaret throwing water on Danielle wasn’t a big deal. Unfortunately, it does not result in an epic argument between the two of them, but it is an entertaining moment, smashed glass included.

Watch Real Housewives Of New Jersey tonight at 8 PM on Bravo. Comment throughout the episode on this post. Tweet us with your thoughts. Follow us on Instagram. Like our page on Facebook. And make sure to check our site tomorrow for our Real Housewives Of New Jersey recap!

TELL US- WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR TERESA TO SEE THE LIGHT WHEN IT COMES TO DANIELLE? IF YOU WERE MARGARET, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH TERESA AFTER THIS?

[Photo Credit: Bravo]

The post Teresa Giudice Continues Siding With Danielle Staub On Real Housewives Of New Jersey Tonight appeared first on Reality Tea.

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Tom Sandoval and Ariana Madix Reveal the One Reason Why They Would Leave Vanderpump Rules

Saying goodbye to Vanderpump Rules SURe won't be easy. On Tuesday night, season eight of Bravo's juicy reality show kicked off with more drama than ever before. And while many of...


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Hannah Brown reportedly "overwhelmed" and felt pressure by ABC at Peter Weber 'The Bachelor' reunion

Hannah Brown reportedly broke down and lost her composure during her reunion with Peter Weber on The Bachelor because felt a lot of pressure and was both overwhelmed and exhausted from her simultaneous stint on Dancing with the Stars.

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'Married at First Sight' Couples Now: Where are they now? What couples are still together? Who has split? (PHOTOS)

Married at First Sight Couples Now: What Married at First Sight couples are still together, which MAFS couples have split, and where they are now?

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'90 Day Fiance' star Tiffany Franco shows off post-baby body and recent 16-pound weight-loss

90 Day Fiance star Tiffany Franco has revealed she's lost 16 pounds and is showing off her post-baby body on social media.

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New The Bachelor Musical Series, Listen to Your Heart, Coming to ABC

Do you have room in your life for another Bachelor series? What about another music competition? ABC hopes so! The network announced The Bachelor: Listen to Your Heart, a new series in the...


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Modern Family's Final Season Was "Uncharted Territory" For Creators

After 11 years, Modern Family is about to come to an end. The series finale will air Wednesday, April 8, and while there are still quite a few episodes left for us to watch, there are...


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Tamra Judge Addresses Rumors That She Was Fired From Real Housewives Of Orange County

Season 14 of Real Housewives of Orange County will forever be known as the season when “OG” Vicki Gunvalson was demoted. Vicki worked over-time to try and win her orange back. After Vicki’s tantrum at the reunion, I would say that it isn’t likely.

At the same time, another RHOC cast member was desperately trying to save her full-time position. Tamra Judge, who joined the cast in Season 3, was busy stirring up trouble among her co-stars. She helped Vicki bring out the sex train rumor about Kelly Dodd. Tamra also spent a lot of time making out with newbie Braunwyn Windham-Burke. Tamra was all over the media commenting about anything to stay relevant.

Of course, one of Tamra’s most memorable moments from the season occurred during Vicki and Steve Lodge’s engagement party. A drunken Tamra was fuming because Kelly involved herself in the $ 1 million dollar lawsuit that Jim Bellino filed against Tamra and Shannon Beador. So naturally Tamra picked a fight with Gina Kirschenheiter. Then Tamra ran away crying, taking cover in a bush. Gina finally coaxed Tamra out of the shrubbery. Really, Tamra?

But did Tamra lose her job as a Housewife? Rumors increased because Tamra supposedly had #RHOC in her Twitter and Instagram bios. There are screenshots posted on Instagram that show Tamra’s bios with no mention of RHOC. According to HollywoodLife, after the orange emoji disappeared, some fans noticed the change. The fans posted comments on a photo of supplements that Tamra posted on Instagram January 6. (The grammar is a bit rough in these posts.) One fan wrote, “There’s speculation that you’re leaving the housewives bc apparently you removed it from your insta bio..hope this isn’t true, love you on the show!” Another asked, “Where’d the orange go?”

 

RELATED: Kelly Dodd Shades Tamra Judge & Cut Fitness

 

Tamra tried to shut down the rumors by responding, “People look too deeply into things.” That may be true, but Tamra isn’t exactly denying that she was fired from the show. And Tamra is usually very vocal about everything.

HollywoodLife reported that Andy Cohen said that changes were coming to RHOC during an interview on Sirius XM’s Jeff Lewis Live. On December 17, Andy revealed, “The casting for next season is some of the best casting we’ve had. I have not been this excited about casting in a long time.” Those words are enough to cause Tamra to have another meltdown in some shrubs.

 

RELATED: Fans Speculate That Tamra Judge Got Fired After She Reportedly Removed Real Housewives Of Orange County Mentions From Social Media Profiles

 

“Andy’s comments made them all nervous and they were told a while ago a cast shake-up was coming. All of the ladies [of ‘RHOC’] are saying they’re confident they’re coming back, but nobody knows for certain,” a source shared with HollywoodLife. “They will be notified in a few weeks, but nobody knows who’s in and who’s out quite yet.”

None of the Orange County ladies wants to leave the show.  “Nobody wants to go anywhere, and the ladies would find a way to film together if they had to. Vicki wants to be full-time again very, very badly but she doesn’t want Kelly on, neither do Tamra or Shannon,” a source told HollywoodLife at the end of December. “They all love doing the show.”

 

RELATED: Tamra Judge Says Real Housewives Of Orange County Became “Dark” & “Edgier” After She Joined The Show

 

TELL US- DO YOU THINK THAT TAMRA HAS BEEN FIRED? WHO SHOULD RETURN TO THE SHOW NEXT SEASON?

[Photo Credit: Bravo]

The post Tamra Judge Addresses Rumors That She Was Fired From Real Housewives Of Orange County appeared first on Reality Tea.

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Let's Talk About This The Bachelor Theory That Hannah Brown Is Back With Peter Weber

Hannah Brown created quite a bit of turbulence when she appeared on The Bachelor season 24 premiere and Peter Weber asked her about joining the cast of his season. Hannah, who was just about to...


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Dex Faces Her Greatest Stumptown Challenge Yet: A Courtroom TV Show

When Stumptown returns with new episodes in 2020, Dex Parios (Cobie Smulders) finds herself in uncharted territory: a courtroom TV show. With guest star Mike Epps on the bench as the...


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Ozark Season 3 Premiere Date, First Look Revealed

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23% of Jeopardy! The Greatest of All Time categories were Disney ads

The Jeopardy! Greatest of All Time tournament was thrilling—and full of corporate synergy, with categories for various Disney-owned properties, from American Idol to NatGeo.

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Vanderpump Rules' Ariana Madix Claps Back After Jax Taylor Implies She's a Lesbian

Ariana Madix is comfortable speaking her truth. During a Watch What Happens Live appearance following last night's Vanderpump Rules season premiere, Madix's co-star Jax Taylor...


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Why Are Denise Richards & Brandi Glanville Feuding? The Allegations About Their Fall Out Are Shocking

Internet sleuths know that there’s some sort of beef between Denise Richards and the other Real Housewives of Beverly Hills cast members. We all saw Lisa Rinna’s faux concern after Denise skipped out on an all-cast event.

Based on social media (i.e. Brandi Glanville’s thirsty tweets), Brandi is beefing with Denise. We don’t for sure know why that is, but there some wild rumors circulating on the internet. Let’s get into it. And a warning: the drinking word for this post is “allegedly.” Take a sip every time you read “allegedly” and you’ll have a delightful Wednesday afternoon.

According to the Instagram account Best of Bravo, this is what went down: “Denise Richards and Brandi Glanville allegedly slept together months ago.” With this first sentence alone, this would make me think they are getting along very well, but allegedly that’s not the case.

The allegation continues, “Because Denise and [her husband] Aaron [Phypers] supposedly have an open marriage, Brandi was under the impression that Aaron knew, (but apparently he didn’t), so Brandi told several people.” Brandi dishing on an intimate encounter is so out of character for her.

 

RELATED: Report: Brandi Glanville Warned Denise Richards That Kyle Richards Said Denise Would Be Targeted On Real Housewives

 

Apparently “THIS is what allegedly started their feud. Also, Denise seems to be feeding the press trying to maintain control of the story.” Interesting.

However, there is actually another rumor making its rounds on the interwebs. The Instagram account Faces By Bravo posted this in a Story: “This is not what the scandal is. Aaron married Denise while his divorce from Nicollette [Sheridan] was not final, thus making it a crime of bigamy in the state of California. Allegedly.” Damn. Why isn’t Nicollette a part of the cast? That really would have been wild.

 

RELATED: Brandi Glanville Implies More Drama With Denise Richards; Says “You Wanna Play-”

 

TELL US- WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE RUMORS SURROUNDING DENISE AND BRANDI’S RIFT? DO YOU BELIEVE THE SPECULATION?

[Photo Credit: Bravo]

The post Why Are Denise Richards & Brandi Glanville Feuding? The Allegations About Their Fall Out Are Shocking appeared first on Reality Tea.

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Up and Vanished First Look: See Which True Crime Cases Will Be Covered in Season 2

Documentarian and podcaster Payne Lindsey's investigative work is returning to Oxygen. Payne's Tenderfoot TV true crime podcast and its subsequent TV special, Up and Vanished,...


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Vanderpump Rules Season 8 Premiere Recap: Hi Honey, I’m Home…

Last night was the season 8 premiere of Vanderpump Rules, and honestly EIGHT YEARS. EIGHT YEARS! You’d think these people would’ve grown up some, but alas here they are, still filling squirt guns with tequila and fighting about who’s a bad friend.

For many a’seasons I’ve been saying it’s high time for a cast change; one which acknowledges and reflects that the OGs are, well, missing the natural collagen in their faces and therefore no longer eligible to play the role of struggling bartender straight off the bus from St. Louis. Last night Vanderpump Rules finally paid credence to that, and it almost felt as if we were going into this season with the realization that it would be the last for the original crew. I’ll wear sequins to their funeral, play Solid Gold in downtempo, and drink PumpTinis with the rims salted with dehydrated tears.

Speaking of, we met three young whippersnappers already snapping at each other’s panties and Scheana Marie‘s plastic heels. First up is Dayna Kathan, a relative newbie to LA whom we apparently met last season when she was partying in a hotel room with The Toms, who immediately asked her to work at Tom Tom. She’s so good at her job (re: so thirsty for drama and lapping up even the foam from the champagne boats) that Lisa Vanderpump has since poached her for SUR.

Dayna has recently hooked up with Max Boyens, the manager at Tom Tom, which lends parlance to my theory that The Toms will be side car-ing into a spin-off with the original cast, while next season’s Vanderpump Rules will be mostly newbies. Max is not heading to SUR and decided to that was the “all-clear” to kiss Dayna, now that he’s no longer fraternizing with his employees and all!

Lastly, there is Brett Caprioni, who gets the distinctive honor of being stalked by Scheana. Actually, it’s an honor he shares with Max. Throughout the season we’ll be meeting more new additions. After seasons of being James Kennedy‘s +1, Raquel Leviss‘s patience has finally paid off. While James was noticeably absent from the premiere, Raquel was working at SUR and getting her own confessional to explain how James needs to go to Vanderpump Dogs to pee on a puppy pad every time she leaves for work. Apparently, he gets sad puppy dog eyes at the sight of a SUR uniform. James was missed!!

The episode opens at Tom Tom, not SUR, where Tom 1 and Tom 2 arrive amid a cloud of hairspray fumes and jittery egos from accidentally huffing them. Dayna is on her last day before heading to SUR and casually as can be confronts Max about their drunken hookup the previous night. Youngins today. So free! Something about this seems… too blasé. As if this hookup never actually happened, but was the catalyst for their complicated dynamic to introduce them to Pump Rules.

Over at SUR, the only two hangers-on are Jax Taylor and Scheana. Scheana is showing Brett around, but Brett wishes Scheana would just go roll some napkins. The night before, Scheana launched herself on him, preying manties style, and invited him home to “play Scattegories” which it turns out is a euphemism for making out. It didn’t go any further, because according to Brett, Scheana is a bad kisser. I imagine Scheana is too busy making sure her lipstick doesn’t smudge and then holding her camera, with selfie light, above her head to check if she looks hot.

Scheana apparently thinks Brett was just being a gentleman and wants to hang out more. Scheana needs wordart of quotes from “He’s Just Not That Into You”.

While Jax is pontificating about how Tom 1 is a bad best man for ditching his pre-bachelor party, Stassi Schroeder is dealing with the death of her grandmother and the death of her friendship with Kristen Doute. And where’s a girl to go when she needs a pinot grigio and a reminder of her own superiority? Why to SUR to meet with LVP while Scheana serves them! Stassi is headed home for the funeral where, as a best selling author, she has been tasked with writing the eulogy. Of course, Beau Clark is by her side (as he should be) because he is the New Carter who obviously played his hand better by putting a ring on hers.

RELATED – Lisa Vanderpump Weighs In On Vanderpump Rules Stars Stassi Schroeder & Kristen Doute’s Feud

Before leaving for NOLA, Stassi visits Kristen to clear up their unfinished business. Kristen feels like her friends have abandoned her at the most stressful time in her life when she’s breaking up with Carter and her old apartment. She’s mourning the memories of James spatting on her door, you guys! Kristen looks a wreck.

Stassi lives by the Elizabeth Taylor mantra of put on some lipstick, pour yourself a drink, and pull one’s self together, whereas Kristen lives by the … well, her own set of rules. Like telling everyone she’s broken up with Cater while continuing to live with him, pay all his bills, sleep with him, etc…. Katie Maloney and Stassi are tried of Kristen spending hours crying to them about how devastated she is by the breakup, then going home to Carter and climbing into bed with him!

When confronted Kristen insists that when she moves Carter is getting his own place with a friend and they will be officially over. Stassi is relieved, but unfortunately, it’s all premature emotulation!

BTW: Did Brittany Cartwright quit working there to plan her fairytale wedding full-time?

The other new development is that almost everyone owns a home in the Valley. Jax and Brittany, Tom and Ariana Madix, and Tom 2 and Katie all moved within blocks of each other. Kristen also lives in the Valley, but in a different spot.

Also, Lala Kent is sober, living in Randall’s McMansion barricaded in by Fofty’s henchmen, and plans to spend her days cleaning up shit at Vanderpump Dogs — when she’s not cleaning up shit of her own making on Twitter. God – who’d have everthoughth Lala would end up so boring? Lala visits Lisa at Villa Rosa wearing her version of a LVP signature blouse – think frilly, swan-like, 1980’s Dynasty, and all the ruffles of an Edwardian queen, but sheer and sort of courtesan floozy.

Lala has reached out to James, who hasn’t responded. Lisa knows the problem is that once again James is drinking.

RELATED – Vanderpump Rules Star Tom Sandoval Claims Lisa Vanderpump “F–king Hated” Filming Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills

Then leaving Beverly Hills we head into the land that spawned Brandi Glanville, aka The Valley, where on a quiet-ish street, Brittany is struggling to figure out how to put a pillow in the pillow sham (somebody call Craig Conover!) and Jax is pretending to mow the lawn.

Down that same street, Tom 1 is putting together his breakdancing room out of old Amazon boxes, because when you screw over Bravo by refusing a wedding spinoff you wind up too broke to buy furniture Ergo the emperor has no chairs! Tom and Jax are officially fighting because Jax is a Groomzilla. How does it work when both the best man and the groom are monsters? Does the wedding just explode into Brozilla Wars?

Jax claims that Tom has been ignoring him during the most important (re: upsetting and devastating) time in his life and therefore has downgraded him from co-best man to mere groomsman. The whole thing actually leaves Tom 2 in a lurch because responsibility is not his strong suit.

He’s so stressed about having to be the sole best man that he’s trying to convince Katie to wear a suit and pretend to be 1/2 half of Team Tom. Unfortunately, Katie is too busy planning their housewarming party and obliterating her friendship with Kristen to deal with T2J dramz.

RELATED – Tom Schwartz Says It Was “Very Stressful” To Be “In The Middle” Of Jax Taylor & Tom Sandoval’s Feud While Filming Vanderpump Rules Season 8

The day of the party Tom 2 is so distraught he doesn’t even bother getting dressed and attends his own party wearing a nightie. Mysteriously all of the newest cast members are all there, since we know Katie loves new people and all!

So, I have devastating news, you guys. Something has happened to Peter Madrigal and that something is called Jax’s steroids and Tom 1‘s flat iron. Apparently, Peter raided their moving sales, purchased these unwanted items, and is using them to ill effects. It is not good. Spare yourself the anguish by fast forwarding through his scenes.

Also, Peter apparently hooked up with Dayna the night of the hotel party although Dayna is now claiming she only peed in front of him. Is that better or worse? I’d deny hooking up with someone with hair that bad too.

Katie and Tom 2‘s housewarming party is about what you’d expect. Lots of people there having individual dramas until it all explodes into one huge episode. It starts with Scheana who arrives at the party with Brett, but they’re not actually together. They’re just like “best friends,” which is not at all how it was with Adam Spott, they are actually like for real Best Friends. (Only because Max wants it that way!) Also, Scheana is going to Palm Springs Max next weekend.

This has Dayna’s antenna perking up. She assumed Max and Scheana were over.

When Max was a new and innocent creature to Planet Vanderpump he also got ensnared by Scheana. What he assumed was a one night stand quickly turned into Scheana stage 5 clinging him into a relationship by buying him an AppleWatch to show her love. And then Max ghosted her. You know he sold that watch on FB Marketplace because he thought she installed tracking software in it (she so did!). Scheana is such a mess. It’s like she needs to understand the nature of consent, but how it applies to dating someone.

Max pulls Brett aside to warn that Scheana is boy crazy and well, also just plain crazy, so if he starts hanging out with her too much she’ll start telling everyone they’re like an item. Basically using her to get on TV isn’t worth it. (Unless it is.) Katie just so happens to IMMEDIATELY run to the fridge to get a drink the second she sees these two talking and overhears, then rushes back to Scheana to tell her – as a friend, of course – that Max and Brett are gossiping about her.

Scheana confronts them by clacking her 43″ plastic nails in their faces, and then sobbing about how she thought Max was her friend. Luckily her lashes are so long and fluffy she can use them as Kleenex. Poor Max was so desperate to make her stop. I’m pretty sure his reaction to being caught in the oldest reality TV trap in the book was the most authentic thing that happened last night.

RELATED – Vanderpump Rules Star Scheana Marie Is Dating Personal Trainer Brock Davies; James Kennedy Calls Him “A Hunk”

To prove how not into Scheana he is Max asks Dayna on a date. Dayna hesitantly accepts, because free food?

And just when Tom 2 is wondering what’s up with Kristen and Carter, who should walk though the door but Carter himself carrying a big ol’ houseplant. Was this dude even invited?

Lala decides it’s time to get to the bottom of this situation. Lala and Katie are under the mistaken belief that Kristen has been trying to get Carter to move out and leave her alone, but he refuses, so they want to help their sista out from that sugar mama trap. Kristen’s caramel has seized up! Can we discuss what was going on with Lala’s outfit, fake lip ring, and the weird gemstones she had in the corner of her eyes? Hooker fortune teller much?

Unfortunately when Lala confronts Carter to accuse him of latching onto to a lady with a job (what job does Kristen have exactly if we’re not supposed to admit her only job is Vanderpump Rules), he informs her that Kristen actually doesn’t want him to leave, calls him all the time, and is relying on him to shoot her website content. So basically she lied about them breaking up. On the other side of the patio door, Kristen is watching this all unfold and you can literally see her unraveling. Her hair is scraped back into a lopsided bun as if she’s NOT on TV and she starts hyperventilating into her reusable straw.

RELATED – Vanderpump Rules Star Kristen Doute & Ex Brian Carter Spend Thanksgiving Together; Kristen Says They Are “Just Friends”

Tom 1 and Jax are avoiding bearing witness to this because they are having a heartfelt talk by the pool about the importance of validating one’s friends. For Tom 1 buying a house with Ariana was the equivalent of having a wedding: a major milestone that affirms their permanent commitment to one and another, yet Jax was constantly one-upping him by bragging about buying a bigger house in a nicer area with better amenities. Yet he ended up buying on the same street.

Jax, meanwhile, felt rejected by Tom when he needed pre-wedding butt wiping. If anyone needs their hand held as they walk down the aisle of doom it’s Jax. After Tom catches Jax in a lie about Tom not texting him, Jax relents and lets Tom be co-best man again. You know it was only because Jax didn’t trust that Tom 2 could handle it on his own!

Finally, after Kristen and Carter are spotted making out and Carter asks her why she’s telling everyone they’re over, Lala  puts Kristen on blast. Kristen FREAKS out about how all of her friends are judging her by trying to make her live by their rules. That’s when Katie gets involved and screams at Kristen that she’s tried of the lies. Katie doesn’t understand the “strange hold” Carter has over Kristen (could it be emotional abuse?), but if Kristen doesn’t want to be honest, their friendship might be over.

Lisa is probably so secretly psyched everyone is finally over Kristen.

TELL US – ARE YOU EXCITED FOR THE NEW CAST MEMBERS? IS KRISTEN LYING ABOUT CARTER?

[Photo Credits: Bravo]

The post Vanderpump Rules Season 8 Premiere Recap: Hi Honey, I’m Home… appeared first on Reality Tea.

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